Nur Posted April 8, 2004 Garab Tuujiye Bro. Asalamu Calaykum, you may not believe but a few nights ago I had a dream in wich I received a call and after looking at my phone display, I saw a call coming from GARAB TUUJIYE, I was alarmed, how could someone on the Somaliaonline forum get my phone number? but then I was relieved when I realized that I was dreaming. So, afterwards I made a special duaa for you as the only annonymus Nomad who broke on to my dreamworld. Brothers and sisters I am against the idea of marrying a girl off against her wish, I am also against allowing her to marry whomsoever she wish, she needs a counsel, but she should never be forced to marry anyone against her wish unless of course its me!(Joke), I promise I wouldnt touch her, just like the girl next door back home who asked me to claim her as my wife (when on vacation) so she can get out of the anarchy of Somalia, I told her that if i claim her, Islamically she will be my wife, after thinking she suggested that once we get off the plane, she would dumb me and would look for her love in Europe, poor me being exploited as a temporary travel husband ( Xambaarid). I asked her of my conjugal rights while on the plane, she said " Nur, you are not going to do somthin like that, are you? I am your walaashaa dont be ghabi ?" well, I told her that marrying alady like her is great sharaf, but once I accept her as my lady, I do not give a divorce, and she would be stuck with me for life, so she changed her mind and withdrew her offer to my utmost relief and hers Alhamdulillah. On a serious note though, Islam guarantees the rights of the girl, and our people back home have violated Islam in every which way including arranged marriages. Arrange marriages are good if its conditions are met. The girl also has the responsibility of making sure that her future hubby is socially compatible with her folks, otherwise she would be in an emotianal dilemma of who to choose over who, introducing an ear pierced punk to a devout Muslim father as his future son of in law is not going to help, A camel boy may be preferable to that father instead in a hurry. Nur e-Nuri Social Engineering Labs e-motionally Yours Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nur Posted December 21, 2004 Posting this topic for a viewer, Walaal, please read on and let me know if you get an insight from this topic. An e-Nuri Social Works Topic Marriage in Your Mind It could not come at a better time to present this question to my dear nomadic paesanos roaming the virtual landscape of Somaliaonline in this blessed month of Ramadaan, as we are all in the spiritual domain and are able to think with clear minds with Satan behind bars ( I recommend not to eat too much "bur iyo Sambuusi" at iftaar for a clear perception of ideas I will pose in this thread) Marriage is a big step we take in our lives, and unfortunately ther are no schools to train marriage hopefuls of how to select their mates, how to propose, how to accept, how to run a marriage once you find yourself in a room with a total stranger who may disturb your calm life with snoring. From the day you took your first step walking and falling, you had parents who have looked out for you to make sure that you do not get hurt as you attempted to walk, after perfecting your steps, you took onto another challenge; running, and again that presented some dangers, phyical in nature but emotional for your parents. Afterwards, it was the Kindergarten time, and a lunch box taken by force by your hungry classmate, now, you faced being knocked down or hurt by kids if you stand your grounds against bullies, and you quickly learned looking out for your self. Later you progressed to grade school, and suddenly the kid sitting behind you tells you he loves you and so you grow in life, knowing the good, the ugly and the bad. But because at every point in your life you have chosen the right way, you came a long way, you have filtered your circle of friends to be those with like minds, so you ended up here at Somaliaonline, and you've to read these long and boring articles by Nur, who seems to have too much time in his hands, or a lot of Barakah or both. Now you are in college, keeping your chin up with your pride in your new found Islamic character and faith, and out of the blue, someone approaches you " Iska warran abbayo, ma Somaliyad baad tahay?" and you look at this guy and immediately you have a glow in your heart for him, but the more you listen to him talk to you, the more you are puzzled, the guy seems decent, and handsome, he is doing well in school, and he is charismatic, but he is not into what you have been raised with, nor has he found Islam the way you did, he is " qof caadi ah" like we refer to people who are not into wadaadnimo, he prays some times, and some time he does not pray. he may even smoke, and listen to music for pleasure. As you go to school, day in and day out, the guy keeps up the ineterst level, and as usual you keep your composture and dignity in tact when you talk to him, which makes the guy go crazy over you, even more ineterested in you than all the other cambarayaal in school, cuz guys are weak, they need acceptance, and can't take rejection specially when they show their interest to a dignified Hijabified sister and she does not respond. Now the guy is stalking you everywhere, he even shows up at Juma prayers in the nearby Masjid and smiles at you from every direction you stand to assure you that indeed he is maShaAllah a good Faarax. "Yaa Allah" you sigh, Now you have a mixed feeling, because you see him as someone who can be a great prospect if only..................................... he would do 1. 