The Don’t-Get-Fat Clause

[Chocolate and Honey]

I have been noticing strange phenomena in Somali men lately. The standards of beauty have shifted. Most of them are now prescribing to the Western standards of beauty. Stick-thin, brown skin females are described as drop dead gorgeous regardless of features. I'm hearing fat jokes in a much more intensefied tone. I have heard my male cousins and friends make commnets like "oh she'd be pretty if she wasnt overweight" or "she is too heavy for me" :eek: It used to be that, in our culture,(or so I was told) a curvaceous body was highly pursued. Anyways, what irked me was the other day,someone I highly respected joined the fat-bashing wagon. My mom, me and a newlywed cousin of mine run into a male relative I really looked up to (very wadaad and decent) at a grocery store. My mom asked about his pregnant wife (with their sixth child? I lost count) and he relayed that she was having a difficult pregnancy. My mom said something to the effect of “miskiinad. Taas caatatada badan ma ayadaaba tabar hayso ay lix cunug ku koriso” (as his wife is very thin) where he responded with a clear disgust on his face.,“saasaa la rabaa. Yaa rabo naag buuran.” That comment kind of offended me because he seems so prejudiced. So after we left the store, my cousin and I continued the conversation. To my utter shock, with no emotions on her face, my cousin said “ My husband and I have a don’t-get-fat clause in our marriage contract(no legally binding I hope).” He said it was a deal breaker for him, should she gain weight even after having children because he won’t be attracted to her anymore and can’t help but look elsewhere. Now, before you jump at my throat and point out what a shallow jerk he is, let me tell you about her husband. He is very, very, fairytale like dedicated to his wife. He is a modern day Romeo He works two jobs to support her and her family back home. Anything she wants, she gets.

So guys be really honest (forget political correctness): If your wife gains a considerable amount of weight after marriage, is it a huge turn off? Would it a deal breaker?

Girls, would ever enter such contract or would the idea of even speaking about the terms offend you?

[Chimera]

Somali men are surrounded by many strange phenomenas, this calls for Mully & Scully.

 

I personally after a pregnancy would take my wife to the gym or jogg with her 30 min a day, because let's not pretend that women are okay with those extra few pounds. It bothers them and it can be depressing. I as her husband would support her and encourage her so that she won't be plagued with self-doubt or negativity.

 

If i had to sign a contract giving her the power to leave, if i allowed myself to go (with a beerbelly, bad teeth and bad hygiene) then i would consider that reasonable.

[Abwaan]

lol...Chocolate...th ese contracts you mentioned which I think are verbal are scary...

[rudy-Diiriye]

if she gets fat, she gonna hit the road. No buts.

Only duuni gals get fat in my book. dont eat 2 much and u wont get fat. Bisinka u qabo..deal..!

[Faheema.]

StupidhShid! This is one of the things that irritate me.

 

You have to live your life for you and how you feel about yourself will determine what you do with yourself [married or unmarried]. Why do feel the need to worry about what someone might think/say/do? Instead, concentrate on doing what you need to do in order to be content with yourself. Lose weight for you and not to please those who you hope will like you more if you're thin.

 

Being overweight doesn’t equal to ugly and depressed. If you have a healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself as a person regardless of your weight.

 

P.s. No offence CH

[Chocolate and Honey]

Lol Fahima. Abaayo, I dont support it. I'm opening a discussion about this topic.

BTW, it is easier than done to say "dont look a certain way when in fact everyone you know or meet is trying to fit into that catogory." Healthy self-esteem is essential, however, obesity is one of the last accepted prejudice in this culture we live in. You can't call someone gay, dark, ignorant, miget etc but you can call someone fat in fact, people take even a step further and give out advices. In fact, when I lose or gain few pounds, the first people who talk to me about it are female relatives. Of course, I politely tell them off but doesnt stop them.

In my line of work I see a lot little girls with eating disorders.

Anyways, now men are joining in. I hear a lot of comments even guys in this forum make like "naagaha way iskala daadiyaan or way isku furmaan markay guursadaan ama ilmo yeeshaan."

[Warrior of Light]

I think she should have also made a clause with her hubby beforehand. We had our "I like this about you and dont like this" discussion But its on equal terms. I maintain a healthy body and and he also works out to keep his looks. So its a win win both ends. Whoever lapses get a little verbal reminder and assistance to keep the "healthy goals" achieved. This includes apart from the looks making healthy life choices like cooking healthy, creating an exercise plan and the moral support. The partner cant just sit there an nag. Has to be part of the solution.

