Are you a “ Raaliyo” in the closet?

[Chocolate and Honey]

Ok. A couple of my girlfriends and I were discussing the term “raaliyo” and what it entails the other day. Not too long ago, a very religious aunt told me that women are out control today “ because they don’t know their place.” “Women in asxaabihi” she proudly announced “ they used to bring their husbands a cup of water and a stick to beat them should he felt like she didn’t do a good job that day :confused: . ” (seriously I don’t know where the older women get the hadiths from. They have hadiths to pack up every argument they make ). I felt a little bit nauseated and walked away.

But her comment got me thinking. I started thinking about what I'm willing or not willing to do in marriage. So my friends and I started talking about this topic. It was the most eye-opening conversation I have ever had about this topic. Sure we all agreed that the husbands need to "help"( a very tricky and anger-inducing term in the feminist world because it is so vague. help in men's world means setting up the table while the pregnant wife is working like a machine in the kitchen, bedroom, bathroom at once with a toddler fastened on her back ). But something happened when we started defining help(we were suffering from extreme boredom that day so sue us )none of us wanted to divide the housework. We felt ashamed , as if most of the housework were "designed" for women?

Am I delusional or are we secretly striving to be "raaliy" but dont wanna admit to it in this day and age? Most of the career oriented, feminist, out spoken, egalitarian girls(who were bent on changing gender roles in our culture) that I know became the stereotypical housewives (homemakers with dead careers before it even started; barely surviving on one income with more kids than they anticipated. A career woman’s nightmare: the life your school teachers warned you about) they used to frown upon. Most of the men they married were egalitarians in the beginning of the relationship or so they claimed? but as one of my friends said with a sigh “all that equality talk went away with the honeymoon.” However, it is too easy to make the boys out to be the root of all evil.

So are we:

a) Bound to become our aunties because deep in our psyche we hold the believe that we should be “good home makers” in order to hold on to our men?

b) Finding the live of the “Superwoman”(you know that one with the blooming career, social life, kids and husband) to be a made believe?

c) Realizing that the boys haven’t changed with the times at all? Do they still expect us to play the role of the submissive wife?

Ps… although I’m a hardcore egalitarian advocate, I still cant picture my husband with gloves on bent over the toilet with a brush cleaning unless I’m pregnant with twins and haven’t seen my toes in months . Where does this come from?

 

:confused:

[The_Siren]

All I know is I'm no superwoman and I sure as hell am not going to drive myself into a deep chamber of depression trying to perfect my life and “have it all”. Why should I even attempt to be Superwoman when my husband will have to do nothing more than go to work and do the usual deeds society expects from him without taking on any more responsibilities? Hell no. I am not doing everything by myself but I shall have my cake and eat it too (meaning yes to career and a family) money however will be of more importance than A the husband and B the kids. The only way such a thing will be possible is if you married someone of a like mind to you-or a dude hot and horny enough for you that he’d doing just about anything. Most would do just about anything in the begining and if he ends up resenting you later on down the line? Who gives a f*ck I'd just make it my business to make his life miserable if he doesn't co-operate.

 

Ps Who cares what men want? Only the foolish "loved up" ones are fooled into such nonsense. And I would appreciate it if you would refer to those ladies who choose to look after the kids at home "Stay at home mothers". Lets be more politically correct. House wife is so....*shudders* cave-manish. I am all for choice. We women should do as we please, whether that means working or looking after the kids or both.

[Valenteenah.]

The confusion surrounds the definition of the term raaliyo. What is it? Just a woman who cleans and cooks? A good home-maker? If the first, what if she enjoys housework? If the second, what is wrong with that? Everyone deserves to live in a good home.

 

If I thought raaliyo just meant haweeney reerkeeda iyo gurigeeda ka adag, I wouldn't have a problem with the label.

 

My definition is somewhat different though. I thought raaliyo was a woman who lets her husband get away with everything. A woman who doesn't stand up for herself.