2 3. 4. 5. A long wish list of your dream husband who may fit your profile and character. Requirements that are better ordered and found from (Nurtel Husband Cloning and Mail Order Husband Service) to your specification, but unfortunately a husband like that is not readily available on any shelf anywhere. At home and in private you begin thinking about this Faarax, the more you recollect his innocent smile, the more you wish he would also improve on his other spiritual aspects so that he would be an easy sell to your folks at home and to your local Intenet Advisors like Br. Kheyr or Sister Rahiima . On the other hand, from family and friends and aquaintances, there are others who may have interest in you, but although they are excellent in their spiritual resume, they fall short in striking that special spark of fire in your heart like Faarax did, so you are now in a dilemma, you need to know what to do. You reason, "I can not modify the phyisical make up of a person, but I sure can help in modifying the spiritual make up of a pesron who otherwise is good natured and who is crazy about me, but who nevertheless, is not following his deen as expected". If you fall in this profile or close to it, I want you to participate in this discussion with frankness and transparency, let us find a solution together, because life is too short to spend with a wrong person or to compromise your ideals and faith in Allah SWT. I humbly open this discussion as the facilitator, and I hope in this blessed month we can find a solution together, because a believer is a mirror to his sister or brother. But I must warn you, of my destructive and battle grade humor, you make sure to read with caution, because my comments can hit a chord with you, and send you smiling to Kurtunwaarrey mental clinic. Nur Nurtel Social Engineering Labs Solutions for the Emotionally Challenged Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jacaylbaro Posted December 21, 2004 Sorry ! ! This is too much walahi to read ,,,, don't have that plenty of time ,,,, even the comments are so damn long ,,,, Would like to share but how coz couldn't read da whole tipic ,,,,, toooooooooooo looooooooooong Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juba Posted December 21, 2004 don't hate APPRECIATE! damn to many pple complaining about the LONG topic when i have seen MUCH longer on SOL! give nur a break and who said you have to read the whole thing! its called Skimmimg! i don't even think nur expects you lazy bumbs(refering to me aswell) to read everything! i thank you nur for the helpful and interesting info articles anyway, what happened to this girl is quite tragic. i never heard this sort of trickery before! arranged marriage is not something i would chose but i heard form a source(don't remeber what or where) that arranged marraiges last longer than an unarranged marriage!!! their is virtually no divorce among them! it really depends on the individual who has a choice anyway. As mentioned before i don't believe it appropriate for our times. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faheema. Posted December 21, 2004 Originally posted by Nur: If you fall in this profile or close to it, I want you to participate in this discussion with frankness and transparency, let us find a solution together, because life is too short to spend with a wrong person or to compromise your ideals and faith in Allah SWT. No, I don’t…not even close… but let’s say one day I am faced with such dilemma, ( though I wouldn't wish it ) how I would tackle it? Well, to be frank… if there is no chemistry to begin with it’s highly unlikely that I would agree to the marriage… yeah, some of you might say give it a chance… maybe after you got to know and care for each other, the attraction will came and he will get my spark plugs sparking …but what are the chances of finding a Faarax who sets that “special spark†in your heart in the first place . I would rather have that initial spark, and then when things become a routine, all I have to do is rekindle those flames. Like you said … “one cannot modify the physical make up of a person, but you sure can help in modifying the spiritual make up of a person who otherwise is good natured and who is crazy about me, but who nevertheless, is not following his deen as expected". A Woman’s love can transform a man… Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Charisma Posted December 25, 2004 Salaam to all of u ppl,well first of all i would like to say that i had actually i had watched an islamic show on the Iqra channel(Arabsat) by someone called Amr khalid n he is wt u can call a very moderate but a through Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Charisma Posted December 25, 2004 Salaam to all of u ppl,well first of all i would like to say that i had actually i had watched an islamic show on the Iqra channel(Arabsat) by someone called Amr khalid n he is wt u can call a very moderate but a through in diin jazah Allah khayra.anyways he talked aout the way the Rasul calyh al salaam stressed on the importance of not forcing anyone to marry but who they LOVED .there was a man who came to the Rasuul calyh al salaam n said he wanted to marryu off his daughter to a man who was rich , n the Rasuul asked if she agreed n he (the man) said no but she is in love with a poor man ,so CALYH AL SALAAM said marry her off to the one she loves . So we all know that the parents have more experience than their children ,but listen to this (i hope ppl will not say that ma writing long replay but