Give me an Advise about this issue that am struggling with!

[fartun]

hey guys i am realy in a deep situation that i want to ask you guys and what you thing of this situation that i am struggling with. to start with well i have been with some one for long amount of time and before that we have known each other about 17years now and we have been relationship for about 6years now, and now it has gone to point were we argue every second, and it's been realy hard for me for the past couple month because we promised each other in the name of allah that we will be family oneday as soon as we finish school. Now he graduated and have his degree on the other hand i have 3semesters to go as is for me, any way in the past couple month he has been pushing me so hard to get to marry him and he promised me that he will help me whatever necesary for me to finish school and earn my degree which is fine with me but i have done alot of research with people who is married or are family told me that it is very hard to persue your education and keep family together, so what do you guys think of this. Should i broke my promise and as well with relationship that i am in, or should i go for my education and go in seprate roads, or what should you guys advise me as a sister?

[Warrior of Light]

Sister Fartun

 

You seem to have a lot of stress on your side. And even if we do help you with advice, you are to make the decision. And of All decisions the best is to Ask Allah for help. I think you have heard of Salatul Istikhara , pls pray 2 Rakats and read the dua. Inshallah with Allahs grace He shall show you the way.

 

Fiamanillah, your sister.

[Castro]

Fartun, marriage won't stop you from getting a degree, pregnancy and children might. Just say no to kids and get that degree. You will be just fine if you do that. Best of luck.

[Juxa]

sister, as WOL said, pray to allah. personally i wont advise you to break yr promise, remember balan la aan waa diin la aan .

 

marriage wont stop you earning your degree and fulfulling your ambitions. if he promises to help you all the way, then go for it. it is DOABLE.

 

goodluck sis. marriage itself is blessing.

[sheherazade]

Since you both promised to get married after graduation what part of you not having yet graduated does he not understand? 3 semesters is not that long a time for him to wait. He's waited 6 years.

 

You're right, it's not easy to juggle study and marriage. It's down to the two people supporting one another. If he can't be flexible enough to wait until you're done, how flexible will he be later?

 

Home boy needs to chill. You need to tell him to chill. If he's pushing you to get married b4 you graduate have u considered that it might be him breaking his promise and not you? People have a way of making promises and then introducing modifications later on and burdening you with their new outlook. What was your initial deal? If your intial plan was that you both complete your education b4 marriage, you have a no brainer on your hands. It's your heart that has to catch up.

 

I've seen this kind of thing b4 and unless you are both exceptional people, one of you will be seriously disappointed after marriage. Pray that it goes well. Remember though no one can bring you happiness or make your dreams come true but you. Don't fool yourself and don't be fooled by him.

 

P.S: if u ask me, you already know. What we say will not swing your decision. Be happy.

[Socod_badne]

Reach a compromise that satisfies both of you. And if you can't, I would advice you go your separate ways.

[Jacaylbaro]

i think 3 semester time is not that long ,,, u can go ahead with ur marriage and continue ur education. i'm sure the preparation and all that stuff will take may be one semester ,,,,, so go for it ,,,, don't hesitate ,,,it is ur future ,, he is ur LOVER ,,,, why u wanna loose him ,,,,, U love him ??? wanna have a bright future with him ??? ,,, he said he will help you ??? ,,,, so then ,,, don't demolish ur whole future for 3 semesters that u can finish ,,,,,,,

[Khayr]

Salams,

 

Your real concern should be

 

'IS THIS RELATIONSHIP DRAWING ME TOWARDS ALLAH

FURTHER FROM ALLAH???'

 

If you are able to answer this question

easily, then there is a problemmmm because that question should HAUNT you and make you reflect over and over again.

 

Fi Amanillah

[Nazra]

I remember being in the same situation as you last year. No wonder why I'm still here? It’s amazing how things can turn out to be, and the way you expect them to turn out. Usually they do not match.

Well in my case.

My relationship was a quite lengthy and it was filled with love, passion, hope and bit of heat . Which led to a big 24/7 discussion of marriage. It was a tough year, when I started my first year in uni. Ages ago I do remember making a promise to him, but I also do remember being under the age limit to date.

