Temporarily confused... or?

[Elysian]

I had a meeting with my professor the other day, who is by the way an old japanese lady with a tired pale face, who if she hadn’t coloured her hair black (she has lost all the pigments in her hair) would become transparent. The fact that she has similar walk like Quasidimo, because of to much time bend over books and articles, reinforces her looks of a ghost. Anyway she told me that it was time to sum up my research and get it ready for publication, so that we could apply for more grants (in her world everything is always in a hurry for this or that reason).

 

I informed her of what I had left to do, and she nodded her semi-transparent face in understanding. She looked out the window as if her eyes had caught something out on the sky. Without looking at me she continued “…well that’s good, while you do research start writing on the article in the evenings, we have to finish this soonâ€. I wish she had looked at me when she uttered those words, then she would have seen my distress, but instead her eyes were fixed somewhere beyond this dimension. I left her office in a state of bewilderment.

 

I had given a promise to my family and friends which I now knew I couldn’t keep, I wouldn’t be able to have an entire weekend off and I would probably continue to come home just prior to bedtime. The practical part of my research work took this much time, how would I fit in the writing??? Reduce my sleeping hours, no more exercise… or maybe I could just skip the sleeping part since it’s an overrated thing??

 

As I understand Islam has taught us that Allah has divided the day into three parts: eight hours for worship, eight hours for earning a living and eight hours for sleeping. Islam emphasizes on keeping everything in balance or in other words in keeping it in harmony. Unfortunately there is no time for worship in my life right now, I do my five prayers just in time if I’m lucky, but that’s it. No dhikr, no reciting the quraan, no reflection over my existence whatsoever! I’m in a field that gives one little time over for other things than work. Competition is the driving force that is constantly escalating the pace. I could ignore it, and make my own bubble with my own set of rules and live in perfect harmony, but then I would probably not get any funding, and that would be the end of the story.

 

What will my life be like within the nearest future, will I have time to settle down, find a suitable husband and start a family? Will I still have my friends, whom I’ve been neglecting, will they still be there at the end of the tunnel, and will I be able to cope with my bad conscience for not being able to be there for my family???? Will I at the end of my carrier look like my professor, maybe not at a first sight, since I’ll be a 6ft tall African lady who won’t have to dye her hair every other month. But a second glance will reveal the characteristic walk of a damaged back, the deterioration of short-term memory, and a loss of contact with reality. And all of this for what reason?

[Vanquish_V12]

u want my advice, squash grad school get married sit home have kids n contemplate about how much u already suffered in undergrad.

 

peace

[sheherazade]

Vanquish sitting home and having kids is tougher than grad school. We're supposed to be advising the lady. Elysian wants to have a deeper connection with her Creator and her family.

 

Changing her lifestyle alone will not bring her what she seeks. It requires a conscious effort to make a change internally and then put it into practice with small steps. But we can get hung up on the where-to-starts and the magnitude of the intended change. Just how do you get from where you are now spiritually to where you want to be? It might seem like a mammoth task. What a cliche that expression is and yet we all fall for the notion. My God, I am so far from who and how I would like to be...the Shaytan no doubt likes to encourage this defeatist attitude. U useless fool, why bumble your way through your prayers, why take time out to reflect and read, why bother..carry on as you are, grand illusions, tut tut. As you were, mortal.

 

Elysian it is good, no great, that you are aware of your situation. You're not alone in your struggle to learn or make a living while seeking balance. I remember as a girl I one day hit upon what I thought of as an epiphany. Out of nowhere, I heard in my head, 'Life is about balance'. I wrote it down. I had found the answer. Living by it has been a whole other matter.

 

There is no escaping struggle. Our raison d'etre is to worship and that worship isn't only about the prayers or reading of the Quran. We have social responsibilites which if neglected will leave us well short of what being a good Muslim is.

 

Balance. We each have to find our way of keeping the scales steady.

 

I have waffled enough. I remember..

