Marrying Immaturely

[Curly]

I know marriage protects you from a lot of things but I worry when teenagers use that as an excuse to get married, its almost a threat "If you don't, we're not responsible for what we do..."

What about self control and obedience to Allah isn't that enough to keep you from sinning? And considering marriage is there to help raise and build the ummah can you do that when you don't have the maturity, skills and stability that you would have obtained from life experience? I'm not saying that it's always that way, as there are many exceptions were older people still haven't got the maturity and mutual respect needed to keep a marriage stable.

But the chances are that with growth and life experience you would have a better chance at obtaining the understanding and skills needed to make right choices for a marriage to work.

 

Many elders are the first to moan about people waiting to marry into their late 20’s and mid 30’s. However when it’s an immature 17-21 year old girl or 19-24 year old boy (They mature differently) they’ll celebrate and see it as more of a blessing.

 

Maybe I’m too western for thinking that I would rather see my children have the resources to have a long, rich and fruitful marriage than one of convenience, lust and most certainly short lived.

Look at the facts; young people are the last to think about family planning or long term career development in a society where two incomes are just enough to get by, your husband will need to earn up to two salaries at one point if you want to live an adequate lifestyle.

 

Call me an idealist but I’m sure living off government aid and reproducing like a factory line isn’t the sort of lifestyle Allah set out for us, people often use this ayat on me:

 

…And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin" (al-Isra 31)

 

But considering you’re not killing an unborn child, and family planning is instructed in the haddiths how is it then that we’re not allowed to wait for when you are able to support your children, not just financially but in everyway.

I seem to remember a haddith where there Prophet (SAW) instructed a man to fast because he was unable to marry, this is thought to curb any sexual desires.

 

So can we sort the culture from Islam and considering our parents brought us to the west to better our lives what will you do to better your children’s lives, Make the same choices as your parents or better choices?

[TT]

I absolutely agree with you. Our parents had to struggle to bring us to the West and they had to do whatever they needed to do to survive. However, for our generation not to honour that struggle and sacrifice and not want more for ourselves is a disgrace. I see so many young Somali kids getting married without a proper education or the financial means to support themselves, let alone a family. It’s almost the norm for them to get married young and then live off benefits. It never sees to amaze me how few members of our community consider these things before marriage. Marriage is hard enough, to compound that with immaturity, lack of education and poverty is irresponsible. I believe parents need to change their views on premature marriages and empower their children to want more for their future.

[Jacaylbaro]

I think ou are too western as you pointed out and i dont agree with you everything you said here.

 

I believe in marrying as early as possible but that doesn't mean there are no pros and cons in the issue. We should know everything has its advantages and disadvantages ,, comparing the two i'm sure it has more advantages than disadvantages.

 

I know many people who got married even before the age of 20, still married with lots of children and living in a happy family. How many got married at the age of 40 or above and couldn't continue more than few months.

 

I think the issue is not about the aga but it is about the individuals. Some 15 years old are more responsible than others who are much much older than them.

[Delilah]

I totally agree with you Sue. Like cheese somethings just get better with age But for the 15 year old who is more responsible than their 25 year old conterpart, what they lack is the bitterness and jaded character one gains with age, which acts as a buffer from the cruelity of life in general. :cool: