Doctor Dilemma

[Janna]

Somaliaonline members and silent readers, I am facing a major dilemma in my life. There is a doctor who I have met recently, who is a non-somali. Knowing the doctor less then a month, he proposed. I refused his proposal. I politely declined his proposal because he is a Muslim by name. He does not pray on regular bases however wishes to change. He is continuously mentions his wealth and the life I could have, if I accept his proposal. Marrying for wealth never appealed to me. I imagine myself marrying a practicing Muslim who is a Somali. I am not interested in him. Nor do I find him attractive. Without turning someone who wants to increase their iman away, how do I turn him down and encourage him to become a better Muslim?

 

Somaliaonline female members, would any of you consider a Non-Somali who is a doctor and wealthy? Who would marry for money?

[Naden]

I don't get it, you're not interested in him, don't find him attractive, think he's a no-good muslim, and yet this is a MAJOR dilemma in your life? And you're certain that marrying you would increase his iman? Hmm. I see you're clearly not swayed in the least bit by the stethoscope and dolla' bills and your charitable soul wants his doctoring a*ss to be spared hell. How islamic!!!!

 

Want to turn him down gently and coax him to do better at the same time? Tell him to lie about the 5 prayers thing the next time he proposes to a chick he's known for a month .

[Che -Guevara]

Lexus....Iska waran. I say marry the guy if he is willing to go to Buhoodle with you and meet the folks. If not, give him da boot.

[Ms DD]

Things that would matter to me the most would be:

 

1- Knowing him less than a month

2- Being a muslim by name

 

The fact you know nothing of him is the shortest path to divorce. You dont want suprises, do you?

 

If you are on the same wavelength with regards to Islam, this mariage could work. But if you are more religious and hoping for him to change, dont bother for it will be futile attempt. In my experience, many girls tried to change their menfolk. It was to no avail. It was a case of take me as I am (and risk in lagu duufsado in the process) or aan kala tagno. Another popular theme was "been ku soo xeri geli, run ku dhaq".

 

Him being a doctor is not relevant at all. Dont let that sway you.

 

So be honest with him and let him down gently.

[Resistance]

Is hardly a dilema is it. Is clear u already made up ur mind about him and how is does not suit u, so u just need to tell him so tat u not intrested for the reasons u've pointed out already.

 

As for saying that by lettin go u may miss the chance to turn him into a good muslim is baseless .. if anything the best way to lead some1 closer to the deen is by means of freindship, that he will do it for Allah's sake and not for your sake cause you may accept him as a hussie.

 

Now for my Somali sisters' considering marrying a non-Somali brother i syupport them by all means provided the said person is strong in their deen.. otherwise no way miss.

[Beerlula]

Never marry a man thinking you can change him.... it never works

[Abu-Salman]

This pseudo dilemma ultimately leads to the interesting question:

Who is best placed to convince someone to change?

 

Friendship seems a more secure way than marriage, but how could you befriend a "Muslim by name only"?

 

Personaly, I try to give the best exemple I can and show the individual in question that change is not only feasible but well worthwile in many ways; in the meantime, you can be understanding and show sympathy without any special "relation" just like with anyone else.

 

That is where some references come in handy, specially concerning the prophet way of educating people which is more relevant than other counselling and psychological references which are "values-free" (moral relativism).

 

At any rate, this needs patience and being his wife could be part of the problem itself as far as authority is concerned (male ego compounded by possibly oversized doctor's ego).

 

Moreover, past upbringing and education are hard to change, though it is possible to teach an old dog new tricks provided you can afford the sacrifices involved as in the case of a close relative...

[Reality Check]

Originally posted by Janna:

Somaliaonline members and silent readers, I am facing a major dilemma in my life. There is a doctor who I have met recently, who is a non-somali. Knowing the doctor less then a month, he proposed. I refused his proposal. I politely declined his proposal because he is a Muslim by name. He does not pray on regular bases however wishes to change. He is continuously mentions his wealth and the life I could have, if I accept his proposal. Marrying for wealth never appealed to me. I imagine myself marrying a practicing Muslim who is a Somali. I am not interested in him. Nor do I find him attractive. Without turning someone who wants to increase their iman away, how do I turn him down and encourage him to become a better Muslim?

 

Somaliaonline female members, would any of you consider a Non-Somali who is a doctor and wealthy? Who would marry for money?

I will give you some advise:

1) Just because he doesn't pray 5 times a day does not make him a muslim by name..that is for Allah to judge

 

2) If your not interested in him, then you shouldnt concern yourself with his deen. It is up to him to fix up. He already knows about the religion and no one needs to be "coaxed" or "forced" back into deen. It eventually needs to come from him

 

3) Be honest, and reject him. Also, be a friend and tell him that if does need your help to learn more about the deen, that you will offer advise to him (considering your qualified to give such advises, of course)

 

4) Breathe. This is not just a huge ordeal as it may seem to you.

 

----

 

Would I consider marrying a non-somali doctor? Sure, if I love the guy, why not.

 

I won't marry for money. That is so shallow. Inshallah, I'll be making my own small fortune. The more money, the more the charity to give, right?

[Shakti]

Originally posted by Janna:

 

Somaliaonline female members, would any of you consider a Non-Somali who is a doctor and wealthy? Who would marry for money?

seriously speaking. Hell no. im Non-somali blind, i see nothing but Faraaxs.. as it should be 4 everyone.

[Xalimopatra]

Walaalo where's the dilemma? :confused:

 

 

It already seems like you've made up your mind.Dont try and change what you know sistergirl.Hold onto your dirac,take the heels off and run with your instinct....RUN!

[hodman]

Guy seems shallow if he keeps reminding you of the life u would lead because of his "wealth"

No need for this "let him down gently business"

Tell him like it is, that u don't want him coz he's not good with the deen. The shock of it just might make him reform

[-Serenity-]

Whatever happened to kaad u heeseysey on SOL a few months back? Gentleman/GM was it?

[Mirage]

Janna is this not the girl that claimed beauty is based on skin tone? I say marry him, atleast you will be gauranteed 'light skinned' babies.

[Reality Check]

Originally posted by Devilangle:

quote:Originally posted by Janna:

 

Somaliaonline female members, would any of you consider a Non-Somali who is a doctor and wealthy? Who would marry for money?

seriously speaking. Hell no. im Non-somali blind, i see nothing but Faraaxs..

as it should be 4 everyone. as it should be 4 everyone.

Oh you mean kind of like preserving a dying race, right? :rolleyes:

[Pujah]

What is the dillema here?

 

1- as previously pointed out you've made up your mind

2- don't ever thing you can change someone...if you don't like their behavior now it will only become worse

 

Would I marry non-somaly? the answer is maybe