I was half way through my first year in uni and doing well. I was with someone who did not value uni-educated-woman and did not support my goal. I was prepared to continue with my studies and settle down, or drop out.

I really did not care about my studies, and the only reason I went to uni was because of my family. Without their pressure, I would certainly have gone the other way.

When family was approached, the whole thing turned out to be a world war three. Everyone suddenly had their say. Who asked for their opinion? But my mother was against the whole idea. And felt that I should wait till I finish second year.

I felt that my family was selfish and stood in the way of my happiness. Well now I’m in my second year, what do they say?; “wait for next year, you only have one year until you graduate, you already finished 2nd year this yearâ€. I did not expect them to break the non-verbal deal. Families, as soon as you finish high school they expect to control your education and your plans to get hitched. Which is always after you finish high school.(for the average xalimo).

 

I guess you wondering is he still around? Has he left you? Well the answer is no. He’s already making plans for end of this year. I feel bad already he doesn’t know yet that it’s after I graduate. Do I fear losing him? Nope, he’ll stick around. Now I seem quite selfish I’m happy the fact that I did continue with my studies, cause I know for fact that I would have drop as soon as I got married. The married life seems quite of a pleasure… with no stress.

 

To me, it seems you are asking us to validate your decision. I mean obviously you value your education by telling us that it’s something you wish to continue with. First of all, I say ignore those who tell you, you can’t have it both. They are negative and selfish :mad: , even if they are your family. It's all to do with your mental will.

It seems the brotha has already graduated with a degree, so why not settle down? And try continuing with your education, if worse comes to worse you drop out but look at the positive side: babies!

 

I say, have the best of two worlds. I might seem a hypocrite here, given the decision I made. But I guess you fear losing him, where that did not come across my mind.

[islamtoday]

In the name of Allah most gracious most mercifull, first of all sis... Allah SWA does not shy away from the truth... so sis i don't mean to be harsh but u shouldn't be in a situation like the one u r in,, to begin with right,,, 'cause our diin forbids that.. but we r humans and we make mistakes... my advice to u sis.. if this man has good diin and good manners and u know him to be of good nature,, and wouldn't transgress on u go ahead marry with ur families permission... don't worry about the degree 'cause Allah SWA put the responsibility of providing for the family upon the man's shoulder not of woman's if only men could understand that...

the reason for this advise is 'cause u r in a relationship with this person,, and as we all know it relationships before marriage are Haram right... so u have to discontinue u being in haram situation to a Halal.. 'cause SAW said "if a man and a woman become alone in a place the shaytan is their third".... something to that extent... so anything could happen between u,, we r human we r not made of iron.. blood runs through us... and like the others have said prayer istikhara also..

 

May Allah SWA help u...

[Nephissa]

Maybe you should ask the Fruitcake Lady some advice.

 

Edited: http://www.********* .org/video/92

 

Edited again: Oohhh wut now? Okkie dokie replace the ** with the word s-t-u-p-i-d-i-t-y.

[Nephissa]

Nobody found the Fruitcake lady funny? You bunch of humourless cnuts.

[Pujah]

^^How many times have you sought out the fruitcake lady's advice

[Castro]

Originally posted by Alaina:

^^How many times have you sought out the fruitcake lady's advice

She is the Fruitcake lady.

 

Seriously though, that woman had a tongue that cuts like a knife. Quiet funny.

[rudy-Diiriye]

is that fruit cake lady that comes on leno! she funny!looool... but the link dont work! sista!

 

anyways!i dont believe whatever these ladies say!!.... u ladies are dreaming...!

 

college is an oportunity to better your life... so why you in relationships! get married after high school, or get married after college.. 2 dont mix yall..

 

basically xalimos, u cant have your own cake and eat it tooo!!

 

when i was in college i use to date working ladies! get it...they can buy me dinner etc! loool....never my college friends! just needed that peace of mind to concentrate in my studies.

 

worst time was when i came to my room with gal passed out in my bed! and she was huge!! i pulled her by legs and drag here to the living room..! she was gone in the morning when i woke up!!

 

i gotta get some sleep after spending 10yrs in class rooms and library...! peace...