Sistahs what comes first-Participation is needed

[Valenteenah.]

Originally posted by commonsense:

Hi all,

 

How about we get real and tell it like it is these days.

 

1. Oops get pregnant

 

2. Rush in getting married before belly gets big

 

3. Educating yourself how to navigate throught Welfare system

 

4. Make a career out of attending weddings, soo dhaweyn, sii dhoofid, shaash saar, kur, alla bari, afartan bax.... and any other excuse for party imaginable.

 

Age 40+

Hehehehe... good to hav you back gal!

 

My priorities 4 the next 1-3 yrs Insha'Allah:

 

- Getting my frigging driving license...finally

- Learning frigging french (its been my luck that every single job I've been interested in so far requires fluency in a European lang :mad: )

- Completing postgrad degree

- Gaining relevant work exp.

- Getting my TEFL certificate

- Bagging THAT job

- Paying off my loan

 

What? None of the above are part of the options? Too bad, coz God willing, the next few years are all about my personal and professional development. Mind you, should Allah (SWT) in His graciousness throw a cute faarax my way, I shant complain.

 

Age: NOYDB! (None of your damn business!)

[Raxmah]

Age: 18-20

 

Inshallah this is just my goals, but as we know allah has our life planned out, and anything is possible.

1. Education

2. Marriage/Career - For marriage it depends if there is a prospective partner when I'm done with school, but obviosly if no one yet then career. I can go job hunting, but man hunting is not even worth it, I would say waste of my time.

3. Children

[Jaabir]

lol

 

Originally posted by Khayr:

Salaamz,

 

Ok I'm busted! :eek:

So here is my list for my 4 wives:

1. Opinionated (cause we get along oh

sooo well, its Magical at times!)

2. X-quizit-Cause she reminds of me Opinionated

3. Carmel Kisses-Cause she loves

Somali Men to death.

4. Samiyah-To show her that Somali men are

romantic.

Now don't feel disappointed cause the 4 are not permanent and could be divorced. So maybe after a few yrs (if I can survive THAT MUCH LOVING for that long!) then I'll think about another group to become my 'STARTERS'. Samiyah, The prophet (salallahu caliyhe wasilm) had 12 wives and most of them were widows. The ones that weren't widows Aisha, Hafsa, Mariam, Zaynb etc. were real young muslimahs. If you want to use Khadijah (r.a.) just for her age, then Samiyha wait until 30 or 40, its your choice.

 

...................

In anycase, keep the replies coming,

Underdog, you're very good at calculating things. :cool:

[Armstrong]

LoL@Khayr

 

that has been copy-righted the 4 Halimos Joke

 

Regardless good one braah :cool:

 

Salam Calaykum.

 

P.S. For marriage it was adviced by Prophet SAW to get married at young age at the hadiith where he addressed the shabaab so If anyone wants to wait around till they are old and grey cant enjoy or contribute positively to any potential marriage romance then that is their perogative but I dont think the market looks kindly at old folks for verily the likelihood of conceiving children decreases with age and why do you people marry except to have children.

 

If some thing like University is more vital to someone who doesnt need to work then thats indeed lacklusted in my view but then who am I to tell you otherwise do as you please.

 

Plus some degree doesnt mean that suddenly out of the blue your life will suddenly become rosy and comfortable and you will have a career that pays alot of money. Degree can help but trust me its only a means to an end but children and marriage inshaAllaah can get someone happiness.

 

The reality of the world is that nowadays marriage is being viewed as something to be put off till education or what have you its really sad.

 

 

Salam calaykum.

 

Mujahid.

[Baashi]

Very interesting indeed! Kheyr bro don't forget to share ur findings with the nomads plz.

 

Mind you, should Allah (SWT) in His graciousness throw a cute faarax my way, I shant complain.

Often times it is when u r doing ur thing...when love or marriage is furthest from ur mind...that u do stumble upon the jewel. Right on! Bee.

 

Bro Mujahid said the education is a means to an end. Waa runtiis.

 

I'm taking notes and so far some of u (screen characters) impressed me very much, I should send my cute cousins to ur way for further exploration. I'm sure they will be impressed even more by your real u. Any objections?

[Valenteenah.]

Ahem, Baashi...no, no objections from my side if I meet your criteria...throw any cute cuzs my way.

 

For marriage it was adviced by Prophet SAW to get married at young age at the hadiith where he addressed the shabaab so If anyone wants to wait around till they are old and grey cant enjoy or contribute positively to any potential marriage romance then that is their perogative but I dont think the market looks kindly at old folks for verily the likelihood of conceiving children decreases with age and why do you people marry except to have children.

Mujahid,

 

You are right Mujahid. Marriage is very important and some ppl are very lucky in finding a partner they want to marry and settling down at a young age. I think this is something every girl dreams about secretly from when she turns 18 (or maybe even younger, I dont know). Laakiin walaalo, not everyone is that lucky. It takes a while for most ppl to find their intended partners, so what should a girl do in the meantime? Twiddle her thumbs and dream about cute, cuddly babies? or try to do something worthwile and meaningful in that time (whatever that may be)?

 

Life doesnt wait around for anyone. Who knows how long it will take for you to find your calaf? At any one time, each of us has a hundred different things to do. So I ask, is it right to waste that time?

 

Moreover, the idea that marriage and going to college/university are not compatible is just rubbish. Education and marriage are not mutually exclusive. Most of our mums completed their education while being both wives and mothers. Who says this generation cant do the same? Especially since cirmstances in the west make it a 100x easier than those in Somalia did decades ago.

 

Moving on, some of us would like nothing better than to laze around at home and do nothing. Really, I would luv to have the opportunity to do that, but it doesn't exist for me and I'm sure its the same for a lot of other sistas. Some of us have the responsibility of setting an example for our younger siblings. Others may be the sole means of support for needy parents/siblings/relatives. Not many ppl have a choice when it comes to pursuing higher education. Their situations may not permit it. So, when a girl has the means and opportunity to do that, I think she should be encouraged rather than derailed.

 

Personally, I didnt have the choice of not getting a degree, because if I didnt make the effort, my sisters definitely wouldnt. And that would be squarely on my head. Not only that but I have to work 5 times as hard just to smoothen the road for them and to make sure they follow. Two of my little sisters are in uni now (alxamdulilaah)...so the next step for me is to take up further study and keep going until I've reached my limits. Which isnt a problem because I know they have the potential to surpass my achievements, bless them. Thats what drives me, and thats why marriage isnt on my mind at the present.

 

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that each individual's situation is different and probably more complex than we imagine. It's not just a simple matter of getting married. All sorts of things come into it, therefore, I dont think it's fair to look down on or belittle the sistas who are working for more than one goal.

 

But u know, at the end of the day, despite what choices we make or what routes we take, we'll only get whats destined for us by Allah...whether it exceeds or falls short of our aspirations.

 

Look what you made me do now...I feel like crying.

[Raxmah]

Personally, I didnt have the choice of not getting a degree, because if I didnt make the effort, my sisters definitely wouldnt. And that would be squarely on my head. Not only that but I have to work 5 times as hard just to smoothen the road for them and to make sure they follow.

Exactly, setting good examples for my younger sisters has been the driving force for me to go college. If I didn't I know I would have ended up like my older sisters, high school dropouts to get married to make my parents happy, I really admire them for that and respect my parents but I would have never agreed to arranged marriage cause I have seen my sister's marriage fail bc of it.

 

Even though they consider me to be stubborn, having 3 sisters follow your steps in taking their education seriously have been a great acheivement, I dont want for them to settle down for anything, instead their potential limit.

[Faheema.]

Bee Bless your cotton socks darling, I couldn't have said it better myself. Maansha allah you got a good head on your shoulders, well balanced and intact

[Mowgli]

Asalaama Alaikum Wr Wb

 

Well personal choice may not be what Allah swt has in store for us, but here I go.

 

Age: 18-20

 

1) Education

2) Career/Marriage (as sister Raxmah said, depending if there is a prospective partner or not)

3) Children

 

As sister Bee said not going to uni was not an option even avaliable to me, not only would I not set a good example to my younger sister and brother, but I would have also been the first in my family not to go to uni (my grandmother did, my mother did, my father did, my aunties/uncles did, my sister did). Lol the thought of even suggesting it I think would have resulted in my neck being chopped off

 

"The reality of the world is that nowadays marriage is being viewed as something to be put off till education or what have you its really sad."

