Dear Muslim Husbands

[Conscious Manipulation]

Have you cleaned the house?

 

Is dinner ready?

 

Have you fed the kids?

 

Did you wash my clothes?

 

 

These are some of the questions that women hear, day in and day out, from husbands who assert that wives are nothing more than servants and baby machines. But a wife is neither.

 

Nevertheless, amidst busy schedules on the parts of both women and men, some husbands forget the real reasons behind marriage and likewise the rights of their wives. Subsequently, they deprive themselves, their mates and their children of the happiness and tranquility that is the bedrock of a successful family. This unbalanced vision towards a couple's ideal relationship is bad enough to plunge the family into a situation laden with troubles and worries.

 

Even among religious families, you will find some husbands who still do not have a proper understanding of rights of their wives, nor a clear vision of the intended relationship between a married couple.

 

It is both painful and distressing to see a Muslim husband practicing Allah's orders on the one hand, but forgetting to follow His guidance regarding how to treat his wife. Outside the home he is kind, patient and smiling. But, as soon as he returns home, the smiling face becomes angry and sad and the kindness and gentleness turn into nervousness and adversity. He starts shouting and screaming his orders at his wife.

 

He forgets that although he faces many challenges and pressures outside the house, his wife can also be overwhelmed with the housework and her responsibilities to the children.

 

He forgets that she also needs rest after a long day of working. Although his duty is to work outside the house and to provide for his family, a wife's role inside the house is not any less important. On the contrary, her role is often more important as she is the one charged with raising the children and guarding the family.

 

We often see this scenario: A wife feels tired and asks her husband to help her with the cleaning, washing or cooking. He refuses, as though it is shameful for a man to help his wife. Doesn't he know that Prophet Mohammad (SAW), the most beloved person to Allah (SWT), helped his wives with the housework? Doesn't he know that Omar Ibn al-Khattab provided recipes to a group of women in order to teach them how to cook? Could Omar teach others if he himself did not know how to cook?

 

No husband, regardless of how much work he has, can ever be busier than our Prophet (SAW) whose duty it was to spread Islam. Likewise, no one is busier than Omar who had to bear the responsibility of a Khalifah.

 

It shocks me to hear that some wives have never heard a loving or appreciative word from their husbands. When asked about the person he loved the most, the Prophet (SAW) did not hesitate to name his wife, A'ishah. Thus, he declared very clearly, that a husband should not be ashamed of loving his wife or even of declaring that love in front of other people.

 

It is also painful to hear that some husbands do not speak to their wives or spend time with their families, under the pretenses of a busy schedule and da'wa work. While it is noble to be involved in da'wa outside the home, it is also necessary that the wife and children also be recipients of a husband's efforts.

 

I wonder how married couples can live without ever talking or spending time together or how they can feel happiness and tranquility with this gap separating them. Who else can share in happiness and sadness better than one's wife? Who else can encourage one to confront the challenges of life with perseverance and patience? Who can listen and keep one's secrets better than a wife? Who can help renew iman and intentions better than a wife?

 

The Prophet (SAW) taught us that the best among men is the one who best treats his wife. Shouldn't we follow the Prophet's example in every issue of our lives?

 

The Prophet (SAW) spent time with his wives, talking to them, laughing with them, and even playing with them. So why have we strayed from that example?

 

Raising children is not just the mother's job, as some mistakenly think. It is intended as a mutual responsibility to be shared by both parents. Everyone has his/her complimentary role to undertake regarding family. There is no doubt that the mother bears the bigger burden of responsibility, but the role of the father is likewise important and has tremendous effects on the stability of the family.

 

Children need the presence and input of a father. They need him to ask them about their homework, help them memorize the Qur'an and understand religion. They need to feel that he is there for them.

 

Dear husbands, your wife is your partner, your other half and your life mate. She can be your hassanah in this world and "the blessing of your life," but only if you give her the chance to be. She is the one who can bring a smile to your face and dry the tears of pain from your eyes. She has the potential to provide your family with iman, happiness, encouragement, and patience in the face of challenges you may face. Your wife is always ready to sacrifice everything in order to bring happiness and success to the family.

