Can You Forgive..

[Bess.]

Originally posted by chubacka:

If someone cheats on you would never trust them again (u might say you do, but i doubt it) why then spend all your time an energy trying to save something that has been so badly damaged.Also if you do take someone back after cheating on you, what does that say about your own self value. How desperate are you to be with this person?

 

Bring out the black bag I would say, but then again this hasn't happened to me and iA none of us will experience it so that jst my opinion.

Excuse me... :rolleyes: , this has nothing to do with my self worth or how i am so desperate, and i am not going to argue about it with someone who doesn't know me.

I guess it depends if i think that its my fault, that i am being cheated on, which i don't. people make mistakes and i would love to blv that i would give my husband the chance to explain and repent and then we can move on with the rest of our lives. That is not to say, stay in a situation that is not changing or healthy, if u have tried to work on things and there isn't any progress...move on.

PS... From ur message i could say that u r a quitter, with low self esteem who runs away whenever things get too hard... :cool: ...but then i don't know u and i am just assuming...(u know what they say about people who make assumptions...)

[Ibtisam]

Originally posted by Bess.:

quote:Originally posted by chubacka:

If someone cheats on you would never trust them again (u might say you do, but i doubt it) why then spend all your time an energy trying to save something that has been so badly damaged.Also if you do take someone back after cheating on you, what does that say about your own self value. How desperate are you to be with this person?

 

Bring out the black bag I would say, but then again this hasn't happened to me and iA none of us will experience it so that jst my opinion.

Excuse me... :rolleyes: , this has nothing to do with my self worth or how i am so desperate, and i am not going to argue about it with someone who doesn't know me.

I guess it depends if i think that its my fault, that i am being cheated on, which i don't. people make mistakes and i would love to blv that i would

give my husband the chance to explain and repent and then we can move on with the rest of our lives. That is not to say, stay in a situation that is not changing or healthy, if u have tried to work on things and there isn't any progress...move on.

PS... From ur message i could say that u r a quitter, with low self esteem who runs away whenever things get too hard... :cool: ...but then i don't know u and i am just assuming...(u know what they say about people who make assumptions...)

HAHAHA LOL. Bess, so my dear sis, if your husband slept with some next women you would try and work things out and forgive him? Are you having me on? :eek: :eek: Errm you are special case with a big heart my dear. And YES I am judging you in this regard.

 

Adultery is the THIRD biggest sin in Islam, right behind Shirk and murder. I cannot believe people take it so lightly. :eek:

 

Ngonge of course it is partly rooted on values. The ultimate red line why he does not cheat is his values rooted in his religion and fear of god, not the "love" or "respect" he has for his wife, that is just the decoration. Him cheating says something about his value system and ability to adhere to those values he holds dear.

[Faarax-Brawn]

^But,Theres other forms of cheating. it doesnt have to be physical,yah?

[Ibtisam]

^^^The small roads always lead to the big road, it just depends on how fast one drives/ walks to the big road.

[Faarax-Brawn]

^Just because that roads leads you to a major highway doesnt mean you will enter that highway,no?

 

A street is a street and a highway is a highway,still?

[Ibtisam]

^^A married man has no business being on a street let alone a highway, so whether you are on the street entering the highway or standing at the gates, waa iislaa haalki uun. The end destination is somewhere not in your marriage.

[Ashkiro]

^Well your not adding Mr. Iblis into the equation. Even the most God fearing, with upright morals individuals can and do error, falling into serious sins such as zina. It's serious and I don't believe the view expressed by Bess in anyway lessens the seriousness of such an action, nonetheless a good person who makes a mistake does deserve a second chance. I remember hearing the seerah on the Prophet scw about when Aisha RA was accused of adultery, and ruthless rumors were circulating about her, how the Prophet scw responded even with doubts about the issue was extraordinary and compassionate. Of course Allah SWT cleared her of all sin, but what it demonstrates is a great lesson for all of us on forgiveness. Anyway, in regards to the topic, each individual case varies, but having the quality to forgive when someone you love and care about wrongs you in their time of error, takes a lot of guts, more power to them.