 

Mujahid, brother, you are right, it is better to get married young, but in this society of ever rising divorce rates, one has to protect and be able to support themselves in the future. One of the main reasons for me to pursue an education is because if/when I do get married (Allahu yaclam) there is nothing that guarantees that my husband will be providing for me all the time, death/divorce anything is possible (lol not saying that he will die before me lol, don't wanna kill a guy that I haven't married yet ). If and so when this happens, I would like to have the security knowing that I am able to provide for my children and the rest of my family, without relying on other people's help or charity. Take for example my aunty, she is a doctor and has recently got married (to another doctor). She is very happy staying home and raising her daughter and has no complaints, but if anything should happen, she has the security of knowing that she is able to get a decent job and won’t (Insha Allah) have to rely on any types of benefits.

 

Ma’salaama

[Armstrong]

Sister Rahmah from analysing your comments I would like to make few comments If I might.

 

1. First and foremost Lets weight up the value of Education once and for all. Why do we seek education? Most people would say to find a well paying job.

 

If this is correct it can be argued that Education is not the end itself but a means of finding ways to make money.

 

 

Now keeping this in mind look at part 2.

 

2. Marriage on the other hand though its a delicate matter is thought to satisfy one's self and to improve his/her life both spritually and even wealth wise.

 

Now the wife in a marriage does she have to work? Is her role to put food on the table for the family or is this role designated to the husband? If she has to work and put food on the table then its understandable that she should get educated to a level where she can find a good and secure professional job. Generally speaking it takes alot of time to establish herself in a job.

 

Because nowadays a degree is not enough for modern day jobs and there are no such things as " a job for life". There are professional qualifications, soft skills required, graduate training programmes, phds, diplomas, promotions to seek and where does all this end? Is this achievable in a life time? I doubt that as soon as one thing is achieved people move onto a new challenge. Thus entrapped in a vicious circle.

 

If the wife does not have to work in a high profile job earning big bucks for the family and this primarily is the role of the husband then why should she utilise big efforts and sacrifice going via such education systems and programmes if it is not required of her to work and earn the big bucks.

 

What is the benefit if she is going to end up in a situation where she doesnt need to work? surely there must be reasons for studying all that time, delaying marriage etc for her precious degree or masters or phd? What you learn today if its not applied tommorrow it vanishes.

 

Education involves sacrifice of time reading books, hard work and alot of sleepless nights etc and you are not going through all this hassle for nothing? You dont build a house and not move in ! You dont go to work not to get paid and obviously you dont study just for the fun of it.

 

Taking this into consideration please view part 3 - the conclusion to my argument

 

3. In conclusion it can be said crudely speaking that the purpose of Education all comes back to money, money and more money. Some professor once told me "The More You Learn, The More You Earn"

 

But consider a hypothetical scenario where a young woman with some level of education can get married. The young woman is supported financially by her husband, bills paid on her behalf, her clothes paid for, anything she wants given to her and so on - obviously this sounds too good to be true in some cases but then lets imagine this situation for argument's sake occurs.

 

Now Rahmah which route appears more appealing and less daunting the decision is all yours?

 

 

Salam calaykom.

 

Mujahid over and out.

 

P.S.

Look what you made me do now...I feel like crying.

Barwaaqo here are some hankies sowwie walaalo never intended for that to happen

[Raxmah]

Aight Mujahid I see where the argument is headed to. I've heard this scenario so much it has been drilled into my head.

 

True we seek education to find a good paying job, but also education can be vital in our lives and learning never hurts, it might be time consuming but it will be worth it in the long run. If not looking for a career, we can use what we have learned to enhance our lives and more importantly teach our children so we dont have to wait for daddy to come home to help them with their homework.

 

And also there are those of us who want to get education, so we can be of significance in helping our shattered country, for some it might be for the money, but I know many sistas who want the education so they can make a difference in Somalia.

 

The young woman is supported financially by her husband, bills paid on her behalf, her clothes paid for, anything she wants given to her and so on - obviously this sounds too good to be true in some cases but then lets imagine this situation for argument's sake occurs.

I know this is not reality, in this country unless the husband is making decent wage, the more reason for the wife to get a job. I know as a wife I'm responsible for the care of her home and the welfare of the family, and as long as he can support his family, GREAT, what a better thing to do than stay home increase my iman and take care of my children.

