SomeAlien Posted February 20, 2004 highly unlikely for 2 reasons, and this is strictly my opinion, i have no thesis prepared these are just my inarticulate thoughts on the subject 1) extended family and clan would not stand idly by and watch a loved one grow miserable in such a relationship 2)divorce is not tabboo in somalia, women could ask for divorce by going to a wadaad (im not sure if thats the appropriate title, but itd be a religious mediator) and having her family clan to back her up.it wasnt something to be utterly ashamed about like some people like to believe (i like how w/ every yr were away from somalia we have this distorted image of what it was, maybe cause lives here are so chaotic, you want to believe there is still a place with order and rigidness), but something that occured from time to time. i mean in many ways somali men can be a lil borderline mysoginistic (im thinking of a number of "proverbs" concerning women ive heard and im ready to wip em out if one of u comes up w/ an all somali men are saints argument), but for the most part the laws, the society, the culture has not completely ignored us (except of course when concerning lineage lines, but thats another story). the only reason i could possibly imagine that a woman would be abandonned by her family to live like that or would stick w/ such a man is money. if her family arranged this marriage to make themselves better off, or maybe they arranged it w/ a prominent figure (wadaad) and feel especially indignant that their girl would want to seperate from him or simply because shes completely dependant on him in the first place. but honestly were not like pakistan where people will cheer a man for slapping his wife in the middle of hte street (unfair caracterization yes, but it happened). i dont want to be mean, but dont classify all the goings on in yr family as common for all somalis. abuse of all sorts exists in somalia, perhaps even in one of our own families but i dont think its common or bred by our culture. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Miskin Posted February 20, 2004 I don’t belief there can be any comparison between the past and the present generations. Our forefathers were men of honor and dignity, they faced their responsibilities as husbands and took care of their families. They respected women more and divorce was a one-off thing. Single mothers were unheard-of and wife beating was rare. Cheating was not known as wasn’t immorality. Justice was exercised and disputes were resolved promptly and fairly under a tree. Whereas the majority of the present generation lost their dignity in the civil war. They rely heavily on the welfare systems or generous relatives thus not facing their god given responsibilities. Respect for women merely exists and divorce is higher then ever. Wife beating is more common these days as men eat QAT and other stimulants and cheating is a norm these days. But i wonder, If the present generation as some of you put it are kinder and more romantic, why do so many marriages break (I know ilaah baa qadarey, laakiin sababtu maxay tahay(?. Why do we so many single mothers?. I have lot more to say, but I will leave it there for know. Miskin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baashi Posted February 20, 2004 Originally posted by Yasmine: Baashi, You have a very good point. What’s considered ‘truth’ is often relative to individual experiences and one’s version of truth can sometimes be contested from another perspective... especially when there's little or no hard proof. I’ve also noticed that I tend to generalize in my posts. You’re usually among the first to call me on it and I appreciate your constructive criticisms. I’ll try to avoid doing so in the future. We should all (including me) try to avoid generalizing the issues. I often do that and I will appreciate if u call me on it. Lady, you got my salute ***tipping the hat off*** . Few nomads have the grace to concede a point let alone admit a lil mishap. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beard Posted February 22, 2004 Bismillah, Some Families have improved.Some have gone for the worse. Most parents preffered to give their daughters to religious people because they treat them with kindness. Ladies married to religious people had a good life.It was terrible for those married to Jahils. Parents who love their daughters gave them to a sheikh as second wife so that she is not abused by a jahil with one wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sophist Posted February 22, 2004 Beards, welcome my fellow. I hope you find this place more homely abode than somnet. Take a seat and have shaah and canbuulo on me! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ilhaan M. Posted February 29, 2004 Asalamu caleykum wr.wb. Originally posted by Beard: Bismillah, Some Families have improved.Some have gone for the worse. Most parents preffered to give their daughters to religious people because they treat them with kindness. Ladies married to religious people had a good life.It was terrible for those married to Jahils. Parents who love their daughters gave them to a sheikh as second wife so that she is not abused by a jahil with one wife. Originally posted by Beard: Bro. Beard, it sounds like you are adverticing "wadaads" who are married to many wifes to be the first choice of parents with dougthers unmarried!! For a man to treat a woman deacent, I believe, depends on how he was raised by his own parents. They are our rolemodels and we follow their foot steps, weither good or bad, conciously or unconciously. Back to the topic, although all is said, I would add to this: the way we act, beside from our own caracter, depends on the enviroment we are living in. i.e, if U ask an elderly for advice in a marriege mater, they often tend to say if you are a woman "the man has every right to treat U as he wishes, these days women (kibirkaa laga badiyay) you should see the way we were treated back in old days, we were good wifes..." I would say it was socialy accepted to be treated that way and be able to say/do nothing about it, becouse "xaawo" next door is being treated exactly the same way. Just like the women these days talk and inflouence each other. i.e, "xaawo" says to her friend "naayaa why do U stay with him, he is no good... U should threw him out like I did... see the way I live my life now... et" and she does the same way becouse the pain becomes unbearable, she feels not understood and taken care of by her husband... instead of talking to him, she threws him out et" My point being, our action depend on the enviroment we are living in, wiether clan culture, reagon culture or simply another country. Sorry if I didn't make any sence... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Waaq Posted March 5, 2004 Let me offer another possibility. As Somalis have moved to different areas with different cultures, the norms have changed. What was not considered a problem a few generations ago, is now considered wrong. Perhaps it is still acceptable back in Somalia. Another example of this is child rearing. corporal punishment is not tolerated in places like America, but was not much of an issue in Somalia. My point the men have not become better or worse, but as a whole have adapted to new environments and norms. I know plenty of Somali women who still bitterly complain about Somali men. my two cents... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted March 5, 2004 This is a different generation, a different time, a different place. Do we have the tools, or is it even possible, to carry out a proper comparative analysis of past and present Somali husbands? I dont believe so. Having said that, I'm under the impression that the men of today cannot, in no way, come remotely close to resembling raggii hore. None of them can touch their great-grandfathers, grandfathers or even fathers, in terms of strength of character, dicsipline and principles. No offence intended to the brothas. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nuune Posted March 6, 2004 ^^^ that is an offence, intaad na kala dhig dhigtay ood eber naga dhigtay baad dhihi no offence miyaa walaashiis, kolleey waxbaa ka jira waxa aad sheegtay! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chimera Posted January 27, 2012 The only time a Somali husband can get away with beating his wife is if the latter has no male relatives, in-fact even in conflict - after the collapse or corruption of the superstructure that is the State - the only time a woman faces abuse is when the male relatives have been overpowered or obliterated. If they are still very much alive and a power to be reckoned with the backlash that comes with abuse is usually a great enough deterrent for would-be-beaters/abusers. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
somalee Posted January 28, 2012 Depends on what region of Somalia you're referring to. It was a taboo to ever verbally abuse a woman in the olden days and you'd be heavily fined if you ever did that. But even this still depends on what region of Somalia we're talking about. It all boils down to the worth of the woman in question and this varied with the regions. Having said that, I personally think Somali men were much better husbands to their wives compared to the current ones. This I've seen from my own family, my parents, uncles and so on. But then, there're no many Somali families like my own. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
