Amna Posted May 31, 2010 How do I tell brothers who are looking for a wife that I have a disability after everything else?. Over the years I have gotten more and more scared to tell brothers this. In the past when I was a young teenager I never thought anyone would turn me down because of this, espeically a religious muslim man. Some actually said it to my face that they will not marry me for the fact that I am disabled. Now I find myself struggling alot just to tell them this small part of me and I become extremelly scared and paniced. So how do I tell them without them running away as soon as they see my disability on my profile or I even tell them myself?. I know I am beautiful inside and out but I am just so tired of being rejected over a trivial thing. After I wrote everything else on my profile I spent hours maybe days just to come up with the words to say that I am disabled and I still can't. Please I am being very serious so if you can't tell me something that would be of help to me then don't say anything. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Posted May 31, 2010 ^ :)and a *cyber hug*. Rejection is a sour pill to swallow sometimes, it is so negative and a horrible thing to go through. Nevertheless sis, you’re not and never will be the only one that has encountered it through their journey in life..It happens to all of us in different ways. The good thing is you have recognised its impact on you, thus the task of dealing with it shouldn’t be hard [i hope]. We women tend to take this rejection inward, causing ourselves great injustice by asking ****** questions like ‘why’..ish!!, making assumptions that something is wrong with ourselves, then one tries to find ways of ‘bettering themselves’ so to fit in with the ‘supposedly requirements’ ..Only to be setting oneself to fail – who would want a low self esteemed person? Add your disability on your profile, only those whom truly would want you will approach you, those whom will not, will not..You will have to respect their decision and move on, as it has nothing to do with you. ps.I trully empathies with you sis,it's a long way to go before,we can change the constructed prejudice on disable people,nevertheless there is hope,there many married disable people. Pss. I know this is important to you, and I pray Allah makes it easy for you to find your Mr right..Insha'allah,nothing is impossible - by Qadr Allah. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cawaale Posted May 31, 2010 Everybody has their own beliefs and views about certain things, but unfortunately many communities don't seem to give the respect that is due to the people with social needs. it sadness me that they are not treated equally. Its always challenging living among a community who doesn't' see us as equal. but to answer your question sister Amna, i find truth to be the best policy(the earlier the best), and i can't think of a nice way to say it. Just tell them. Its not a shame, Its not a crime, and its very important that your potential marriage partner has a mutual respect for you. Please as clear as possible about your disability, because ultimately this person will fight right beside you. Good Luck to you and may Allah makes it easy for you to find a suitable husband. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted May 31, 2010 Amna, Amna, AMNA! You come across as a very desperate girl with all of your 'feel sorry for me' topics...It is very sad (almost pathetic too) to see that in almost all the topics you've started or participated in have to do with men! WTF!!! Do you not have any other thoughts/hobbies/interests other than nin? SERIOUSLY!!! The sooner you accept your disability, the better you can move on in life...It is not about these men rejecting you or accepting your disabled, it is about you being comfortable in your own skin...AND HAVE SOME IMAN...Shidh!!! Besides, whatever happened to the guy you were waiting to hear from? Did he reject you? I've read some topic where you claim you gave up on looking, then you started another one where you claim the dude is too busy and you were considering contacting him through his family (or something to that effect) and now this? C'mon! There's more to life than nin...There are so many able men/women who are good looking (inside/out) who never marry...It is all about calaf...Imaan yeelo anaga nin hanagu wareerininee... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Somalina Posted May 31, 2010 Be proud of what Allah blessed you with and have iman like KK said. Nin la'aan aduun la'aan ma aha, thus find something else to occupy your time. lol@nin hanagu wareerinee.... sheekadan waxbaa ka qaldan, caadi ma ahan. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cawaale Posted May 31, 2010 KK, the sister stated that she is in peace with her skin, its the men who have the problem. Moving with her life she(she) decided to have a family, and its her fully rights to do so by any means. I am with you on her threads pattern, bu again you can't imagine what is she is going through. ka kala yaree gabarta(kululaa qofta, wallee, kaama guursado).. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted June 1, 2010 LOOOOOOL@kululaa qofta, wallee, kaama guursado... Cawaale, qof iga maskiinsan majiro ee ha'iska key fogeyn... On the real, you're right I can't imagine what she's going through, that's why I said able men/women don't marry too or find their Mr/Mrs. Right...I honestly don't think she has accepted her disability, maantoo dhan bey ku soo celcelisaa...Mentioning it and accepting it are two totally different things... NNC, could you ask the sister if she would consider marry a brother with a disability? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Somalina Posted June 1, 2010 KK why don't ask her? waan ka xishoonaaya to ask such a question...xaasidsanidaa kaale yaanyuuree...saas kuguma ogeyn.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted June 1, 2010 NNC, could you ask the sister if she would consider marry a brother with a disability? lol koolkat ma maqashay habar fadhida lagdin la fudud none of us will ever know what this sister is going throu being disable and being judged because of that. tan kale if she married a disabled guy I think life would be difficult. Shes better off with a guy who doesnt have disability who has strong iman. I personally know a guy who is on wheelchair and his wife doesnt have any disability and she loves him n admires him. It is all about calaf... Amna ilaahay haku sahlo walaal. waxa aan dhoho ma garanayo ka aheen ilaahay haku cawiyo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FatB Posted June 1, 2010 would it be incorect to ask what is ur disability? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted June 1, 2010 NNC, maxaan xaasid ku ahay? I was thinking along the lines whether or not she, herself, is also discriminating against disabled men? Aliyah, dee soo lama dhoho 'shimbirba shimbirkiis buu la duulaa'...May be she should consider a brother who's facing the same obstacle (not same disabitility, but disabled nonetheless) in finding a partner...Taas ma wax baa ku jaban... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted June 1, 2010 ^lol somalid waxay ku maahmaahda laba qawan isma qaado oo yacni labo qof oo waxba haysan isma caawin karaan marka labaduba hadii dhibaato haysato noloshu way iska adkanasa waxa la qaatay mid in uu disable aheen..saas bay ila tahay. Fat I somehow assumed she was on wheelchair, bt now that I read it she never mentioned. And, I honestly think it is confidential and it wouldn't be appropriate to ask her.. salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Posted June 1, 2010 KK, Gurkuu waa waxyaloo kaa miid oo loo ducestaa,including having children,marka gabadhan maskinadaa ee guur dontaa aa uu ducee,iska daa qayladaa iyo buuqaa aa uu kicineysaa. Nin laan maxaa kaa oogtahay inadeer? Illahi baa kuu barakeyee, alxamdulillah dhe! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted June 1, 2010 Malika, oh trust and believe I know a thing or two about nin la'aan (not first hand of course, alxamdulilaah)! There are a few late 20s, early 30s women around me...In la duceysto ama la'isku duceeyo is one thing, Imaan daro is another... Aaliyah, Soomaalidu wexey kaloo dhahaa 'laba qaawan waa u toostaa'... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Somalina Posted June 1, 2010 KK runta waan kugu jeclahay, however we are talking about a disabled person here. where are your wings saaxiib? u qabooji dee hadalka inyar. She wont even admit her disability on her profile what makes you think she wants a disabled man? I think she should visit her local mosque and talk to the imam about hooking her up with a muslim brother. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
