Dilemma

[Xoogsade]

Curling Waterfall

:

X

, you'll need to have

stamina

and

strength

if u want more than one woman and skinny faaraxs sadly lack both, xabad sooda or no xabad sooda

Curling, I am practically unable to handle more than one. I don't have the character. However, I like to torment sisters like Rahima who are apparently eager to keep their husbands to themselves even though they know resistance is futile if their husbands want another, qualified or not. The only option will be a divorce and that is just another tragedy.

 

I would suggest to the girls to keep their husbands busy all the time. They should be deligent in refusing him the chance to let his eyes wander without her being obsessed. With the exception of young somalis who grew up in the west, Our society for the most part is culturally dry and insensitive to romanticism. They look down on softness towards each other. Both husband and wife like to act tough. That needs to change. There is no reason on earth why a wife can't call her husband "Darling" or like-words and the same goes for the man. "War muxuu i mooday aniga" doesn't work anymore.

 

 

Btw, who said Xabad Sowdo provides the needed boast? lol, that is funny. I didn't know we had natural Viagra at Somali owned shops. One doesn't have to be big or fat to show strength and stamina

[Nur]

Calypso

 

Thanks walaalo, me not hollier than thou either, my strength is in my weakness, Allah is perfect, we should strive for best.

 

 

Xoogsade

 

You write:

 

Curling, I am practically unable to handle more than one

 

 

Speaking from a purely economics point of view, does the law of supply and demand has any effect in your specific case? Just a light hearted thought, ( I Hate Smileys, but I am smiling)

 

 

Nur

[Cara.]

We shouldn't be hijacking Nur's interesting thread, but Jawahiir made some good points I want to discuss.

 

The question I asked Castro: in light of the fact that both men and women seem to have a biological tendency to want to have children with more than one partner (euphemism, I know), why is only the men's imperative recognized from an Islamic perspective?

 

*If you are questioning the whole premise, and you think women really just want one partner: ask yourself why FGM? Why male jealousy? Why is female virginity so prized that women must be sequestered in patriarchal societies until they can be safely transfered to a husband? Why the physiological indicators that show men expect their mates to cheat on them and compensate accordingly?

 

I pointed out that men have been given two weapons against committing what Islam considers to be a major sin: women are told to dress modestly so as to limit temptations, and men are allowed 4 wives (plus concubines, but for most Somali men this is irrelevant, so forget them).

 

1. Jawahiir pointed out that men are instructed to dress modestly as well. True. I won't quibble on this point for the sake of brevity

 

So this will take care of the temptation front.

 

2. Now, what about the fulfillment front?

 

Jawahir wrote:

we are speaking of women who are Muslims, practising women of the faith. I hope so at least we are. And such a woman would no doubt prefer to belong to a monogamous relationship that meets her needs and hopefully goes beyond them!

Need I point out that that is circular reasoning?

 

• [1]Islam limited women to 1 husband despite evidence of biological preference for more*.

  [2] Answer: well a good Muslim woman will be happy with that.

  [3] What is the definition of a good Muslim woman? Why, the one who follows Islamic precepts without question, of course.

  [4] But it's the basis of Islamic precepts we are discussing!

A good Muslim man is also one who is happy with whatever laws regulate his relationships with women. He just has a better chance of being happy and/or not committing sin because his needs are met!

[Rahima]

Rahima, You have the leverage in premarital discussions normally and you should expect a "yes" answer to your demands now. Also, Your passionate opposition to sharing him with another woman might wither after you get couple of kids. If he doesn't bother you few nights, it might be a relief for you by then, contrary to your feelings now. There are no guarantees in these issues and it is wise to never set up yourself for disappointment. Anything can happen.

Xoogsade,

 

The ‘yes’ is not insurance, rather it is to have a legitimate reason to leave him should he ever wish to break it. I don’t want any annoyance if ever I decided to leave him. You can’t keep someone in a marriage they don’t want to stay in.

 

And must everything be about keeping him or jealousy :rolleyes: . I honestly am tired of this, but let me just say don’t presume to know why people hold certain opinions. Some of us my brother have come to hold certain opinions about the way in which we choose to lead our lives (and our decisions) based on certain experiences. For the sake of ‘tormenting’ (which I find perplexing, what is it that one would get out of that in a forum where emotions are artificial? :confused: ), don’t dig an unknown hole for yourself.

 

No one can do without partner be they men or women, so women with kids have the biological need, the psychological need, and other needs too. They will always need some company.

No one? Are you sure? Everyone might not be the same but since I’m speaking for myself- I’ve lived for 22 years without a man . I will survive I guarantee you. Similarly, there are many single mothers who survive everyday without going on heat. Biolgically men and women are not the same you do know that right? However, as for the woman who believes she cannot survive then her bad luck I suppose, be stuck in the unhappy marriage-her choice, as I have mine.

 

Psychological needs can be fulfilled by many people, including children. I'd rather raise my children happy then be stuck in an unhappy marriage.

 

The only option will be a divorce and that is just another tragedy.

I suppose we see divorce differently. You see, I hold the thought that in certain cases divorce is actually a blessing from up above rather than a tragedy. Divorce contrary to our culture is not the end of the world nor is it always a sad moment. At times it is necessary and could possibly be joyous especially if one was stuck in unhappy marriage. I personally would only ever seek a divorce if I couldn’t stand my husband and believe me by that stage I doubt I’d see it as a tragedy .

[Lake]

Originally posted by Rahima:

we see divorce differently. You see, I hold the thought that in certain cases divorce is actually a blessing from up above rather than a tragedy.

LOL wow...What about the kids..the kids..the kids think of them before you do it

 

 

But interesting read this whole thread was but with intelligence comes logic, some of these girls don't know what they want...

[x_quizit]

Funny how the men seem to blame their straying on the women, words like "keep him occupied, make urself hot for him, make sure he doesn't need another" are making me ill. Men, ur not 3 yr olds who need diversion from getting into trouble or leaving ur playpen. Did anyone ever think of the woman? Why doesn't he make himself look better? Keep her occupied, cause damnit, we're human too, and if we see Brad pitt, ur damn right we're leaving ur sorry self and blaming u for it all the while. "Its' his fault, his macawis wasn't glittering, his beard just didn't do it for me, after the kids, he let himself go, hence the santa belly". 2 can play this game.

 

What some of u seem to overlook or purposely don't get, is that we understand polygamy is allowed in Islam, But so is our right to choose to stay in that marriage or agree to become a co-pilot. Choice! -its our right to choose, and no one can decide for the wife, including the husband. Xoogsade, u said, its a futile attempt to deny the husband a 2nd wife, which insinuates that there is no choice and she must learn to accept it. Doesn't work that way, and I wish some ppl here would stop re-writing/reforming Islam to conform to their views.

 

It goes without saying that most somali men have a heck of a time providing for one wife and 10 kids, therefore stick to making one happy rather than tightening a noose around ur neck and taking on a very serious responsibility of other wives and risking urself in the hereafter. Polygamy may be allowed, but not explicitly encouraged. Obviously, as Rahima said, many think with their lower plumbing when making such a decision rather than a sincere need to help out a widow. If we're really honest with ourselves, how many really remarry women with kids, its definetly younger women, so that throws away the argument that some do it for sincere reasons. Having a new plaything in bed every other night doesn't qualify as such.

[Lake]

But even if he was doing out of sincerity…would you still accept it?

It’s like you guys all presume the motivates of having a second wife for the guys..(To fulfill our own desires)...at the time when he married his 1st wife I don’t think he thought about having a second wife…overtime things change lol, and if you are willing to leave him for that reason when its obvious that he still loves you and have kids together, Cuz of your jealousy lol (yeah that’s what it is) that’s a tragedy in your part

[- Femme -]

its obvious that he still loves you

Someone who claims to love you wouldnt hurt you or your kids. A man who does that is a worthless bag of shidh as far as I'm concerned. A pathetic little worm deserving the utmost of contempt.

