Marriege and the CLAN

[Dantay1]

Being honest how many women would marry outside their clans in todays Somali society?

 

Why has it become fashionable today to marry within the subclan I mean second cousin and arrange marrieges are becoming the norm in todays Somali society.

 

What is your opinion on this? and I mean to start no clanish fuss ok.

..........................................

 

My opinion is marriege should not be forced on a couple and it should not be refused due to the issue of clan.

 

If poeple intermarried freely it would sove alot of issues back home.

[Blessed]

Hello there

 

If He is Somali and He's fine and sweet (and meets my long list of requirements)... I'd be mad to refuse! Qabiil doesn't make a man / woman.

 

I totaly agree with your statments bro. In fact I think inte marriege should be made compulsory lol... it be nice though wouldn't it ? It would get rid of the 'they' and 'us' factor. hence reducing prejudice and hate between qabiils.

 

It's xaraam to refuse marriage to another on the basis of their qabiil. I thought Somalis would be rid of that practice but it seems like it happens more now then say at the time of our parents.

 

Are we going backwards?

[Manala_garaad_baa]

salaamu calaykum

 

well, as u known qabiil is what destored our land but many ppl did n't learn that from their experience of what qabiil did to our land and the didn't realisee the qabayaal is the biggest killing disease in the somalia community.

 

i personal believe the old say "never mix business with pleasure" another word Never mix married with qabiil because u are not married the qabiil but the person. it is not matter what qabiil he as long as he is MUSLIM. Not be muslim by name but by heart and following the diin and also must have more islamic knowledge that me. so he can teach me. also i don't want a family who base qabiil but i want family who base islam.

 

but it seems that most ppl are acceptable to the girl to get married same with the same qabiil or counis and he doesn,t pray or following the diin and they do n't say anything about and they happy with. but if the girl married to sameone with different qabiil who pratice the diin they have a lot to say.

[Valenteenah.]

I agree wit what most of u r saying. I don't know why ppl nowadays marry within their clan/subclan either.

 

My Qabiil is important to me so far as it's my identity. But that's about it. Tribal issues have never really influenced any of my decisions. So I guess, like Ameenah, I'll marry whichever cute faarax I fall in love wit no matter what his tribe.

[sMiLeY]

for me i love doing the opposite of what ppl want me to do ....... qabiil ??? i respect my qabiil but what does that have to do with marriage. Anyways the most important thing in the man i would marry is his religion.......and about 99% of somalis are muslims so i couldn't careless about his qabiil......if we can only delete the qabiil issue from our lives...... things would be better, ppl would love each other and we would have peace in our country.

[A7LA-SHU]

good q.. but hey as much ppl care about clan and shit.. i really couldn't care less. the only thing u should think of is do u love the person and if that person knows his/her religion and if that is another yes hells yeah go for them.. but i know how ppl are like ur cusin this and that. basically i totally agree with smiley, u got it sis...

[HONEY-D]

SUPPOSE I MET WITH THIS GORGEOUS, STOCKY BUILD, EDUCATED, CARING, RESPECTABLE GUY. AND EVERYTHING WENT WELL AND UR THINKING MY DREAM GUY HAS JUST ARRIVED FROM UNKNOWN LOCATION,I BETTER HANG ON 2HIM AS I MAY NEVER SEE A BEATIFUL RAINY DAY LIKE THIS. AND ALL OF THE SUDDEN HE INFORMS ME OF HIS QABIIL. HERE COMES THE QUESTION SHOULD I SAY,

 

1) I'LL THINK ABOUT THIS AND LET YOU KNOW MY FINAL DECISION ON DA SUBJECT.

 

2)YOU KNOW I WOULDNT MIND UR QABIIL BUT UNFORTUNETELY MY FAMILY R NOT TOO KEEN ON THE IDEA OF ME MARRYING AN OUTSIDER.

 

THE ANSWER IS NONE OF THE 2.

 

I WOULD ASK HIM IF JULY SUITS HIM 4 OUR BIG NIGHT.

 

MY FAMILY KNOW WHERE I STAND WHEN IT COMES 2 QABIIL AND BESIDES IF I WAS 2 TAKE THEIR ADVICE AND MARRY SOME1 FROM MY QABIIL AND 4 SOME REASON THE MARRIAGE ENDS I MIGH BLAME THEM 4DA BREAK UP. I HAVE 2B THE ONE MAKING DESIONS ABOUT MY LIFE.

 

I NEVER CARED ABOUT QABIIL B4 AND I HAVE NO INTENTION OF DOING SO NOW. MIND YOU I WOULDNT WANT 2 MARRY SOME1 FROM MY QABIIL NOT THAT I THINK OF THEM ANY LESS THAN OTHER QABIILS BUT I WANNA TEST THE FLAVOUR OF OTHER JUICES. :cool:

[Libaax-Sankataabte]

Even the "ostracised" qabiils? We are all Somalis and this tradition is hard to change. I love the positive talk though. Happy to hear some young voices speaking their heart. :cool:

 

A word of caution though. It is a lot easier to say "heck, i will marry whoever I want" than marry into a qabiil your family totally rejects.