 

BUT I have seen so many cases, where young Somali mothers end up on welfare and I'm sure we know how well that works. I'm not working 40-50 hours a week right now to keep my family off welfare, I wouldn't want to end up on it after I get married.

 

And beleive it or not it's almost impossible to find a brother who makes enough to take care of a family. In my opinion, they dont want to get education and take advantage of the oppurtunity they have, but they rather be driving cabs.( I might be generalizing, but this is the case where I live at). Despite the many somali guys around here, I yet have to see them at school. Working and going to school is possible, Of course they do have time for school. but alas who will sit around cafes every night and talk about qabil and other senseless crab.

 

Wa Salaam

[x_quizit]

Bee, excellent points, as many others sistas have pointed out also.

 

Mujahid, u said that the sole purpose of marriage is just for kids?

Am i the only that was surprised by that comment?

If marriage is just for kids, then most families would have broken up as soon as the kids came.Meaning that now that we're accomplished our objective, hit the road jack.

Of course, kids in a marriage adds to the love already there between the 2 partners, but it's not the sole purpose of marriage, even though u may argue, that to populate the world is our main goal. Doesn't mean u can't have fun along the way.

 

How about thinking of marriage in the following terms, to name a few:

1-fulfilling half of the islamic religion

2-companionship

3-sense of security

4-love

5-partnership

6-union of 2 minds as well as hearts

 

What about to those ppl, men and women, by the grace of Allah, not able to have kids? How do u define their marriage?

 

Also, I do not agree with ur idea that women should put education, career on the back burner to pursue the more meaningful adventure of capturing a farax.Like many astute sistas have pointed out to u already, everyone's fate is different, some find the person God intended them to be with early in life, some later, and finally, some ppl never find it. So what are they to do in the meantime? What u propose sounds a lil' like settling, for the sake of being married, without excercising ur intellectual abilities in chosing a suitable mate.

 

As to the ques u posed, i know it wasn't addressed to me, but im gonna crash the party and give u my 2 cents, like i havent done already.

U asked, if a woman can have a husband that supports her the way God intended, would she wanna stay home? Well, in my part of the world, life isn't just that easy. Majority of the men these days, due to financial instability, low education, aren't able to fulfill their half of the marriage, therefore, sistas gotta step up and help the man, by becoming a 2nd income earner. If u ask me, u guys should thank us for taking the burden off ur shoulder to provide for the woman and any future kids anything they so desire, including putting food on the table. And some would rather work outside the home, especially if there's no kids in the family unit yet, because as good as it feels sometimes catching up on Y&R, it gets old after a while.

That's enough crucifying for Mujahid.

 

Now on to Khayr...thxs for giving me the honor of belonging to ur harem, although, im not too sure why im not jumping for joy quite yet. Im sure it will hit me soon.

 

Here's my top 4 slaves for my household:

1-Khayr (cook and clean) -at least ur #1 on my list.

2-Nur (to teach the youngsters about islam)

3-Mujahid (assist in sowing)

4-Underdog (youngsters secular teacher)

 

Cheers!

[Jaabir]

Originally posted by x_quizit:

Here's my top 4 slaves for my household:

1-Khayr (cook and clean) -at least ur #1 on my list.

2-Nur (to teach the youngsters about islam)

3-Mujahid (assist in sowing)

4-Underdog (youngsters secular teacher)

 

Cheers!

loool

[Armstrong]

Salaam Calaykum X Quizit my sister in Islaam. I think you got the wrong end of my comments please forgive me If my comments offended you or anyone else for that matter.

 

I was merely looking at the situation from a different angle not telling any one what to do or how to live their lives that is not my position.

 

P.S. X Quizit walaalo give me more clothes I shall duely saw for you

 

Peace out, Mujahid.

 

P.S. Rahmah and all the sisters who are studying May Allaah make your matters easier- Ameen.

[x_quizit]

Mujahid, that was so sweet bro, more brothas out there should step up to the plate and realize when they've stepped on a few toes.

No harm done bro, after all, we are all here to express our diverse views and sometimes a different view adds to the spirit of the debate.

 

p.s.-here's more of my grandmothers diracs u can sow for her, thxs a bunch!

 

cheers!