 

So, which definition are we working with here?

[The_Siren]

Oh and I most definitely am not the settling type-I usual always get my way and I doubt I'd stay at home to look after the kids because

 

A. Even when I'm broke I live like an aristocrat and thus I have a certain lifestyle to maintain.

 

B. I doubt I'm the maternal kind so theres a good chance that I'll ship my kids off to boarding school.

 

LOL- I laugh but deep down I think I mean it (shudders) Ah well, you can't win them all? (strolls off)

[NGONGE]

Depends on your age really. If you are single and under 25 then you have the potential of being a grade A raaliyo.

 

If you are over 25, it will greatly depend on your personality and the last flickers of 'raalidom' left in you.

 

If you're over 30, you're past it, dear. You may wish to be a raaliyo, you may promise to be a raaliyo but old habits die hard and it may take a lion of a man to reset your system.

 

Of course, if a war breaks out tomorrow, it is all these men that you disparage who will become the cannon fodder whilst you sit in your kitchen and wrap your china cutlery in old newspapers (in case they break in all that bombing). So, if you think about it, becoming a raaliyo is not that big a price to pay when compared to the potential sacrifices that your men will make.

 

aqool qowli hada and end it with: stuff and nonsense....

[Valenteenah.]

Yeah, if war breaks out tomorrow, they will be useful. But what about today?

[NGONGE]

^^ Today, you cook, clean, wash his feet and submit to all his commands. Call it a pension fund.

[SCORPION_SISTA]

Siren are you okay? I think that wedding got to you a little bit

 

I think Val raised a good point, the definition of the word, would a make a difference on how one answers.

 

I think people in a marital relationship, it is their duty to try to please their partners, and what that entails is different for every men and women out there...When it comes to house chores, as couple compromise and adjust to their married lives, they decide what's important to them.

 

Would a wife try to please her husband? absolutely yes, but does that mean if her husband was an abusive man, she would lie down and take the beating, absolutely not.

 

If my husband was to express displeasure with something I have done, I would try to understand his point of view, and I would attempt not to do it again. Does that mean I am weak willed no, it just means I am willing to listen to the most important person to me view point, and do the right thing.

 

Man bending over a toilet and cleaning is not disturbing image to me, if he is better at cleaning than me and he doesn't mind do it, whom am I to stand in his way

[The_Siren]

^- lol God, why do you have to be so bloody reasonable? Tisk tisk

 

Ps you are correct mayhap the wedding did take it out of me. It turned out to be wonderful however no thanks to me in truth as I mostly lazed around the place proclaiming "that good- and that tacky" in between stuffing m&m's into my mouth.

 

Quite an amusing couple of days, if not that relaxing.

[Chocolate and Honey]

Who gives a f*ck I'd just make it my business to make his life miserable if he doesn't co-operate.

you scare me my dear.

Val, you're right. Nothing is wrong with being a good homemaker however, being only just that is problematic in itself because it tends to end up in "man of the house makes decisions" situation. And who wants to be that helpless? When you're helpless, people take advantage hence the raaliyonimo where the man acts like a man and gets away with a lot of shit.

NG,your theory? stuff and nonesense

SS, do I sense a raaliyo in the making?

[Sherban Shabeel]

All I want from my wife: that she plays the piano for me (or some other musical instrument), that she gives me beautiful kids, that she has witty conversation with me, that she cooks for me.

 

Other than that, she can do whatever she wants with whomever she wants.

[Chocolate and Honey]

Other than that, she can do whatever she wants with whomever she wants.

 

Wow. Thatz a bold statement. Are you sure? So if she decides to take a little getaway with girlfriends in the Bahamas, it is ok as long as she plays the piano and "other" instruments upon leaving the house? I kid, I kid

[Rose]

Other than that, she can do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. [/QB]

???????????????? are you sure.

[Blessed]

What's wrong with a get away with the girls?

[Chocolate and Honey]

It is a set up, hun. "Whatever" is also open to interpretation.