The clan stole my soul.

[macalimuu]

As a Somali who lived most of his time outside of the mother land as I was privileged enough to leave Somalia at young age long before the deep seated clan hatred began to take its toll on my people, I could sincerely contend to be immune from the evils of tribalism.

 

Even so, I do continually experience its tragic consequence in my everyday interaction with my people.

 

No matter the negative experiences, I will always remain a self-righteous Somali who is very passionate towards the welfare of my people and country. I am fully aware that tribalism existed and thrived since time immemorial but I feel cheated by my family for never teaching me anything about what this means to most Somalis.

 

I don't ever recall being hated or discriminated against by anyone who saw me as a member of certain clan until recently nor did I have any hatred for anyone from other clans.

 

I do sometimes exhibit some revulsion when some people rub on my nose of their nomadic pride. I grew up in a community where I went to school and played with friends of all ethnicities including American, European, Africans and Middle Easterners; never once was any hatred displayed towards me. I thought that no one will have an issue of my background.

 

This entire trumped up impression of Somali homogeneity vanished when I was introduced to this fine-looking young woman from the northern regions of Somalia. She is from a traditional family that is swollen with pride, yet dysfunctional. They have been here for a while but seem isolated from their surroundings.

 

I dated this sexy chick for a while and liked her. I visited her family and had time shoot the breeze with her family members including her cool siblings and shrewd witty mother. I thought they accepted me and were all right with my courting of their daughter. Unfortunately, my horror came when I was attacked by her immediate cousins who threatened me with death if don't bring to an end to seeing their noble female cousin.

 

I had to rationalize this incident and it forced me to seek out and rally round from my clan circle and strike back to defend my reputation and dignity and to let know these ignorant tribal folks that I , too, am from a noble ancestry and lineage but don't follow this outdated concept. It also made me re- valuate my interaction with these provincial folks even though I hate to generalize and be accessory to stereotypes.

 

sadly, i am now a changed man and my Somali soul is in question becouse of that incident. i have been told it is not an isolated thing but a widespread practice that is common and tolerated

[Faheema.]

It’s sad to see this kind of thing happening today, lakiin people have come through it, there has been and still are inter-clan marriages, there was no need to confront the two tribes and make a scene…

 

I also believe this whole episode could have been avoided had Xaliimo intervened… but from your story it sounds like she took a back seat… very unfortunate indeed.

 

So brother, if this particular “Segsi†Xalimo didn’t have your back, dust yourself and try again…Never judge a whole tribe by one individual or incident.

[Coloow]

Macalimu, Qabyaaladu waa cudur ku dhaca dadka aan iyagu isku kalsooneeyn. Waxaa nasiib darro inaay agaasimaan qabyaalada, durbanada u tumaan dadka isku magacaabo mutacalim, wadaad iyo dadka dhallinyarta ah. Waranlaha qabyaalada wuxuu u isticmaala si uu amni u helo, laakin wadaadka, waxgaradka iyo dhallinyartu waxaay u isticmaalaan si bas.

 

Anigu qabiilka laigu sheego inaan ka dhashey waxaan bartay anigoo nin weyn ah- yaraanteeyda waxaan qof waliba oo iga weyn ugu yeeri jirey adeer/abti iwm.

 

Kaddib markii la ii sheegay inaan ka dhashay reer qansac, waxaan baarey inaay arrintu runtahay iyo in kale. Tani cilmi baaris dheer uma aaysan baahaneeyn ee waxaan durbadiiba ogaadey in aay tahay sheeko baaraleey. Waa sida sheeko xariirka caruurta lagu seexo; SAGA.

 

Muddo laga joogo 10 sanno ayaa waxaa ila soo xiriirey qaar isku sheegnay inaan isku qolo nahay. Markii hore, waxaa laigu soo galay; inadeer..markii dambena xaalka ayaa is bedeley oo wuxuu isu bedeley mid qaaraan. Nin aaysan geelenaba isla daaqin, ,mid aaysan dameeraheena isku meel biyo ka cabin etc ayaa waxuu ii soo direy taar markaasu yiri; meel hebel baa dadkeena lagu laaynayaa ee lacag baa laisku baahanyahay.

Waxaan ku iri, jaalow, anigu meeshaad sheegesid geelenuba ma dego. dadka aad sheegeysid isku qolaad tihiin, weligeey maba arag. Marka khalad ayaan u arkaa inaan lacag bixiyo.,

 

Muddo sannad ah, waxaa suuqa lai geliyey inaan qaraabo goys ah, qaaran diidna ah. markaan magaalada ku arko kuwa laigu yiri waxbaan isunahay, mar waliba sida xaawaley hinaasan ayaa sanka ii taageen.

 

Maalin maalmaha ka mid ah, ayaa mid aan aad isku dhownahay siin ii soo direy. Waxuu i weydiyey sababta aan "reerka" mid ugu noqon waaye; waxaan ugu jawaabey; Akhi, markaan cilmi baaris ku sameeyey waxaa ii cadaatey inaan isku qolo, isku qabiil midna ahayn; Haddii aan ahaan jirey reer qurac, laga bilaabo maanta waan ka baxay.