[chubacka]

Originally posted by Bess.:

 

PS... From ur message i could say that u r a quitter, with low self esteem who runs away whenever things get too hard... :cool: ...but then i don't know u and i am just assuming...(u know what they say about people who make assumptions...)

hahaha he he he thanks for making me laugh dear.

 

Firstly i wasn't talking about u, I was just talking in general so no offence intended.

 

Secondly do you not think it would be difficult to leave? It would be harder than staying an always feeling hard done by.

 

there must be some limits in a relationship, an betrayal really should be one of the big ones.

 

I dont think its necessarily praiseworthy that you think you would be able to forgive infidity but hey ppl r different. As I said, may Allah save us from this trial.

[Ibtisam]

I remember hearing the seerah on the Prophet scw about when Aisha RA was accused of adultery, and ruthless rumors were circulating about her, how the Prophet scw responded even with doubts about the issue was extraordinary and compassionate. Of course Allah SWT cleared her of all sin, but what it demonstrates is a great lesson for all of us on forgiveness.

Ashkiro, how are you dear sis?

 

You are right of course, But Mr. Iblis is always here/ there regardless. Nevertheless people are different. What would force a Muslim man to commit adultery, he is allowed FOUR hala ones, is not stupi*dnimo iyo saaqaanjaanimo that forces him to creep. If Iblis is doing the rounds and really tempting him, then do it the right and honest way, get married.

 

It is interesting that you mention when Aisha RA was accused of adultery, I don’t know what you heard, but as I remember the prophet ignored her, turned away from and refused to speak to her and did not visit her even when her health deteriorated. ALL as a result of a doubt or suspicion not fact. In fact he only spoke to her after Allah SWT cleared her of all sins and she was at her parents house the whole time.

 

For some of the major sins, its not for us to forgive, because it is not a sin against us, but rather one of disobedient. It is one of the few sins punishable by death, lucky for them, there is not Islamic state to carry out the punishment now, if there was people will not even be having this discussion of forgiving him. He’ll be dead and if he invoked the punishment on himself, his forgiveness would be assured, however for now all he can do is repent and we don’t know if that repents will be accepted.

[Bess.]

Originally posted by *Ibtisam* :

HAHAHA LOL. Bess, so my dear sis, if your husband slept with some next women you would try and work things out and forgive him? Are you having me on? [Eek!] [Eek!] Errm you are special case with a big heart my dear. And YES I am judging you in this regard.

I can see where u would think it impossible to forgive and forget, and to tell the truth who knows how i will react if such a horrendous thing were to happen( I pray against that). What can i say I am a FIXER, i would want to know why it happened...what is missing in our relationship...so on and so forth.

PS...My husband would never cheat...he knows i don't share well at all... :mad:

[rudy-Diiriye]

ladies yall should let your hubby lose sometimes.

i can assure that he will appreciate it and even luv u more.

 

see its all in the natural dna, women are nesters and men are hunters. dont forget that. even hook him with your best gfs, so he dont waste 2 much looking around. it works. try it.

[Ashkiro]

Ibtisam, I am doing great, thanks for asking sis. I’A likewise. I can’t say I don’t share your point of view because I do, however I am only awknowledging people can and do make mistakes. As cliche as it sounds, no one is perfect. What would force a Muslim man (and/or woman) to commit adultery you asked? Well according to the Islamic tradition, shaydan. People don’t always make the right choices ie get married or if your having problems in your marriage talk to your spouse and work it out. Even an upright righteous individual with wisdom can be lead astray step by step by Shaydan until finally committing the worst sin. Have you heard narratives about the pious man, who comitted zina, murder, than finally shirk? There are many similar narratives I’ve listened to, Ahmed the Repenter being another. I am not making any excuses, only awknowledging that people are human.

