Can You Forgive..

[underdog]

That's just HOSTILE!

 

Personally I would forgive her. Then marry a young ignorant hottie as my #2 and seee how things develop. Should make for some interesting times.

[sheherazade]

^LooL. I was not being serious. You are asking for double trouble.

 

I would just leave. He can work it out in his own time.

[SCORPION_SISTA]

I found a guy that didn't care about cheating and I didn't care so we both forgive and forget

[Chocolate and Honey]

SS,

Shame, Shame on you! Did you two discuss or was it implied?

[SCORPION_SISTA]

lol C&H it is not as bad as you think...First let me define what I consider cheating in a relationship when one of the partner is not forthcoming/cheating out of the truth.

 

The relationship boundaries had to be discussed explicitly before hand definitely as I was vetting the gentleman for a husband's position...And to use Underdog's examples, they all happened to certain extend, and I was aware of it all and once I understood why he was doing it, I didn't care...I guess I had to look at things from his perspective and not mine all the time to understand.

 

Hope that makes sense C&H, bee bye SS

[Chocolate and Honey]

SS, you are being a sly fox . Spill the beans sis. stop dancing arround the issue. What do you mean, his perspective? Did you two sit down and say "if you do such and such" it is ok but if you go beyond "such and such" then, it is cheating. Or did you not care at all because he wasnt qualified for the position of "husbandary" anyways?

[underdog]

C&H

I think she means its was made very clear that you can window shop all you want, just don't go in the store to try anything on for size.

[Ibtisam]

LOOL @ window shop and not trying it on. LOL

 

C&H, relationships in Somali context is just a few chats here and there with someone for marriage discussion. Traditionally Somali girls do not term it cheating if they chat with more than one guy at a time. In fact waa luugu faani jiirey that she chats to 1000s and marries only one I don't know if it can be classed as cheating since the guys tent to know she is talking to 10 others! lol

[GlassEyeGirl]

Maybe SS was in an open relationship, where both parties knew what to expect and not to expect from the other. I do believe in the concept of "100 la hadal halna ka aroos" how else are you going to choose the best out of the bunch .

 

I don't think there is any real commitment or obligations toward one another when people are dating, it is just a trial period to see if you are a match. And don't be naive to think that this person is just seeing you only. Everyone is guilty until marriage proves them innocent.

[Ashkiro]

Talk of open relationships, and what Scorpion said earlier connote a different meaning for those that are not familar with the somali system of doing things. I am glad some of you explained because I was um (fill in a word). Assuming things

[Chocolate and Honey]

Traditionally Somali girls do not term it cheating if they chat with more than one guy at a time.

Ibit, the key word is Traditionally. Here in the west, chatting up more than one guy at a time about marriage is Cheating because unlike the old days, guys dont want to stick arround and waste their time while you take your sweet time making a selection. I know a few who drop dead should they find out that their sweetheart is chatting other farahs :eek:

[underdog]

Yeah, that works both ways. there's xalimos who have a negative reaction when they hear a guy is looking into other options.

 

I think its even stricter with women. Whereas a man would see other men as competition and step up his game to win the prize, the girls get defensive and start handing out ultimatums threatening drastic actions. tsk tsk tsk!

[SCORPION_SISTA]

C&H,

 

lol@sly fox...Okay let me clearify it for you, hope I can do it well...His perspective hmm for example the online relationship example from Underdog's post, I look at why he is communicating with this person...Maybe as a female I feel like he is being emotionally involved with this person, but from his side he can be just merely being friendy, someone he is comfortable, and save to say things to because he wouldn't be judged...Now does that make sense?...His intentions are important and him communicating this to me and being honest about everything allows us to create a dialogue for our relationship to build on.

 

So the gentelman mentioned from my past, he had this woman who was completely in love with him and was really pushing him to get married to her, and he was keeping in touch and speaking with her whenever she contacted him...To me, I would have handled it differently if it was me, but I had to hear from his side why he was engaging in this behavior and once I understood it I was not bothered by it.

 

Let say he shared something private about himself with another woman, instead of getting mad about it as to why I might not have known about it, I took the opportunity to find out more about it...And later it was helpful because he felt he can say anything to me and I wouldn't go on the defensive.

 

 

GlassEyegirl,

 

I was not in an open relationship where he and I could have dated whoever we wanted...I was in a relationship that had open dialogue where we could share everything...There is a difference

 

Ashkiro,

 

ah the Somali system of doing things I never got that lecture, so I just did things that felt right to me

 

Underdog,

 

I don't think you got the right analogy there...He is done shopping for a romantic partner so there is no point window shopping in that department now is there

 

Bee bye SS

[underdog]

Originally posted by SCORPION_SISTA:

C&H,

 

Underdog,

 

I don't think you got the right analogy there...He is done shopping for a romantic partner so there is no point window shopping in that department now is there

Who said anything about romance?

my analogy is still accurate. he's not shopping, just trying on stuff on and putting em back...not taking anything home.

[Chocolate and Honey]

So the gentelman mentioned from my past, he had this woman who was completely in love with him and was really pushing him to get married to her, and he was keeping in touch and speaking with her whenever she contacted him...To me, I would have handled it differently if it was me, but I had to hear from his side why he was engaging in this behavior and once I understood it I was not bothered by it.

Wait? So he knew that the "woman" was inlove with him but no only that "marriage" was discussed or atleast brought up by the "woman" yet he engaged in conversations with this woman whom I'm assuming he had no desire to be with? You must be the most understanding female on the planet, Sis. Maa sha'allah. You must be so secure and so confident. Most women would flip and issue an ultimatum.