Dilemma

[Warrior of Light]

quote:

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Originally posted by Nur:

the relationship hit a "rock" after a problem surfaced between them that "its impossible to solve" and can not be shared on this forum, Faarax believes he can "solve that problem by the next marriage "

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Bro Nur,

 

Islamically speaking if the "rock bottom" reason it a "valid" reason *stressing on the solution is only new marriage*, he is still bound to explain to his wife his choices... And well beleive both of them Husband and wife pray Salatul Istikhara to find the better choice than a clear cut NO as it affects them both.

As for the other lady, I would tell her to make up her mind n pray her share too. Its a tough choice really.Tell her to put herself in wife no.1's shoes and think of her welfare.

 

Fiamanillah

*Topic like these make my heart ache.*

 

[ November 26, 2005, 21:10: Message edited by: Rahima ]

[Warrior of Light]

Originally posted by Castro:

Awareness of the child's whereabouts, their friends, their activities, their school, their grades, and their spare time is

the

deterrent to delinquency and pre-adulthood sex. That awareness is difficult for one parent and must be shared.

This brings us back to this issue, if a parent is away, hell can happen. Especially in a community where male role models are hard to find.

 

Parenthood is a tough responsibility alot of sacrifices from the parents are needed.Personal interests tend to be kept on hold to create that healthy environment. I wish parents could think about their children more. We have alot of stray kids, neglected by their paents. Hope the husband thinks hard on this issue and if he still makes the decision to divorce.He be man enough to still "father" his children through thick and thin.

[Khayr]

Originally posted by Callypso:

The hadith does seem to acknowledge that children owe their mothers much, although I have always understood it to refer to the sacrifices of pregnancy and childrearing, and not the fact that mom resisted the gardener while she was ovulating

. But in either case, I was think of something more concrete than that. Men have their four wives and concubines,

and

women are exhorted to dress modestly so as to make it easier for the men resist sin. Women have none of these, but they are still burdened with this biological urge which is never explicitly recognized. Instead, the prevailing myth is that only men need these measures because women just want one good man thank you very much.

 

quote:

---

To acknowledge this, I believe, women must have either an easier path to heaven or tougher road to hell. I don't know. I'm no Islamic scholar, but I do acknowledge the existence of the disparity you spoke of. May be someone else could enlighten both of us.

Maybe. [/QB]

Castro and Callypso,

 

Would you stop complimenting each other so much.Some people might get jealous with all that 'bonding' the two of you are doing.I can see that you two are good 'mates'

 

"A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look at whom you befriend. Reported by Abu Dawuud.

[-Serenity-]

^^ There you go again with the encrypted 'enlightenment'. :rolleyes:

[Khayr]

Originally posted by Curling Waterfall:

^^ There you go again with the encrypted 'enlightenment'. :rolleyes:

Curling waterfall,

 

Here are three job postings that might interest you

[Castro]

Originally posted by Khayr:

Castro and Callypso,

 

Would you stop complimenting each other so much.Some people might get jealous with all that 'bonding' the two of you are doing.I can see that you two are good 'mates'

Instead of contributing to this topic, the pretender of Islamic knowledge that you are, you touched your toes and talked out of your a$$. Fyi, I'd be honored to have Callypso as a friend. You? I'd kick to the curb in a milli-second.

 

As you were.

[-Serenity-]

I think we've all been had people. This story contains no sufficient information to pass judgement. This must have been a test of how reactionary we are...and boy its true. *ashamed*

 

p.s. I retract all previous statements (unless the assumption I made about the 1st wife not knowing is true..)

[Cara.]

^ CW, I'm surprised anyone is taking all this seriously. Nur is essentially trying to create a situation in which the sistas will concede that polygamy is the lesser evil, so to speak. His first post emphasized the emotions of the Farax:

 

I am seriously thinking about marrying the new love, but she made it clear after I proposed that she is not willing to marry a married man, I will never leave my wife for another, and my wife will never accept another woman, and I can not live without the new love, I wish this never happened, but its here to stay and is intensifying, is there a way out? your kind advice please?

But virtually everyone saw this as being sheer selfishness on the part of Farax, wanting to have his cake and eat it too sort of thing. He was duly advised to forget the new chick and work on his marriage. So Nur updated us:

 

Faarax is extremely good person and loyal to his wife, the relationship hit a rock after a problem surfaced between them that its impossible to solve and can not be shared on this forum, Faarax believes he can solve that problem by the next marriage if the Halimo 1, agrees, which she does not, Halimo 1 is more concerned about herself although she aknowledges that she is part of the problem, the price of Divorce with Halimo 1 is very high, and is real risk if Faarax takes the step, Farax is emotionally at a point of no return, the stakes are quite high as the new love is intrasigent also for a polygamous relationship, kids are also pawns for this emotional Disneyland, a divorce will expose the kids to a multiple risks, staying together unhappy for the sake of kids alone is taxing to Faraxs and Halimos mental health.

Now it turns out that marriage to the new Halimo is not about Faarax fulfilling his desire for a new wife, it's actually about solving a problem in the first marriage! This problem that cannot be shared, are we supposed to think it's some sort of anatomical problem with Halimo 1? What kind of problem can a marriage suffer from, such that it requires another person to get involved? Not infertility, because there are kids already. Does Faarax want more?