 

Final year of degree. It's around this time of year. I have a hell of a lot of work to do. I'm consumed by it. I have to do well. There is no alternative. Sheh doesn't fail. A family member is in hospital, I go visit her. Before I know it a whole week has passed and I haven't been to see her again. I know I should go see her but I have Maths coursework to hand in the following day. I'm one of those freaks that loves both words and numbers with equal devotion. The lecturer marks the courseworks not with As and Bs but with alphas and betas. A girl can't have enough alphas so I decide to complete the piece and visit her the following day. That night the phone rings at a frightful hour. She had passed away. She had been expecting me that day as I'd been to see her that day the previous week. An anniversary of sorts.

 

Maths coursework. Alpha kind of girl. That's me. More alphas than visits to the sick. Alpha kind of girl. That's me.

 

Maths coursework: alpha Duty to family: Fail. No need for fancy Greek equivalent. No need to go into what it did to me.

 

Praying at the Mosque on the day of her burial helped ease the pain. I wanted to be there when they uncovered her face for close family. I needed to see her one last time. I did. Was it time that froze or just me? Don't know but seeing her helped ease the guilt and shame.

 

She visits me in my dreams every once in a while. Glowing and dressed in white, may her soul rest in peace.

 

I was temporarily consumed. Perspective returned. U'll be fine. Take baby steps, just take them.

[shyhem]

What will my life be like within the nearest future, will I have time to settle down, find a suitable husband and start a family? Will I still have my friends, whom I’ve been neglecting, will they still be there at the end of the tunnel, and will I be able to cope with my bad conscience for not being able to be there for my family????

Elysian

 

If u pray five times and make peace with Allah,i think you're good to go.U shouldn't regret at the fact that you're spending too much time on getting yourself educated.Don't worry about your family and friends as long as there is no emergency.

 

If u don't have the time to read the holy quran.U can buy a quran cd and listen to it on u'r way to school or work. As a muslim woman its u'r duty to get education as long as u don't forget Allah.

 

How many muslim women are as lucky as you, pursuing their dreams of higher eduction?i guess few.Remember women are the pillars of the society and an educated woman is more an asset for her society.

[Pacifist]

Elysian sis make dhikr add sunnah with your salats... wake about 2am to pray and ask for allahs guidance. With that inshallah you will be just fine... I will remember you in my prayers elysian... Its just life and Almighty ALLAH testing our patience..don't give up sky is the limit..most important though not matter how busy you are always find time for your salat.

 

 

Sherazade innalilahi wa inailahi rajicoon may ALLAH rahim grant her janatul firdos amin....I hope you are doing oky sis

[Salafi_Online]

u want my advice, squash grad school get married sit home have kids n contemplate about how much u already suffered in undergrad

Hmm, could not have said it better myself!

why not look for a job with your B.A?

Priorities its all about priorities, Allah comes first!

 

"Risq Minallah"

[sheherazade]

Pacifist, sis, I am well. This was years ago. The lesson stayed with me.

 

Vanquish and Salafi, I smell that defeatist attitude. Is giving up what she does necessary to attain what she seeks? Are you so well informed of the details of her life that you can both suggest those alternatives confidently? Do you think she is unaware of her ability to procreate and sit at home? Or of her ability to find some kind of a job? She has made a choice and is mulling over how best to live it. We all face what she does. It isn't what you do with your time necessarily but how you manage it that matters.

 

A woman is not a womb. Give Elysian some encouragement, some empathy, share a positive how-to or save us the predictable applicable-to-all-women 'advice'. It's boring.

[Legend of Zu]

dear Sis,

I dont want to say do this do that..but I can tell you to look at it this way:

When you studing or reading, isn't that ibaadah and you hope Allah rewards you for that? dont you expect ajar from studing? is your field of study something that Allah permits? Is your Niyah when studying in the benefit of your self and your family? if All the above are yes..then Sis..you are in ibaadah all the time..Just dont forget to start with the name of Allah When startin a task and say Alhamdullilaah when you complete each task.

