underdog Posted January 23, 2009 1)Cheating is wrong. Agreed! 2)The Cheater is at fault. Agreed! I feel the main questions here are 1) What position are you in? 2) can you live with the consequences of your (not the cheaters) actions? If you're in a position of weakness and rely on your spouse financially, emotionally and psychologically, it would be in your best interest to take the hit, shut your mouth, forgive and convince yourself it was probably your fault. But, you'll never trust her/him again and you'll probably have to figure out how to live with the doubt and suspicion. If you're in a position of power and you're independent, confident and capable, you'd probably be better off kicking the cheater to the curb and starting fresh on a new canvas. Hope you have faith to trust again. Either way, you're screwed! So all you people talking about I'd do this & I'd do that. What you should be saying is I hope I never find myself in that situation, but if I do...I hope I have the strenght and focus to do this or that Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted January 23, 2009 Forgiveness is out of the question, regardless of how dependent I am on him...Any woman who's so dependent on a man that she can not leave him if/when she wants, deserves what ever comes her way, specially those in Canada/USA/Europe/etc....A woman should never put herself in such position where she depends on her husband so much, ineysan aduunka la dabaalan karin...La'imaba tuso kuwaas, waa la iga shidaa...Akh! I might not leave right away, as I am a true believer of 'payback is a b!tch'...Planning my revenge would probably be my next move... Oo madadbaa lagu cheat gareeyay meesha, sibuu xoogaa cabaadka ubadan yehee... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Buuxo Posted January 24, 2009 Underdog,Ameen to your last point.Ilaahey noo ma keeno. KK,Sistah-gurl couldn't agree more.It is essential that women have some sort of financial independence.Even if the husband is a tight-*** and controls everything.She should at least save few shillins from the adeeg.So when she finds herself in a situation like this,she has enough money to catch a taxi,plane and or enough to start fresh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Posted January 25, 2009 Originally posted by underdog: If you're in a position of weakness and rely on your spouse financially, emotionally and psychologically, it would be in your best interest to take the hit, shut your mouth, forgive and convince yourself it was probably your fault. But, you'll never trust her/him again and you'll probably have to figure out how to live with the doubt and suspicion. If you're in a position of power and you're independent, confident and capable, you'd probably be better off kicking the cheater to the curb and starting fresh on a new canvas. Hope you have faith to trust again. Either way, you're screwed! ^ Your right, many people get hung up on the trust issue.But isnt that a waste of time and opportunities to yet experience love again? To move forward after a disappointment,will require strength and belief in one self,its too sad to see people waste their lives holding on to a past mishap..Life is too short and he or she isn't worth it,a mere weak human being waaye. I think it's important to let go,once someone has shown themselves to you, believe them. If possible and able move on,they will never change,if its not cheating it would be something else. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
underdog Posted January 26, 2009 Alternate solutions for Men and for Women . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
-Lily- Posted January 26, 2009 Of course you can forgive a person who cheats, doesn't mean you have to stay with them. Forgiveness is good for the soul. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted January 27, 2009 Originally posted by underdog: Alternate solutions for... Women Now you're speaking my lingo... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nephissa Posted January 27, 2009 Originally posted by *Buuxo*: Even if the husband is a tight-*** and controls everything.She should at least save few shillins from the adeeg.So when she finds herself in a situation like this,she has enough money to catch a taxi,plane and or enough to start fresh. ahahah@adeeg money. Some women don't even get 'adeeg money.' I sometimes see families in the supermarket. I'm talking husband and wife with children in tow doing the food shopping. It baffles me wallee, reerkan is-daba dudaya bal eeg baan iraa! Naagtaas camal, xaggee shillin ku arki? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dhimbil Posted January 28, 2009 ^^Hifive Nephisa. Yaa ku maagay. 35W aan soo qabsanaa aniga iyo FB iyo your recent fan ducaysane LOL noo sheeg. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
- Femme - Posted January 28, 2009 This is why it baffles me that people rush into marriage for any other reason than that person is right for them. It's important to be very choosy so that you greatly decrease the risk of these types of stuff happening. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Buuxo Posted January 28, 2009 Hehe@Nephisa. Why you got to pick the difficult cases adi? BUt really is there such women living in the west & is somali? I find that hard to believe. But lets say that is such case, dhee it's simple,aboowe heello weey inay ku tiraahdaa " sxb biil keeyga halkaas dhig" or I'm going to look for work at the nearest Warshad.If that doesn't work,then all women should have a sheekh on Speed-dial say ' xaqeeyga uu ku tumanaa ninkaa iga qabo or iga fasax'. But it's rare to find a somali women not in an ayuuto.Laakiin it's never good to depend on any1 fully,cheating iska dhaaf ,2morrw haduu dhinto ka waran .Waa in kisto lacag xamaalada kuugu guntantahey. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ibtisam Posted January 28, 2009 LOOL @ Waa in kisto lacag xamaalada kuugu guntantahey. You guys should just become your husbands PA, manage everything as you like, statements and all, have a little table in the "office" at home to manage your affairs in a joint account. You are entitled to maintenance in any case. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Buuxo Posted January 28, 2009 ^Gabareey wa iga talo. LOL@ PA.Maxaa igu wato ,all that maskax xanuun iyo su'aal.Tajiiro aan ahey,IA Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted January 28, 2009 It is rare to see women who put up with cheating husbands for sake of not having any other alternative...Most know what their husbands are up to and choose to ignore them...I've seen way too many of those, than those lugxiranka ah...Lax walba meeshey isdhigtaa lagu qalaa bey Soomaali horey utiri...Dhaafa nimanka haniga raaxeystaanee... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolate and Honey Posted January 28, 2009 This is why it baffles me that people rush into marriage for any other reason than that person is right for them. It's important to be very choosy so that you greatly decrease the risk of these types of stuff happening. It is not about rushed marriage. You dont truly know someone untill you've lived with them, hon. On the outside(regardless of the years you spent scrutnizing and courting)everyone puts up a front, then they CHANGE. How many times have you heard "she/he was never like this or I never thought she/he would do this?" It is human nature. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
