‘Sorry Sweetheart, Here’s a New Wife’

[Nephissa]

..You would expect this woman to throw a tantrum,nah she actully went to the saloon ,did her hair,did the qataab and wore her fav dircaa and awaited for his return...! raliyaa or in denial?

Xasha! She's playing it smart Walle. I like her already. She figured throwing away 17 years of marriage will not only make her seem ***** but also gives the minyar the upperhand hence her absence from the marriage makes the minyar grow horns and take what was rightfully hers forever. So, burden him with the crushing pressures of the two of us is the name of the game. Uunsi & dirac aa tiriyee I wouldn't be surprised had she told him, tie me down in bed and never give me a break! Naagtii is waasho, asuun bay u sahashay inuu iska raaxaysto. As my aunt once said: Jiq baa looga dhigaa.

 

Re: The topic, I agree with buuxo. I'm sure she's a woman she can control, and mold her into any given shape at the drop of a hat. Maxaa ka fiican.

[xiinfaniin]

^^Bishaaro waad haysaa walle! Alas, if the commoners were so edequately informed about this ever irksome minyaro thing and adopted the same game plan and strategy Bisharo so aptly described….

[Valenteenah.]

^ Do you mean torturing him with uunsi and sex?

 

Not much of a game plan to get back at somebody who's betrayed you to that level.

 

The commoners have it right. There's no point in keeping such a disrespectful duli around.

 

 

As for the article, such rubbish always irritates me. So a woman lets her husband take another wife, so what? She could arrange an orgy for him for all I care.

[xiinfaniin]

^^Calm down yaa Xaajiyah Val .

 

Allow me to walk you through on the basics of this minyaro thing so you can see what’s at stake here, Qalanjo! Suppose that marriage is an investment (actually we don’t have to suppose, it is a investment in every sense of the word) you dearly care and want to do every thing that’s humanly possible to make it succeed. Suppose after years of hard work your venture lastly succeeds and becomes something that you are proud of; you have a reliable partner, beautiful children, and respectable in-laws. Now another Xalimo wants to dig into your investment and cash your hard-earned assets. The Faarax you know, deep down, is a good man and is about to be snatched away from you, and if that Xalimo’s plans come to fruition, not only your Faarax would be taken, but potentially all the goods you gathered for the last few years would be gone too! Lets face it yaa Val: this is a dire situation. When all is said and done, you have two options: give him up and throw him to this new Xalimo, and with that, subject your self and him to bear the brunt of domestic civil wars for god knows how long, and worse yet, lose all your hard earned, both emotional and monetary, investments. Or be a bit creative than that, exponentially think about it, and research ways to keep your Farax (the Farax you know and love) and save your investment!

 

Now I would not blame you if you readily accept the commands of your heart and give up this Farax. I would understand it. But the second option appeals to me more. It projects excellent strategic thinking and shrewd calculations to attempt to keep what’s rightfully yours. And there is where Bishaaro’s game plan comes in---it may, or may not succeed, but it’s a plan nevertheless. Had the commoners employed the same method, the women folk would’ve stood a chance to abort this admittedly annoying minyaro thing---may be not that, but at least it would have made it less dramatic and perhaps altered its destructive effect! How it now works is quite primitive---it borders complete animalistic instincts with no apparent thought process going into it.

 

So Xaajiyo Val-ey, things are not as black and white as we would like them to be!

[Faheema.]

May I?

 

Suppose after years of hard work your venture lastly succeeds and becomes something that you are proud of;

Xiinow, bal mar haday intaa ka soo baxday the respectable xaliimo maxaa kaloo u hadhay? Bal is it be too much to ask of Faarax to in return give her reassurance and loyalty? Why she should feel threatened mar wal oo mid yari ilkaha u soo cadayso? Where is the reliance and devotion ay intaas oo sanadood investgaraysay? :confused:

 

 

Bunch of pretty words will not make the situation more admirable.

[Woodpecker]

Says alot about the husband.

[Malika]

^^^Lol,nice try!!

 

You make the dude sound like a dummy,wasnt he the one that made the decision to cheat[assuming they were in contact prior to the marriage], Second he didnt inform his wife of 18yrs his decision to marry another women,that shows he is gutless..Third,the other xalimo already got him,he went volunteerly!! Its not about the MINYARO, its about the man,his disrespect,thoughtlessness and sheer audicity to impose such a situation to his wife of 18yrs!

 

Oh well, its life!

 

[Khalaf]

^^^Is it necessary to inform your wife horta i dont get that pt, some imams say you don’t have too allahu aclaam....and maybe he is scared in venturing into a new marriage and too tell the first wife would could mean jeopardizing your first marriage, so its better she finds out later. ......Mida kale islam allows 4 wives doesn’t it? Why are women against something that Allah Most Great allowed if done rightly? With that said I don’t get the point of polygamy unless necessary, one woman is enough but different strokes for different folks they say namean.

