Haneefah Posted May 31, 2003 It's quite sad to see that so much discrepancy exists between the girls and guys in our community. I don't mean to oversimplify or point fingers at our brothers but it's the truth in most cases, although things are looking better now. I think as someone mentioned earlier the problem has to do with the family/value system. Most parents wish for their kids to succeed yet they don't put enough effort. Most boys today grow up without father figures and there's only so much a mother alone who was already struggling with different roles can do. And the few families that have fathers, well they're busy hanging out in some cafe talking about somali politics or they're somewhere eating qaad and God knows what, so when will they have time to spend quality time with their boys or kids. It's extremely important for boys to have some sort of guide during their developing years and if they miss that it will definitely have a great impact on them as adults. For example, the importance of education, both secular and religious, is not emphasized enough in some households and kids are not motivated enough to set goals for themselves nor are they shown any sign of appreciation. Thus, some kids/teens don't have many aspirations in life. Parenting is the most challenging job one can do because every parent is obligated to devote their time and effort when it comes to raising their kids, they are the ones who can best prepare the kid to become an individual who's safe to himself and to his society, and one who knows his rights, responsibilies and most importantly his purpose in this world. Therefore, any change has to start at this level before we can see any difference in our youth. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
B_A_L_L_E_R_Z Posted June 4, 2003 Man who cares wha this xaliimo thinkz, me and my homies are living large, come on aamenah why tell so much lies, the amount of girlz in London who i know Drink and Smoke treez is un-countable, and to tell you the truth i think we need sistaz like that for chilling sessionz, cuz think about it, London would be a dull place if every gal was like aamena u get me. 4 real let me tell u guyz a short story i was once in a house with a bunch og guyz and girlz, we was all chilling catching jokes, and me tryna pimp as usual , anywayz i took one of the girlz to the kithcen to speak with her alone and thing, we was all talkin and she was drinkin some alcohol drink, and i asked her why she drinkz, and she replied bcuz i do, then i said at least if u gon drink why dont u hide instead of drinkin in front of people in clubz, and places..lol and walaahi her answer made me laugh.. she said to me. " waar hadaanan ilaahay iska qarineyn, maxaan dad isaga qarinayaa", Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Reality Check Posted June 4, 2003 Ameenah, Hon, they are boys! They might be in their mid 20s but they are still boys. Most of the time, that's how they are raised...to be the kings of France. Blame it on the parents..or lack their of! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N.O.R.F Posted June 5, 2003 shyhem, baby boy aint got nothin to do with what a somali youth is facing, there might be a few similarities. Coming accross many youths on a regular basis who have all these problems, the majority i feel want to achieve something for themselves but get cought up in a cycle of bad freinds,the harsh reality of society (post school society not very freindly), b-boy image, girls, crime etc etc. Many of these do NOT come from broken homes, many of them are mama boys turned thugs due to peer pressure (attention seeker types). But when u ask these youths they like oh it wasnt my fault, this happened. Like a typical somali we are never to blame and blame others. They dont listen (only a few do) untill they see and admit that they aint goin nowhere, thats when they can start thinking more positively about the future. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MaLikah Posted June 5, 2003 Its kinda amazing how everyone's forgotten that the CULTURE we come from is the main cause. How so? Well..first off, men's responsibilities back home including taking care of the finance-hence, the breadwinners of the family. Thats where their duties started and ended. The mother and the extended family raised the children. So when the war broke out and we had to immigrate, a culture shock hit our people. Our men didn't know how to hold down the forts anymore. Make the money AND help raise children? Lord forbid. Neways, long story short- their actions, or lack thereof, had a chain reaction causing women to become more independent. Our boys are suffering from lack of proper role models-when a mother is taking on the role of mother/father and the father is absent-the son has no one whose footsteps to follow. Most of us have been raised primarly by our mothers and this has definitely had a positive effect on me because somehow in my life has the standards of how to be a friend/sister/daughter/mother/cousin, you name it. I'm not tryna take the responsibilities off the brothers for what their doing or not doing but I see our culture as having crippled our males..just my two cents. ------------------------------------------------ Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Reality Check Posted June 7, 2003 Malikah, Love your TAG sistah! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blessed Posted June 7, 2003 Salaams Originally posted by Prettyboy: Dhaqan Celis would be one the solutions to rehab those youths Partly agree walaalo. But I think that is only a short time solution and it may sometimes have a more negative impact on some brothers as the boys in Somalia arn't so great themselves in terms of attitude. I know a brother that was sent back home for two years, he came back, started college two months later, he was hanging with the same faraxs again and back to his old ways. Shujui, But with the gents, the problem you highleted of them, get in all sorts of trouble is very true, but unsuprising to me. Its a given that this problem is likely to occur and continue to increase, given the fact that these youths you describe come from difficult backgrounds i.e. broken homes, domestic troubles etc etc. I mean i should know some of my good friends have gone through these stages and lucky have managed to sort themsleves out. But how comes their sisters aren't doing as bad? These youths grow up in the same household, within the same enviromenat and face the same problems - why they are the girls doing better then the boys? Could it be like Malikah and Opnionnated stated - that the boys are brought up differently to the girls - therefore it is not poverty etc... but rather out culture of double standards that is failing the boys? But these youths are youths and the lions share of the blame shouldnt be approtioned to them. The need help and guidence otherwise they will end up no where broke mest up and stuck in this countries system. I agree. But who sould be helping them? Enterpreuner The somali woman has also some abuse (greed). lol. This made me laugh. I agree with some of your comments espcially about the part on the changing roles of the father n mother with regards to the family. Laakin, aren't you being a little harsh on the mothers, had it not been for their adoption of the Super woman role - Somalis would have been in worse a situation. what about in household where the father works n the mother is a housewife - I think about 40 % of Somali households fit in to that (though gov. statistics would say otherwise) .... why is it taht their boys (and some girls) are still coming out confused? Nino Brown So we need to hald fast to our religion in order to survive this mad world True. However (being devils advocate), that seems alot easier in theory then in practice. Considering that Islam is in competition with variouse other cultures .. most notably with the very influential urban culture... would it be practicle to tell the youths to go to the mosque instead of hanging in street corners with thieir mates? Do the Mosques need to do more in attracting the youth? Thats about all taht I can type write now... will be back soon though. am just loving your reposnses. Thank you all for your thoughtful responses Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Matkey Posted June 7, 2003 Asalaam Alaykum br/sis we need to pay little bit attention to the system whether it would be Western Europe or North America. Insha Allah i will continue some other time Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkerman Posted June 30, 2003 I agree Ameenah. Generally speaking the girls, even from the scenrio i pointed out, are doign better than the boys but to be honest not strikingly much better. Could it be like Malikah and Opnionnated stated - that the boys are brought up differently to the girls - therefore it is not poverty etc... but rather out culture of double standards that is failing the boys? Again i would agree with the above in so far as it being a sub-concious action . It is true that many families would keep a much closer eye on the daughters than their sons, in so far as they ((n am generalsing here)) would require them to stay @ home more, do the shopping, help out in the house n so on. Rather than wondering around street corners n parks, as most of the boys do. And that is a good thing because ,Without trying to be too patronising, the girls are much more vunerable than the boys in the society we live in, n so they should be policed more. I agree. But who sould be helping them? Indeed who? Firtsly the family, relavtives and friends. But On a general level perhaps a National somali community ooops i forgot there isnt one to speak off. That is one the problem here, even if there is 'A' community centre of some sort they are unable to give out the type of councelling, help, advice, guidiance that some somali youths could benefit from greatly. Perhaps we should form one huh.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Macalin Posted June 30, 2003 I think the problem is in the household. If you have parents who are motivating and supportive,well then the issue is simple. I dont blame the Boys i BLAME the parents for BAD parenting.. OH..wait didnt i NOT hear that the most educated brothers in Qurbo are in LOndon?..maxaa dhacay? Oh well thas me lakkadness-marka salaams lemme go back to my hibernation! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