[SCORPION_SISTA]

hmm if u said i will shoot u if u don't tell me ur clan i couldn't do it to save my own life. My parents hadn't raised me on qabiil but they are concious of it because that's what they grow up on. Qabiil is part of ones identity as to how they might behave or think or react but in no way it is meant to determine ones worth in terms of humans. to me what's a humans cann't have a choice about but was given to him/her by allah isn't something for me to decide or pass judgment on them by it. I will not marry a man that my parents object to even if it is because of his qabiil because i don't like disobying them and if that's their only reason i am sure i can work them around if of course it's meant to be.

that's my 1 1/2 cents on this topic.

[Buubto]

Asalaamu Aleikum Wr Wb

Walaahi I liked the positive responses u nomads have towards this issue. No doubts this qabiil thing had destroyed us in anyways. Walaahi this issue is very sad one, it shows that we can’t even compromise little things, forget about establishing government together. As to why young ppl marry to their own sub-clan. I think because of sense of trust & being safe within their sub-clan. There is a lot of hidden hater between the qabiils.

 

Walaahi what amazed me is if u marry to ur sub-clan or ur mom’s sub-clan u get tremendous support & love from both sides. But if u go for outsiders u r misbalanced cuz there is a lot of hidden enemies within the families. Even if u go for outsides the chances of ur marriage being succeed is limited, because of the families they will hunt each other & put u b/w it. Nowadays is not like our prance time, we live in society that is totally corrupted, ignorant & selfish. Therefore people feel safe within their clans. Have look around for the last 10 years, compare the divorce rate for the one’s married to outsiders & the one’s married to their sub-clan, which one is high? Guess u got ur answer. That is the only explanation I have for young people wanting to stay within their sub-clan. Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of successful marriages for the one’s married outsiders.

 

As for me, I agree SCORPION_SISTA Though I fee more comfortable with my clan. But I don’t mind marrying to outsider as long as he fulfills all my requirements & as long as my parents approve. Without their approve there is no go, like they say parents are wiser.

[sMiLeY]

It's me again ...... well everyone is free to marry whoever they desire.

 

Since most of us agree that it's hard to marry somone who your family doesn't approve of i have a question .

 

my question if u meet someone and u like that person......... and then lil by lil u fall in love with that someone ...... how would u identify that person's tribe ?...... is the type of his/her tribe is one of the first questions u would ask somone u're getting to know

 

I'm facing this tribe problem....... not from my family though because my dad passed away and my mother isn't fully somali so she can't careless of tribes......and i really don't care about the opinion of the rest of the family....... but the man that i love has a family who never marrys outside of their tribe...... and as some of you said that families could cause the the failure of the marriage....... i'm not that worried cause marriage is really far from now but at the end we're both planning to get married.....this family problem is scaring me but i'm at a stage where i can't go back and i know that i will face a lot of problems from his side....... see i know it would be easier to date somene who's from your tribe but it's really hard to distinguish them from the rest of the somalis ( we all look alike)....... ANYWAYS if this doesn't work......i'll try to restrict myself to my cousins (ewwwww)

[Thinkerman]

To answer ur question of course i wouldnt let the tribe of the person i want to marry become the key factor, religion, personality, self respect these are the factors that i would hold dear in a woman. However the reality isnt that simple and unfortunately when deciding to do so both parties concerend should be senstive to the opnions of ther families after all ur not only marrying ur husband/wife but ur also marrying into a famliy.

[Haaruun]

Well said, but just remember this topic when reality clicks........I blv the broplem is our parents..they b'n selfish by having in mind wether/not they will feel comfy with your mate's parents..they want to be able to talk to them about other clans or chit chat 'bout qabiil ball****. That's why they make sure that ur mate has to be with in the same qabiil......It's good to obey and respect our parents, but we all know that this qabiil thing won't do any good for us...there4 let's convince and pressure our parents to accept our mates with out prejudicing them..

[Fuaad]

hey...you could all of you say as much as you want like we have a same religion, look alike, common culture, blah blah etc..But the reality is Qabiil issues alwayz happen in Somali community and it will continue to happen. The best thing is to tell the true to everyone and what exactly you're happy with it. The other thing is I don't think people should blame parents or your family elders for this issue cause I've seen so many young people these days using Tribal ideology more than elders.

 

my personality is I never ask anyone male or female what their tribe is no matter how good friendship we have and how long we have known each other. However, I came cross a lot of people especially girls asking your tribe Lately. And that's fine with me as long as they're honest and I always tell them.

 

Every Somalis always say I"m not tribalist but deep down they are all. The Question is who's honestly speaking!

[Hibo]

Don't get me wrong but i'm amazed that many of you guys are referring another somali as an outsider...is kinda little bit helarious actually from my point of view...anyways...there is always hope that tribalism won't be the base of ones decisions in marriage...but the reality speaks for itself. personally...all somalis are cool but the sad truth is though i would love to share my life with the guy that meets that long list of requirements...i would prefer a guy from my own clan.

 

I'm sure all of u guys want a marriage that lasts...u know "till death do us apart" and the fact is that marriages within the same clan have less divorce rate nowadays.

 

laakiin qadar iyo calaf labadaba way jiraan...and it is ignorant to refuse a wonderful person cuzz of their clan as all people are created from thuraab. I know i'm somewhat contradicting myself here but thats us (somalis). we say we ain't no racist or tribist or that and that....but i feel better saying that i could go either way than saying i wouldn't care .

 

But i'm glad to hear a lot of you wouldn't care about his/her clan....but it means a lot to me to be an an obidient child as it is important for the success of marriage not to mention the fact that the qur'an emphasized so many times about parents....

i'm sure u all get my point...

i will write later....my break time is up

God Bless