what is the reason for some somali men leaving their wives?

[ARAWEELO]

Before we start applauding let us be fair and talk about the whole truth.

 

Soul Lady spoke about some real cases that I myself have wittnessed, but the truth about the rest of the Somali families remains unspoken and unadressed.

We all know that that there are a great number of Somali men who are unemployed not because of a lack of opportunities but simply because they are too busy either chewing chat all night and sleeping all day or chatting at coffee shops for the rest of the times. Still the miracle is most women are willing to keep him regardless, if he is willing to at least contribute something to the family whether it is grocery shopping, baby sitting or taking kids to the playground, schools or Doctors office. In some cases these issues raise tentions and arguments that would lead into violence.

 

My point is the immaturity exists in both men and women and at this point they are both responsible for breaking up their families.

[Hibo]

Araweelo sis …The only lady who can stick by her husband today is a lady well versed with Diin and knows rights from wrongs and very much willing keep her man despite his follies. The Majority will take the easy way out and that is to give him what has famously come to be known as the "BAAC MADOOW" treatment. If I remember correctly, men back home in Africa used to treat their women with kindness and ofcouse didn’t ask for anything other than womanly duties. Today a simple argument raises hell.....a few months ago there was this woman who arrested her husband proclaiming that he beat her and that she didn’t want anything to do with him. The man was arrested for battery (no marks ofcouse) n no hand was raised against her. She basically was pissed of with him b'se they had a silly argument. She later admitted that she had made a mistake and that she wanted her husband to be released and back with her. She had to write more than ten letters explaining her mistakes to the police.

 

After a whole week in jail the man was released and he never went back. The woman made a loving husband take off for his life.

 

 

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(il),-`` (li),` ((!.-` S-h-a-q-ss-ii

[Hibo]

it seems to me that shaqsi and og_motti take sides, you are defending men instead of looking the problem, every story has two sides. not all the blame belongs to women. there are good women and men. each story is unique. sometimes men do not fulfill their duty as husband, father, if you think things should be as they were back home, you are wrong.things are not the same.shaqsi according to religion it is mens' job to put food on the table, but look our community how many men are doing that? many men sleep at home and expect gov to raise their children.

[Hibo]

Sister Bolo and Arawelo it seems to me you guys forget the point me and shaqsi are talking about and you took it personal and taking side thing, sisters we love our queeens, personaly i do i don't know about shaqsi but it seems to me he does too or he would not raise this issue and talk about it this professionalism and wisdom, sisters the exaample that shaqsi gave happen so many times that now adays somali men are reconsidering about jeexid and scared to go to the west and it seems somali women can not wait to get tot the west mainly because she is excited that she can kick the brotha out of the house anytime and even make his life a natural hell, I am not saying all somali women are like that i mean some are great and try to coup up with a looser husband and be patint for the sake of her children but some really had a great husbands and they lost them just because they wanted to find out how much poweres they got over the husband just like the one Shaqsi mentioned, so sisters my point is ofocurse every problem has both sides but our queens are getting out of control we need to find a solution and a quick one, or the nation is doomed,... loool no hard feeling just an honest opinion based on facts and seens..

[Buubto]

I think they both play big role of this endless somali high divorce rate, & the bottom line is they are lack of Knowledge about Islam. The truth is they say they muslims but they don’t practice the diin fully. Whoever fears Allah cazawajal won’t do this foolish act of non-believers. Since when we saw a Somali lady who claims to be Muslim kicking her husband out of the house & immediately calling her friend within the building saying look at him through the window I kicked him out. Subxaana laah walaa ilaaha ila laah. Since when we saw a Somali men who choice to only live by welfare eat qaat, sit the cafe’s, don’t care about his family whatsoever, sleeps all morning, leaves home in the afternoon comes back midnight like he living hostel. Where is the responsibility that he took? Subxaana laah.

 

I am not taking sides here but there is one point I need to say. I think the ladies r trying their best to do their job & the father’s job. Let’s be honest here how many mothers r living in western raising kids who their father abandoned them. I am not talking about the one’s who kicked out their husbands. No I am talking the one’s who r living another country don’t give dam about his kids & the one’s who lives in same country yet don’t care about his own kids. Walaahi my heart breaks when I see these ladies straggling to raise these kids, taking to dugsi, school, & teaching them what’s right & wrong. I honestly think those mothers deserve some appreciation I slut to them with all my heart.

