BOY FRIEND AND GIRL FRIEND

[Tuujiye]

S/ALEYKUM AAN KU BILAABO SAX.

 

 

I would like to start a topic that no one has touched yet I hope.

Is about relationships like Boy friend and Girl friend type a thing.

This is not something new that we have learned it here in North America or else were in the world. Boy friend and girl friend relationships existed in back home. But it was nothing close to the way it is here in North America. In back home there was lots of shyness in both sides the man and the woman. Specially the women, who always cared about their reputation and her families’ names. The family well most families that is in back home Somalia, knew who was dating their girl. Is because the girl had nothing to hide and the parents in most cases excepted the man like their own and in some cases rejected it. But the main point is that the girls had nothing to hide and didn’t have to sneak out to be with their man to be. I’m not saying it was easy in some cases and I do know that this wasn’t the case for some people back home. But it was better than the case we have here. Do you all agree?

There is so many young girls and boy who have become nothing different from the kufaars here in North America. They have no shame or shyness, they have no respect for them self and families, and to make it even more worse there is no religion being fallowed. The case back home has some religious values at least. If you and the girl/man are not alone in a room or some private place and that woman/man is not your brother or sister, is haram for you to be with that person. But I’m not a scalar of deen but it also depends on the situation. It is said to be to take the man/woman in a public place were y’all are not alone. In this case there would have been no youth pregnancy, early forced marriage, and so on…….

 

I think boy friend and girl friend relationship has changed so much as the way we had in Somalia. It was more deenia and had some of our beautiful culture.

 

I would like to hear what you all have to say about this topic.

I apologize if I had said something wrong.

 

Iga raali ahaada hadii aan qoraalka badiye.lol.

 

Ilaaheey garbaha wax idiin juujiye ha idin siiyee aamiin dhaha.

[OG_Girl]

I never knew that B/F, G/F existed in Somalia.

 

so let me ask u this , If I have feelings toward some one and there is no physical contact between us or never go out with him is he my b/f?

 

salam

[Bambina]

Salam Alaykum,

 

Good question ,OG_Girl ,the western concept of b/f involves kissing and sexual intercourse but if nothing haram is done ,can we consider the guy as a halal boyfriend? I think its possible as long as both partners date in a religious way and dont forget that the goal is to get married not stay in the b/g cycle forever.

 

I think some girls are afraid to tell guys that they want something halal because they dont want them to lose interest after.Or maybe some guys are afraid that their peers make fun of them and prefer to do haram rather than get humiliated by them.

But lets not always use the excuse that hebel or hebel influenced me ,the truth is you're the only one who follows shaytan at the end.

 

I know sex is sometimes taboo to talk about in our culture but parents should not be ashamed to talk about it with their children before the adolescence because, the adolescence stage is when your children might be very influenced by the peer pressure.

[Sophist]

What an oxymoron phrase !Halal Boyfriend!!

 

Perhaps the chap who wrote this is reffering to another "back home" other than Somalia! or perhaps not?

[Reality Check]

There is a right way to do things, and a wrong way. Most people choose what type of relationship is right or wrong. I personally don't care much about other people's boy/girlfriend relationships.

[Dhagax-Tuur]

Assl All Wr Wb

 

What a topic! I agree much of what you said, brother. We did have male/female relationships back in Somalia. Back then, we didnt call it 'boy/girlfriend' thing. But we kind of knew it as 'x and y are 'saaxiibo' (friends)'. For this, it meant something for each couple. Some were really bad, some good and some normal. But generally people had a goal in these sort of relationships and it was marriage at the end, if it works out.

 

Whoever said we didn't have it, either didn't live in somalia long enough to comprendra how we did things over there or is living in a state of denial.

 

About the Halal thing. Why not? As long as YOU, the people involved in this ting, understand Islam and PRACTICE or are extremely good cultured people, then it should be fine. But remember, things are far more tougher than they were back in our land. We didn't have a culture that used sex to promote everything under the sun. Basically, a sex attack. And they know it, it works, and we know it, it works. But it only works on those who are weak in their faith and values. What I am saying here is, it is better to be objective and clear-minded. In a relationship for one reason, and one reason only, and that is to settle down and have my own family.

 

Again, I am not really sure that we should talk to our kids about sex. How about morals and ethics of Islam. I am sure that includes abstention. But the method that these Deen-less people do it, I would NOT suggest at all. No way!

 

Much said...Salaam & Love for each other.

