Riyaale – The Runner : joke

[Sophist]

Perhaps this ought to be in the joke section! I have read the first part and thought it was quite a satire! Enjoy reading or better comment on it!

-0---

 

Riyaale – The Runner

 

 

Riyaale – The Runner

The Chain of Constructive Criticism (3C’s)

Email: wiilwaal2005@yahoo.co.uk

 

The authors of Boxes of Death and Destruction, based on the unlawful intrusion of Gen. Riyaale into the Puntland city of Las anod back in December 2002. Who could forget the article about Kulmiya Party after they conceded a humiliating defeat in the Somaliland general election and off course many more interesting articles. 7th of December 04 marks the second anniversary of the day Riyoode was forcefully removed from Las anod by Darwiish fighters and defended the unity of Somalia. We (The Chain of Constructive Criticism also known as 3C’s) are proud to present a historic piece of writing based on that incident and we name it Riyaale – The Runner. Make no mistake that 3C’s articles are free from political motivation and we only present facts and factual events in a simple and humorous manner.

 

 

 

An international body responsible for the Olympics recently met in Athens to discuss ways of making the organisation more inclusive. It was agreed that young and old talented individuals who are unlikely to represent their countries for various reasons should be given priority number one. The organisation also recognised that the success of the initiative rests on forming strong local partnerships, responsible for nominating local talented people. We (3C’s) were appointed to work in partnership with the international body and given the responsibility for finding talent from the Horn of African country of Somalia.

 

 

 

3C’s wasted no time and began its search for talented individual immediately. An event took place in Las anod in December 2002 captured our attention, a move that may lead us to tap into possible hidden talent. That day a history was made following Riyaale’s illegal entry to the Puntland city of Las Anod without an invitation or permission from the local people/Puntland authority. Accompanying him were journalists and reporters from different countries and broadcasting agencies. The idea behind his visit was more like child’s play – He (Riyaale) was instructed by his hidden drivers to go to Las Anod and give speech in the heart of the city, that will prove to the world that Sool is part of Somaliland and he (Riyaale) is the elected president therefore SSC regions comes under his leadership (Dreamer’s dream) which was the main stabling block for Somaliland’s recognition. They (the international reporters) without a doubt witnessed a history in the making, most definitely different to what they had on their minds.

 

 

 

Approximately 2-3 hours after Riyaale’s unlawful arrival in Las anod, an operation began to drive him out of the region, got underway, bullets were sprayed in and out of his host house, what followed next took everyone by surprise including his militia, local fighters determined to drive him out and most definitely himself as well. Something shoots out from Riyaale’s temporary accommodation with the speed of light. Local people couldn’t believe their eyes, eyewitness statement confirmed to us that Riyaale was and I quote “Oh my God he moved and run like a Kangarooâ€, another eyewitness described Riyaale as a flying saucer, that event became the talk of the town for many days to come. An old lady told us that she thought her nephew Abdi Bille was the fastest in the world but after witnessing Riyaale’s speed, she admitted that she is not so sure anymore, “what I have seen was far-fetched – she addedâ€.

 

After we (3C’s) heard these incredible stories – we couldn’t help ourselves imaging the medals he (Riyaale with his speed) could win for his country should we nominate him to take part in events like London or New York marathon? Much to our amazement, a source close to Riyoode told us, that he performs even better running into the bushes. The route he used to escape from Darawiish’s onslaught was named after him as Riyaale Runaway – some also call it Riyaale Highway/Motorway, others even worse. Local people informed us that Riyaale opened up a shortcut to Erigabo, not previously known to the local people and many find it useful to date (this may also earn Riyoode a discovery medal). Local people are hopeful of the day Riyaale will return, they are ready to chase him out in anticipation of even more adventurous discoveries – One possibility could be that he may unlock the mysteries of Boholaha Xargaga.

 

 

Without a delay, we headed to Hargeisa (Dreamer’s Capital) to meet the man in the centre of our search for talent. We met Riyoode in former Gen. Morgan’s resident; and interviewed him - here is short transcript of our interview with RIYOODE.

 

 

3C’s – Thanks for having us today in this beautifully decorated house.

Riy- Pleasure is mine – Gen. Morgan done most of the deco (after all it is his), rest by late Egal and when I inherited it, I didn’t have enough disposable income, so I kept the way my predecessors left it. I am sure when Morgan returns; he will give me reward for taking such a good care of it.

 

3C’s- I am sure he will - thanks for that information, We were appointed by the Olympics committee to search for talented individuals to represent Somalia in international events i.e. New York/London Marathon, Your legendary speed in Las anod is the reason we are here today. We closely weighed up your performance and came to the conclusion that you might be the one, should you agree to undergo our tests required for nominations.

 

Riy Las anod – May God, I will never forget that experience; it was the best chase of my life (Man – I couldn’t tell the difference between the highway and the bushes, to me getting out in one piece was the only thing on my mind). As for representing Somalia I am sure you came to the right person with the right speed. Don’t forget that I am always ready to serve for my country; I killed well-over 500 people in Berbera only during the military rule and I am once again ready to serve for my country and ready for the test. “I will not let you downâ€.

3C’s Well-done, that is what we like to hear. I will see you tomorrow at 9pm – outside Gen. Morgan’s house.

 

Riy Excellent - See you tomorrow outside Morgan’s house.

 

 

 

The moment of truth has arrived; Riyaale expressed confidence in passing the required physical fitness and promised to produce legendary speed. Without further a due, we requested RIYOODE to run from Gen. Morgan’s resident to Sheekh Bashiir secondary school. The maximum time allocated for this task was 5 minutes and anytime longer than that would be failure. Much to our disappointment, Riyaale miserably failed the task and extremely fell short to our expectations and the required standard for nomination. We couldn’t hide our unhappiness and demanded an explanation from him. He first of all checked if anyone was around, whispered to my ear and said I am not in the right condition to perform to the same speed (to the one in Las Anod). When asked what was lacking, “the chase of Darwiish gunman RIYOODE repliedâ€. An essential ingredient for my speed he added.

