The Shallowest Break-Up

[Yaabka-Yaabkiis]

^^Umu Do you do all that practically

[umu zakaria]

loooool. Not all but i try my best . U know iam not supposed to smile at you!

 

Neephy honey i got you this. hope it answers ur question. adoo basa xiiran oo madax yuul eh lee duqa haka nixin.

 

Salwa

 

Title

Do I Need My Husband's Permission to Cut My Hair?

 

Question

Dear scholars, As-Salamu `alaykum. If a woman wants to cut her hair, should she seek the permission of her husband? Jazakum Allah khayran.

 

Date

09/Jun/2005

 

Name of Counsellor

European Council for Fatwa and Research

 

Topic

Marital relationships

 

 

 

Answer

 

 

 

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

 

 

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

 

 

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

 

 

Dear questioner, we commend your pursuit of knowledge and your keenness to seek what is lawful and avoid what is not. We earnestly implore Allah to bless your efforts in this honorable way.

 

It is to be stressed that the relations between the spouses should be based on tranquility, love and mercy. It is the duty of the husband and wife to see that they are a source of comfort and tranquility for each other. They should do everything physically, emotionally and spiritually to make each other happy and comfortable and avoid anything that violates this happiness and comfort.

 

 

In response to the question you raised, the European Council for Fatwa and Research issued the following Fatwa:

 

 

There is hair trimming that a woman does from time to time and that a husband may not even notice due to the very slight alteration being made. Women usually do this so that their hair does not become so long as to be difficult to manage. This form of hair shortening does not usually require the permission of the husband.

 

However, there are forms of hair shortening and alteration that completely change the appearance of the woman, which may surprise the husband if he wasn't consulted. This form of alteration requires the agreement of the husband and wife so that their relationship is not affected by this radical change in the woman's appearance. Due to the fact that a Muslim woman does not show her hair in public nor in front of non-mahram men, it is true that the husband has the foremost right to enjoy his wife's hair.

 

 

A wise woman would be sure to pursue all means of maintaining love and affection between herself and her husband, ultimately leading to good Muslim households becoming the real basis of good Muslim societies.

[Pujah]

^^ Where is the "How to make your wife happy" piece?

[sheherazade]

^needs to be written by a woman. Anaa buug qori. LoL.

[umu zakaria]

How to Make your Wife Happy

 

The following is part ONE of a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

 

 

1. Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

* begin with a good greeting.

* Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a

du'aa for her as well.

* Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

 

2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations

* Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.

* Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.

* Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.

* Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart,

honey, saaliha, etc.

 

3. Friendliness and Recreation

* Spend time talking together.

* Spread to her goods news.

* Remember your good memories together.

 

4. Games and Distractions

* Joking around & having a sense of humor.

* Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.

* Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.

* Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.

 

5. Assistance in the Household

* Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out,

especially if she is sick or tired.

* The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her

hard work.

 

6. Consultation (Shurah)

* Specifically in family matters.

* Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.

* Studying her opinion carefully.

* Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.

* Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.

 

7. Visiting Others

* Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great

reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time

while visiting!)

* Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.

* Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.

 

8. Conduct During Travel

* Offer a warm farewell and good advice.

* Ask her to pray for him.

* Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your

absence.

* Give her enough money for what she might need.

* Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..

* Return as soon as possible.

* Bring her a gift!

* Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.

* Take her with you if possible.

 

9. Financial Support

* The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He

should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).

* He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a

small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).

* He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

 

10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

* Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.

* Always being clean and neat.

* Put on perfume for her.

 

11. Intercourse

* It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness,

etc.)

* Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.

* Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).

* Begin with foreplay including words of love.

* Continue until you have satisfied her desire.

* Relax and joke around afterwards.

* Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram

* Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and

modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her

to do it first while he is looking on.

* Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting

pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are

heavy.

* Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as

sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

 

12. Guarding Privacy

* Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her

personal problems and other private matters.

 

13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

* Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl"

(extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).

* Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.

* Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the

prophet) in the morning and evening.

* Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity

sale.

* Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.

 

14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends

* Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.

* Invite them to visit her and welcome them.

* Give them presents on special occasions.

* Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..

* Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first.

Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah

and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and

family.

 

15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition

This includes

* The basics of Islam

* Her duties and rights

* Reading and writing

* Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs

* Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women

* Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

 

16. Admirable Jealousy

* Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.

* Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.

* Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:

1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading

her speech by meanings that she did not mean

2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are

just.

3- Preventing her from answering the phone.

 

17. Patience and Mildness

* Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is

wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital

breakdown.

* Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by

delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..

* Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18).

* How can you best correct her mistakes?

1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.

2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings).

Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room,

leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.

3- The last solution is (when allowable) lightly hitting her. In this

case, the husband should consider the following:

- He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet

PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.

- He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g.

refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not

praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time

without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been,

etc..

- It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and

discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .

- He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or

on sensitive parts of her body.

- He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe,

etc.

 

18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

* Accounting her only for larger mistakes.

* Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in

Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..

* Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.

* Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as

maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her

commitment to Islam is growing.

* Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH

never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats

and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.

* Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that

are more subtle than direct accusations

* Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.

* When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have

privacy from others.

* Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control

on your words.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam

in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of

Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The

books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar,

who graduated from the Islamic University of Al Madinah Al-Munawwarah in

Saudi Arabia. The two books are:

 

 

1- How to make your wife happy

2- How to make your husband happy

 

 

These are the best Arabic books I have seen on this subject. They exceed

the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good

manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The

above summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what

could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is

supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions,

but evidences are omitted in this translation. The above is the

translation of the FIRST book.

 

This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free

to repost it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any

changes, additions, or omissions without permission.

 

Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors.

 

 

Muslim Students' Association

University of Alberta

Edmonton, Canada

February, 1999

[sheherazade]

No kissing, occasional beating. Kinky.

[Nephissa]

^L0L.

 

* Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.

does anyone really? . [naa Caasho, bisinka qabso.. ]

 

AhhhH!!! allaa caloosha.

 

Ummu, thanks abbaayo. But that was the opinion of a scholar, and since there wasn't a valid support from the Qur'an backing him up, I guess his opinion is as good as anyone else's.

[sheherazade]

^don't knock the bismillah till you've tried it. What u don't start with bismillah remains unfinished.

[Nephissa]

I find it funny people would remember to say it in the heat of the moment, that's all!

[-Serenity-]

This isnt a shallow break-up or a religious matter. This is plain old ignorance iyo reer-baadiyo-nimo.

[Chimera]

She must have been amazed by his reaction which in a way is comical yet pathetic(especially if children are involved) i wish her well, but it's not like he married the sister for her 'hair' only and it will grow back eventually so he is over reacting. Personally i would have done something bizzare aswell like use that stuff Old Somali men use on their beards to make it red/orange only now on my Hair. Any wife will be bothered by the fact their holding hands in the mall with a guy who's hair resemble that clown IT therefore discussing such things with eachother would prevent situation's like these

[sheherazade]

^LooL.

 

multi-tasking, N.

[Ducaysane]

Nepth:

you also need to say Alxamdu Lilaahi after you done business. (if one has any energy left)

[Chimera]

Your cryptic Sister Sheh, i went back and forth - reread my post and your post a few times and still i'm lost. who's multi-tasking?

[sheherazade]

^ I was talking to Neph. Men don't get multi-tasking so I don't blame you.