Dilemma

[Juxa]

sorry a little off topic, somali women are partly to blame their husbands leaving. truthfully the minute the i do's is exchanged she lets go off herself, fat and unattractive often forget to comb her hair for days, producing like lo in texas. so first sign of trouble silly faarax isagoo awalba labo cago ku tagnen runs to next best thing untill the circle is repeated resulting many angry wives, displaced children and confused men.

 

it is sad. but a married man should love his wife and kids, and should remove himself from temptation, if wifey has become boring talk to her and say (naa sida isku dhaan) alternatively encourage her and show her by example

 

ps: this in love dude, should first try to sort out what is missing in his current marriage? maybe we need RELATE counselling somali style :confused:

[Nephissa]

^^ No wonder men stray! And the wives get Buufis!

 

If this Pharah's needs aren't being met, whether emotionally, physically or otherwise then he needs to look at the why...not find another Haliimo as scapegoat.

 

So many peolpe nowadays seem to not have any morals, self pride or even have the energy to make any effort to make something work!

 

However; if the love is damaged..if it is hopeless-if it is over - then somebody's got to go, and my best bet is Halimo #1. Send her to her merry way!

[Castro]

Men (and women) stray because, on some level, they're hard wired to do so. Morality and religion came late in a game where evolution and its refinements have had a very long head start.

 

From a species' evolutionary point of view, there are tangible benefits to straying: exploration of a different, potentially better, gene pool and ensuring all the "eggs" are not kept in one nest (or home) are two of the most obvious benefits.

 

Do we really know why Allah has made having multiple wives halaal? It could be that we were meant to stray (biologically) and to lessen the burden of that urge, that avenue was opened. We all know that Allah does not put a burden on us we cannot bear.

 

Let us not be naive and scream its wrong, wrong, wrong without exploring the deeper issues at play here. Our biggest (and least used) sexual organ is our brain so ladies and gentlemen, start your engines.

[Born Friday]

Nur you say you are married to a great woman, great family and healthy social circles! Are those the only reasons you are still in the marriage? And if you lose your wife you lose all of those things and basically you are not in a healthy social circle?! You have never mentioned loving your wife, but you have repeatedly specified how much you love the new woman in your life. The choice is clear to me, follow your heart and dont be a gold digger or a social climber. Both women deserve better than that...all i can see in your words are me me me, that could be interpreted as being very selfish indeed.

[Warrior of Light]

Bro.Nur,

Its another interesting post on polygamy from a different angle.

 

From what the husband reports its a case of "love" - "huba" which is troubling him. I dont think he has a case to consider marrying a second wife, it carries no weight.I would also advice him to sit and think about his marriage, his responsibilities and priorities in life. Unless there is some more information we know not of.

 

 

Juxa, sis

 

You have a point when women let themselves go , in my abo words "given up with life" they do tend to put off their men.And give allowance to the roaming eye and flirtations. Its a duty for both partners to look attractive and pleasing to the eye of the other.Guess we need to come up with a strategy to help married women to keep beautiful n all when everything around them is havoc (can hear the wailing of the baby in the background, a hungry husband, kids making a mess in the kitchen, sister in law sitting watching tv unmoved). I think a household plus personal wellbeing time management course 101 is in need.

[Juxa]

WOL, i agree with ya sistah, it is about time we take part of the blame, why the typical somali family is breaking into pieces.

 

we need practical solutions, yes a man has right to 4 wives, and yes it is a fact we do not like, so do something about it, provide what he might be lacking, or curious about, ragu waa caruur, enough toys at home and he is yours truely

 

on serious note, we need practical marriage guidance, the religion is nasteexa, but most of the time its interpreted in a way we consider unfair, so first women should educated themselves of their given rights in Islam, second we should create a heaven at home, if the above fail, kick him and replace like yesterdays dirac

 

life is for living, ilaah dhib ma abuurin

[Cara.]

Castro,

 

Women, however, are far more evolved than men and are very discreet about their matters of the heart (and other body parts).

That's because they have no sense of entitlement. If a woman wants another man, she knows it's wrong to cheat on her husband so she makes an effort to resist, or she doesn't but is fully aware of the consequences. Men, however, have been conditioned to think that it's their right to have as many women as they can, and their wives are being immature or selfish for protesting. So many of them are sloppy, not trying very hard to keep the infidelity a secret (the-lipstick-on-the-collar syndrome), or running to the nearest wadaad so he can reassure them that it's okay to break their wives' hearts because satisfying themselves is more important. If that wadaad doesn't follow the script, they go to the next one ad infinitum until they find one that knows what he is doing.

 

Boys will be boys.

 

Nur,

 

I'd tell Faarax to kill his wife and make it look like an accident. This way he gets oodles of sympathy and retains the respect of his social circle. Not to mention any monies wifey had. Then as a widower marry the other Xalimo. Rinse. Repeat.

[Castro]

^ Atheer Callypso, it is not an accident that a man would have upwards of 50,000,000 sperm in one stroke of the hand (pun intended). These huge numbers are certainly not just a motorcade or an entourage for the one lucky junior farax that fertilizes the egg. They have many different roles, not the least of which is checking for and destroying any remnants of another man's little soldiers. Sperm count, motility and speed have all been shown to increase when the male suspects his mate to be cheating. In turn, increasing the odds of fertilizing the female egg.

