Social Debate: The Somali Single Mothers phenomenon

[Paragon]

I am just joking nomads. but seriously,I for one would have no problem marrying a single mother. Aniga dumarka Soomaaliyeed are the same to me. Their age or status don't matter so long as her personality pleases me. Keep your head up single moms - we love you.

[Sophist]

Divorce is an ugly thing; the most despised Halal thing on earth; unfortunately it is becoming an east thing to do within our society. We should treat the etiology not the symptoms!.

[Faheema.]

Shaqsii.

I am sure you know every divorce case does not have the same formula, although they head for the same destination the route each individual pursues depends on their unique situation. So, it would be pointless to try and determine the reason WHY it had come to this. Malaha waxaad is tiri wixii la qariyoba qudhun baa ku jira, markaa if she/she is divorced there must be something more than meets the eyes? :confused:

 

One thing we must remember is that waa wax ilahy qorey, it doesn’t matter how hard they try. They might be the most caring, sharing kind and considerate people you have ever come across, but if they were destined to fall apart then it will happen sooner or later. And I agree a lot of brothers and sisters plunge into the marriage circle without seriously thinking about the long term effect. I would say Somalis in general need to re-examine their family values.

 

Walaahi on a personal note i cannot say that i would give ssm a thought, i would have also thought that they would not give a spring chic like myself a chance.

Shujui-1 Anything is possible brother.

 

 

Jamaal-11. I would say you were just thinking out loud rather than being on the joking mode.

[Dhimbil]

Shaqsii & illmatic: It’s understandable that you would prefer a woman with no “access baggage” but surely if she loves you and you love her, she makes you happy in more ways than one, why would you dismiss her just because she has kid or two?, why are you not making that sacrifice and take her for what she is or has. Surprisingly, you might even be happier in this marriage, than the one you’re seeking.

Sister, true true, you have described the best scenerio possible. However, in reality that kind of a scenerio is hardy the case. If all the things you mention are there, there is no reason why i won't consider it. But, more often than not, that is not the case and single mothers are in a very complicated situations with kids, ex's et. Thus, I rather start a new family with the one i love, besides compatibility is what I'm worried about not "love" necessarly, although it is a good thing.

 

Anyhow single mothers have nothing to worry about, since we have the some number of single fathers rooming as well. They should flock together, just a suggestion

[Hibo]

Shayma,

I think as a human nature young people want to marry someone with no attachments just like them selves. however I have seen in U.S. mature men marring divorced women with or without children. So for all you SSM's change your live around and try to develop new friend who doesn't view you as SSM rather a caring, dedicated woman with her future ahead of her. Generally what happens is that divorced woman will gravitate to her old friend and siblings who feel sorry for her (kind of shamed person). for this reason change the scenery.

 

that's my take

peace

[Faheema.]

Murano First of all welcome to SOL .

 

I agree with you to an extent. A large number of SSM’s have the tendency of feeling sorry for themselves, thinking that there is no hope for them re-marrying so they think, why bother changing after all.

But, I ask you even if she changes her scenery as you say and makes new friends it might benefit her in some ways, but eventually it will frustrate her even more, knowing that she is working hard, raising her kids and looking after herself, yet she’s still single. It's a No-win situation.

[Grad Student]

Divorced single moms, i know little about them. widowed single moms though not as many tend to be older and should command a serious consideration over divorced ones. there is always an exception, and in this case, the booty size should be the deciding factor.

[Nageye]

I can just speak for myself.If I would get to know a girl/women and after some time she would tell me that she was a SSM,I would be shocked first. Why? Because you just do not think of something like that.When you get to know somebody you and start thinking about a serious relationship you also think of how it will be to marry, having kids and all that.But suddenly you realize that she already had all of that. And exactly this is the moment of disillusion. ---Some people can not handle that. For me it would not really be a problem.When I love that women I want to be with her,no matter what happens. But still it feels kinda strange.