 

I honestly do not understand why we, as women, entertain these topics. Why do we feel the need to justify/explain our actions, feelings,thoughts? Screw 'em all. Do as you please as long as it's within the confines of Islam. And to hell with opinions and wagging tongues.

 

I'm out.

[Lake]

Originally posted by Femme Fatale:

quote: its obvious that he still loves you

Someone who claims to love you wouldnt hurt you or your kids. A man who does that is a worthless bag of shidh as far as I'm concerned. A pathetic little worm deserving the utmost of contempt.

 

I honestly do not understand why we, as women, entertain these topics. Why do we feel the need to justify/explain our actions, feelings,thoughts? Screw 'em all. Do as you please as long as it's within the confines of Islam. And to hell with opinions and wagging tongues.

 

I'm out.

How is he hurting her and their kids? by having a second wife?

 

you guys are treating forbidden to which that is lawful that is not confining to islam

[Rahima]

LOL wow...What about the kids..the kids..the kids think of them before you do it

Kids survive. To stay in a marriage for the supposed sake of the kids is just sad at the very least.

 

you guys are treating forbidden to which that is lawful that is not confining to islam

Says the man whose location states, “Headed to INDIANA stabbing women like the phantomâ€. Very obvious you have no respect for women .

[Faarax-Brawn]

Headed to INDIANA stabbing women like the phantom†Very obvious you have no respect for women

^^

He was actually nice he used the Women instead of "B---word[The original wording of the owner of those lines] :mad:

[Rahima]

^No suprise really.

[x_quizit]

Hypothetical Ques.

 

If women were allowed up to 4 mates, how many of u men would support our right to do good for the ummah and marry the poor disadvantaged faraxs? Would u be jealous, ask for a divorce, or be happy to be the first mate and wait ur turn every 4 days, while beautifying urself for us so that we do not need others to fulfill what u failed to do. If only

[Kashafa]

^^ Sorry cuz, it doesn't work that way. Even hypothetically speaking. See, thing is, we by nature happen to be extremely possesive. In a hypothetical dog-eat-dog world, we would collect, plunder, and steal whatever we could get our hands on. The man that amasses the most 'wealth'(that includes you guys) becomes king. In your scenario, an alpha male would rise up, slaughter the other 3 pretenders, and take you as his wifey. "If only " would end in blood(theirs) and tears(yours).

 

4 wives + 1 husband = not wise, but doable, provided you got what it takes.

 

4 husbands + 1 wife = not even remotely feasible. against human nature. there would be an all-out, no-holds-barred war* everytime a woman decided to exercise her 'right'.

 

 

*Unless they're from Tibet , where testosterone levels must be hitting rock bottom.

[Faarax-Brawn]

Originally posted by x_quizit:

Hypothetical Ques.

 

If women were allowed up to 4 mates, how many of u men would support our right to do good for the ummah and marry the poor disadvantaged faraxs? Would u be jealous, ask for a divorce, or be happy to be the first mate and wait ur turn every 4 days, while beautifying urself for us so that we do not need others to fulfill what u failed to do. If only

First of all,how can I say this;Well,a woman with 4 Men(Husband or whatever) automatically becomes a H0,period. & you very well damn know what they say: You cannot make a Ho into a Wifey

 

Secondly,when it comes to offsprings & Determining who the father is[Lets not forget we are all in this for procreation], I wondr how she will determine who the father of the baby is. I guess she would have to keep a calender, a diary-ala lexy style or some sort,Complete with the highlighters and colorful sticky notes eh?;Reading something along the lines of:

 

"John Farax Brown,probable father of John Farax Brown Jr aka Dhicisow.Probable reason: 7months & 6weeks ago,JFB served dinner,champaigne ,scented candle light & the mood was right,I was ovulating. I knew I wanted his baby, I think hes is the father".

 

Besides that’s toooooooo much power to be handed to a woman, they wouldn’t even know what to do with it I tell ya. I mean having complete control over 4men is just biologically[Emotionally] impossible for a woman. They cant handle one husband,how the *Beep* could they handle 4men?.