SJ Posted September 23, 2004 Some Farahs take their sweet time to reach a final decision, in the process granting Ganacsade General Dr Jama ( as Caaqil would say) sufficient time to steal their trophy. You cant blame the family for finding a partner for their daughter if Farah failed to act. In any case, marriage needs more groundwork than Jacayl developed over a few Friday dates to survive. Dime is money! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Warrior of Light Posted September 23, 2004 Wouldnt mind advice on the qualities of the suitors available but would ,prefer to be given the merit of choosing my soul mate myself. Qac bro, the idea of marrying into family, its a NO-NO. Allah knows better but who knows what genetical/hereditary diseases the children may be born with. And Q I agree with you about the likings of the parents. If the males mum likes you she put alot of pressure on him ( you know come around more often when ur there) and whenever she is free with you alone, she tries to hammer in the qualities possessed by her son. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted September 23, 2004 kix kix kix @ Jeeste! I dont think it ever occurred to either of my parents to arrange my marriage. They seem resigned to just wait and see what Godforsaken creature I drag into their midst as a possible hubby. Oddly enough, if they did present me with a potential, it would be so out of character that I would probably think the guy was made of gold and marry him on the spot. Reverse psychology probably.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A7LA-SHU Posted September 23, 2004 Originally posted by Qacbaro: If u have a cousin, who is educated, good, hardworking man.. for sure ur parents would atleast suggest the man to u.. it happens don't worry... Most of the somali girls, are close to their mothers, and if the mother likes u, most likely that girl is urs because it is habaaro or duco.. u all know that... anyways i think, parents shouldn't be getting involved in this. they could suggest some one to u, but u should know that person well, then decide... but is always blessing when u make ur parents happy, coz atleast your kids would have grandparents.. there for them if it is just the idea them sayin okay we think this person might be good for ya, and butt out so i can talk to the person and see waz his story that is kool.. but if it is, this one person and if u say no all hell break loose. then forget about it.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Araksan25 Posted September 23, 2004 Hey Girls, I dont understand why u all panic , its not that ur parents tell U 2 marry the man they introduced U the next day. Its only that the hard work its been already done bcz they would look a good brother, who has profession and is relgious. So what u only have to do is check his looks and probably his bad habits. we all know that once u fall in love with some1 u dont see his negatives at all since u are blinded with the so called LOVE. Anyway its just my oponion.... peace Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faheema. Posted September 23, 2004 I think it is more to do with the term “Arranged Marriage†and when someone mentions it, be it consciously or subconsciously we tend to associate that with a marriage that is or about to be carried out without ones will/consent, it has negative connotations because of its history. Laakin as some of the sisters have said. It’s really no big deal whether you meet him in social gatherings, through friends or your parents; it doesn’t make a difference because at the end of the day you make the Decision Personally I wouldn’t knock it…Of course it will depend on how eligible the Faarax is Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Charisma Posted September 25, 2004 First let me tell my bro IL CAPRIO that u cant know soemone inside out,the same goes for the two parites involved. ARRANGED MARRAIGES: alxamdulilah i dont think my family will force that on me, but if they happen to like someone for me i know he will be a good match , n we all know that to make anything work u have to ahve the love n blessings of ur parents by ur side. and i also agree with the sis who talked about the standards ur family set for u, we all know that with our traditions (somali) u dont want to break any rules with ur family. but then again when love comes u rarely think, so dont get carried away 4 u make sure that U TWO CAN HAPPEN . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gabbal Posted September 26, 2004 The only good thing about arranged marriages is they don't last very long Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xoogsade Posted September 26, 2004 LOL@HA, Bro, think about our Somali parents, the majority of them never dealt with dating or choosing their own partners. Yet their marriages lasted longer than the marriages of today. I am sure they sacrificed a lot by staying together through thick and thin. They were less materialistic, focussed on family interests and its survival rather than on its wanton destruction, cared about the cohesion of the family more than they were eager to get rid of some displeasure in a relationship for the pursuit of personal happiness. All that for the sake of their children. My views changed over the years on this as many other things have changed, I don't think of it as too bad to marry a good woman recommended by friends and