Marriage and Inlaws!

[Khayr]

I'm scurrrred of dem In laws

lol

Really and truly!

Seen it and I just might pull of the new

fad for somali men today 'Marry a sis from Somalia and bring here back to the West' so that you can be far away from the inlaws. Your own family too is a danger. Particularly your own mother and aunts. Boy, women sure can stir up heat. 'She doesn't like my cooking, She never talks to us that match, She was from that 'disabled and awful tribe anywayz'

yack,yack, yack....'

[Miskiin-Macruuf-Aqiyaar]

Salaan...and saxuur {yeah, saxuurteey aa ii baxoowso in here now}

 

In the case of mother-in-laws, the most important aspect that is misunderstood is misunderstanding. When a mother lives her son’s house, she automatically assumes and resumes that she is THE one who 'runs' in her son's house, while the wife thinks she has every right to run the house. And misunderstanding, unfortunately and inevitably, arises in this case.

 

To avoid this, is to reconcile, mediated by the son and husband himself.

 

Some mothers are wonderful, but as they age like the fathers, there is strange thing that we don’t understand.

 

See, I always had this belief: as people get older, we seem to have this perception that they are so burdensome. So nosy. Being everywhere that ay shaqo ku laheen. This happens, and it is one of the misunderstandings.

 

While the mother-in-law's main intention was to create harmony within her son's household by being too over-concerned in every imaginable decision taken in that house, they unfortunately then become unbearable and so nosy. Thus the seeds of hostile situations had been planted.

 

The easiest way to avoid this is to keep both the spouse and your mother away from each other as far possible as you the husband can in the house.

 

By the way, most mothers who have daughters who had been married would rather--as it is in the most cases--live with their daughters than to live with their daughter-in-laws.

___________________

 

Soon Wanaagsan!!

[Rokko]

Inlaws can be nasty sometimes, but ya just gotta get out of their territory namean. Run away with yo gal from them to never see ya again. thats the best medicine.

 

one

[Gediid]

I kinda agree with yall but I also think that if inlaws can jeapordise a marriage then that marriage was not on a solid footing to start off with.People's actions are pretty much determined by the situation they are in therefore if an inlaw can ruin a marriage then that marriage must have been shaky one in the first place.

[Faheema.]

Gediid: I beg to differ.

 

Human behaviour can be the most manipulative source of action you can think of…

Anyone can be pushed to their limit regardless of strength of their love, because if one is determined to wreck another’s life he/she will succeed if it was “qadar”. If not, then they will pull through.

 

As for the subject in question, this does not only take place in the Somali Community, it takes place in every community. There are good hearted people and there are not so kind hearted ones, so, just hope and pray when the times comes you will get along with your in-laws.

 

 

Kind-heartedly

Shayma

[Gediid]

Cawo

If 2 people truly love each other then no matter how much crap their inlaws say will and should not affect their marriage in any way.However if they had doubts about one another then people will work based on those doubts and succeed.Like you said human behaviour will only manipulate situtions where it can be manipluted.

And yes this does exist in every community.

[Faheema.]

Gediid: I guess you failed to read the small print (Qadar) Hadii Ilaahay qorey, no matter what anyone says or does it will happen. However, lets agree to disagree on this.

[Nazra]

Make peace with your inlaws, they can be nasty and most cases end up winning.

[QUANTUM LEAP]

The two people who married will always be the pillars that keep that marriage working. If for some reason or other one of them is weak and listens to everyone who comes around to their home, then that marriage is bound to fail. I think understanding what a marriage is and its responsibilities is paramount. In Diin as well as principally, a marriage always needs time commitment and hard work for it to succeed. I reckon a solid marriage with the two people knowing where they are heading to will not easily break as long as they are both remain strong for their own benefit. If that comes with great inlaws then thats bound to be happiness at its best. Your children will grew in avery healthy and loving environment.

[Nonchalant]

Inlaws most of the time are the deciding factors when it comes to choosing a mate. I personally pray for a man who doesn't come from a large family of females. I personally know first hand the tragedy of knowing a mother in-law who butts in too much and sister-inlaws who don't know when to mind their own business.

 

It seems that for the longest time my father's side could never except my mother. They did everything they could possibly do to express their hate for her, and because they can't except her they don't except us, her kids. I don't know my father's side from didly squat although they live in the same city as us, nor do i ever want to get to know them. By simply going out their way to reuin my parent's marriage and slander my mother I don't have an ounce of care or respect for any one of them.

 

Sometimes inlaws can have lasting affects on a marriage. I'm living proof of these affects

[lol]

To me I think attitude matters. Some girls they get into the family with the assumption that no mother in law or sister in law are decent enough to accept. So regardless of how nice the in laws are, they will never satisfy the wifey. Thus causing alot of misunderstandings and hatret. I believe its the responsibility of the wife to care and be patient with her husband's family. There is a Somali saying, " Qofka lama guursado reerka ayaa la guursadaa". I strongly agree with that. Qof kaan aad guursaneysid reer buu ka dhashay sida adiga oo kale. YOu shoulnd't expect him to desert his family to be with you. Of course there are in-laws made in hell but than patience does alot of wonders. I believe if you are tolerant and reciprocate their evil actions with good deeds I am sure you will get along fine sooner or later....

 

But then who has patience nowadays, so sisters before you get carried away with the brotha's charms, get to know his family and see if you can blend in. If you can't get the hell out of there and call on the next...

[Matkey]

Good topic!

 

As most of u stated, not all inlaws are bad but some of them are. What distinguishes one from the other is the Taqwa of Allah (swt). Those with a good taqwa always try to abstain from couple's business except when their help is needed. If the inlaws are ahlu diin, they want the marriage of their doughter/sun to last, and hence they always give good advice when the marriage is in crisis; because they know that Allah doesn't like the divorce, although He made it permissible. according to my opinion, it is the best to live some distance from.....and whilst keep in touch with them most of the time. After all, they are like your parents.

[QUANTUM LEAP]

I think this topic is being discussed in apositive manner so far and that we as the future should learn to respect both our inlaws and ofcouse the daughters and sons inlaws too. A case in one where inlaws become poison is Sparkles case. Now for her there is no way she can relate to her inlaws because of the way they treated her family (Dad and Mom) and this has trickled down to the children. A good inlaw would never meddle with the affairs of her son or daughter other than on an advisory manner.

 

A mom or dad who ruins her daughters marriage is not worth respecting to be honest. If you can work for the downfall of your own childs happiness then in my eyes you are not a good parent period.

 

Both the inlaws should always try to work together for the benefit of the happiness of their children and offsrpings that come as aresult of the daughter n sons marrying.

 

Imagine an inlaw who keeps asking her daughter to demand for everything the man has and to ruin his life? Imagine that inlaw who keeps poisoning the son to get rid of his loved one so he she can take the place of his wife.

 

Imagine that mother who has never wanted the present husband for her daughter and trying very hard to break the marriage so she can marry the close cousin she has always wanted for daughter.

[MD]

Inlaws

 

What distinguishes one from the other is the Taqwa of Allah (swt). Those with a good taqwa always try to abstain from couple's business except when their help is needed.

Well said, but let's not forget "shaitan" is everywhere!

 

A marriage is after all between a man and a woman and of utmost concern should be how quickly they are able to establish a relationship based on mutual love, mercy, and trust. But if inlaws are involved in every little thing "the couple" does, there's a less chance of that marriage surviving.