Insure Your Husband

[Guhaad]

^Khayr your posts have lately been of support only. Totally, i think Sheh is very, very mad about something- i felt her uneasiness with the topic; boredom, eah, maybe! but more than i ever, i think this is when quoting is appropriate,

Nur: Polygamy is not our flagship, eNuri has products across all pages of Somaliaonline, except for Jokes and Sports sections due to priority, before you level such a canvass accusation, it will help if you can validate it, I respect your views but a little howework to view my writings and then see how much does polygamy weigh in terms of volume, will protect your credibility, we have carefully targeted the womens pages recently for both hanshake and polygamy topics to draw attention to a looming high divorce rate, unproportional broken homes, lost souls, all of which are not caused by polygamy, but by accpeted lifetsyoles of privacy protected infidelity and growing number of aging bachelorettes. Unpopular as they may seem, its our conviction that we dont have to go with the flow, we swim upstream, to respond to a higher call.

^go Nur, go Nur.

[sheherazade]

I feel for you sis, your words speak emotions all over, I will assure you that if you dont like it for yourself that it will not happen, isnhAllah (unless you are #1), but this medium is quite public, I have read a lot of what you write that I dont accept, but I never came to protest it, I respect that your ideas have fans, so i keep my views on your views to myself unless I have a valid argument to negate it in a constructive way, as a moderator, you are expected to keep your composture, open mindedness, (sicat sadr) in Arabic, repeating your boredom may signal impatience, moderators need patience to succeed in their roles. And while I am at it, I shall excercise my full rights to bore, I shall repost my last polygamy contraversial post again, and again, an again.

LooL. And what does repeating your posts signal?? Lord. I am bored with the repetition not impatient- difference, recognise- just as u have your right to bore, bore, bore, bore, I have the right to YAWN, YAWN, YAWN. My moderatorship forces me to keep this section clean and changing. My ideas on this forum are mine alone, I do not sell them as solutions, concepts or ask for feedback on how to solve societal problems. You do. You create scenarios and solutions and invite the rest to join in actively. Neither of us have to like what the other writes but don't sell your concept to us and then express displeasure at responses not to your liking. My emotions are reigned in thank you, are you sure about yours? Reposting a topic in defiance of my suggestion- that's got emotion with a capital E written all over it.

[xiinfaniin]

Nuroow, this subject is neither trivial nor superficial. The fact that it is contentious does not deem it unimportant. Polygamy is surely making to the top of endangered-prophetic-traditions list and it needs to be brought, constantly, to the nomad’s attention. Of course you can only do so much to educate and tutor, and the crowd may some times become unreasonably unreceptive to your message. Repeat it, my good friend, for with repetition comes perfection.

 

It goes without saying that those policies you listed insure not only a husband, but also cover all unintended consequences, and ease the pain that comes with them. They are to pacify rebellious souls and, if implemented right, they could even beat to shape those egoistic personalities.

 

I like it, and I intend to use it. Keep sprinkling that wisdom of yours saaxiib, and you will find some of us for ever grateful for it.

[Castro]

^ Valiant effort, good Xiin, but Nur needs no armor for he's not under any attack. Do you know, and would support, if a temporary moratorium on polygamy can be imposed on Somalis? Just because it's allowed doesn't mean it should be encouraged or paraded saaxib. No?

[-Serenity-]

Xiin,

 

I was wondering when you would show up. For a min, I thought the Nur-Protection-Brigade had dismantled. Which was rather shocking.. since your interests are tied to his .

 

Yes, we do need constant reminders of how men have misused Islam as a backdrop to continually put the Muslim woman down and place her worth, esteem, feelings and capabilities last.

 

Thanks indeed.

 

*Amelia gives this e-nuri project a (i.e. bullpoop) tag*

[Castro]

^ Why don't you join eNuri and become his secretary of women affairs? Light a candle, dear, instead of cursing the dark. The latter should be left for the bitter geriatrics like me.

[-Serenity-]

^ Why don't you join eNuri and become his secretary of women affairs?

Why don’t I poke my eye with a rusty nail?

 

Both worthy Q's.

[xiinfaniin]

Castrow, what you mistook as a ‘valiant effort’ to provide‘armor’ for Nur, is a simple vote of confidence. I encouraged him to continue this product, saaxiib. That is all.

 

You see good Castro, the question is not weather there is a moratorium on polygamy or not, rather the issue is about the acceptance of polygamy as a solution to a number of social ills, saaxiib. What you seemed to have missed is when the good sheikh talks about polygamy he is indeed swimming upstream to revive this prophetic tradition and win acceptance, at least in theory, for it from our educated women. Unlike simplistic views from some reactionary folks here, the good sheikh is not promoting polygamy as a sexual satisfaction for men. I also don’t think discussing it will make it mandatory. The mere fact that is a controversial for some does not make it untouchable subject to discuss either. We should be able to discuss things without trying to decipher the intent of the poster. Alas that has been a persistent norm in SOL.

 

And who says polygamy has been paraded around, good Castro? I don’t think it has.