 

AdamZayla,

I would first like to congratulate you for your reply. Thats the way it should be.

And I would advice you to start the walks once you know your wife is pregnant and not after delivery. We, Somali's still hold a beleif that once a woman is pregnant she can eat as much as she wants and rest alot.Its like pregnancy is an excuse the woman can eat,yuss n rest. Which is not healthy and unrealist.. a pregnant woman needs to be active, maintain a healthy weight and gain it steadily but slowly. We, health professions even have guidelines how many pounds should a woman put on while pregnant or advice a woman to shed if she is overweight. Why? Because of the increased risk of complications or health problems to the woman and the risk of harming her precious fetus during her pregnancy, at labour and even after. Just yesterday while watching BBC America a new study came out if a mother is obese or has bad health choices has a 10% risk of her children to become obese. Dads have a 6% risk. So, we all collectively as a family need to work on maintaining a healthy weight. We shouldnt fall into the two extremes; anorexia nor obesity.As they both have their problems.

[The_Siren]

Erhem…excuse me? But I’m with faheema on this one and in truth the fact that we’re even discussing this infuriates me. Why is it that it’s always us women who have to make the compromises and are slapped with ultimatums of fatness or some other ridiculous proposal- when will we stop being st*pid sheep that live for nothing but the fanciful whims of frivolous men? Never will you find a topic about fat men or how men are getting too big for their boots or men's right to work, or what men should or should not have the right to wear. Its always women, women, women. GOOD GOD WHY! *Screams*

 

If I want to put on weight and have my stomach drag on the floor in gluttony if need be then it shall be my own choice! I'd rather slit my own throat then even indulge some idi*t’s western ideas beauty.

 

Ps *Waves at CH* LOL

[rudy-Diiriye]

how come u ladies never listen!! its like talking to brick wall..loool

[Chimera]

^Lol

 

Warrior of Light great advice brother, thanks.

[MZanzi]

^^lol@ brother ..gabadh weeye warior

I don't understand why anyone would discriminate against anyone of any size or shape.

Different people have different preferences. To one guy you may be beautiful and to another less attractive. You can never please everybody but if you are happy and healthy then you shouldn't care. People come in all shapes, sizes, and colors and it takes us all to make the world go round.

mida kale raga somali dumar wax maba ka sheegi KARaN War badankood ilmo ineey caloosha kusitaan baad umaleysaa walaahi

 

PS: some skinny girls are disgusting!!

[Naxar Nugaaleed]

this is a basic fact of life, as you grow you will gain a few pounds, lose a tooth or two and even get few wrinkles. We can only hope that people make life decisions based on looks. on the other hand, people like what they like, whatever rocks your boat even though I find odd man who seek those stick figures that look like 14 year old boys. All in all, its never about a boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife but about the person themselves. If they are happy, those around them will be happy. If a few pounds bother them they should be gently encouraged to start a healthy lifestyle at the most. but thats just my opinion...

[Chocolate and Honey]

Lol@ The Siren *waves back showing all her teeth.*

 

FU Fu, really? Werent you commenting on how dumar is dhex daataan like "masago la isku furay"? Since, when did you adapt this neutral attitude?

[Chimera]

*Siren and C&H hug*

 

*C&H is wrapped in a large Sambusa by Siren*

 

*Siren devours the Sambuso with all it's Chocolote&Honey glory*

 

*Siren strokes her beerbelly and...''burrpss''*

[Malika]

Originally posted by Naxar Nugaaleed:

this is a basic fact of life, as you grow you will gain a few pounds, lose a tooth or two and even get few wrinkles. We can only hope that people make life decisions based on looks. on the other hand, people like what they like, whatever rocks your boat even though I find odd man who seek those stick figures that look like 14 year old boys. All in all, its never about a boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife but about the person themselves. If they are happy, those around them will be happy. If a few pounds bother them they should be gently encouraged to start a healthy lifestyle at the most. but thats just my opinion...

Haleluya! word!!@ the bit about men wanting women[i mean WOMEN] to look like a teen age boy, flat chested,skinny butt and all..Amazing how the trend setter,whom tend to be gay men have managed to get into the psychic of straight men too..

 

Faheema,said it all ,its all about self confidence,segsi ness will ouze off you without you having to look like Kate Moss..

 

*wobbles away happily*

 

ps Rudy,listen to what dear? I never understood anyone whom gets dictated on how they should look by anyone including a husband or wife. :mad: