What have you done for Somalia?

[NASSIR]

What have you done for Somalia?

 

 

By: Mohamed Mukhtar

February 28, 2006

 

 

Chairman: A warm welcome to all of you to this unique meeting and as you have noted the title of the meeting is “What have you done for Somalia.†This is the first time a meeting of this nature is being held since the demise of Siad Barre government. I thank each of you for taking the time to be here in order to address this important gathering and present your contribution to the destruction of this country. Regardless of what others may say, you deserve every commendation for your unwavering stance to participate in the annihilation of the Somalia society. Since we are pressed for time, I will give each one of you one minute to tell us how you have contributed to the dire situation that Somalia is in.

 

Politician: A friend of Bill Clinton was once asked “How does Bill Clinton say I'm about to hurt you?†And the friend replied “He says trust meâ€. This clearly shows Bill is a true politician like me. As I ask Somalis to trust me even after all these events. They are still hoping that I will somehow revive the Somali nation although I have let them down more than 13 times to reconcile the warring Somali factions.

 

Warlord: My name speaks for itself and I don’t need to present my case. But for the record, I have made Somalia a war-torn country with no prospect to pull itself out of a fatal dive towards state failure. By the way, if the previous speaker’s hero is Clinton, mine is George Bush and you know why.

 

Businessman: It is said, “Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.†To make something good for myself, I made Somalia a damping ground for the shoddy and low-grade products and toxic waste. The current charcoal trade is booming and desertification is going well. Warlords claim that they are antigovernment, but we are the true power that makes sure that the best Somalis can have is a paper government and not a functioning government. This means no red tape, no taxation and certainly no control. Those who advocate for market liberalisation and less government involvement wish to have our model.

 

Diaspora: In the initial stages of the civil war in Somalia I used to finance the warring machine, but now even warlords are too tired to fight. Therefore, I comment on Somalia’s plight from a position of detached safety mainly cafés in Europe and North America.

 

Khat trader: The civil war would not have lasted this long without my effort. Khat bleeds dry the limited hard currency available inside Somalia. For example, I make Somalis inside Somalia to spend $300,000 a day on Kenyan khat. Imagine life without “Marqaan†– excitation. I let khat users believe that they will have feelings of bliss, clarity of thought and energy, but majority of them end up becoming aggressive and paranoid. Khat causes health and social problems. The health problems range from depression to mouth cancer. The social problems can be from family breakdowns to distorted beauty. A mother said, “It is disheartening to see your son who cannot smile because he lost his incisors.†My destruction is not only confined to Somalia, I export khat to wherever Somalis are. A local magazine from London once wrote, “In some parts of London six out of ever 10 people in mental health units are Somalis with many of them having a linkage to Khat abuse.â€

 

Pharmacist: The fifth Code of Ethical Behaviour for Patients says, “Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it.†But since you are the stakeholders I am willing to share what I have done for this country. First let me introduce myself, I am an experienced phoney pharmacist since there hardly are any qualified pharmacists or registered nurses in the country. I import expired medicine from different parts of the world, which affect 300,000 people annually. I rename the country of origin of some products because Somalis trust European products over Asian products. I tell them that human beings and animals can consume the same medicine. Headache is headache whether you are a man or a donkey. I give no instruction as I tell them to consume as much as they like.

 

NGO: Occasionally, I ask myself if Somalia has gone completely mad. And then I say, “Who cares? Where is the next grant coming from?†My role is simple. Aid is channelled through me and that means I am in a position to make money, to influence and to play the role of a government. Why should I want a Somali government reinstalled? I spend most of my time visiting here and there and then I get back to my heated/air-conditioned office and write excellent reports.

 

Journalist: Let me tell you the message that you will hear when you call my telephone number, I think that will give you a good picture of my role. The message says, “You have reached the mouthpiece of the clan and he is not here now, so feel free to leave a message saying who you are and what you want me to tell the world on behalf of the clan and how I will collect my cut if there is any.â€

 

Clan leader: I taught Somalis the importance of clan and led them to believe that 4.5 is the best way to formulate a government. Whether they are highly educated, illiterate, sycophant, cocky or intellectual they need my signature and blessing to do anything. Honest is something that I lost contact over the years, so as a leader, I always tend to favour one over the other so my followers normally find themselves to be in suspicion and unsettling environment.

 

Militia leader: I am a future oriented person, so I always think about the children and young people. I am the leader who recruits children as soldiers. We need people who carry out operations. Right? Children don’t eat as much as adults; they are easier to control and less demanding. More importantly, they are fearless and loyal. I use stick and carrot approaches to recruit them. Poverty plays a crucial role by removing any safe net and limiting children choices to ‘fight or die’ situation. One of the coercive methods I use is to fill in children bodies with narcotic drugs. Sometimes I use inducement baits such as food, clothing, shelter and empty promises to lure children to join the groups. In short, today’s children will be tomorrow’s leaders but if they are taught only how to maim and slay, I am planting the destructive seeds of tomorrow’s social fabrics.