[Bambina]

Salam Alaykum,

 

Geel-Jire , I hope you are not serious when you say that parents should not talk about sex with their children.You also emphasize on the ethics and the morals of Islam ,I agree.

 

What I meant about parents talking about sex is that they should emphasize on abstinence,not only on the no-no about sexual intercourse but also regarding the touching , the kissing.Believe many teens still dont know that kissing is even haram.

 

To Sophist ,I hope you are not wasting your time by paying attention to an oxymoron such as "halal boyfriend", because you know, I was only referring to an islamic relationship.I dont get your point though, so clarify it.

[Tuujiye]

tnx for the reply y'all.

 

opinionated, please keep your opinions adiga wareer aa kentaa meel kaste oo aad aadid.

 

geel jire tnx man i agree with you too man.

 

bambina. you have started some other intresting topic too. which is sex and what it stands for in our community.

i think parets should educate their kids about sex and them selfs too.

they have to understand how sex is used here in north america like my brother geeljire mentioned.

our youth or our people here in North America are lost because they are quickly adupting this xaraan life style.

this exsists because of our lack of education about religion and culture.

it has become were the strong servives, strong meaning good faith and morals or people who kept their deen and are practicing and people who are still holding on to their somali culture.these are the servivors today in North America.

 

The topic sex is something that neva is talked about in our community but it happens like crazy now. every youth in North America sees sex as a natural thing because is always around them. what they watch, were they chill, were they shop, were they eat at, in a bus, at school, every were...so when things become natural to someone, that thing then becomes ok to act on because their is no guilt to it. the only one that could servive is the one who is from a strong family and is very family oriented. Sex is something that is not mentioned in our community and I think is about time we educate people about this and do something about this.

 

 

opinioded ii baashaal macalimada and don't qoete me.

 

salaama caleykum

[Qac Qaac]

not only we should educate the kid about s e x. but even students.. coz it looks like now students can't even study, b4 thinking about thier girl, or their man. u know...

 

as for our religion, it always based on where we are, now we are in these countries, and they are obsesed with s e x. so we have to teach everybody about s e x. so ppl know, why it is haram...

[Reality Check]

Originally posted by garab tuujiye:

 

opinionated, please keep your opinions adiga wareer aa kentaa meel kaste oo aad aadid.

I hope the admins are reading this. BTW, "garab tuujiye", I could respond to any given topic posted here, since I am still a member. So if you do not want my response, don't post at all. K

[Dhagax-Tuur]

Assl All Wr Wb

 

What I meant about parents talking about sex is that they should emphasize on abstinence,not only on the no-no about sexual intercourse but also regarding the touching , the kissing.Believe many teens still dont know that kissing is even haram.

Walaal, Islamic morals and knowledge regarding this should suffice in covering the areas you mentioned. But what I was NOT suggesting was to do it the Western way, i.e., sexual education and all the physicalities.

 

Allah knows best.

[7_steps_2_Heaven]

^^ right.....

[Senora]

Your right garab tuujiye....

 

with sex on the dominant front in much of our pervasive mediums, it becomes very hard to try and instill our cultural/religious behaviors/habits or what-not.

 

I think boy friend and girl friend relationship has changed so much as the way we had in Somalia. It was more deenia and had some of our beautiful culture.

Yes it has, and it wouldn't surprise me any if it were changing back home as well.....One of the differences I have observed is back home, many of the Somali's tend to "date" for the purposes of establishing some sort of "pre-marital" relationship......However, not speaking for everyone, some of us in can notice that living in Western societies, the purposes of dating doesn't really have a specified goal to it....If the couple ends up getting married, its seen more as plus, rather than the intended goal. But this surely doesn't speak for everyone, nor does it for the Somalian example.

 

I think one of the roles as a parent, or other immediate family member, is to make sure we try to explain these differences, and most importantly educate both the cultural aspects and religous aspects on issues like these.

[Narcissistic-Sister]

<--Says DUH!

 

<-- :rolleyes:

 

<--Blows her pink bubble gum....laudly.....

[Som@li]

asalaamu calaykum

 

nice topic,,garab tuujiye.

 

 

The topic sex is something that neva is talked about in our community but it happens like crazy now. every youth in North America sees sex as a natural thing because is always around them. what they watch, were they chill, were they shop, were they eat at, in a bus, at school, every were

Quite true,,that is way it is recommended for parents to talk abt sex with kids, so they not to fall into the wrong hands,.

 

And the somalis must do the same for da kids, else who knws wat will happen.

 

bye