Hypothesis: Dowry arrangements are becoming increasingly difficult !

[Armstrong]

Salaamz,

 

From feedback and general chit-chat,I hear dowry arrangements are getting difficult between young people. Reasons are many such as interference from relatives.

 

Nevertheless, I am enquring about why it seems dowry has become a big issue? Are people getting more greedy? Are relatives playing a larger role in this process?

 

I heard of cases where dowry was just for the man to recite surat yaasin to the woman and where large amount of money such as thousands of £'s were asked for :confused:

 

If you want to share stories of events that occured to you or you heard please feel free to express them.

 

W.Salaam,

 

Mujahid over and out!

[Thinkerman]

Hey i certainly dont have thousands of £'s and in any event their are many other commitments i first have to meet ebfore even being in a position where i would be able to think about such a thing

[Baashi]

Actually is getting easier!, I gather. Wedding receptions r getting way too much expensive!

Nowadays chiks are more realistic, and desperate for decent men..dowry is the least thing u need yo worry about...getting a decent, law-abiding, old-school, smart, independent, nomad-lady is price u need to be after...they are a rare comodity to find in the Qurboland

[Rahima]

Baashi, you hit the nail on the head with the last part of your comment, believe me, dowry is probably the least problem. "CHIKS" :confused:

 

But your right Mujahid. My heart goes out to you poor fellas, generally though it's the parents and families that demand so much.

 

Alas, i suppose you must accept and get cracking in coming up with the dough!

[nuune]

this only happened in Nayroobi,i was told by a friend there.

 

nin baa soo doonay gabartan,way is jeclaayeen,marka xariiifkan waxaa la warsaday in uu bixiyo $10,000 dollar,acuudka,gabar luu soo raadiyay meesha business miyaa,Gar baa ladhigtay oo odayaasha labada dhinac ee labadan isa soo doonatay ayaa kulmay,gabarta odayaasheeda way ku indha adkaaden in ay rabaan 10,000,waala is mari waayay,kuwii kalaa yiri war xeer aan somali soo marin hadda ha ubillaabinee rabshada joojiya iyo lacagtan fowqal caqliga aad warsaneesaan,kuwii kalaa yiri majirto ama 10,000 ama iska taga,kuwan baa dhahay war ma waxaan bixin waynay toban kun si aan hadhoow naloo dhihin gabarta maherkeedi bay bixin waayeen,sidaas bay meherkii $10,000 kun ahaa lagu bixiyey.

hadda wa meher bas,qabanqaabadii arooska,gabaatigii ama yaradii iyo wixii soo haroo dhanba waxay noqotay in la bixiyo $10,000 oo kale,marka arooskan waxaa ku baxay $20,000 oo lacagta geedkaan doollarka ah,bal fiiri waa nairobi meesha,yaab ani!!

[Miskiin-Macruuf-Aqiyaar]

Salaan...

 

LoooooooooooooooooooooooooL at Nuune. LooooooooL. Maan.

 

Meesha, duqa, maxaa la kala gadanoyaa. Gabarta maa laga gadanooyaa that they would never see 'her' again. My goodness. Ebidkeey dad saas u baqeel eh ma arkin. Ten thousand dollars at least kulahaa. Meesha down payment oo guri la gadanaayo maa ka socoto. Walaahi dadkeen waa washeen.

___________________

 

Mujaahid, I have this in mind: If the girl or her family want a cent more than $1,000, I and my family are OUT OF THE DOOR. And the $1,000 is CANADIAN DOLLARS, which is roughly $600 U.S. Now, I love living in Canada. :cool:

___________________

 

Macsalaama!!

[Jamster]

The burning flesh releases an protein that makes us all ad nausea; but hey honour can be conferred upon here.

Nothing personal. Farah

[shyhem]

Here in my city we don't have a dowry problem but we do have an issue that is forcing most somalis,especially the males to reconsider about the whole marriage thing.

If u're lucky enough to come across a decent sister,u still have a long way to go.For some strange reasons the sister will demand that the wedding be held in a Hilton hotel,,,,,,,,price tag for four hours of dancing in a stupid and un-islamic hall is $5,000-8000 depending on the season.

New apartment and new furniture is about $7000.

Texcudo and all that crap is another $2000

 

The 7th day wedding celebration for the women is about $3000,remember this doesn't include another $2000 for the engement day lunch,and this too doesn't include the actual Dowry money that her family will definately ask for.

 

In total we're talking about closer to $ 20000, now tell me how many non proffessional Somalis can avoid this?

This is rediculas,i mean it doesn't make sense for a guy working in a asembly line,with an $8.00 an hour job and a girl raised on welfare to spend this much of money on their wedding especially when most Americans with the same income spend less than a $1000 on their wedding.

Now they wonder why they broke up in two months,how the hell are they supposed to be happy when both the man and the woman have to work in two jobs to pay the the credit card bill for the wedding and worse than that no saving at all in case one of the partners fails to keep his/hers job.