Like you, I am a politically inclined nomad who prefers to see Nur engage in political discussions and present eNuri products in those debates. But again I am guilty of not participating topics he started just for that purpose, and suspect you of the same.

 

So let the brother sail with his dacwah, I say.

[xiinfaniin]

Falxadoy, The eNuri project supporters, I am happy to report, are good and well. Among many other eNuri products, polygamy is one of my favorite ones and I like how the brother handles it with a dose of humor and creativity. Predictably, ambitious girls like you will not like such encouragement, and until you wrote those few words I took you as a one of few who

understood the issue for what it is, and not for what some have imagined it to be.

 

Though naturally I would expect you to resist it, for you to think it as a medium for Muslim men to abuse is falling way short of the mark.

 

But i still give you B+ for speaking out .

[Castro]

Fair enough atheer. Let's take that bull by the horns.

 

Originally posted by xiinfaniin:

the question is not weather there is a moratorium on polygamy or not, rather the issue is about the acceptance of polygamy as a solution to a number of social ills, saaxiib.

The social ills are women outnumbering men in times of war (though one could contend Somali women are dying at fairly the same rate as their male counterparts), illicit sex and prostitution. I don't see how asking a Xalimo who's husband left her with five children for a second wife to be patient and do dhikr solves any social ills saaxib. Furthermore, shouldn't men who are the promoters and beneficiaries of prostitution get some posts from Nur instead of being rewarded with reminders of polygamy? Finally, accepting Allah's allowance of polygamy is often thrown about without remembering that He also strongly discourages the practice for the difficulty, nay impossbility, of being fair among multiple wives. The allowance of polygamy and the near impossibility of doing justice among multiple wives must be mentioned in the same breath. Nur neglected the latter and highlighted the former. An innocent omission? Perhaps. But with the incredible resistence of the audience to the idea (while still accepting Allah's ordinance), it behooves Nur to mention the very strict conditions under which it is allowed. Alas, brother Nur made this into a sort of take-it-or-leave-it deal for women. To be fair and balanced, Nur should have mentioned the difficulty of implementing polygamy and admonished men who run for it leaving their families behind.

 

Let me highlight his own words:

 

1. Dhiker Policy

 

This

policy insures your husband that nothing bad will happen to him, ( Another Marriage isnt necessarily bad )

, the more Dhiker you make, the better you will feel,

to the point that you find enjoyment in Dhiker that you can never get from the company of your hubby.

A great policy on its own but when coupled with the jive of the highlighted portions it becomes triviliazed and the wives are nearly being ridiculed here.

 

2. Dedication-to-A Cause Policy

You can join e-Nuri staff, help publish good articles, resend good inspirational posts to those sick souls around you, and

find company and happiness in helping other Halimo's gain their sanity back after losing their hubby to anothet younger xaliimo back home

.

This is the proverbial salt on the open wound, saaxib, would you not agree?

 

3. Love-Of-Allah policy

By far this is the most secure policy, no Xaliimo who ever bought this policy felt jealous, after all, once the love of Allah fully occupies your heart, there is no space left for any Faarax to hurt you. The pain you go through in jealousy is a form of punishment for not loving Allah SWT. Love of Allah SWT is really cool, try it, wallahi, you will feel sorry for those who have not felt this high state of Devine love which dwarfs all of your worries.

A great policy indeed but one that is a red-herring in this specific matter at hand. The removal of jealousy via the love of Allah is a goal in and of itself. It is not just to ease the unnecessary pain, in this day and age, of "losing their hubby to another younger xaliimo back home".

 

Nur should easily understand the justifiable hostility from the very audience members to whom his message is intended. If he can't, then he's in the wrong business. I still give him A+ for effort and a D- for content, delivery and the Q&A session on the polygamy issue.

 

And that's that.

[- Femme -]

To each, his/her own.

[xiinfaniin]

Castro, that was very competent critiquing sequeled by generous (relative to your discontent with the piece) grading. I liked it. Nin weyn shuqulki.

 

But one can take issue with your assertion that the brother is rewarding run away hubbies on the expense of unsuspecting and caring wives. By any standard, that would be unsustainable argument, and if that were the case I would be begging to jump to your boat, and hastily run off Nur’s sinking ship. But are you sure that is not a deduced account rather than a point made by the brother? What does ‘back home’ suggest to you?

 

With that cautionary Q, I say Gnite to you

saaxiib.

 

P.S:Waa inoo habbeen danbe IA, adiga iyo magacya-badanba aka Falxado aka CW aka Amelia

[Castro]

It's deduction on my part for sure. I can't possibly look into Nur's heart. With that said, let Nur weigh in on the issue again. May be that's what he had planned all along: that we would discuss the issue and let the understanding follow. One can only hope.

 

Peace saaxib.

[Khalaf]

Asslaamu Alaykum,

 

I have to say great points on both sides, this is a difficult topic and I think it is important to discuss. It’s really not just a woman’s issue, as brothers we need the education also.