[Bokero]

Lets be honest the main reason Somali men avoid single mothers is that she will have something to compare them to, get my drift?? This could only scare the less confident in our mist.

 

I for sure would have problem hooking-up with SSM. I am a product of two single parents all the complications you mentioned never was a problem. If we as men are confident in ourselves then no reason why it shouldnt work.

 

peace

[Faheema.]

Socrates: lol, what can I say. We all have our weird and wonderful determining factors.

 

Nageye: It’s refreshing to hear a Somali brother say that his decision to proceed with the relationship will not be influenced by the fact that she’s a SSM. Good on you bro.

 

Originally posted by Bokero:

If we as men are confident in ourselves then no reason why it shouldnt work.

I couldn’t agree with your more. Confidence, determination and commitment plays a major role in this situation.

[Manaal]

I agree with Shaqsi in many parts, a marriage with out trust, understanding,support,honest and open will survive because the plp share every in life and know what their significant other is capapble.

 

How can a marriage that started showing off, and debt survive? after the wedding the reality surfaces and both the groom and bride will be worrying about how to pay bills instead of enjoying their lives.

 

Instead of pleasing other plp they end up fighting, uguing and finger poiinted each other. MArriage whould be enjoyable, an they end up divorcing. If u ask why? the answer will be she drove me crazy and I can't stand him, nothing serious.

[suban]

Hey shayma, a very intresting question.For our women being termed as "garoob" is worse than being in an unhappy marriage. Garoobs are seen as used goods, to put it bluntley. Most somalian men, not all, want a virgin bride. No matter how old they are.

You also have to think that once a women marries, all her single friends disappear. She becomes a family woman. And once she is single again, she is still a family woman and can only relate to other married women. So it's hard for her to get back to single life. And also her friends might be understanding, but they don't want to be around someone who has seen more of life. And in our tradition, single women aren't supposed to talk to once married women, as they should have nothing left to talk about...so i think that divorced women can't get back on the maritable scene, as they have had their go on marriage. Not nice way to see "garoobs" but thats how some people view them within our tradition. Single and mother don't go together in our way of life...

[QUANTUM LEAP]

I trully think Suban has summarised it in the best possible manner. She basically said once a new car goes out of the show room, it never has the same value as it was b4 it left. DEPRECIATION TAKES PLACE and there is no way that can be brought back as everything from tyres to engine have all run their couse. The Oils have changed many times n the car has been serviced more times than what u call a showroom one. So ladies and gents would u want a used car or a brand new one with all the trimmings?

[koonfur]

Wait a minute! Somali men don't marry women who had earlier marriages? Well every man has his own dooq/choice. I just want to point out that there are alot of men who marry married women and you know why? Single mothers who are rich or have alot of hanti attracks men. Same as young women too. A young somali girl will marry a 50 year old man if he has the cash. That is a fact and it is understandable isn't is? That's the way the world works! agree or disagree.

 

One other thing about Somali language. Somali language is the best language in the world. It is the Somali people that misuse the language.

 

luqadeena dahabka ah, u isticmaal si haboon!

Caanocali Online

[raula]

I personally think that one should ofcourse weight their personal priorities before marrying a single mother w/a baggage. However, many are over exaggerating on the issue of Garoobnimo. Infact, I think this definition already separates views and brings a segragating factor in the horizon. Iam not trying to convey the slogan of "oh here comes a feminist" but Iam just wondering how come the same term is not practically defined in the context of divorced man.

Anywayz, I think if one is strongly weighing his love life based on if whether the woman in his life had a previous marriage life or not is practically ****** and not ready for marriage in the first place. I have experienced the ugliness of divorce, but will never consider myself Garoob..and I have no baggage but if did anywayz, I think it would have just added something wonderful to my life and not a "baggage". Besides, the experience has given me a different outlook in life. I am still young, beautiful, bright, skillful and articulate, and definately will not a slight, one of life's-challenges overcome my strong character and capabilities.