[jabarti]

Asalamu Aleikum,

 

Brother Mujahid thanks for your interesting topic, but I disagree with you when it comes to dowry increase, I believe that now a days it getting lower day after day, because of that more and more people are understanding their religion affairs and the Islamic sharia.

 

To share with you only one Hadith among many; our beloved Prophet Mohamed said that: the lower the dowry is the more blessed will be. In another word less the amount of dowry money, that’s marriage will becomes more blessed by Allah.

 

Dowry is just a gift from the husband to his new lovely wife; it’s to equip her to become financial independent or to have some sort of pocket money if u will, or cash in hand in case she needed it.

 

Two things which happens these days are very extreme, one is to higher the dowry amount and the other is to give the Holy Quran as a dowry instead of money, that doesn’t mean I am against the holy Qur’an but rather I consider myself to be a good Muslim, as I mentioned above it’s the Sunnah of our Prophet which recommended to lower the amount, at the same the dowry has to be MONEY and that’s exactly what our beloved Prophet Mohamed use to do when it comes marrying or giving away the hand of his daughters.

 

To marry someone is to show love, care and compassionate, not to buy or sale like material or animals, it’s not a matter of business rather it’s a relationship which needs to be natured not to create animosity or hate. Sister’s think about this, if u over charge us, how then we the poor Somali guys will afford to arrange you a nice wedding party or to buy you a beautiful furniture.

 

I will conclude my point with this beautiful English saying about Marriage:” to be in love is like having sweet dream, marriage is alarm clock".

 

Ladies please don’t put us in dept. Keep it simple and lower the dowry to an acceptable amount where we (guys) can afford.

 

Wasalamu Aleikum

[Dhimbil]

Exactly, What is a Dowry?

:confused:

 

I though dowry was something of a promise, nothing more. Like you will pay your wife this amount if there is a divorce, or just later in life. I don't think you to have come up with the money now, like during the wedding process. I could be wrong. You can clarify.

 

But if you talking about soori, the money you pay to the females father or uncles at the wedding ceremony, thats different, but i don't think any family would ask for $10,000 of this money. its usually estimation of your own, again i could be wrong here.

 

Peace

[Armstrong]

Salaamz,

 

Illmatic bro that is the money or gift you pay the wife for her to enter marriage contract with you.

 

Jabarti Masha Allah bro but I am not saying dowry is going up or down merely this is a null hypothesis ! just a debate. Anywayz I like your response very good plead and articulation.

 

Brother Bashi and sister RS Masha Allah ! enlighting rhetoric.

 

Let the debate continue...

 

Mujahid over and out !

[amran]

AA

in my opinion i do not see nothing wrong if both sides agree the dowry to be expensive, if he can afford it, why not.i have seen woman asking their mahr to be ice_tea, and few months later they get divorced, and thrown out, they have no skills to live on and can not even support themselves for few days, do not you think if they had asken something valuable,things would have been different, if Allah did not set a limit for the dowry, who has the right to do so. if your wife-to-be asks you more you can afford, you can negotiate with her and come up with something that you both agree on.and to those who say mother of the believers' dowry was so little, i think they were marrying a prophet, so they were sure, he would treat them well, unfortunately we can not say the same thing about all men.

[Armstrong]

Salaamz,

 

The girl can ask for whatever she wishes but if she or her family becomes over-greedy she could eliminate future husbands one by one. And could end up all lonely and miserable for the rest of her life. Anyhow is one marrying for fuluus misee for happiness?

 

All I and some of the nomads like jabarti and baashi are saying is the girl can ask for whatever but she should bear in mind if she is over-ambitious and start adopting sky's the limit false idea, this would make it difficult for the potential husband to deliver what she wants hence could be out of the door in no time.

 

Mujahid over and out!

[Honesita]

Shyhem.....what u said makes sense....but believe it or not, its not only women who want to spend that much nowadayz....i've seen a lot of guys who r not willing to have small weddings.....my own cousin is gettin' married next month.....and yeah he's spendin' a fortune he does not have on his wedding.....because he wants it....his wife does not even care....!!!

 

Illmatic....dowry is the maher....its asked by the woman, and the man has to give it to her...not her family.....and he has to give it to her as soon as possible.....its a somali tradition to give it incase of a divorce....!!! Also the sooryo (and another word i cant think of right now) r cultural not religious....!!! I might be wrong though...!!!

 

Personally, i would not ask for a lot of dowry money......i dont even want to have a wedding....but what is a must-have for me is beautiful furniture in my house....and a honeymoon......and i know it'll cost money, but i am not greedy....i'm willin' to help out....!!!

 

Salaamz

[shyhem]

Honesita

Will U marry me please? LOool just kidding, Seriously though U sound so cute with a statement like that,Finally i can see a sister that defines decency and simplicity, i 'ope i marry one like U.Its not everyday that we come across a smart sister like U.