 

3C’s recognised RIYOODE excuse as a justifiable reason, but we still have confidence that the General could once again perform to the required standard. To recreate something close to his chase in Las Anod, we organise a group of young ***** people, armed them with AK47 and instructed them to fire at the General. As the shooting started, Riyoode gestured No, No, Not the same he said it loud. Try another one!!!!!!. We took the guns from the ***** youngsters and gave it to Gudibiirsi and gave them the same instruction to fire at the General, Riyoode started laughing and laughing, you expecting me to run from Gudibiirsi and added that if they can fight – then they would liberate SNM invasion from Boorame.

 

 

 

Riyaale made a rather unusual request, in his words he said, if you take me and 3-4 Darawiish fighters to New York or London then their presence will undoubtedly trigger my talent and win the competition. 3C’s couldn’t accept the request knowing that Darawiish fighters don’t fight for entertainment but to defend their land and the unity of Somalia - Sorry Riyoode.

[Che -Guevara]

I don't find this particularly funny!

[nuune]

wuxu ma political baa mise waa la is dhuminayaa

[Sophist]

Che-Guevara! oh well!

 

Nuune: lol mate, someone send me this as a satire and I thought perhaps I should share it with you--- after the all the hard core nonesense we had been subjected to, i thought this lightweight would provide the change that is needed.

[General Duke]

3C’s – Thanks for having us today in this beautifully decorated house.

Riy- Pleasure is mine – Gen. Morgan done most of the deco (after all it is his), rest by late Egal and when I inherited it, I didn’t have enough disposable income, so I kept the way my predecessors left it. I am sure when Morgan returns; he will give me reward for taking such a good care of it.

 

That was the best part, how many know that Villa Somaliland is Morgan's old house

[Blessed]

^^^^It's government 'owned' dee.

 

I wonder how many know of the plight of his (Morgan's) neighbours. He used to send his guards next door to steal their fruit, bully their watchman and teen boys and put them on house arrest .... amongst many other petty, vile antics. :rolleyes:

 

Maybe he should also be entered into the race along with Riyaale....

[wind.talker]

"Oh my God, Las Anod - it was the best chase of my life!" LOOOOOOOOOOOL

 

That was classic! And Morgan's house - that's news to me.

[Nationalist]

Local people informed us that Riyaale opened up a shortcut to Erigabo, not previously known to the local people and many find it useful to date (this may also earn Riyoode a discovery medal). Local people are hopeful of the day Riyaale will return, they are ready to chase him out in anticipation of even more adventurous discoveries – One possibility could be that he may unlock the mysteries of Boholaha Xargaga.

Lol this is just too funny.

I knew the presidential palace of Sland was Gen Morgan's old crib. Government owned my foot. It was build in the 80s by Barre for every General who likes an adventure in Hargeisa. These kind of houses are not build for the government mates! That's why people call it General Morgan's house.

[MR ORGILAQE]

LOOOOOOOOL tat was funny.i know some of you will see it as political and no doubt would be busy trying to coem up with counter offensive but i admit this one was original!!!more of this kind of lightweight funny stories are needed to lighten up the place!

[Che -Guevara]

Wind-Talker- I think Morgan's run from Kismayo was more classic, along with Aidid's 91 chase by SPM n who can't forget Barre's non-stop marathon from Xamar to Kismayo.

[AYOUB]

Originally posted by SmithNwestern:

That was the best part, how many know that Villa Somaliland is Morgan's old house

Degdeg bay dhulkii uga baxeen duhur dharaareede

Alla doori waa waxan lahayn *** ay ku dhaataane

Dad hadday yihiin sida Riyaha looma didiyeene

 

Dalan-doolki Nayroobi bay dalaq yidhaahdeene

Dal la'aani waw kow dhul ay dib ugu laabtaane

Debedaha ha meereen illeen diide nabaddiiye

 

Fourteen years on...

[Kowneyn]

I think the title of this thread and article should be:

 

THE JAAJUUS CONFLICT:

 

THE JAJUS TURNED PRESIDENT WAS ON A SURPRISE VISIT TO THE MOTHER OF ALL JAJUS RECRUITMENT CENTER'S- LAAS CAANOOD, WHEN HIS FORMER COLLEAGUES, WHO ARE NOW UNDER THE ORDERS OF A NEW MASTER CABDILLAHI YUSUF, AMBUSHED HIM.

 

THE SLOW TO ANGER JAJUS TURNED PRESIDENT HAS NOW FINALLY BESEIGED HIS FORMER COLLEAGUES HOLED UP IN THE JAJUS EPICENTRE

 

THE PEOPLE OF SOMALILAND ARE WATCHING THE JAJUS SAGA WITH CONSIDERABLE AMUSEMENT.

 

KEEP WATCHING FOR MORE FUNNY DEVELOPMENTS FROM THE ORDEAL OF J&J.

 

KOWNEYN

[wind.talker]

CHE -

 

LOL I don't think Siyad Barre (alaha u naxariisto) ran from anyone. It was his time to go and he did. The rest are quite accurate.

 

KOWNEYN -

 

If reer Las Anod's master is Abdullahi Yusuf, then is reer Hargeisa's master the British crown? Jus wonderin..

[Kowneyn]

Windtalker:

 

this thread is for political satire and not for silly questions :rolleyes:

[Jamster]

Uuh, oh bugger some people can not help but let the air out without even lubricants One wonders what sort of force had been subjected to their posterior.