i thought this is good to share) a talk show on arabsat also (for those who know arabics they can see it on Egyptian channel) a woman called n from her voice u can feel that she is someone suffering n they were talking about a arranged marraiges ,anyways this woman came from arich family n she fell in love with a poor guy who of course her family did not approve off, n was forced to marry someone of her standard. the woman claimed that she could not win the battle so she went n married the rich guy her family liked. the marraige never continued that long coz she still loved the poor guy ,at the same time this woman was having alot of headaches. when she divorced he family gave her a big house where she lived alone n anyways the woman after having to many episodes of fainting n strong headaches, she was diagnosed with brain tumor n she is going to die(according to the prognosis) now thsi woman was crying n saying the reason she called is coz her family called her old love back so that she can see him b4 she dies. n she said plz i tell all the parents not to interfer with their childrens lives. n i think they can interfer if the person is really bad for their kid n not coz of money ,or qabiil or any of those ****** stuff somali ppl r valuing. Alxamdulilah my folks r not like that n if they have to interfer it will be very healthy for me coz i know how they think. peace. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nur Posted December 27, 2004 Nifty sis you write: " if there is no chemistry to begin with it’s highly unlikely that I would agree to the marriage …" From Experience, some chemicals work well at the beginning, but stink at the end, yet some, start unappealing at first, but you will find them very refreshing and enduring with substance as time progresses, it all depends on at which point you handle the marriage matter, and of course How skillful! You write: ....." yeah, some of you might say give it a chance… maybe after you got to know and care for each other, the attraction will came and he will get my spark plugs sparking …but what are the chances of finding a Faarax who sets that “special spark†in your heart in the first place I would rather have that initial spark, and then when things become a routine, all I have to do is rekindle those flames . " All things being equal, a good spark in the beginning is a definite shaxshax , however, anyday, I would not trade a great car with only bad spark plugs for a quick starting lemon, ...... Oh lemons, lemons, lemons, .................... we have enough lemons on the road of marriage! Charisma sis A great story, I have written a nice post about the malady known as love that strikes young people, I will see if I can repost here again. The real question of this thread is Is love a by-product of marriage, or is love a precursor for a good marriage?, . For which I have started a special thread on Islam Page @ Somaliaonline, come visit. I hope we can asnwer this question Nur Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RendezVous Posted December 27, 2004 ~~~~This post's really interesting...We have the lazy who can't read a long thread but reply, the dumb, the crafty,the Engineers ,The Love enforcers,the what and what... Looong threads,fictional stories,Blah Blah..and sorts ~~~~ Arranged marriages used to work..it is working..and will work.Ofcourse with a goodwill.Wiil baari ah,shaqeeysanayo..ama gabar baari ah..Parents and guidance have more experience with vetting and finding a suitable patner.And to make sure you are safe and matching.From there, you two are supposed to exercise some respect and mutual relation for ever lasting love.. For those choosing their patners on their own,You need thorough pre-selection process and vetting and still vetting.Then you end up with a crack in the head.When you are vetting, a 75%degree will be that you yield to some emotions and give some out some things...which will work out to be disastrous to your life.Like when your MAN asks to spend sometime with you outside while on a vetting and valuation mission,then you are done with a bit. am waiting to hear Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rudy-Diiriye Posted December 27, 2004 brotha nur! it looks like u wanned to get your freak on on the plane!! hehehee~ just kidding bro! but u brought a topic! i have one topic to add to this conversation!! how about ppl who meet on the net!! me prime example off course!! my life revolves around it! i make my living on it! my social, my family gathering! everything i do is via net!! even talking to yah and the rest!! cyber fwy is the way and the future! u ever think about that~~ i know more via cyber than living in la for the last decade!! n its growing everyday!! peace!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jacaylbaro Posted December 27, 2004 cyper arranged marriage is the best i guess ,,, noooooooooo,,,, is the worst it can happen anyway ,,,, some of them told me it is da best while others didn't appreciate ,,,,, but for me and Wiilo ,,, it is the best she knows better than me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wiilo Posted December 27, 2004 J'baro Wiilo knows what :confused: u dragging me into ur day dreams huh :confused: Brother Please.................. Go figure:................. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jacaylbaro Posted December 27, 2004 Wiilo ,, waxba ha qajilin walaaley ,, dadku waa iska asxaabteenii keliya ,, cid kele ma ina maqlayso ,,,, Okeeeeeeeeey ,,, just experience keena keliyaan saxiibadeen uga sheekaynaynaa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
