Addicted to Love

[Janna]

Addicted to love

 

Unfortunately, I know three girls who are obsessed with love. Out of boredom I have decided to analyst these young ladies who don't see more to life, who desperately need the acceptance and love of a male. Without love male these young ladies feel they cannot function.

 

Girl one:

Whenever she meets a guy, you would be hearing about him for the next week. She stops talking about him when she realises he is not serious about her and doesn't want marriage. This girl is desperate to get married. I haven't kept a record of how many guys she has dated. She has always imagined herself to be a housewife. She finally nailed a guy, who belonged to the same tribe as her. This particular girl felt the need to be loved by a man and eventually by a baby. She longes to have a baby though she denies it. Time and time again she repeats "I would like to complete my degree before I have a baby". She has been married for over a year and I am beginning to be she is infertile. Thank god this girl has found her man otherwise I would have screamed "Bloody murder".

 

Girl two:

This girl has read to many love stories, dreamt her wedding day for the past 20 years and has written two love songs. She is into fairytale and happy endings. Will she get her very own happy ending?

 

It's a MUST for her to have a boyfriend, if she doesn't she hits rock bottom. She cooks like a chief, has a smile like Mickey Mouse and the eyes of a person with Down syndrome however she is a firm believer in love. Without love she is miserable and begins to self-destruct. She has a heart of gold but lives in La La Land with unrealistic views of love. Her extreme addiction to love makes her life worthless if she has no one to love and to love her back. Most of the guys she has dated, she has sworn many times "He is the one. I know he is". Her obsessive behaviour wasn't getting her far neither were her family willing to accept her many loves. What does she do next?

She runs away with a guy.

7 months later...

She is not married, unhappy, pregnant, reputation lost and a single mother with a baby who was conceived in a non-Islamic manner.

 

Girl three:

Beautiful, emotional who requires a psychiatrist. Addicted to weddings, love and chocolate this little princess is stuck in a abusive relationship with a insecure guy. She dies for his attention. Complains she never has enough time with him. She believes he is in love with her he believes otherwise. Two years together and he has yet to acknowledge her.

 

These young beauty's lives has been taken over by love. Everyday one has a problem. Women fail to understand men feel powerful, knowing he is in control of her. Love addicts give their attention to these guys who don't give the same attention back.

 

Are these young women addicted to love or are they the products of unrealistic hopes of love?

[Passion_4_Fashion]

^^have u experienced love b4? (me know this ain't about you)

 

Basicly the feeling that love gives is priceless...i mean 2 love and 2 be loved (aaah)....one minute sis, gotta call my baby...2 tell him how much me love/respect/adore him

 

I'm dialing his number....

 

ring ring ring..

 

me hon: "hey princess" (thats what he calls me)

me: (singing Stieve Wonder's song) "I just called to say I love you...."

me hon: " I love you too gorgeous"

 

^^^ain't that beutifull sis? hmmm! loneliness is tragic darling

 

let them be in lurrf sis....is that crime? perhaps we should sue them and take them to Guatanamo Bay

 

aniga waxaan ahay DIFOOSAHA JACEYLKA

 

have a nice day sis

[Katrina]

Don't those three represent 3/4th of the somali women? They obviously have low self-confidence and honestly I'd shoot myself if I had to be surrounded by that type of self-destructive behavior.

Experiencing love has nothing to do with it, contrary to popular belief love isn't suppose to hurt. Yet, in all three of the above mentioned cases it's ruining lives. How is that a wonderful, fuzzy feeling?? These girls are inviting in the pain. It's the unrealistic hope of love that keeps them placing themselves in front of the firing squad but hey some ppl are into pain. It's sad but somali women in 'general' think their tough and hard as nails but the reality is for most it's all hot air.

[Yeniceri]

ALexus:

 

First of all, those three stories were depressing to read. But since I had the misfortune of reading them, I might as well comment.

 

Your question - "Are these young women addicted to love or are they the products of unrealistic hopes of love?" - is difficult to answer simply from reading stories presented by a third party. The problem is that we (the audience) are getting the story from a one-dimensional viewpoint (yours). But none of us, including yourself, truly knows what's going on inside the minds of those unfortunate girls. However, the way I understand it is quite simple: its life. Sometimes love makes you feel as if you can walk on water and at other times it makes you feel like you want to die. That's life. But if you try to understand love in all its complexities, you'll only confuse yourself more.

