Can You Forgive..

[chubacka]

Originally posted by GlassEyeGirl:

I do believe in the concept of "100 la hadal halna ka aroos" how else are you going to choose the best out of the bunch

.

 

I don't think there is any real commitment or obligations toward one another when people are dating, it is just a trial period to see if you are a match. And don't be naive to think that this person is just seeing you only. Everyone is guilty until marriage proves them innocent.

How can you give anyone a fair chance if you spk to a thousand diff men at once, this seems a bit crazy let alone confusing. I would have thought the commitment begins when you choose to spk to that one person an ends when you ignore their calls!

 

An if you expect the man to be speaking to different girls besides you, what happens when you decide you want to marry him, but he might actually prefer Miss 2 or 4?

 

I have known girls like that but funny thing is they would be v. hurt if they found out the guy was speaking to other girls. :rolleyes:

[underdog]

QUESTION:

Originally posted by chubacka:

An if you expect the man to be speaking to different girls besides you, what happens when you decide you want to marry him, but he might actually prefer Miss 2 or 4?

ANSWER:

Originally posted by chocolate & honey:

... Most women would flip and issue an ultimatum.

I think a policy of zero disclosure is required from the men. Say nothing and there will be nothing. Practice the age-old response of "I'm busy"

 

"Want to go see a movie?"

"Can't, I'm busy"

 

Work very well.

[chubacka]

Originally posted by underdog:

QUESTION:

Originally posted by chubacka:

[qb]

An if you expect the man to be speaking to different girls besides you, what happens when you decide you want to marry him, but he might actually prefer Miss 2 or 4?

ANSWER:

Originally posted by chocolate & honey:

... Most women would flip and issue an ultimatum.

Most women should wish them luck an not look back!

 

 

"Want to go see a movie?"

"Can't, I'm busy"

 

Work very well..

 

REALLY?

 

Are you easily fooled or are there v. good actresses over there? Busy an no proper excuse is probably the worse thing the guy could say an he would pay for it wheather he knows it or not.

[Ashkiro]

@ah the Somali system of doing things I never got that lecture, so I just did things that felt right to me

 

ina hooyo maad ii fahmin, your earlier comment about finding a guy that didn't care about cheating and neither did you, sounded a lot more scandalous than it was. *wink*. I do like the way you view things, as for doing things that feel right, hmmm i wish i was open or brave enough depending on how one looks at it.

[GlassEyeGirl]

Originally posted by chubacka:

quote:Originally posted by GlassEyeGirl:

I do believe in the concept of "100 la hadal halna ka aroos" how else are you going to choose the best out of the bunch

.

 

I don't think there is any real commitment or obligations toward one another when people are dating, it is just a trial period to see if you are a match. And don't be naive to think that this person is just seeing you only. Everyone is guilty until marriage proves them innocent.

How can you give anyone a fair chance if you spk to a thousand diff men at once, this seems a bit crazy let alone confusing. I would have thought the commitment begins when you choose to spk to that one person an ends when you ignore their calls!

 

An if you expect the man to be speaking to different girls besides you, what happens when you decide you want to marry him, but he might actually prefer Miss 2 or 4?

 

Marriage is an investment, emotional one that is. And with all investments, you want to make sure that it pays off at the end. You don’t want to put your investment in bad fund and lose everything you’ve got. If that means taking your time in getting to know few people here and there before marriage, than why not. Insha Allah all your hard work will pay off in the end.

 

p.s. How do you committee to someone you just met?

[Sir-Qalbi-Adeyg]

^ usheeg, you gotta diversify your bonds.

[chubacka]

Glasseyed Girl, yes you prob will have to spk to a few ppl before setterling down but my point is, esp if your intention is marriage, why would you spk to 2 or more guys at once? If you choose to spk to someone then there is the commitment right there, why would you spk to someone you see no potential in?

 

I would say one at a time plz, form an orderly queue.

[Nephissa]

It's fine to talk to multiple guys, girls. I'm pro "kala-shaandhees" screening process, "kun shiri, hal la bax", and all that jazz. I've had 2, even 3 going at times, many years ago, when I was younger of course .

