Jaabir Posted June 22, 2003 There are many of us of who lived a wild life, a life full of parting, drinking, smoking, sleeping around and so forth.. As they grew older, many of those who tried it all have repented and adopted a different lifestyle, they became more conscious and mature about life in general, they started seriously looking for a husband or a wife, and met a person who didn’t seem to have experienced the crazy life they lived, they fell in love, and decided to get married.. Now hypothetically speaking, if you were that wild person who finally repented, would you sit down with your partner and tell him/her about your dirty past? Or you rather withhold that from him and let the sleeping dogs lie!!! From what I see, most people hide their past from their partners; not only that, they try to look the extreme opposite of what they have been, they think cultivating their dirty past would only make them vulnerable and defendless or will drive a wedge in their relationship!! Ofcourse no one will be thrilled about your dirty history, but you have to realize that anyone who fell in love with the person you have been and became is more likely to stick with you forever, So I guess my question is, would you tell your partner the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, about your past or you rather tell him some parts of the truth that works for your favor and uphold < keyword> whatever you think will have him change his mind about you!!! Hey… this question is for the fellas too Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Miriam1 Posted June 22, 2003 You can never say the whole truth and nothing but the truth thats impossible. There is always going to be something your going to hide from your partner..i simply dont believe that compelet honesty can exist between two indiviuals. Anyways back to the topic..to a certain degree i will say what i feel weighs heavily on my heart, but iam not going to reveal to him every single detail of my univ days. A little secrecy in my opinion creates a spice in a marriage , i really dont want to know everything about my husband, and that is if this "everything" does not effect the daily workings of our marriage in anyway. Peace Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mujahida Posted June 22, 2003 Salam I'm a very forgiving person. What is important is only who you've become today. Honestly. But i expect to know everything ( the whole intire thing about the person i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with! I mean I have to know who you were in the past to really understand who u've become today. Or else pieces would always be missing. <<<< Not HEALTHY at all! I'd tell my future husband everything about my past. Every little thing. My files and records are all pretty clean so far alhamdulilah! for the people who've been naughty, let it all out! You don't have to be ashmed of who u were, What matters is only who u've become. There is even a bigger possibility that you'll be respected. You'll appear strong. You stood up and made ur wrongs right. Your future wife or husband will even trust you more. If there is no trust than there is nothing! Masalama ps : let hero's like malcolm x inspire you InshaAllah. From a hustler to a picious muslim! May Allah be pleased with him! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZOLA Posted June 22, 2003 i couldn't agree more with og-girl..the past is the past. A.A Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZOLA Posted June 22, 2003 i couldn't agree more with og-girl..the past is the past. A.A Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Khayr Posted June 23, 2003 Salaamz, Waar ma walantaxey! Are you for real, Darman (Please see if you can try to make your fonts smaller) Why would you reveal your sins to someone when Allah was merciful to you and covered up your sins. Allah gets angry at those who try to UNRAVEL what Allah has kept Hidden from others. Its a Rahma from Allah and your gonna say No Allah, thank you but I'd like to disclose my sins to my spouse!!! Imagine for a minute, you told your wife that you did something once upon a time. For example, you ate some nonhalal meat (where toneing it down here!). I tell you this, that one day you might come home and not like the meat that she cooked and guess what, she will say it infront of you and your kids or whomever is there that 'WHAT, MA HILABKA DABADAA KAAUNTEY OHH HALAL AHEYEN BA RABTA' aka Waryaa, you like eating the haram meat instead of eating halal meat that I prepared for you! You mouth will drop on the floor and ofcourse might want to proceed with some 'aggression'. Trust me, women know how to PUSH YOUR BUTTON. So please, don't tell me your dark secrets and likewise, if Allah has kept them hidden then why should they be brought to light! There is no CONFESSION in ISLAM! Fi Amanallah Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Macalin Posted June 23, 2003 ACWW I dont see Anything wrong with saying a LIL this and a LIL tha!-like my humble suster said!(Oh how i miss ur old name!-good to see it back!) Laakin what are the chances of A somaali Man/Woman meting and not knowing a lil abt the History?..waaba iska Yartahay..But am not gonna still Ur thunder, since this is a hyperthetical Q-anywhoo..Me.. she will find out what she asks 4! Macsalaama Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ProudSista Posted June 23, 2003 No one is an angle we all have dark secretes, big/small & the past makes us who we are today, so their Is no need to be shamed for aye! Talking about moi, i rather have no skeletons in my closet! LAT, you have a point their, keep perishing Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rudy-Diiriye Posted June 23, 2003 Originally posted by Darman: [ There are many of us of who lived a wild life, a life full of parting, drinking, smoking, sleeping around and so forth.. i didnt know this live was over! besides the whole town knows my life history! dont ask me how! they know all my x-girl friends and our arguments! now they think that i am dating haley barry look alike somali version! hmm! i got nothing to hide! i am like 7/11 open 24 hrs! gimme a break! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Reality Check Posted June 23, 2003 He isnt going to disclose his past misbehaviours, so why should I The past doesn't really matter...because its the PAST! But I sure as hell with do an extensive background check and make him take blood tests! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BORN_BRANIAC Posted June 23, 2003 Would you confess your past to your partner before getting married? I would yes , so it won't no suprises later on life...beside like og girl said past is past, but still it will be betta to be clear in first place...so i do agree with confess my past with my partner no matter what. ps. nice topic Darman. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted June 23, 2003 Originally posted by Khayr: Salaamz, Waar ma walantaxey! Are you for real, Darman (Please see if you can try to make your fonts smaller) Why would you reveal your sins to someone when Allah was merciful to you and covered up your sins. Allah gets angry at those who try to UNRAVEL what Allah has kept Hidden from others. Its a Rahma from Allah and your gonna say No Allah, thank you but I'd like to disclose my sins to my spouse!!! Fi Amanallah I agree with you khayr 100% The thing is if my partner asked me about my past I wouldn't want to lie to him so in that case yeah I would tell him str8 up. Put if he doesn't ask..then the past is the past..so why bring it back to life? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TRUTH-SHALL-SET-U-FREE Posted June 23, 2003 First of all Darman, you need to start toning down this attention seeking tactics of yours. We already checking the topic, so there is no need for this really huge font and red color writing. Unless of course, you are going blind and can't see, we then might have to make a special case for you. Now back to the topic. To me, to understand a person i have to know their past, because their experiences is reflection of who they are today. When i tell or he tells me about his past or mine, it is not meant to be used as a judgmental ways. Because that's between that individual and Allah. But rather as a way of creating a better understanding between two individuals. We as humans make mistakes throughout our life time and i am not expecting a goodie-two-shoes sort of a guy, but a real man. A man who can face and accept his past and not be apologetic...Confession is good for the soul...So i hear. But if one partner says explicitly they don't want to know about something, then the other partner should respect that and keep the past to themselves. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Posted June 23, 2003 it happened in the past...so let it stay in the past....unless in ur heart u feel that had he/she known about ur dirty past....they would have second thoughts of being with u....and if ur past is that dirty...inform the person....u dont need anyone who doesnt accept u as u besides lots of ppl have insecurity and trust issues....and might still think ur up to ur old ways....so..know who ur telling ur dirty secrets to.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SHAKA ZULU Posted June 23, 2003 first i need to quit living this fast life then who knows what might happen in the future. there are somany bad things that i have done and no single second passes without me thinking regretting and to be honest with you all i don't see myself sharing that with anybody. so my answer is plain NOOOOO. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
