A womans place is her home

[Faheema.]

Originally posted by

Endeavour

 

No stress carefree life , look pretty all day since you have all the time in the world

Kids and stress carefree do not go together huuno….Being a mother is the hardest job one can have....it's a 24hr thing.... That is if you are concerned about the upbringing of your child[ren].

 

As for your question. It depends on the individual….I wouldn’t mind staying home and looking after the child[ren]….but I wouldn’t give up my career completely; I would instead become a freelancer and work from home….If he objects to that well waa sii soco

 

 

Marriage is all about compromise and finding the middle ground

[TenaciousSoul]

I don’t know about u ladies but a perfect man means to me, that he will support me unconditionally!!!!

 

 

I believe the # 1 conflicted in any given relationship is unfairness.

 

This arrangement of woman staying home.. does not seem 2 be fair or beneficial to any of the parties!!!

 

The man works hard outside, deals with all sorts of work related pressure but sadly misses out on his children’s upbringing

The woman works hard at home deals with the work load of 2 parents but sadly misses out on her career path.

 

The rule of thump on these situation is : The work and the raising of children should be all equal and distributed equally. Without any one working harder or sacrificing any thing … it can be done and yes, I know ppl that r Successfully living by these rules

 

I truly believe that both parents can work part-time in making their dreams come true and most importantly; be equally evolved in rising of their children, after all both parents did the deed 2 produce those rugrat, y not do the equal raising to???

 

Any man/woman that can not understand that.. means they haven’t looked deeply at their childhood!…

meaning: how many of u, wished that u dad/mom was more involved when it came 2 ur upbringing???

[Intel]

Originally posted by The Rendez-vous:

who talked about a mental institute...Rokko..I beg you join in.

[-Lily-]

The same old question. Every woman is torn by 2 decisions, should she go out in the world and follow her career and dreams and be a free spirit or be bound by routine and expectations or what some call the 'natural order' of the world.

 

There is nothing amazing about staying at home. I see how women struggle with that. The idea that the highlight of the day is the 20 min you drive your kids to school so you can chat with the other mums does not appeal to me at all. Similarly I would hate to spend my whole life in a 9-5. As most stated here, a balance is needed.

 

No way I can accept staying at home indefinatley. I have a problem with any man who needs 'looking after'. Typical Farax, they want an accomplished Xalimo just so that they can downgrade her to sideline cheerleader.

[Endeavour]

Rokko---So I can safely assume if your wife works you don’t have things undercontrol right?

Hint hint dear we live in era where two sources of income is needed to support a Somali house hold not just one.

 

 

Valenteenah. Sad! So having a job is more pleasing and important to you then having a stable family? Adiga ayaa warhaysid lol

 

Ibtisaam-Cooking and cleaning is NOT I repeat is NOT what makes marriages a living hell. There are many underlying factors that need to be considered and addressed don’t be so quick to jump to hasty conclusions.

 

 

Faruakh-Walaalkiss you have made valid points and I agree. Laakiin there are many parents that are not educated how are they suppose to educate their children unless they give them to strangers. This not about the ‘west and ‘us’.

 

Amelia-There is so much I want and I guarantee you being stay home mum 24/7 isn’t my ideal future life. I strongly like the idea of balance. I would like to work and yet at the same time I would like to be a mother, be there for my children soforth.

Question? Are you saying staying home building a family isn’t contributing to the community? How is that different from having a job? I thought it was the mothers job to raise a harmonious family. Isn’t having a strong family with manners and akhlaaq not contributing to society? Perhaps in the future it will be those children that will change the world.

 

Reality check- majority of Somali men, Socod badne being one would love their women to stay home. No man likes a woman who challenges them for their manhood. Men like a docile wife, one that smiles looks pretty all day looks down etc you get my drift There are however a few that appreciate a strong woman to help out and those good men are what I like call rare species.

 

Fabiana- Noone is arguing. Being a mother hands down is the hardest job. But it’s one thing for something to be hard and it’s another thing for it to be stressing. Stress isn’t necessarily brought about my difficult tasks. It would be wise to know I was reading a research the other day and apparently 47% of woman that work are stressed about their job. Yeah a stay-home mother suffers from depression occasionally but that vanishes eventually.