 

The whole thing just seems a little too contrived if you ask me. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if the kids disappeared on the next update.

[Rahima]

^Although fascinating , no I don’t think so. Never known Nur to concoct a lie.

[Xoogsade]

Rahima, would you object to your husband's desire of having a second after you if he is qualified? You don't have much of a choice do you?

 

Besides, the practice of some women of late has been to divorce their first husband and end up marrying a married man for some strange reason. Makes you wonder why divorce or destroy the first marriage if she was going to settle for a married man anyway.

 

In some instances though, I think polygamy is necessary in these countries when you have so many young divorced women with kids. They have to have a man in their life and if the only way they can do it is to marry a married man, makes sense.

[Rahima]

Rahima, would you object to your husband's desire of having a second after you if he is qualified? You don't have much of a choice do you?

Says who?

 

We always have a choice dear. This is a matter of discussion before the marriage. No need to yarn over it after you get married. My husband inshallah will know, I make myself very very clear Xoogsade .

 

Besides, the practice of some women of late has been to divorce their first husband and end up marrying a married man for some strange reason. Makes you wonder why divorce or destroy the first marriage if she was going to settle for a married man anyway.

Perhaps because she feels that the first cheated her, with the second maybe there isn’t that attachment and hence no feeling of betrayal. Just a thought.

 

In some instances though, I think polygamy is necessary in these countries when you have so many young divorced women with kids. They have to have a man in their life and if the only way they can do it is to marry a married man, makes sense.

Divorce is not the end of the world. If she has children already she doesn’t really need a man anymore does she? But if for some reason she requires one, ajanabi who wouldn’t double up is the way to go. Plenty of revert Australian men to go around and they never double up, so win-win I say .

[-Serenity-]

Its not necessarily a lie. Nur blvs its the lesser of the two evil/way out/a right choice (to be polygamous).

 

Callypso.. Yeah.. I was thinking along the same lines.

 

Its fascinating the many angles this subject has been approached. I gotta admit...I'm loving the creativity. And if Nur's case gets convincing, I'm sure we are all reasonable people and would agree on a suitable solution. Afterall, the end result of this discussion should be whats best. Polygamy isnt all crossed out in my books. With the right circumstances (religiously) fulfilled and the dignity of the parties involved preserved... I see no problems with it.

[Nur]

Calypso

 

Good analyses, if i did not hear it from the owner of the problem in person and know the entire background, I would have also thought along the same line, the situation is real, and due to the sensitivity of it I have left you more in the dark, its true, a problem of this type needs more subtle details, but at a price, its a paradigm, if it is detailed enough, the Faarax will not be ananymous anymore, the problem may worsen in another non intended dimension, if left the way it is, then, I may be the only human other than those involved who has mapped all the angles, and honestly the reason I posted the problem with many missing parts was to explore if some Nomad can hit the right answer by mistake, and few of you did get really close, like the Somali Paradigm goes " Maankeygee gaddayee, ma masaar bey liqday"

 

 

For the sake of privacy, I have simplified a lot to the point that it may appear as a discrepency if scrutenized deeply, but I have never created a non exisitent situation to camouflage the personalities. The love thing may have been after the fact , but I will ask again inshaAllah, because the order makes a big difference, the problem is the kind of (you did that, so I did this), so each party is equally a part of the problem, then the new love equation kicks in the already tense situation, somehow a new option is available to faarax and less for Halimo 1, now we have a Faarax who like you said wants to have his cake and eat it too, we are asking how can he do that? by the way the only way the kids will disappear from this scenario is if they die, God forbid , I am sure that such was not your intention, further, the other possible interpretation of your sarcasm, I am sure that you are giving me the benefit of the doubt, that I am not wasting your valuable time with a lie, why would I? Fornication is a lesser sin then a lie according to a hadeeth by our Messenger Muhammad SAWS.

 

 

Nur

[Castro]

Originally posted by Curling Waterfall:

Polygamy isnt all crossed out in my books. With the right circumstances (religiously) fulfilled and the dignity of the parties involved preserved... I see no problems with it.

The greatest lie ever told?

 

Fornication is a lesser sin then a lie according to a hadeeth by our Messenger Muhammad SAWS.

Where is that hadeeth?

[Johnny B]

Let us just hope that discerning Nur´s "Sex and coexistence" type of delimma is not limited to the few bright heads of SOL. I want to beleive that even those "Ukhtis" who drop their uterus (just an expression) inorder to always bet safe are nothing but intellectually latent for the time beeing.

According to my "SolTopiclogger.log" the topic was something like " E-Nuri socio......" type, before it was renamed ,so the evolving delimma WILL keep us excited for sometime, but heeeey who am i to judge, the benifit of the doubt is a MUST be granted thing when it´s about a persona of Nur´s magnitude, And we´re always entitled to demand LESS of his Libido next time those falling wombs get him psychosexually aroused..

Nur, this, in our circles is possitivism at it´s best

 

Originally posted by Curling Waterfall:

Polygamy isnt all crossed out in my books. With the right circumstances (religiously) fulfilled and the dignity of the parties involved preserved... I see no problems with it.

That should ( religiously ) convince Rahima too, but guess again !!

 

Originally posted by Khayr:

quote: "A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look at whom you befriend. Reported by Abu Dawuud.

A person is likely to imitate another if he tails him long enough and

reads everything that person types Repported by abu JB