 

On the other hand, women have one egg every 30-day period and some downtime as well. Yes. Women are unavailable for intercourse for a few days every month and up to 2-3 months after giving birth. What is a man to do during that downtime? Turn off the plumbing and watch ESPN? No. It doesn't work that way. Nature, therefore, has provided facility and enough evolutionary rewards for those who stray. In a sense, if you don't stray, you're setting yourself and your tribe up for extinction, albeit slowly.

 

The same incentive that exists for men also exists for women in that they are likely to look for a good man (not necessarily the best genes) to help them raise their offspring but will fool around with a lousy caregiver (but with excellent genes) to create offspring.

[Baashi]

^ Can't add anything to that except it is not "nature" that's designing and manipulating creatures in a certain way (ignore this for we don't wanna change the subject here). Other than that you are on the money though.

 

Questions:

1. Any kids with the current wife?

 

Castro wrote: Do we really know why Allah has made having multiple wives halaal? It could be that we were meant to stray (biologically) and to lessen the burden of that urge, that avenue was opened. We all know that Allah does not put a burden on us we cannot bear.

Bingo.

[xiinfaniin]

Faarax, you must’ve been on Xabad Sowdah . Stop using that thing before you fall in love with a third woman . If that does not work, here is what I think you should do.

 

In this coming Friday when you get home from work, look your wife in the face, think long and hard, remember those days when she was your newly found love, and with her alluring good looks, when you were convinced that she was the only one on this green earth. Remember the praises you showered, the kisses, and the tears and the smiles. Remember the comfort you found in the midst of her angel serene. And as you dive in those memories of the past, what happened to your perfect woman, is the query you should solve! Who lost the strength and whose foresight has failed to endure? Was it her who you fell in love or was it the tantalizing curves you desired? What a man are you if the passage of time on your woman had caused you to change?

 

Now come back to your senses and let the realist side of you win. Look at your precious kids and smiles they brought to your face. Look, and look, and look, I insist, till you realize that life has no meaning if it is devoid of burden.

[Cara.]

Castro,

 

Atheer Callypso, it is not an accident that a man would have upwards of 50,000,000 sperm in one stroke of the hand (pun intended). These huge numbers are certainly not just a motorcade or an entourage for the one lucky junior farax that fertilizes the egg. They have many different roles, not the least of which is checking for and destroying any remnants of another man's little soldiers. Sperm count, motility and speed have all been shown to increase when the male suspects his mate to be cheating.

Indicating that biologically women are "meant" to entertain multiple partners as well. Yet no divine acknowledgement to make their lives less burdensome.

[Chocolate and Honey]

Castro, plzzzzzzzz say you are kidding. the it-is-in -our- genes what can we do urgument is soooo outdated. sexually, animals have the same urges, only the decipline and soft-wiring humans go through makes up the difference in reactionss. by beleiving men cant controll their urges, farahs are seriously setting up themselves for a demeaning failure. so women get periods? that is now an excuse to go off hunting for other women? what r u going to do when all four of them get their periods at the sametime( which is very possible)what then? I suppose it is their fault then, darn woman! cant get anything right, huh? I'm absolutely outraged by your suggestion.

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Ge Up! Up Even the best falls down sometimes

[Castro]

Callypso, yes, the female "burden" and evolutionary rewards seem to be a paradox of sorts. I won't throw in an ignorant explanation but will "look" into this and get back to you.

 

Atheer Chocolate, it's not just in men's genes, it's in women's as well. The propensity to stray is as strong in women as it is in men, if not stronger. Females have an even bigger incentive for they have a larger investment in the male they mate with. They carry and raise the offspring therefore theirs is a two-fold incentive. One of good quality offspring and another of needing assistance to raise that offspring. Finding high quality males with excellent caregiver qualities is not easy, obviously. It isn't because high quality males are, you guessed it, in high demand. Where low quality males would then compensate by becoming good caregivers. That's what I meant to say. The limitations placed on women in society, however, make it seem as though men have a free pass. They don't.

[hodman]

This dude should think about how many lives he might be destroying by following his silly heart.His wife,kids, not to mention all the "social circles".

Why ask for advice now when he didn't think twice about his so called great wife when getting into a relationship that developed into this dramatic love? Or was it love at first sight and he didn't plan on it :rolleyes: Since it's all about him,him and then him, why doesn't he do as he wishes..which is clear from the fact that he can't "live" without his love.Or does he just need a validation on his intended course of action?Really such guys make me sick :mad:

[-Serenity-]

I am a married man to a great lady, a great family and healthy social circles, good job and stable life. Now, I am facing a difficult situation, I fell in love with another Haliimo , never felt this kind of love, I feel captivated, lost control of my mind, and because of the social circle we share, we see each other very often

You ‘fell in love’ and proposed while being married to your 1st wife and she wasn’t made aware of the intention to look for another woman. Faarax, you’re a bare-faced liar and cheat. Hope ur wife cuts off the one organ that's 'fallen in love' when she finds out. And no...its not ur heart.