 

contrary to popular belief love isn't suppose to hurt. Yet, in all three of the above mentioned cases it's ruining lives.

That's because the topic originator only wanted to highlight love stories with negative outcomes. Had she truly looked at love in general, I'm sure many more positive stories would've emerged.

[- Femme -]

She longes to have a baby though she denies it.

Why are girls made to feel ashamed of wanting to be a wife or mother above all else? Its a new thing going on I'v noticed. I'm saying this because whenever I go to the masjid I gravitate towards the newborns and I ask the mothers to let me hold them. They always smile and place their precious bundle in my arms and start talking about their little ones. They love this as much as I do. And you know what the somali ladies say? "Ar gabadha Femme fiiriya. Cunug ma'ahee waxkale kama fakarto! Guurdoon baa gabadha haayso.'. Huh?I'm their prime entertainment at the masjid. I adore babies. So? People love stating the obvious and making it sound weird & abnormal.

 

This girl has read to many love stories, dreamt her wedding day for the past 20 years and has written two love songs. She is into fairytale and happy endings. Will she get her very own happy ending?

Doesnt every girl had have these hopes, dreams, wishes since she was a little girl? Again, whats the big deal? I only have a problem when it gets out of control as you claim and they think of nothiing else or measure their worth by it. Other than that...let the dreamers dream. We all need that before we are rudely woken into reality.

[Uma]

These three girls are nothing like me. How and why? Well, I'll never ever tell a guy how much I love him, adore him, can't live with out him or whatsoever. Hell noooooooooo . I refuse that. I rather listen to him tell me all the nice things knowing he knows none about love. Honesly, majority of somalis know nothing about jacayl both males and females. (I could be one of them. I am not sure!)

[Rowda]

I dont think being in love is the problem with this 3 girls but instead they watch too many hollywood/polywood movies thinking that their guy is the same us the movie star. Yes, love does suck at times but that is life. However, what they need to differentiate is how long u suppose to wait when the going gets taugh esp, when there is no commitement (marriege that is) involve. Its good to be loved, care about but lady's don't stuck with one guy for more than a year, because its waste of ur precious time, believe me u'll regret! Gabdhuhu waxay xodxotaan(shukaansadaan) kun, kowna way kala baxaan.

Labadeena card ma'isku darsaanaa haduu kaagu luma ama kaygu lumo waakala tag.

[Janna]

Passion Girl,

You are right this is not about me. Whether I have fallen in love or have been in love is irrelevant and so too was your phone conversation.

[Janna]

Children do not understand future, dreams and hopes that involve love. However play the role of their parents and what they have perceived. A child only wants to kiss, hug and have a baby because in most cases that’s what their parents do.

 

Yeniceri,

 

This topic was not meant to show love from a negative aspect. I don't hope to disinterest readers of love but rather to open their eyes if he/she is willing to give up their life for someone else.

You are sadly mistaken if you believe I started this topic with the purpose of destroying love.

 

Another factor that is causing these girls to feel in ways they might not is due to Indiana movies, which in fact should be banned. And also these girls want to feel love. In most cases is known to be true.

[Arawella]

To recognise and solve their problems, the young ladies should have a new level of thinking. Stephen R Cover (Author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) observed that people should have an “inside out approach†to their problems starting with the most inside part of themselves, with their “paradigms, character and their motivesâ€. The young ladies should ask themselves whether it is possible that the men in their lives are not the problem, perhaps they are empowering their boyfriends’ weaknesses and making their lives a function of the way they are treated.

 

Stephen R Cover observed “By centering our lives on correct principles and creating a balanced focus between doing and increasing our ability to do, we become empowered in the task of creating effective, useful, and peaceful lives…. for ourselves, and for our posterityâ€.

[Janna]

What if the girls don't recognise any problems? Believing to be problem free?

 

In order to solve a problem the person is expected to notice the problem.

[Arawella]

The fact that they are bemoaning their inability to find their ideal men, sustain a relationship as well be in an abuse marriage indicate their acknwledgment of a problem.

 

The next step is to understand the cause by using an inside-out approach.

[Modesty]

maybe these girls ought to quite whining and get married in a halal way, and live halally ever after.

[Chocolate and Honey]

Love..ahha.. .. just kidding. aint nothing wrong with wanting to love and be loved, to rear a beautiful child and have your happy ending as long as it is not diluding your mind. I mean there is a fine line between fantazy and reality.

 

And when love becomes all about pain, then bounce! wut u waitin for?