 

Kenya: First, I thank the NGO and the International Community representatives for using Kenya as a temporary base, although I am not sure if after 16 years we can still call temporary. I am also grateful for the khat trader. I heard before Rukia Osman Mahmoud, an anti-khat activist, saying “Our men have become lazy over the years because of the widespread trade that forces them to just sit and chew the product.†But that is good. When Somali men sit for moment’s pleasure, Kenyan farmers are hard at work to produce more intoxicating khat. In 2004, we helped Somalis to form a government after two years of plodding negotiations in Kenya and in 2006 we started to register Somalis in Kenya as legal refugees for the first time for 16 years. That clearly shows how sincere we are about the Somali government.

 

Ethiopia: Action speaks louder than words.

 

Participants started to give the Ethiopian delegate lukewarm applause before he has completed the first sentence, but then standing ovation followed.

 

Chair: I take that there is no need for you to go further. You are simple the best. Could you please pass the microphone to the next speaker?

 

International

Community: Irish Politician on RTE radio once said, “An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreementâ€. The Somali case is just like that and we are always happy to help Somalis to agree something. Furthermore, we say to Somalis “Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. Try to meet one more timeâ€

 

Chair: Thank you for wonderful and sincere contributions. It is said, “A real person has two reasons for doing anything...a good reason and the real reason.†I believe today we had an honest discussion not like others who just claim to care Somalia or just pretend to be well-wishers. Keep up the good work.

 

Mohamed Mukhtar

London

Email: mohamed323@hotmail.com

 

Wardheernews.com

[-Serenity-]

Amelia: Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Why? Because Somalia has done Nothing. Nada. Zilch. FOR ME.

 

Infact, my association with the place seems to be the only bane in my life.

[Pi]

^^ If the Kennedy quote wasnt so abused (even somali warlords use it, I hear) I would have said "Ask not what your country... blah blah".

 

Anyhow, looks like someone is going through an identity crisis. Somalia has so many problems? Why am I a Somali? Waaaaaah Waaaah (violent wailing and breast-beating). When the wailing subsides, you'll be just fine.

[Alle-ubaahne]

The question should be put this way: What have you done for Islam? That way, people would expect something for their acts (good deeds deserve good rewards from Allah) in doing something good for others.

 

There is nothing for me in believing the dogma of doing good for my country in the name of nationalism. My thinking should be always doing something good for the Muslims that will earn me Jannah which is the final abode and real country.

[Castro]

What have you done for Somalia?

I've done no harm.

[Intel]

^^ miyaadan bixin qaaraankii berigii lala dagaala mayey reer gafuur dheere?

 

 

What have you done for Somalia?

i introduced few kids to the wonderful game.. cricket :cool:

[Guhaad]

What have you done for Somalia?

i saved my life, by leaving

[Resistance]

What i have done for Somalia: is 1st of the month today .. $few houndred of these always leaves my pocket on this day ... what more could i do for it.

[General Duke]

What have you done for Somalia?

Not as much as I could. May Allah give me the courage and the patiance to help my beloved country. Amin.

[-Serenity-]

Originally posted by Pi:

Anyhow, looks like someone is going through an identity crisis. Somalia has so many problems? Why am I a Somali? Waaaaaah Waaaah (violent wailing and breast-beating). When the wailing subsides, you'll be just fine.

Thanks for the vote of confidence a*se. :rolleyes:

[Pure blood]

Ask me not what I have done for my country, but what I have done for my qabil!!! And thats LOT!!!

 

 

You should rephrase your question, you'll get similar answers such as mines, that are quite honest.

[Animal Farm]

NB I agree with you ----- many Somalis work for their tribe, not for Somalia

[Pure blood]

Refrain from addressing me by initials sir :cool:

 

To be rather frank, helping our own qabils is the only realistic way to help our nation strive.

 

 

P.S

For the happy-going-hippy-liberals, my views might be too extreme for your unrealistic minds!!!

[ANWAR]

Originally posted by Amelia:

Amelia

: Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Why? Because Somalia has done Nothing. Nada. Zilch. FOR ME.

Infact, my association with the place seems to be the only bane in my life.

..............................

 

**Ask not what your country can do for you but

**what you can do for your country **

 

this is a real Patriots spic

....................................

What have you done for Somalia?

 

''im in BAYDHABA rihtg NOW TO HELP MEY people''

''SO THEY CAN HELP THEM SELFS

[Jaylaani]

Originally posted by Alle-ubaahne:

The question should be put this way: What have you done for Islam? That way, people would expect something for their acts (good deeds deserve good rewards from Allah) in doing something good for others.

 

My thinking should be always doing something good for the Muslims that will earn me Jannah which is the final abode and real country.

How could you talk about Islam when you believe Muslims can murder other Muslims with no consequences? That is hypocrisy with capital H in your part.