 

Mahad alle ayaa iska leh, waxaan ogaadey in soomali laga maarmo. Waxaan go'aan ku gaaro inaan ummaddaasi soomaliyeed inta aay cudurka aay ka bogsoonaadaan aanan wax xiriir ah la yeelanin.

 

Waxaan arkaa in laga maarmo soomalidda xagga guurka, bulshada iyo saaxibitnamadaba. Adduunka ilaaheey wuxuu keenay dad kala jinsi ah oo fiican. Naag soomaaliyeed haddaay qabyaalad la timaado, xuurul ceynta aduunka ayaa badan.

 

Intaan naag soomaliyeed qabiil ku guursan lahaa waxaa laii qaataa inaan guur la'aan ahaado, amaba aan mid gaalo ah oo niyadeeda uusan qabiilka ku faafin noolosheyda la wadaago.

 

Arrinta qabyaalada aniga waxaan eed gaar ah saarayaa wadaad ku sheega, afminshaarka oo markii qabiilka la yiraahdana safka hore ugu jira, markii islaanimo la yiraahdana nacnacleeyo.

 

Kan la baxo mutacalinna iska daa oo waa kan calanka qabyaalada sida.

 

Marka sxb; Gabadha kuula timid qabyaaladda marka horeba kuuma aaysan qalmin

[Salma]

It's too bad really that some ppl are still living in the Dark Ages by dealing with the Blind, Mad and old dusty Tribalism.

Nowadays, marriages happen between different religions,cutlures,nationalities,ethics,colors...etc.

 

Anway, I would say give her another chance, I don't support datings. But if you are so sure about her feelings 2wards you, why don't you meet her family and end this situation with a certain answer either "Yes" or "No". But keeping standing in a corner damning her cousins, tribalism and your bad luck, won't change anything. Why don't you talk to these cousins and tell them your intentions are good and you want their noble cousin. And request them to keep the tribalism away. Who knows maybe you'll change their views.

 

Our problem as Somalis is that we always wait for someone else to change a bad habit in our society or inside our ppl's minds.

 

Besides, you will meet many narrow-minded ppl in your life. Don't tell me you will stop and feel bad about everyone you gonna meet in this life.

 

It's too difficult to convince others to drop tribalism, but no harm from trying.

 

Best of luck.

 

Salam

[macalimuu]

Well, let say this, I am not geared up for all that aggravation for it is not worth my time and energy no more. I am currently in a very comfy position. I am done with that chick and gave up on enlightining ignorant folks. In spite of everything, still I am kind wearisome to figure stuff out in a very radical but cautious manner and look at familiar territories.

thanks for the concern and advice

 

" kabtaada iyo tolkaada waa lagu dhex jiraa "

[Caveman]

Macalimuu,

 

Brother! Amazing story, yes its the poison of tribalism changes good and decent people like you to see the world I a negative way. Its just a snapshot why we are different from other people on this earth for the wrong reasons. Glad you move on Bro!..like you should.

[Zaylici]

Mualimu, I agree with classique, do not give up your potential love because of extremist tribalist manifestations, rather fight to get what you possibly might be a good women, you never know what she thinks, or why her family are mad, in the end, it might not be tribal phiniminon, but rather another phinimion manifesting it self in tribal fashion, so presevere and be the hero of your women, again I agree with classique, never mind what others think, of course, if you are revolutioinery, in the Moist/Marxist/Stalinist sense, you should worry about what others think for you wish to change them, other wise, you should not worry about what they think for they might be a prey to negative politcal clan probaganda, or actually they may suffer from personal and familial self esteam problems, because of the comlexity of human behaviour, I will not be dogmatic about the explanations I offer obout odd bahaviour, rather I would explore all possibilities to continue you relationship, unlike Classique I recommed relationships and dating for they lead to good things such as better understanding and everlasting human intimacy.

Mualimu, worry about the complexity of human behaviour, but do not worry about what people say or you suppose they think about, precisely for this reason, persue your happiness.

[NGONGE]

Heh. I had a friend who faced a similar problem, saaxib. He too was raised outside Somalia and barely spoke any Somali (never mind knowing anything about tribes). With the influx of Somalis to the West, he had the chance to mingle with this new (to him) community and pick up a few sentences here and there. He learned a bit about tribes but not enough to make him a complete fanatic. He met and fell in “love†with a Somali girl and tried to marry her. Her family refused and unashamedly cited his tribal lineage as the reason for their refusal! The man was heartbroken, dejected and confused. He told everyone he met about this situation and asked for help. Finally, he told one of his cousins. This cousin was (is) a typical Somali. He’s the type that openly boasts about his tribal pride and would look down his nose at anyone who doesn’t belong to his “prestigious†clan. Anyway, despite all the shortcomings of this cousin, he was still someone who was cunning and could think on his feet. His advice to my friend was that he and the girl should elope! It’s a well-known and long practised Somali tradition that makes a mockery of family rejections. The friend was in “love†with the girl and she was in “love†with him. They eloped. Her family made a great fuss. They threatened both with all sorts of harm. They threatened the girl with disownment! They finally gave in and accepted the whole thing (I still don’t think they like him though).

