MaLikah Posted August 10, 2003 The way I see it- the money factor may not play a huge part now that they're not married, but I think its common knowledge that most men feel insecure about having a wife that brings in more money than themselves. I totally feel for her, thats a tough situation to be in, and its easier for us to judge cuz we aint in that predicament. Noone knows whats really in her heart except her and Allah, so only she knows how weak/strong her feelings are. If she does love the brotha, I'd say go for it (keyword being love). Call me a romantic-but love may not conquer all, but it sure can come close. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Changed Posted August 10, 2003 how educated is he :confused: ama agree with kaafi and harmony ....... my best advice would be alteast get to know him.......on the phone....and see how it goes in year or two....talking on the phone is not xaraam is it :confused: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 10, 2003 Kaafi, harmony, mizz unique I see where y'all are coming from and i'm inclined to agree with you...but there is always this calaf people keep talking about and you never know who you will end up with. You should see the list my cousin has in her head about teh qualifications her future mate has to have...degree's,,,nice job...nice car. I guess calaf baa u geeyay ninkaan. King...lol...I should've left when I saw that they were paying no attention to me...but what can I say I'm blind when it comes to those things. You know...I think the whole problem stems from worrying about what people will think..and at the end thats what will do them in as people keep saying "uma qalmo" he'll start to feel insecure and she will end up regreting it all and thats what scares the shit out of her. 1luv Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Juxa Posted August 10, 2003 salaam all, i think u guyz missing the point, some of yous responded saying education is gonna big big barrier, i totallly disagree, yes it will be hard for the brother to adopt, yes it will take time, but no nothing can not be undone, english is easiest language to learn, if he can learn germany, then so he could english. one more thing guyz, many of you said they totally opposite, but duuuuuuuuh, opposites attract, even if she makes more money or has bigger status, so what!!!!! :rolleyes: this is what i call somali xaasidnimo, an educated guy can marry a girl who can not write her name, then we go, ooooooh he will help her out, why can't this phd lady not do the same to him, help him out to reach his potential. bottomline is forget this ego, it should not be a big factor who makes the most, who is the breadwinner! that is ofcourse as long as the gentleman is hard working and willing to adopt and improve pls tell your cousin to explore her feelings Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 10, 2003 Originally posted by juxa: salaam all, this is what i call somali xaasidnimo, an educated guy can marry a girl who can not write her name, then we go, ooooooh he will help her out, why can't this phd lady not do the same to him, help him out to reach his potential. Thats a Very good point...So if you were in my cousin's shoes you would follow your heart? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent-sistah Posted August 10, 2003 flyin' Still....... hmm, sorry for the late entrance, im always late with my 'good' advice, well, everything is down to the qadar of Allah, Allah knows best,,, so your cousin, should pray 2 rakaats (istikhaarah) and ask Allah to help her out. personaly, i can see were both side of the arguements are coming from, i agree with both. if i was in that situation, i guess it all depends on how badly i love and want to be with this person... when king45 says u should tell her to get married, i think that he is 100% wrong, this isnt your life, all you can do is give her the advantages and disadvantages of both her options, and let her make up her mind on her own without pressuring her. i guess what she dicides is dependant on how strong her character is,,,,and how deep her love for this guy is... no discission is wrong, but 1 of them is right for HER. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 10, 2003 Silent sis...We missed you where have you been hiding. I don't know what I was thinking...I should have told her to pray the 2 rakcas along time ago....thanks hon. And as you said allah knows best...insha alaah it will work out for her. 1luv Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Changed Posted August 10, 2003 Originally posted by juxa: salaam all, i think u guyz missing the point, some of yous responded saying education is gonna big big barrier, i totallly disagree, JUXA...let me explain why we say education is a big barrier.......lets take an example of a farax and a xalimo....xalimo educated and farax not educated......well the first few months its not gona be an issue ....but its gona effect the relationship later.....and that is cuz this girl will talk about stuff he wont have a clue about.......the man is not educated for goodness sakes .........she will talk about greek philosophers and he wont get it.....she will talk about politics and the only politics mr farax knows is somali one.....he will talk about his fellow workers and sh!t that dont matter while she want to talk about the things she is used to talking about.....and it wont be a perfect match .........some may work the difference but lets be real girl it litterally imposible .....XAFSA not to disapoint u or ur cousin......it sound to me that they wont have nothing in common except for the love or the infatuation they have for eachother....and those are not the only things dat help live a perfect marriage or have a perfect relationship....there is alot more that is required....basic understanding , communication etc........ this is what i call somali xaasidnimo girl...we trying to play superman/woman in here....we trying to save a marriage ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 10, 2003 ^^^ is there such a thing as a perfect match? Maybe all that is just an illusion. Men and women are brought together to raise a family....maybe their differences will force them to look at problems from multiple angles. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Changed Posted August 10, 2003 so u would rather compromise ur personality and ur habits to live with a man and have kids :confused: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 10, 2003 Not what I'm saying...I'm asking you if you really believe that there are perfect matches? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Changed Posted August 10, 2003 hmm.......i dont remember saying something about perfect match ? ...i said being in the same level of communication ... is there such a thing as a perfect match depends ...yes/no........ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mindstate Posted August 10, 2003 lol ...i feel sorry for the poor guy ....meshaana aaba islmao oga shekeesanooyaan www.yaab.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zakariye Posted August 11, 2003 s/alaykum war meeshan waa meel lagu waashey waryaa haddii ay gabadhu wax baratey,maxey ku diideysaa in ay guursato wiilka walaalkeed ahi, it is only women who always cause the drama, what difference does it make if she got PHd, or homecooking degree or nothing , marriage is the ultimate degree, markaa walaal u sheeg gabadha in ay guursato si dhaqsi ahi ay nacasnimada iska dhaafto hadii kale , yarka gabarkaloo ka fiican buu heli iyadana cajuusat weynaatey bey noqon oo nasiib dambe soo mari maayo. u sheeg guurso ku dheh Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 11, 2003 Originally posted by MIZZ-UNIQUE: and it wont be a perfect match .........some may work the difference but lets be real girl it litterally imposible There you go hon...your words.... Zakariye--cajuuso aa?....One thing is for sure wax calafkaaga ah ma dhaafeeysid..so we will see what happens. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
