SJ Posted August 11, 2003 The “gap of education” talk remainded me of a lecture I attended some time ago. I don’t recall the topic but it had to do with knowledge n marriage or something close. A sista stood up to ask a question, waxay tiri “sheekhow ninkaygu haduu faatixada feer iyo farolaad ku akhriya salaad ma ku xiran karaa”. Allow adaa na leh. According to observers men are becoming less literate, less ambitious, responsible and less you name it relative to women. All you independent high achieving women need to adapt this ever changing environment. On a serious note I don’t see thing being any risker then any other relationship.As a matter fact I see a good match n another qaraabo kiil case. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SCORPION_SISTA Posted August 11, 2003 hmmm well i think i need a bit of clearification about the guy's background...Does he have no college education or no acedemic education at all? Does he seem to her as someone who is motivational about their future, meaning does he intend or tries to improve his educational/economic situtation? why he never got education? One thing i have learned and continue to learn is that as we grow up things are not as black and white as we had seen them in youth...The older we get the more gray there is...What i mean is, the list of expectation or qualification your friend had about "the one" is probably long...But what is important is that she realizes what are the things she needs and what are things she wants from her future mate...When she really knows what is really important(need) and she can't live without, u would see those qualifications in the list shrink tremoundously...We think a lot about love at times, too much thinking, but once in lifetime one should let their heart make a decision, instead of planning love...Take a leap of faith and a risk...Another possibility to your cousin's worrisome is that she is more concerned with what the society would think of her marrying someone with no acedemic knowledge or sort of below her status rather than how compatiable they would be or wouldn't...If she truly and honest to god love this man, she would arrive at the right decision...We have only one life to live and love doesn't knock on the door daily...In between, not too much would matter...bee bye Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Juxa Posted August 11, 2003 salaaaaaam all, u see mizz unique, sister, i do admit that education could be a barrier but it need not be big one, yes she is educated, no he aint, but that does not mean he can not, no one said the guy is silly, given the opportunity he can be anything and everything, remember any ugly duckling can be prince charming mizz,,,u also mentioned that they might not have anything in common or be unable to communicate effectively, this with all respect i think,,,,,well let me give u an example, a girl got masters in law, her guy did architecture,,,,most of the time he does not know what she is talking about, just as she has no idea what he does, but that does not stop them, after all they both educated, macaaney what iam trying to say is lets not discriminate. marriage is more than shahaado, it is effort and selfless act of commitment, two people can remind individual and do their thing,,,,yet have a life together. lets give the brother a chance, i aint saying they should get married right away, iam saying she should look beyond,,,,see what the guy is like Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Business_Man Posted August 11, 2003 An advice I can give you is to tell your cousin, if I marry this man.....where will I be with him in the next five years!. The moto is Education, Education, Education!. If she is the educated one and she has kids then who is going to pay the morgage, LOL. Tell your cousin to think twice before rushing otherwise she might end up with a future taxi man!!!. Education is the key to a better future for us. Without it we will be working in the local supermarket, gas station or end up as taxi men!. Peace. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent-sistah Posted August 12, 2003 flying-still Silent sis...We missed you where have you been hiding. I don't know what I was thinking...I should have told her to pray the 2 rakcas along time ago....thanks hon. And as you said allah knows best...insha alaah it will work out for her. 1luv well, i been a little bussy sis, but im back now, and im glad to have caught this topic of yours,,, InshaAllah, it will all work out, dont worry yourself, and tell her not to worry. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rudy-Diiriye Posted August 12, 2003 i am totally against cousins marrying! thats a no no! have you ever heard what is the major problem in the country called Jordan were tradionally cousins marry. almost 30% of kids born in that country are retard cuz of the two close relatives marrying which is basically caused by both parents have same blood type. ok nomads! can anybody tell me what in the old days farahs use to when they wanna get married. do you know it was a big taboo to marry a xalimo from your own village. so farahs use to sneak to other villages during nite times and pick their wifes from these other village social dances!!! and thats a fact. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkerman Posted August 12, 2003 Rudy thats a pretty strong condemnation on a very superfical piont. Where it might be true that in western studies such mental abnormalaties have been unearthed, i would simple draw your attention to the fact that most somalis marry from within there same family and in quite a lot of cases there cousins. I havent heard of any of these medical problems occuring within the somali population. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
-Serenity- Posted August 12, 2003 ^ From what I know..Somalis usually marry within their own qabiil but not their direct cousins(normally). We live in extended families and our cousins grow up with us like brothers..cant even think of marrying them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkerman Posted August 12, 2003 True....but thats not always the case. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 12, 2003 Originally posted by SCORPION_SISTA: Another possibility to your cousin's worrisome is that she is more concerned with what the society would think of her marrying someone with no acedemic knowledge or sort of below her status rather than how compatiable they would be or wouldn't... I think thats the problem right...Not society so much as her parents and siblings. The guy went to highschool...but didn't continue and he has no plans of going back to school. The thing she is most scared of is giving this guy a chance and then having to let him go because they aren't compatible...so she would rather not start anything at all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent-sistah Posted August 12, 2003 RUDY,,,i didnt hear flying-still say that the guy and girl were first cousins,,, i mean,,,,all somali's are cousins,,,,trace our family tree, and we find we are all related,,,i get people calling me eedo & ayeeyo, saying they are my close relatives, and when i ask how we are related,,,,they count so many grandads and uncles, that i get lost. so ask her if the cousin is a first, before talking about abnormalities, and even if the cousin is a first, its still halaal to marry them (i wouldnt recomend it, but it isnt haraam) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 12, 2003 Thanks silent...They are not first cousins..Not that it makes the situation any different. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Raxmah Posted August 12, 2003 Asalamu alaikum I dont know how I missed this topic, but here is my 2 cents. I can understand why u cousin is frustrated, the education gap is creating a problem, aside from that if she doesn't have a problem with him and ofcourse in a marriage, she should consider it. The education part could be resolved, who said no body could go to school after getting married. Inshallah everything works out for the best 4 ur cousin. Rudy -- cousins marrying cousins is not haram, and no it does not cause any abnormalities, if it did the prophet AS would not have married his cousin, nor give his daughter to his cousin. Please give me a refrence as to where your info came from. I know so many cousins married, and alhamdulilah they have beuatiful healthy children. I out of personal preferance wouldn't suggest anyone to marry their cousin, but its not haram. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SCORPION_SISTA Posted August 12, 2003 u know what flying-still for the strangest reason i am getting a bad gut feeling about the guy...I don't think it has to do anything with his schooling, but more like his personality...I am no miss.cleo mind you, but i am strongly suggesting that your cousin ends or puts this developing story on hold for a period...I seriously hope she would consider that... As to her fear of giving someone a chance and not working out, i think she would need to get over that...I mean even if i knew half the people i met and known wouldn't have worked out, i would still become involved with them...Cause with each person, i had grown as a person...Not everything we participate in works in a good ending way, so she just has to get on and live life...Of course, this advice is for the next guy insha allah... Bee bye Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 12, 2003 ^^^ thats just scary!!! Thank you all so much for your opinions on this matter...I got so many responses...that just shows me how much y'all love me ( don't deny it ) either that or you are a bunch of nosy people . Anyhow...I will just wait and see what my cousins decides because at the end its all up to her. 1luv Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
