Would you marry someone you were not attracted to ?

[finestsista2005]

Dear SOL nomads, this question has arisen when young educated somali brother asked me for my hand. He is good standard looks. Regardless of how he dresses even if it is the most impressive I am not attracted to him one bit. I don't think about him. So, what I like to know is, can you marry someone you are not attracted to , that your heart isn't in it? It is question that I definatly would like some help with the sisters. I don 't want to marry just for the words of marriage but more. I don't feel butterflies, nothing at all.

 

Please let me know what you gals think. Thanks.

[Legend of Zu]

Well... Hopefully, the girl's won't give you "oh if it were me, I would have" type of answers. I am hoping that some of the SOL ladies will give a rationally thought-through ideas that would enhance your chances of getting a better outcome from this dilema of yours! if you can call this a dilema really!

 

Can I also suggest that you ask this question a non Somali colleague/class mate who has married for Love?

 

Cheers

[Jacaylbaro]

what is attraction ?? ,, does it contain love ?? ,, what kind of attraction, physical, mental ?

[nuune]

^^^ lool@mental

 

 

FirstLady, it is very simple, go on with your heart and mind!

[cynical lady]

No offence but this is silly. Asking random people in a forum to help you make a personal decision that can/will impact your (emphasis on YOUR) Life is silly in my books. Why don’t you ask people who personally know you like your friends/family?

[-Lily-]

Firstly, good looks and attraction is not the same thing, an average brother may have sparks a classically gorgeous hunk may not have.

 

Secondly, what is the essence of marriage to you? What certain things can you not compromise on? If love or even attractiveness does not rate high on your requirement of marriage then you may be able to consider this further. If however, it is the opposite, then it is quiet obvious isn't it?

 

p.s. CL gave good advise.

[Faheema.]

Well, if it were me...I would have...

 

On a serious note, you're not the only person who has contemplated this question, perhaps these Wiki'ed Answers may shed some light

 

However, I would take onboard Cynical's advice.

[Legend of Zu]

^^^^ LoL

 

I do not think what CL said can be classified as an advice. I thought it is a presumptous conclusion to suggest that FL did not seek the advice of her friends and family. For whatever it is worth it Family and Friends are normally baised, typically taking your feelings into consideration and not to mention having their own agendas. Saying that FL should be ready for any brutal honest and objective advice which in this case, you should all have told her 'how lucky she is or how unlucky she is to have met this fella'

 

Cheers

[chubacka]

Hello 1st Lady.

 

If there is nothing about him that moves you then I dnt see any reason to marry him. The fact that your thinking about it means he has at least something that you like about him.

 

You can ask as many ppl as you like but at the end of the day its up to you honey.

 

Do salaatul istikha too i.A

 

good luck girly.

[cynical lady]

mhh, she did ask for my opinion and that I did. Friends and family are normally bias but there the best people to advice you in such matters because they are taking your feelings into consideration and they know you. Coming hear and asking random strangers in a forum if you should give this man a chance is silly, we don’t know the individual in question personally neither do we know the man in question. More importantly I doubt Sol opinions on the issue above will impact her decision, lets be honest only she can answer that question and asking us to comment or give an answer is futile.

 

 

Ps agenda?

[Malika]

First Lady,your not still trying to tame the other one..Remember your other topic,where you asked ,if you treat them mean can you keep them keen??..Heh.

 

Now you have this seemingly "Mr Right Material" but he doest make you go weak on the knees,no faintly spell when you see him...Aye!definetly you shouldnt marry him..

 

Am Joking,hunno when push comes to shove,this decision will have to come from within you, it all depends on your principles,values and what you view as a good marriage!

 

Saying that,there must be a certain element of attraction,hadhii kale there will be trouble ahead.

 

LOZ..I agree,even family members will have their own agenda,surely their advice will reflect from their own experiences e.g insecurities,failures etc

[Paragon]

Nope. Hapana.

[Delilah]

Isn't that the essence of an arrange marriage? Someone you are compatible with but not necessairly attracted to. If on the list everthing is checked off and you come down the list and looks is not, maybe the rest will make up for it. But i can sympathise with what you are going through as a situation like that did happen to me. I didn't want to go through with it because i felt i wouldn't be as devouted to the marriage as he was. Besides, you don't want to be comparing your husband to every man you see down the street.

 

Nevertheless, this is a serious issue and must be taken in high regards

[Resistance]

Well it matter me things, it has to if. attraction between two should be 1st on the list, after u wanna spend the rest of ur life sleeping next to them.

[Urban]

The lady is asking 'Would you..', and not 'make a decision for me', so just drop your opinions here if you have an answer. That's all it is..

 

FirstLady, I personally would marry a girl I'm not attracted to, because I believe that attraction and love can come after marriage. Looks aren't everything (but there are limits!), but like you said he's not bad looking.

Best advice on here was Chubacka's, perform the "Istikhaara" prayer. Between Isha and fajr prayer, pray 2 rakah's and then read the specific dua. By doing this your placing the whole issue into Allah's hands, and He will never let you down.

 

Just remember that Allah once said you might like something now but it's bad for you, but you can hate something now which is the best thing for you.

 

Pray Istikhara for 3 nights and Inshallah you're heart will be comfortable with a decision, either yes or no.