 

So girls, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't sit by the phone and answer only ONE call that may not come, don't be like Omar, go out and have fun.

[Aaliyyah]

The whole dating thing is controversial from religious perspective. A lota times people would say it's haraam, but inshallah if you go out with someone and you know where to draw the line and you keep it halaal nothing will go wrong.

 

I disagree with the somali saying "naagi kun shirisa mid kala baxda". What goes around comes around just imagine going out with many guys at once and finding out that one of them is the right guy. But, that right dude realizes you are seeing other guys at the same time. So, at the end of the day it would not come to your advantage not the mention all the comparing and contrasting, you are confusing yourself. So stick with one person at a time, and if he's not good enough move on to someone better. But, never at the same time, am sure none of you wanna go out with a guy who is going out with caasho or halimo just an hour after he had dinner with you.

 

All in all, treat others like you want to be treated.

 

salaaam

[Blessed]

^I agree with you Aaliyah. The only time that I think it's okay to shaandee is when you're considering 'applications', i.e your single girl and a few brothers call you up from time to time - but you have not expressed any exclusivity and he knows that you're not an item.

 

However, once you agree to go out on a date with someone, you've crossed a threshhold and should be respectful enough to give the brother his dues, a fair chance or tell him where to go. I'm sure that is how you wuld want to be treated.

 

The fact that you're considering other guys is evident enough that he isn't what your really looking for.

[Chocolate and Honey]

However, once you agree to go out on a date with someone, you've crossed a threshhold and should be respectful enough to give the brother his dues, a fair chance or tell him where to go. I'm sure that is how you wuld want to be treated.

I couldn’t agree more, Hun. This "kun la hadal,kow kala bax" theory(Apparently a well respected theory in the women community cuz my own mom advised me that when I got my heartbroken )is good and danddy if you date like people used to date in the old days. I'm assuming in the old days, girls used to talk to guys and talking meant just that. *I'm asking Aaliyan and Ibti to close their ears here. Ducks from all the gasps and the outright outrage of the learned ** but out here in the West, it is different. “Talking” usually encompasses a whole a lot of things (going out to eat, watching movies, accepting rides, gifts, taking walks together, holding hands, kissing, hugging. I KNOW and You know it happens. Stop hyperventilating!)So now for those of you who believe in this theory, do you see the problem? Isn’t it scandalous to been seen going out and doing some or all the things mentioned above with different guys at a given day or night ? And please, get real. Don’t pull out the “shouldnts” and the “ I wouldn’ts”. So this theory is flawed :rolleyes:

[NGONGE]

^^ Rubbish.

If each of the girls (single of course) here posted the list of numbers on her phone I am sure that 98% of you have at least five male names there who do not happen to be relatives. When pushed you will not have a description for them other than 'phone' buddies! Therefore, the kun la hadal, kow kala bax theory is proven.

 

ps

Have some sense and delete JB's number from your phones. He lowers the tone.

[Chocolate and Honey]

If each of the girls (single of course) here posted the list of numbers on her phone I am sure that 98% of you have at least five male names there who do not happen to be relatives. When pushed you will not have a description for them other than 'phone' buddies! Therefore, the kun la hadal, kow kala bax theory is proven.

Old man, you are mistaken. Just because we have multiple phone 'buddies' doesnt mean that we are "courting" them or even have interest in them. So the Theory is yet to be proven :rolleyes: and the burden falls on those who beleive in the system

[Ducaysane]

Ngonge right on.

[Ashkiro]

This topic just doesn't die and keeps taking interesting turns eh. Interesting someone brought up that proverb, I've interpreted it in a different manner due to the verb difference, I've heard it as: "Gabar kun baa la hadalo, hal be kala baxda", big difference between the two. Many guys will chat you up its only natural, doesn't mean you will give them the time or day.

 

@Isn’t it scandalous to been seen going out and doing some or all the things mentioned above with different guys at a given day or night

 

I would say, It's qutie scandalous to do so even with one guy.