 

About the case of Aisha RA, I heard it from my mother’s collection. 50 tapes on the Prophet’s scw seerah, the Sheikh was a Somali Sheikh by the name of Mustafa. Sadly I only know of him on first name basis, but he is pretty well known and from what I’ve listened of him, creditable. I can’t say I have listened to details of that particular incident other than from these tapes, but the impression I was under is to the contary from what you described. Rather, the Prophet scw was supportive and compassionate. And Allah Knows Best. But I’A I will look into it.

 

I agree with your final statement.

[Zafir]

After reading this topic and the responses, the thought of having this conversation with my other half surfaced, which quick let to this DVD playing in my head:

 

“Babe, what would you do if I ever cheated on you? Would you forgive me? Cheating is rooted in value.”

 

W: “What?? What do you mean?”

 

Me: “I mean if it were to happen, how would you deal with the situation?”

 

W: “Listen, if you have something to say to me say it, don't patronize me.”

 

Me: “You're jumping the gun here, I mean, if you cheated on me, I would give you a chance to explain yourself. I would than analyze the circumstance and might even forgive you.”

 

W: “What is there to analyze, it happened. And that all that matters”

 

Me: “Say, I am on my deathbed, and my only cure was to eat this apple. Theses apples are only in the hands this guy who owns this farm, and he tells you he would only give them to you if you sleep with him.”

 

W: “Why would it even get that far? I would throw rocks at his farm and he in return would throw apples. (And chuckles at her wit)”

 

Me: Now you are just being silly.

 

W: I am being silly?? (With slight irritation) You’re a peace of work, you know that.

 

Me: I would forgive you.

 

W: Listen man, I don’t know where you’re going with all this. But, if something happened at least have decency and be a man about it.

 

Me: “I cheated. (Long pause) with time, I mean”. And I continued “You remember last week when I said I would be working late. Well, I wasn’t I went to smoke Shiisha.”

 

W: “Heh. Friday when you said you were going to play soccer, I know you didn’t because you came back smelling like Shiisha, Saturday you went again. What is this an addiction?? You have to stop this Zafir, you have to. When you came home late that night and I asked you were out smoking Shiisha, do you remember what you said to me? “

 

Me: what ever it was I didn’t mean it babe.

 

W: “you said [When people go crazy, they don’t just wake up one morning naked and start to chase normal people in the streets. They show symptoms, and that I was being paranoid.] You had me second guessing my smell and sanity.” And she added “Please put a stop to this Shiisha habit, I hate the smell, I hate it.”

 

Me: At this point I am short for breath; my neurons are in overdrive to come up with reasonably justifiable response for a rebuttal. I echoed, “Yes, I cheated. She was this blonde chick with a round bum that works in Happy up.” In one sentence, thinking, at least Shiisha was now salvaged. I didn’t even wait for the outcome; I quickly pressed Eject and deleted the content permanently.

 

Relieved, that this conversation would never ever take place in real life, I went to blow off some steam and flavored smoke.

[Aaliyyah]

If I was married and he cheated on me I wouldn't forgive him period.....

 

bacdiisa madow ayaan u xanbarin lahaa..

 

Marriage or even relationships should be based on honesty and trust, and that just goes out of the window once mistrust and lies get in the picture...

 

But, as somalis say " habar fadhida lagdin la fudud" I was never married so who knows. It's easier said than done. You might be crazy in love with the dude who cheated on you...what can i say? I'll just pray for you in whatever decision you choose whether you stay with em or kick em out ...But, If you stick to that relationship I hardly doubt you will ever 100% trust him..this lil voice from back of your head will say "war kii xaguu jiray maanta talow"....

 

my 2 cents

 

 

salaam

[Nephissa]

L0L..

Me: “Say, I am on my deathbed, and my only cure was to eat this apple. Theses apples are only in the hands this guy who owns this farm, and he tells you he would only give them to you if you sleep with him.”

C'mon Z, are you afraid of death that bad, that you [in your imagination] are willing to pimp your significant other for a cure/an apple? . Not worth it dude!