 

War Xiinow u trying to stir the emotions of the sisters here or do you really believe in that stance? Adeer, a man’s duty and obligation should be to his wife and children and not a new woman. Islam says men are protectors and maintainers of women, that would include protecting your wifes feelings and wishes in particular a woman you shared a long life with. Wa qaalee qooftaas sxb, wax luugoo ciiyarikara maahaan.

[xiinfaniin]

Khalaf Et al,

 

I was only responding to Val’s dismissive tone to the uunsi and sex approach.

 

I know my suggestions are low-key in concept but I have a reason to believe these uunsi and sex ,2 as Val put it, when implemented correctly, would be a winning plan in execution . As making man look ****** in my depiction of him as lust-laden and easily exploitable by other women on the expense of his family, I think that’s true with many men and not far from the mark for many more. The gist of my post is first wife need not give her man up without reasonably attempting to hold on to him whenever another woman shows up in their relationship!

 

Of course men should know better. Of course they should weigh the consequences of opting for a second wife. But as I said before we are discussing about what’s a rational and appropriate action plan for you (as sister) if and when men decide to marry a second wife.

 

You know it could happen.

 

 

Ps—khalaf, we are not discussing whether polygamy is xalaal or xaraam. Lets presuppose most sisters are Muslims and have no beef with what Allah made permissible. From my experience with SOL debates most muslimaat assent to that. What they quick to point out though is how average men who could not even adequately manage one single relationship claim to implement polygamy verses without understanding it aptly. And I am inclined to agree.

[rudy-Diiriye]

i am always up for an upgrade!! its newer, fater, better and much more interesting...! dontchyall agree. try it.

[Nephissa]

We all know when a man takes a second wife (in his heart), he no longer has that "can't live without you uncondtional love for his 1st wife" and if he doesn't have that (and apparently doesn't care to have it for her, anymore), then a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do! A smart woman would rather go blind then see the new xaajiyo take everything she ever worked so hard for. Not only emotional investment is at stake here, but a large chunk of change too (whether they're both working couple or not, it's still less income ) Demanding a divorce or walking away waa u n-a-c-a-s-nimo. Keeping in mind that some men quickly abandon their children and financial responsibilities after a divorce. So markaa ku dhimo wax kastaa kaligaa, maaha all the while asagu raaxaysanayo! Ehe' isma oran! Kill him with kindness ie; uunsi+ xaax will make him happy and financially secure for her L0L. It's amazing what a woman will do and put up with for her kids, to give them a shot at a happy future. Emotional roller coaster rides really have an effect on everyone involved.

 

Now if you try, you can find a lot of reasons (or excuses) for her wanting to stay or why she wants to keep her Farax or why she can't leave.

[N.O.R.F]

When I was in Burco last month I met an old family friend. He lives in London and it was his first visit for 25 years! As is customery these days gabadh baa la siiyey ninka. He accepted and got on with the marraige etc.

 

When all was said and done he called his Mrs in London:

 

Him: Salaamu calaykum

Her: Wa calaykumu salaam

Him: Iska warama,,,

Her: Waa khayre,,,,

Him: Dee arin yar baa kordhay,,,,

Her: Waar waraaqdaydii isii, waraaqdaydii isii

Him: Puts phone down,,,,,

[Jacaylbaro]

hahahahaha ,,,,,,

[Pujah]

Originally posted by Nephthys:

We all know when a man takes a second wife (in his heart), he no longer has that "can't live without you uncondtional love for his 1st wife" and if he doesn't have that (and apparently doesn't care to have it for her, anymore), then a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do! A smart woman would rather go blind then see the new xaajiyo take everything she ever worked so hard for. Not only emotional investment is at stake here, but a large chunk of change too (whether they're both working couple or not, it's still less income

) Demanding a divorce or walking away waa u n-a-c-a-s-nimo. Keeping in mind that some men quickly abandon their children and financial responsibilities after a divorce. So markaa ku dhimo wax kastaa kaligaa, maaha all the while asagu raaxaysanayo! Ehe' isma oran! Kill him with kindness ie; uunsi+ xaax

will make him happy and financially secure for her L0L. It's amazing what a woman will do and put up with for her kids, to give them a shot at a happy future. Emotional roller coaster rides really have an effect on everyone involved.

 

Now if you try, you can find a lot of reasons (or excuses) for her wanting to stay or why she wants to keep her Farax or why she can't leave.

Of all people I can't believe you [the bishy i know ] is saying this...bal maxaa soo kordhay did you hubby join sol? mise xiin ba hunguriga kasoo rideesa

[Buuxo]

loool nephyst, desperate times call for desperate measures haye,sugbal aan notebookga aan soo-qaate . I would of thought it would be easier to just get a new huband(one that would be better than him in every aspect).