 

Let’s not be “wixii xunba xaawo ayaa leh” in this case I think is men’s fault “wixii xunba faarax ayaa leh", theyd didn’t try hard enough to do their responsibility. Let’s be realistic here women can be painful yet she is soft. Finally the problem is crystal clear that this ppl choice to ignore the rules that Allah set 4 them & they (both men & women) paying high price. Ilahay ahsoo hadeeyo raga & dumarkaba.

 

 

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"Our Lord! forgive us our sins and anything we may have done that transgressed our duty: establish our feet firmly, and help us against those that resist Faith." (3:147)

[Hibo]

sis buubto u said you are not taking sides but you did already, how about the fathers who are trying so hard to keep his house together and who are so hurt because the police asked him not be close to his children 300 ft or he will be in jail, rabshada waxa wada waa dumarka and i know some men are hopeless too but if we talk about % xaawa ayaa qaska wada 85% and 15% might be Aadan , by the way buubto maahmaahda waa "waxii xun xaawa ayaa leh ama waxii xun aadam ayaa leh" ma aha faarax loool any way like u said sister alaha hanuuniyo our queens wey nadhibeen ragana noo jajabiyeen, odey baan maqlay intey xaaskiisi dibada utuurtay ayuu siduu ulahaa CAKU CIIL BADANAA ayuu wadnuhu istaagay. waxa ugu wacan this problem is that somali men marry young girls iyagoo odayaal ah, when the young girl getts to the west and sees hip hip iyo attitude iyo whatz up yo yo, iyo koofiyad waalan iyo timo ilaahey cirka kasoo riday ayey intey dib nolosheeda ufiiriso ayey dhihi yaaaa maxaa duqaan i ag fariisiyey i am young let me jumm'n and test life forgetting that this old man is the best thing in her life, any way i heard somali men older ones agreed not marry young girls again and it is becoming a rule or culture and i think it was written some where in somalinet, so ilaahey ha hanuuniyo our queeens "CAKU CIIL BADANAA yaa banadir noo soo celiya" peace

[reer guuraa]

I'll prefer to use somali writing.

 

Waa mawduuc fiican, waana mid ka hadlaya ififaale cusub ee ku soo kordhay qoysaska ka tirsan (somalida- baadi'yowday/somali diasbora)<raali iga ahaada haddaan ereyga si khaldan u turjumay>>.

Balse maxaa ugu wacan in dhibaatadaasi soo korodho???

in kastoo ay badan yihiin curiyayaasha ififaalahaas( phenomena)hadana waxaa hormood u ah dhaqan-ka-bardad(cultural-shock).

Tan ugu sahalan waxaa laga arki karaa muraayadda web-makaankaan, oo macaabiishiidu door bideen in mudnaanna ay siiyeen ku wada xiriiridda afka shisheeye, iyagoo isla markaana ka hadlaya dhaqan iyo diin badbaadin<< it's self is part of cultural shock---negation>>>.

Inta badan dhibaatadaasi waa mid guud ee ay ka siman yihiin qoysaska ka yimid dunida 3aad. In kastoo la isdhaamo, sida HINDIDA oo meel kastoo aad ku aragtid hindi waa hindi, balse annagu waxaan ka mid nahay kuwo ugu liita waxaana sal dhig uga dhigi la haa dhaqanka reer miyiga oo ah mid aan la hayn dhaxal aan dhaaf siisnayn (DEG, DAMBAS iyo DHABBO).

 

Ka waan ogahay in aad kala kulanteen af-lagaado iyo dembi markaad damacdeen in aad afsomaali wax ku qortaan, balse ogaada in kala go' isgaarsiin ay dhacayso, taasina ay horumarinayso jahawareer ka haysta reer guuraageena soo guuray oo aan ka mid nahay.

Qof haddaan casumo ma aqaan cunno khaas u ah somali oo aan siiyo. Canjeera-- waxay ka timid Ethiopia. Soorna waxay ka timid beeralay.

Cad iyo caano, kaasi martiqaadkiisu waxuu ku haboon yahay miyiga.

 

Hala i cafiyo hadaan meesha isaga soo dhex dhacay, ama aan meel ka dhacay. Balse waxaan ku soo koobayaa intaan anagu <kuwa wax bartay> aan ka sii fugaanayno dhaqankeena, aan ogaano in bulshaduna nagu dayanayso ilayn anagii ayaaba rabin dhaqankii ye.

[Hibo]

Reer-Guuraa, true nomad indeed.