relatives, provided in my case, She is not from My tribe let alone a close cousin. A cousin is like a sibling to me, so it would be a no go area if I was on the hunt for a woman or was making recommendations for some friend. It would be nice if everyone got married to the person they came to LOVE and are enamoured with. But that doesn't happen too often, so my resolution is, no time to waste on the triviality of romance when you can simply marry at will and trust Allah. I would hate investing time in a woman and end up losing to some uncontrollable events. How about that broken heart that refuses to sleep? LOL. And it would suck to start all over again once Preordination overrules LOVE. It seems, I am not into uncertainties anymore. Surely, life always will not be perfect whether you marry Someone you are Madly in Love with or To Some stranger Destiny lured to your corner , it is never without struggle but an enduring companionship if two people decided to make things easy for themelves and work hard I think. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Qac Qaac Posted September 27, 2004 Magnoona... that was exactly what i was thinking about.. and yeah thanx for answering... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gabbal Posted September 27, 2004 Xoogsade nice sentiments there bro, but do you really think love exists? No offense, for people who are so obsessed with jaceyl, we have some of the most coldest marriages around My own parent's marriage was like a Romea and Juliet kind of story (with out the tragedy), but as of the moment it is not exactly the most warmest of marriages. Sure there's respect and they're very cordial to each other, but it isn't exactly the droppy-eyed, puppy doopy kind of marriage most folks, majority of them female wish for. Don't get me wrong there's nothing particularly wrong with my parent's marriage, but I have noticed most other Somali marriages are the same ( devoid of that extra spicy or sweet sentiment call passion) , if not worser. The reason is I think most Somalis confuse physical attraction, which can die easily, with the product of the devil himself (or angel in other people's cases) called "love". For my sisters and brothers that wish for cupid's arrow best of luck. ( You're gonna need it. ) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bess. Posted September 27, 2004 "but it isn't exactly the droppy-eyed, puppy doopy kind of marriage most folks, majority of them female wish for." ( devoid of that extra spicy or sweet sentiment call passion) horn it seems that u have mentioned totally opposite sides of emotional spectrums....u don't have to be in either spectrum....both seem so "hysterical"....too needy or too cold....i believe there is a happy medium....passion and love both exist....just not together sometimes....or in some happy cases together....but i do agree.....alot of ppl....and not just women :rolleyes: ...confuse lust for love....it happens..... peace Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Legend of Zu Posted September 27, 2004 Most of the above replies are focusing on the gurls having their marriages arranged...what about if Some respected "oday"/familay friend comes to a guy and says " I wanna hook u up with my daughter" and your father goes "ha na ceebeyn" what will you do?... Cheers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Qac Qaac Posted September 27, 2004 Sisade, about the genetic heredity thing... if soemthing wrong with it, allah wouldn't say in his quran, to marry ur cousins.. would he?.. genetic heredity is between sister and a brother marriage, or father to his daughter, or son to his aunt, or uncle u know immidiate family members.. if u do the chi square u'll see they'll be fine those kids... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xoogsade Posted September 30, 2004 HA, Why did you ask me the question? LOL. Yes, I do believe that "love" as in affection, devotion, fondness and infatuation exists. What would you call that feeling you get when you become acquainted with a woman who has the qualities you love? Those personal preferences of yours? You will be inclined to want her for you right? The more you think about her, the more the feeling grows I suppose. That is what they call "Love" LOOL. And then there is the unexplainable love, the one that makes the person obsessed and blinded to realities. I wonder what makes someone believe that there is no equal to the person whom they love when the obvious is that the person isn't everything, and by comparison, there are others who are far better in terms of beauty and character? Which brings to mind the sad story of Our Somali Romeo "Cilmi Boodhari". Have you read Cilmi Boodhari's poems? I read his poems recently in an online Somali website and was surprised at how the man was far ahead of his time in terms of romantic expressions. People must have labeled him insane for his weird uncustomary expressions at the time. Somali men were traditionally stoic who looked down on any emotion let alone Oral expressions of Love for a woman. But Cilmi Boodhari was open and quite uncaring about what others thought. So, HA, MY point is, Love exists for whatever reason and some people become possessed. Personally, I don't mind if I am The One being LOVED. Then I can call the shots . A vantage point from which I can negotiate a better deal LOL. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