I know it is totally sad when marriage and men is all a girl can think of, what happened to her own life?

I know this girl who plunges into a deep nasty depression everytime she hears about a friend getting married, or dating someone cute, or an ex dating.She becomes miserable hence makes whoever is with her miserable too untill they cant take it anymore. she is all broken inside and I feel like shaking her and screaming wake up!

men come and go, live with it!

Ahhhh... love is beutifull, love is good for the soul when it is reciprocated, if it is not it is Hell. now why would anyone in his right mind with a choice choose to stay in hell?

--------------------------------------------

Get Up!Up Even the best fall down sometimes

[Asxabul_kahf]

Interesting concept, I think this article written by a muslimah will shed some light.

 

By: Fatima Asmal

 

Many unmarried people these days search for “love†in a series of premarital relationships, which far from yielding happiness, lead to nothing but spiritual degeneration, loss of self-respect, heartache and misery.

 

When the average girl reaches the age of ten or eleven, she - sometimes with the knowledge of her parents, sometimes without their knowledge - becomes engrossed in and obsessed with the teen romance novel: a blonde, blue-eyed girl, with a perfect size 10 figure, falls in love with the football hero of the school, a few complications on the way (nothing major, of course), but things end happily after.

 

In these novels, girl and boy might hold hands, or there might even be a kiss, thrown in somewhere along the line.

 

By the time the impressionable reader of these novels reaches her late teens, she is sick of these story lines...and is searching for more.

 

And is most cases, “more†is usually available right there in her home, tucked away at the bottom of her mother’s cupboard, in the form of adult romance novels.

 

The holding hands, and the kissing has now made way for much more, as details of pre-marital passion, and the fulfilment thereof are graphically spelt out on these pages.

 

The reader is told what the “perfect body†is supposed to look like, the notion that sexual intercourse before marriage is sweet and romantic seeps through these pages...the feelings of degradation, and the many possible consequences thereof are conveniently left out.

 

A fairy tale is a fairy tale, we tell ourselves, a book is a book...they have no implications on real life.

 

Surely our daughters understand and accept this...

 

But we are deluding ourselves. These same “harmless†fairytales and books, have a detrimental effect on the thinking, lifestyles and attitudes of our children.

 

The first “crushâ€/infatuation our daughters experience in relation to members of the opposite sex, is often linked to false perceptions about “dating,†perceptions to which a wide variety of factors contribute.

 

And one of the main factors painting a sugar and candy image of pre-marital romances, are these shallow bits of reading material that our daughters are exposed to.

 

It is no strange co-incidence that girls grow up believing that a boyfriend is the key to happiness...after all they have barely started walking, when the stories of the poor ill-treated Cinderella, saved only by a dashing prince, and the beautiful Snow White woken up by a prince, and the doomed Rapunzel, saved from the tower by...who else - a dashing hero, are told to them.

 

And when they read romance novels, this theory is further reinforced - for, in the classic teen romance novel, the girl without a boyfriend, or “sweet sixteen and never been kissed†is the poor, laughing stock, who doesn’t have a date to the “prom.â€

 

And on the pages of a typical adult romance novel, the heroine is always a successful, beautiful career woman, but, she feels, that “something†is lacking in her life...and that “something†is naturally a man.

 

It is improbable that the average teenager, would just read these books, and that there would be no impact on her mind.

 

It is usually exactly the opposite: she wishes she was the person on the pages of the book, and transfers her fantasies to her real life.

 

She might see someone at school, who is popular, and good-looking [i.e. the football hero], and so begins her first painful crush, which is accompanied of course, by sending him anonymous ‘Valentine’s Day' cards, or calling him and playing songs over the phone.

 

Shaitaan has set his trap, and the temptation to sin heightens, and each time the temptation is given in to, the girl becomes more daring.

 

By the time the boy “asks her out,†her nafs has gotten the better of her, and her head filled with the notions of how sweet holding hands before that first kiss must be, she cannot resist.

 

And so begins a “relationship.â€

 

But this has all the ingredients that a classic romance novel does not....for those candy-coated pages do not tell you about the heartbreak, the tears, the mood swings and the countless negative aspects that are the central to these relationships

 

And they do not tell you about the degradation and the loss of self-respect, with which people, especially women, emerge, after these relationships.

 

For there is no peace, no tranquillity in such relationships. The daily cycle, the moods, everything about the individual is affected.