 

No one can claim that marriage is always blissful or that there will never be any hardships to face. But, if the basis of the relationship is strong and if each person has a clear vision of his partners' rights, then challenges can easily be overcome.

 

I do not mean to blame all husbands for the problems facing couples today. I am addressing a specific type of husband within the Muslim community: the misinformed one who does not understand that a happier and stronger Muslim family can only be built under a strong partnership between the couple.

 

 

Allah (SWT) says in the Holy Qur'an,

 

" And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (30:21)

[OG_Girl]

I agree with you sister, Even most religious people mixing between culture and Islam. Culturelly women is who take care of the house and men works out...that is what every Moslim men in mind in our moslim world. But in Islam, man should pay even breast feeding the baby , and she can even refuse it, let a lone to serve him!.

 

Woman is not her job to cook and clean for men, that is another myth too but the truth she doesn't have to, but she can do it for her husband and that is totally her right to refuse.

 

Well, marriage is partnership, and respect between couples, but if we go by Islamic Law and follow it, man will loose a lot of rights he gave to him self.

 

So, my brothers shall we respect each other and treat each other with " mawadah and rahmah" or you want go by law? Hmm choice yours!.

 

Salam

[Miriam1]

A great read. thanks.

[Salma]

Nice topic Thanx.

 

The topic title is "Dear Muslim Husbands" so where are the muslim husbands & bros here? I see two girls replied only :confused:

 

I know i know dont tell me , they are so busy in their jobs,schools,univs. and rooms.

[Viking]

Woman is not her job to cook and clean for men, that is another myth too but the truth she doesn't have to, but she can do it for her husband and that is totally her right to refuse.

O.G.,

In islam, the man and the woman have certain responsibilities. The man is to provide for the family and the woman is to take care of the household (cooking, cleaning, etc.). They can share the responsibilities though; they can both work (earning money) and do the chores together.

[NGONGE]

Have you cleaned the house?

 

Is dinner ready?

 

Have you fed the kids?

 

Did you wash my clothes?

Are there men out there that ask such questions? :eek:

Don’t they have anything better to do than wonder if their wife has cooked or cleaned?

Great advice but maybe I’m being naïve here, I don’t think there are many guys like that these days. Lazy probably, but expecting such privileges and actually making orders! Where can I find these guys so they can give me some advice on how to make my wife kowtow and shuffle about at every whish and whim of mine?

 

Sounds very appealing if you don’t mind me saying so.

 

 

*** Clears throat ***

 

Shaah, Shaah, NOW!

 

*** Ducks to avoid the flying Dacas ***

[OG_Girl]

Viking, Bro, cleaning and taking care of house holds is not women's " Responsibilities" .

 

Woman's respobsibilities are same as men's responsibilities "except" talking care of growing up "MEN". If you want some one to take care of your house hold get a " maid" as simple as that.In Islam women can earn her living NOthing against that if she wants but Allah said " Al-rejalo qawamonah 3ala al-nesa" so is clear he have to take care of her but not opposite as many men believe.

 

Since some men these days failed to take of them selvies let alone to take care of women or childeren women doing what she forced to do, take care of her self and her kids.

 

Salam

[Salma]

LOOL Ngongy, enta bethat, it seems to me u are one of those. A cup of tea in one hand and the Dacas with the other hand, "Na ciyalka naga amuse, shhhidh"

 

Dunno what makes me remember Qabyo-1 and "The Pasta Plate" in Maxamood's hands :confused:

[Salma]

but Allah said " Al-rejalo qawamonah 3ala al-nesa" so is clear he have to take care of her but not opposite as many men believe.

[/QB]

OG, u know exactly how some men explain this verse. They think this "Sweet Creature called WOMAN" is available only for their service and pleasure and thats it. There are many things man should consider not only with his wife, but also with his mother,sisters,daughters..etc. I think if every family raise their boys that the girls or women should be respected,understood and give them care and concetration, this will make the whole story easy for them when they get married. But because some of the families teach the boy that the girls (sisters) are their for his service only, and they as boys dont have to do anything in the house, no cleaning, no taking care of the house holds, nothing, they order his sisters things like:-

1- Go get a glass of water to your brotha (Why cant he get a glass of water 4 himself?)