[Valenteenah.]

^ Where do you think it eventually vanishes to?

 

 

Valenteenah. Sad! So having a job is more pleasing and important to you then having a stable family?

Oooh, wouldn't that be just shocking? Extra Extra..read all about it! Assumptions are terrible things.

 

I am not going to lie to you, it's very important for me to have a well-paying job I really enjoy, but it isn't more important than having a stable family. They are equally necessary to me. And, no, they don't cancel each other out either. My family has quite a few high-flying career women who've managed to maintain and advance their careers through marriages, kids, divorces, second marriages, more kids, menopauses, illnesses...etc.

 

Nobody deserves to be stuck in a single role for life. Now that would be the epitome of sadness.

[-Lily-]

^^I fully agree to that Val :cool:

[Batta]

salaam calykum,

For me family is very important, n i think raising kids in this dysfunctional world is difficult whether u r a working mum or not.

I would not of course agree from the beginning not to work after i marry but of course when i have kids and i have to stay home i will for as long as they need me, n then go back to work.

I was raised by a working mum who is an accountant and all the gals in my family r degree holders and my father was very supportive of my mum so why should not this so called Mr perfect!!!!

 

N let me tell u about a house wife's work at hoem it never ends, u think its stress free and she can stay beautiful :rolleyes: .

That is out of the question ,but u know she can be happy and be great wife and a mum if those men who think staying home mums or working mums should do everything and still be presentable at all times!!!

Good bless my mother and urs too.

[Modesty]

If he will bring home the halaal bacon, why should you say no?

[NGONGE]

Ah! The ever present dilemmas of the privileged. I always hear it said that people learn about life from experience but never cease to be amazed by the number of people who, despite having the experience, still never seem to learn.

 

First of all, and seeing that this is a hypothetical situation that is dependent on several variables needing to all come true in order for us to make a reasonable decision, allow me to reveal my derision and apathy from the outset.

 

Secondly, let us talk about those variables. A man that insists that his wife is a stay-at-home wife must be one that can afford to keep her at home and look after her. He also must be one that is quick-witted, resourceful and always one step ahead of the game. In fact, I’d go as far as expecting such a man to possess some mystical powers too. Only if that man can guarantee the future and ensure that his wife will never ever be forced to seek employment could he make such a demand. I somehow doubt that such a man exists (well, unless he kills her during their honeymoon therefore fulfilling his promise of her never having to work).

 

Thirdly, a woman that insists on going out to work for the lofty purposes of contributing to her community, fulfilling her ambitions or simply proving that she’s able to look after herself, also makes the assumption that the future can be bent and manoeuvred according to one’s will! If she could guarantee that it could, then let no man stand in her way with silly demands about staying at home or what not.

 

Finally, many men do demand that their wives stay at home. Many more managed to look after their families without their wives’ having to do an honest day’s work. Such men can look back and say that they’ve managed to make the guarantee I was talking about above. But with hindsight, we all could guarantee a multitude of things. Many women too managed to go to work and fulfilled their ambitions, became heroines of their communities or proved without a shadow of doubt that they’re more than able to look after themselves without needing to rely on daddy or hubby. These women too, can look back now and argue that they managed to bend the future their way.

 

Alas, as I said at the start, this quandary is one that only ails the fortunate amongst us and not the poor, the suffering or those that had/have to deal with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (as it were).

 

Forgive me for my condescending sneering but I recently was watching a documentary about gold mining (or some other precious stone) in India and in it, there was this Indian Muslim family of four. A father and his three children (all under the age of six). The mother had died giving birth to the youngest daughter (who was two at the time of filming the documentary). The whole family would daily go to the mountain and break off rocks to get the precious stones. They would all (including the two-year-old) work sixteen hours a day to smash those rocks, put them in water and pick out tiny fragments of precious stones that the father would later go and sell! The problems, quandaries and predicaments facing that family were so far removed from anything that any of us would worry about or ponder, that I couldn’t help laughing in satisfaction at the great luxury and amazing blessing that I enjoy today. Yet, I also experienced some pangs of guilt and spasms of worry at what the future might hold for me and mine. Faith is absolute, death is certain and judgment is preordained. Everything else (if you’re a believer) depends on god’s mercy. Fixed ideas and immovable positions risk throwing one into the realms of bigotry. Therefore, and as the kids round my way love to say: chill out, man it’s no big ting.