 

There is a certain sort of darkness, a restlessness which fills the heart, and this restlessness affects the rest of the family too.

 

For it is now that all the arguments with the parents start: “Why can’t I go out tonight? All my friends are going?â€

 

And there are the mood swings, the fluctuating eating habits...if the phone doesn’t ring, then it’s a case of “I don’t feel like eating.â€

 

And then there is dishonesty...unable to tell her parents where she really wants to go, she makes the excuse of having to go to the library to study for tomorrow’s test.

 

The ending of each relationship is most often marked by a long periods of torture, in which the girl has to “get over†the boy.

 

Everyday life becomes a misery...her marks drop, daily moods start to depend on the current state of her relationship with the boy and many girls, totally misled by Shaitaan, even make dua for a “reconciliation.â€

 

During this period the girl is ravaged by guilt, because deep down in her heart, she is aware that what she has done is haraam, and she also feels guilty about lying to her parents.

 

If there was a physical aspect to her relationship, then these feelings of guilt are deeply accentuated and coupled with a total loss of self-respect.

 

In the worst possible scenario, which is frequently happening, the girl, in an effort to improve her “self image,†may turn to various other ways...smoking, clubbing, drinking and drugs...or she may embark on a series of flings just to make herself feel “special†again.

 

In short the “relationships†so sweetly portrayed in romance novels, which speak only of chocolates, flowers and happiness, end right there: on the pages of the novel.

 

In real life, such relationships lead to nothing but unhappiness and heartache.

 

For how can there be any real happiness in a “love†inspired by Shaitaan?

 

This type of “love†far from being pure and sacred falls into the category of fornication.

 

And regarding fornication, Allah Ta’ala says in the Holy Qur’aan:

 

“The woman and man guilty of adultery of fornication, flog each of them with a hundred stripes: let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: And let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.†[surah An-Nur: 2]

 

How can there be any long term happiness in a sin for which the punishment prescribed is so severe?

 

But while keeping in mind the above injunction, we should also not despair of the Mercy of Allah Ta’ala...for we cannot even comprehend the vastness of this Mercy.

 

We need to realise and to tell ourselves that there is only temporary satisfaction of the nafs in a pre-marital relationship.

 

And we need to terminate any such relationship which we might be involved in, and sincerely make taubah to Allah.

 

As difficult as it might be to end such relationships, once we realise and acknowledge to ourselves that the novels to which we are exposed to from such an early age are totally based on a kuffaar way of life, which appears to be very appealing from the outside, but which bears no contentment, no real happiness, it will in sha Allah, be easy to do so.

 

In addition to painting a rosy picture of dating, these books also create a very wrong concept of what the ideal partner should be like.

 

It is obvious that since they are kuffaar publications, there is no stress on piety, good akhlaaq, honesty and all the other qualities people should be searching for in a potential marriage partner.

 

Instead these books promote superficial thinking, with all their emphasis on “good looks,†“size 10 figures,†“star football players,†“smart cars,â€etc.

 

Parents should closely monitor the reading material which their children bring home and should teach their children about the beauty of nikaah.

 

We should realise, that while it is natural to be embarrassed to discuss such aspects of Islam with them, it is infinitely better for them, that we impart the correct knowledge of an Islamic way of life to them, than allow them to acquire the totally wrong concept of “love†from books, television, movies, and their friends and environment.

 

It should be explained to each teenager that the pre-marital relationships, the engagements, etc to which we attach such a great deal of importance in this world have nothing but a negative bearing on our lives in the aakhirah.

 

It should be time and time again instilled into their minds that pre-marital relationships are a sin...nikaah is an ibaadah.

 

Allah Ta’ala has Created men and women with natural desires, and He has

 

Created nikaah as an institution in which these desires maybe fulfilled.

 

A nikaah in which both, husband and wife are striving to fulfill their obligations to Allah Ta’ala, such a nikaah will be filled with the mutual respect, love and inevitably, the contentment, which we hopelessly search for in pre-marital relationships.

 

Within the sacred context of a nikaah, in which both parties are obedient to Allah Ta’ala, and adhere to His Commandments, there can be no room for the loss of respect, feelings of degradation, etc. which goes hand-in-hand with “going out†with or “dating†someone.

 

We should always bear in mind that should we die in the company of a “boyfriend†or a “girlfriend†or even a “fiancé,†we will be leaving this world, having spent our last few moments of this life in the company of a non-Mahram