 

Cheers

[Thinkerman]

I would have added my 2 cents but i feel that L_O_Z has inshallah giving you some good pointers

[N.O.R.F]

Elysian:

 

One thing i have never done is take on the advice of Somalis apart from my own family. However, since everyone in SOL is family then maybe your right to ask for it

 

Yous stuck in a situation where you think you cant win, but the funny thing is your on a winning streak already.

 

You have a few points here if i'm not mistaken.

 

1) You belive your Iman is suffering due to your endless hours of reasearch to get what youve always wanted.

 

2) You believe your neglecting your freinds and family due to your high workload.

 

3) Your wondering if you can actually achieve the dealine

 

4) Your questioning whether its all worth it in the end and will you lose your relationship with your freinds.

 

Well,

 

1) If you believe that your Iman is suffering due to the high work load, then you must strive to atleats pray on time, forget deadlines/lectures etc etc. You know what more important, your path to success will become much easier when your Iman is strong.

 

2) Your family and freinds need to understand your situation, if not then you must stay patienet with them and try to explain it so they undertstand they need to giv you time and space to achieve the deadline.

 

3) Its all in time management. I favourite of mine was waking up for Fajar, doing my work then either going back to bed or going to a lecture. Your sleeping pattern may need to change to accomodate your ever nearing deadline. But hey its only temporary.

 

4)It will be worth it!

 

Peace!

[Elysian]

Dear brothers and sister, thank you! When I wrote the thread I was in the midst of my frustration, I felt I had to work it off somehow, which resulted in sharing my thoughts with you SOL members. I wasn’t expecting anything, but masha’allah I must say I’m grateful for your sincere and good guidance. Some of the things that were said are things that I should know of, but is nevertheless, because of sheytan, things that are surpressed and therefore need constant reminder. Thank you for reminding me.

 

Shehrezade sis, most of the things you wrote went straight to my heart, subhan’allah it’s as if you know exactly where I’m coming from. I was really moved when reading the death of a family member of yours. I hope you’ve made peace with yourself, because at the end it was Allah subhana wata’allahs will, I guess it’s how you continue you’re life that’s important. As you said it helped to put things in perspective, and insha’allah I hope sharing your story I can also learn a lesson from it.

 

I actually love what I do. I never wanted a 9-5 job, I wanted a stimulating job where I had to use my brain cells and constantly develop. I have all of that now, but with it come many other things, which I don’t like. At this time point of my life I won’t give up what I’ve struggled for so many years. However at the same time I realize now I can’t continue like this. I will have to find a middle way!!

 

I will take baby steps. I’ve downloaded the Quran and I have it on cd now (I know I should have bought it, but then it would have taken me ages… insha’allah Allah will forgive me). I will have it in my cd-player all the time. I will try to start everything in the name of Allah, and regardless of how things go I know Allah has a purpose for it… I will need sabr. I will try to put the salat as my priority #1, that’ll be the toughest thing…

 

When I’m worn out all my thoughts turn negative. But your encouragement brought some light and I could see things a little bit clearer. I’m able to think more positive thoughts, make some constructive changes to my life, and insha’allah get back on the right path.

 

I know this won’t be the final answer, but whenever I face such troubles I know where to turn. Jazakum allahu khairan

[sheherazade]

Glad to be of help.

 

Not just a bunch of pretty faces, are we?

[Paragon]

where are you Miss Elysian

[Captain Xalane]

My advice:Always let ur principles be ur first master and then comes ur passions next.After that,things aint hard to figure out.Its that simple.Balance!

[Elysian]

Long time no see SOL, miss it, but there's no time... convinced the earth spins faster around it's axis.

 

Finally took time to glance through the Debate section. Surprise, surprise, someone's asking about me... someone at SOL cares to miss me...really...wow (blushes).

 

Miss the interesting discussions, hopefully the earth will take it slower, so Ely to can contribute to the debates.