 

It seems to me though that some paint the picture of us men never finding satisfaction in one woman, that either we will cheat on her and commit haraam, or take a second wife which is halal. What’s up with that?

 

---------------------------------

“I testify that there is no god but Allah, Alone, Who has no partner and I testify that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger! O Allah, make me of those who return to You often in repentance and make me of those who remain clean and pure.’"

[-Serenity-]

Ok Xiin, you want me to speak out? I will. Hopefully u will b more generous with the grades.

 

Originally posted by xiinfaniin:

Nuroow

, this subject is neither trivial nor superficial. The fact that it is contentious does not deem it unimportant. Polygamy is surely making to the top of endangered-prophetic-traditions list and it needs to be brought, constantly, to the nomad’s attention. Of course you can only do so much to educate and tutor, and the crowd may some times become unreasonably unreceptive to your message. Repeat it, my good friend, for with repetition comes perfection.

Polygamy isn't a problem by itself, and it may even be a positive experience for many families (note the word 'families', polygamy isn't just about the man's happiness or satisfaction when he comes to the fabled "crossroads of options" as some would have us believe). The problem resides in the Somali man's use of polygamy. Contrary to Nur's assertion that polygamy is the solution to numerous unnamed societal ills, polygamy for Somalis is the societal ill. It's the cause of family break-downs, long-standing sibling rivalry and feuds, absentee fathers and most unforgivably the demise of fatherhood as a concept and reality. Nur’s posts absolve the blame of the man - completely. He is here to tell the women – put up or shut up.

 

Almost everybody here knows of at least a few families and children where there's no father figure. Others have themselves hardly ever seen their dads even if they had the fortune to meet them. Are these not societal ills? How is polygamy going to provide a solution for these when it is the cause of them?

 

With marriage, and polygamy, comes a huge responsibility. If one is advocating for multiple marriages, they should also be addressing the conditions, restrictions and consequences of undertaking the extra responsibilities.

 

A husband's legal responsibility to his family cannot be thrown out with a couple of flip lines reducing the price of polygamy to a wife's unhappiness.

 

Another major problem with Nur's take on this topic, is evident in his glib way of marginalising the wife's rights in polygamy. Nur only ever looks at this topic from the husband's point of view – his fulfilment, his needs, his happiness, and his options.

 

bot Farax and Xalimo are in marriage for mutual fulfillment of their needs, these needs however do change with the passing of time, at which point a Farax may come to a crossroads of options.

Its all about the Farax. Farax changes. Farax wants something new. Farax must have a way to get it. Farax has options. Farax. FARAX. FARAX.

 

What about HER? The dutiful wife, remember? What about her fulfilment? Her needs? Her happiness? Her options? Why are they not mentioned? Are they not worth considering? Has she not invested in the marriage as well? Has she not chosen to marry THAT particular faarax as opposed to another, maybe better, one? Has she not put energy, effort and love into that marriage? Has she not made sacrifices (most likely bigger than his) for the sake of her family? Is she really worth so little consideration that her husband should be encouraged to seek another wife if he feels he is at a ‘crossroads of options’, without at least first trying work through whatever problems may have brought them to that crossroad (note the use of ‘them’ it’s not only the faarax who will be at the junction)?

 

If these topics are targeted at women, especially the women of this forum, why do they not address the women’s concerns about polygamy? SOL sisters have responded to these topics over and over and over again, without any acknowledgement, while their concerns are frequently reduced to mere jealousy. The only advice Nur seems to have for sisters, is to become strong-willed and accept being in a multiple marriage for the sake of Allah, which is all well and good, but it makes one wonder why such advice isn’t offered to the married men that are being actively encouraged to seek new flesh?

 

Why is Nur always so quick to advertise polygamy, when he can just as easily advice the men to be strong-willed for the sake of Allah? Who would this policy really benefit? Sacrificing your ‘wants’ for the sake of your family and children is something that’s completely absent from the mind of most men (and unthinkable by Nur) while women around the world (and especially those blessed Somali mothers of ours) continuously do it not only out of necessity but out of choice because it’s the responsible and honourable thing to do. Would it be unreasonable to encourage married men to accept monogamy for the sake of their families? Or to praise those who happily accept single families and who may even be satisfied with the one wife?

 

Should sabr only be for women? And is unhappiness and pain only acceptable for women?

 

Nur's relentless posts on polygamy, his chosen method of delivery as well as his utter lack of empathy and consideration for the position and feelings of the wife can only have a negative impact on females.

 

Maybe he should give his next polygamy-vehicle bit more thought.

 

To your 2nd post:

 

I am happy to report, are good and well. Among many other eNuri products,

polygamy is one of my favorite ones

and I like how the brother handles it with a dose of humor and creativity.

Along with the other natural product xabad sowda and occasional references to how cool qudbo-siro (interesting word) is. We noted .

 

Predictably, ambitious girls like you will not like such encouragement, and until you wrote those few words I took you as a one of few who understood the issue for what it is, and not for what some have imagined it to be

*Stunned*

 

Whatever gave u that impression?

 

*Bemused*

 

What do you mean by ‘understand’?