 

Shall I say Taxi for two?

 

For no reason whatsoever, this reminds me of another story;

 

A Sujui man was getting married. On his “meher†day, when he took his “elders†to the bride’s house to meet with and conclude the “nikaax†with her “eldersâ€, and when the Sheikh was asking what the agreed amount of the “meher†was, the bride’s father said £6000! The Sujui man had only agreed £3000 with his bride to be and was taken aback by the father’s new figure! He couldn’t speak good Somali and didn’t trust his broken Somali to hold up in such circumstances and in such “exalted†company. So, instead of speaking, he let go of the old man’s hand and got up. Everyone in the room looked at him! He said “Salam caleekom†and was about to leave the room. They asked him where was he going and he said “ I don’t want to get married anymoreâ€. After frantic discussion and pleading, they finally managed to sit him down again and conclude the marriage with the agreed upon figure of £3000. It seems the father had forgot to consult with his daughter and said the first figure that came to his head!

 

There are many pitfalls and obstacles in Somali culture for those of us who are not steeped in it or familiar with it. However, like the Sujui guy above, you can only go by what you believe in. If you waver, change your long-held principles or shy away from speaking your mind, unscrupulous Somalis will swallow you whole! Waji Loox is the name of the game, my friend.

[OG_Girl]

What a story Mr NGONGE.

 

Lister brother Mucalimuu, One girl or her cousins shouldn't change your principles. World is big and there is a lot of people out there who appriete you . One person or one group of people shouldn't make you feel pitty of your self or for them.

 

Why you don't think that she did not like you from first place to marry you? maybe she wanted excuse to dump you so she sent her cousins to harrass you.Maybe happened you are different clan so is good excuse to get out from the relationship?

 

Believe me girls do funny thing when they don't want the guy, Some times they come out that your accent is not classy ..lol .

 

Take it easy not ALL somalis from her clan or region like her or her cousin, bad and good people every where even from one family there is bad and good.

 

We are really responsible for our environment. We can either make it good or bad. It's our choice.

 

Salam

[Baashi]

Because you found this cultural fact on your own in this way, you are better man I dare say. How you should react to it and whether you want to mimic these people is a decision you have to make on your own. But I'm glad you know that "qabiil" and "qabyaalad" do exist (just like racism, sexism, other -ism) even in the Diaspora. I'm glad you are not living in a Utopia somewhere in the Neverland anymore.

 

When problems become unsolvable as tribalism in Somalia proved to be, they ought be considered as fact in life that need to be dealt with. Don't partake it if you don't have to, hate it if you think that makes a difference, but don't you denied it. One other point is because of this incident don't write off all Somalis. That's just plain wrong.

 

Anyway, now you know and you won't be dumbfounded next time you encounter its practitioners. That's called an experience...it's what makes world round sxb. And if by any chance, you meet with the innocent young Somalis who keep on fussing and bad-mouthing about the Somalis and their ways as if that helps a bit, tell them not to generalize people.

[Caveman]

NGONGE,

^^^…excellent stories…Sujui guy rageedi dheh…

 

 

Mualimu

a Qaacis Somali song got this lyrics in it,..The vocals is actually done by lady telling a guy to be strong who is confessing his love for her …here is a line from that song..

 

“Nin Raga in uu Cataabaa(calaacalaa),

ceebtiisa weeyee waa inuu sidii cadow u calool adkaadaaâ€---

 

I ain’t suggesting (calacaal) from you, but like @NGONGE said, Waji Loox is the name of the game!

 

 

Salam!

Later

[Matkey]

Actually it happened to close freind of mine and beleive me he had a happy ending. I am glad u moved on w life.

 

What amazes me is that every Somali person I meet denounces tribalism and what it entails. Everyone condemns everything that is associated with qabiil. If you engage in moral or ethical issues such as this one (The clan stole my soul), almost everyone depicts him/herself as virtuous, righteous, ethical, and God-fearing person. We have multitude defense against being perceived as qabyaliste, and that we all claim to be “civilized†and deal with everyone on the basis of their personal character.

 

 

 

"So brother, if this particular “Segsi†Xalimo didn’t have your back, dust yourself and try again…Never judge a whole tribe by one individual or incident."

 

 

True! But tribe uses code of belief or doctrine that is inherited in their method of judging the other tribe or people for that matter.

[Nationalist]

In Islam if you want to marry a lady and she has the same feelings about you. But the father is refusing you out of ignorant reasons such as tribalism. It is justified to marry her anyway without her father's permission. But you do have to give respect to her father and maintain friendly ties with the old chap even when you divorce his daughter.

[Nephissa]

Like you said Macalimuu "kabtaada iyo tolkaada waa lagu dhex jiraa". Guurso tolkaada wax aad taqaanid baad dhaliye.

 

Nationalist, stop scaring me. You don't know my address, beenloow

[Blessed]

Oh' well, happens everyday, where I live. One of my best mates is currently going through the same situation.

 

It seems to be more common now, then it was in the days of our Ayeeyos and Awoowos. Strange that, as most folks pretend not to know about tribal matters.