2- Go clean your brothers' rooms. (Can't he depend on himself and clean his room?)

3- Dont speak when your brother is speaking.

4- Some parents go to the side of their sons against their daughter without knowing the story or what happened....etc

 

So i think what makes the man a real gentleman who respects his wife, care for her, support and understand her is related somehow to what he was taught about women and girls in his childhood.

Families should teach their sons to :-

1- Not call their sisters with provocative names that she hates or doesnt like.

2- Respect their sisters wishes, interests, concerns.

3- Try to understand their sisters.

4- Don't shout on her sister in front of others, don't embarrase her. If there is any problem between you and her, try to make it private and take her somewhere, discuss things and solve problems

5- Take care of your sister when she is sick, bothered, bored, feel lonely, scared, needs help, needs encourgment or advice. In brief, b your sister's first friend. That will help you be your wife's friend.

 

Believe me when the boy is taught how to respect women, appreciate them and how to deal with them from his childhood, things will be easier in his marriage life. Why?? Bcz he get used to it in his childhood, so its not weird or difficult at all to help his wife in house or any thing else.

 

So i hope the parents and families in addition to the beautiful values they are teaching their sons, i hope they add something called "How to deal with the women".

 

Personally, i love to be the Queen in my house. I don't like the assistance of any maid/servants. I don't think its a matter of maids or cleaners, but a matter of co-operation between the married couples.

 

If we just imitate the Prophet (PPUH) in everything, life will be a great thing.

 

PEACE

[Jumatatu]

Though I will prefer my spouse to work and seek her goals, there will be other matters that both concern us that will need attention.But I also want to ask neo-feminists, If I'm able to provide for my wife, children and basic needs of the house which as we agree is a must to every walking Farax, then what will be the role of the wife of the house?

[NGONGE]

:eek: :eek: :eek:

 

 

OG_Girl in “I demand a housemaid” shocker!!

 

:eek: :eek: :eek:

[OG_Girl]

Em, I know sister, they take Islam " qoshoor" just the text with out knowing the real meaning.. they think " al-qawaamah" is giving orders...don't know is all about " responsibilities", Ooooh if they just understand what " qawaamah" is they wouldn't even dare to say it, coz is definetlly too much for them .

 

Jumatata, I agree with you, is all about respect both sides.Not one have superior over other.

 

NGONGE....LOL, U know is not all about "maid" but come on they think they marry woman coz to serve them, they don't know she is humanbeen and have her dreams just like him to reach beside being a mom and a wife.

 

I said and I repeat it " let us help each other and treat each other" bel mawadah and rahmah" NOT by LAW.

 

Salam

[raula]

^^^gal some alwayz twist words..and many in this site and others as well have learned to PERFECT this talent. But, Iam glad our MUSLIM brothers realize that there needs to be EGALITARIAN ROLES by foreshadowing the lifes(roles and responsibilities) of our PROPHET(S.A.W.) and the khalifas'(R.A.). Otherwise, some are totally blinded by some traditional patriachial roles and will never grow out of it

 

NGONGE-stop acting up like you are the man of the house, when its abvious that you are 24/7 stay-home up-to-no-good baby producer (* looking at NG shuffling for his WELDING glasses to see what I wrote. Then she spits, " GEEK , " Yucks!)

[Viking]

Viking, Bro, cleaning and taking care of house holds is not women's " Responsibilities" .

 

Woman's respobsibilities are same as men's responsibilities "except" talking care of growing up "MEN". If you want some one to take

care of your house hold get a " maid" as simple as that.

OG,

I am not playing jingoist here or trying to 'put women in their place'. Men and women have different roles according to Islam, please find out what they are if you don't believe me. Don't just blurt out what you think sounds 'fair' and make it Islamic Law.

[OG_Girl]

Vicking, I learned ISLAM I wasn't only born with it. and as far as I know Islam is all about Fair and "fetra" any thing is not fair in not from Islam ..full stop.

 

I study Islamic Law in University and I am learning why you don't do like me ??

 

Salam