 

PS

My Mrs is the stay-at-home kind, at least for now. No idea what she’ll become in the future.

[Kulmiye]

From a gentleman view, staying at home should be an option for a mother- not a force… If she is welling to stay at home and look out for her offspring that’s wonderful, but she is entitle to, and have any rights to reject the idea of staying home with the kids… It’s false impression to have women at home, which gives the brothers the notion that they’re superior then women and with this intention in our society-- the mentality of men was such that once he have wife- he owns her and therefore have the right to treat her like a dog…. Ignorant is an ugly mania~

[-Serenity-]

Originally posted by Endeavour:

Amelia-There is so much I want and I guarantee you being stay home mum 24/7 isn’t my ideal future life. I strongly like the idea of balance. I would like to work and yet at the same time I would like to be a mother, be there for my children soforth.

There is your answer then. Accommodating your partner’s needs/requests is one thing, changing your own view of how you want to live is a huge sacrifice to make for any1. Thats ma personal opinion.

 

Question? Are you saying staying home building a family isn’t contributing to the community? How is that different from having a job? I thought it was the mothers job to raise a harmonious family. Isn’t having a strong family with manners and akhlaaq not contributing to society? Perhaps in the future it will be those children that will change the world.

You're right, raising healthy minded children in body and spirit is a great service to the community, but why limit yourself to that or even assume it be your sole responsibly? Aren’t children a parent’s joint efforts? To assume that you’ll always be the only influence/teaching force in your children’s life is also naïve and limiting. Kids grow up and become less and less dependent on their parents, what then? Having kids is a great thing and it comes at a great cost. I would like to have kids too… but there is so much I would like to do besides have kids and raise them. I don’t blv having kids should change one’s focus from themselves entirely to that of their children’s like our parents did in the past, vicariously living the rest of their own personal goals, hopes and dreams through their kids. You as Endevour have one life to live, it isn’t a rehearsal.. so live it the best that you possibly can.

[Captain Xalane]

Rokko said that a woman should follow her husband and he was right.As for the 21st century woman or the islamic women,the laws of the islamic women towards their husbands is very clear.There can never be two masters under one roof,but that is un important.In many ways a woman should stay at home and just be like a typical somalian mom and the reasons for all that is mainly towards time spending with the kids and not looking after the husband or whatever else that has been said here.Should a woman go and study?Yes.Should a woman go and seek a good paying jobb?Yes.Should a woman compete with a man intellectually?yes.Is a woman capable of leadership?Yes she is and It aswell depends on what is to be led .Sum it up,What is better than a woman who goes to school,educates herself,and even though she knows she can get a decent jobb than her husband,decides to stay at home and look after her children and be a mom.Now that is a sacrfice and what is wrong with sacrifing for ur family?Nothing is more noble than that.Many women tend to have the idea of saying ''i'll not be his maid'',now even if u were to be a maid,what is wrong with being a maid for ur family?Eh,many women are kidding with many sorts of ideas this days but we can't deny that can we?Coz they got every reason to do that.

[Faarax-Brawn]

Habluhu waa in la mashquuliyaa walle. You let her stay @home and she will turn into a bahal. She will bite you off

 

Let her have a 9-5job that way she comes home she has no time for Oprah,Day time tv soaps & her neighbors[Plus the risk of the gardener digging your garden ,j/k].

 

Ayadoo daalan guriga haa kusoo noqoto,lol

[Aisha]

Endeavour, I like your topic! I would of defiantly seen this as a major dilemma a while ago and I would have told him to go jump :mad:

...........but now..............I have reached that stage where this life does not really matter to me............and I feel that work for me is pointless because it’s not my responsibility............it would be the husbands responsibility.

 

If I was presented with that offer from my dream guy right now..............I would take it no questions asked, and enrol myself in one of the top Islamic schools and learn my deen! Thats a great opportunity right there!

 

Ladies....don't bite my head off......coz I understand your point of veiw too

 

 

peace