 

Wax sax ah baad ka hadashay - Waa runtaa, Somalidu si dhaqso ayay u dhaqan rogantaa, unlike the Indians and Chinese. lol

 

Walaal mideda kale, Afka Somaliga lagama faanayo/cararayo - ee maadaama an la isticmalin inta badan, aad ayay u adag tahay in la qoro/aqriyo. Runtii Indhihii waa i ilmeeyeen intan aqrinayay qoraalkaaga.

 

Dhibaatadan Guurka ee ragga & dumarka sidee loo xaliyaa, bal ka soo hadal dhaqanka & luqada ha inoo dambaysee walaal.

 

God Bless.

 

 

 

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"He tried to be somebody by trying to be like everybody, which makes him a nobody."

[Hanna]

reer guuraa

bro/sis must you use such big words cuz i didn't understand half of what you wrote

peace

 

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[ARAWEELO]

Reer Guuraa aad baad ugu mahadsan tahay warbixintaad nala qeybsatay. "Lama huraan waa cowska jiilaal" afkeenna hooyo waa lama huraan ee aan horey u marinno carurteenana aan barno.

Haddi aan dib ugu soo laabto mawduuca boggaan, ma fiicna in farta la isku fiiqo Og Moti you & Shaqsii have taken men's side it is only fair for women to take women's side. My point is we can keep on blaming each other that will not solve anything. The problem is real and it exists what can we do to make a difference. How can we address this issue that is going to affect the future Somali's who are here or going to be born in this environment.

Peace and Love

 

[Hibo]

Sis Arawelo, you are right we need solution not blaming but we are not blaming, we are saying the solution the only solution is our ladies to realize that this western life is a dream word and a world without moral and respect that somali people known since ages. Somali ladies must wake up from this fake freedom dream, see i heard that in somalia women are misfortuned and treated bad and stuff that makes me laugh, cause when i heard and read such stuff i went back and try to look such cases in somalia guess what i could not find any mistreatment for somali ladies by somali men, somali men were and still well know by how gentle and respect they treat their women so the problem is our sisters when they reached the western world and saw a women trying to challange men in every aspect in life they want to be the same but if they just stop for a minute and look they would be shocked, cause when i look at a western women, openning her legs and smoking and laughing with her mouth open wider than jeer ama libaax, and wearing cloths that show all her body and has no shame what soever i see a very ugly living thing,you don't even know what they are, female should be gentle and caring for her house and children, the word female in every langauge means gentle and kind, but now adays women think female to be called gentle and kind is an insult and weakness, so dear the solution is on your hands to go back to ur original way of life and forget this fake freedom, and stop picking a fight with the husband just because you know either way you win wrong or right all you have to do is call and he is 300 miles away from the house and will never come back to his bed till you decide so, many great men walked away without looking back and money women lost fine men because of that, i am not taking sides i am just showing the truth of the real reason of devorce i should say increasing devorce rate among somalian in western world, did not you notice it only happens to somalians in western world, it does not happen to somalian in middle east, not to somalians in Africa or in Asia. I think now you know i am right atleast give me the credit for that, at least say some of my analysis are right, allow me that much dear sistas... peace

[ARAWEELO]

Og-moti you are still pointing fingers!

I am not saying what you have said is not true I agree with you 100% and it breaks my heart to see women abusing good men and using the system and sometimes their children as a way of controlling their men. It is a shame and those women are making the rest of us look bad, but at the same time there are men who are well known in the community to be irresponsible, dead beat fathers, wife beaters, qat eaters, alcohol and other substanse abusers, cheaters you name it. It is not fair for some bad men and women who have no shame in their game to destroy the Somali culture and the rest of us.

I give you a credit to bring this issue because I think that it is a real problem within our community, and we can learn about some of those mistakes and use it as an example for future conflicts.

Take Care!

 

[Hibo]

Personally I blam it on both sides. People are getting married these days not knowing who the person really is. I mean their are a lot of girls being set up by their parents and when she gets married she doesn't really know the person because they didn't take the time to get to know each other. Men would lie about some things and the girl is also going to lie about some things when their trying to get to know each other. They get married and find out how the person really is; but they stay together becuase they want to make it work. A child is born the parents aren't getting along. Things get out of control and the devorce cames.

I can't really say it's because of this but I can say sometimes it happens because of this .....peace

 

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w/luv~meth

[Hibo]

Arawelo are social worker because you seem to be blaming men in any family problems and that what social workers always do, they say it must be the man, i have seen some men who made a big mistake and married a bigger lady than them and get kicked and beaten by the wives and when the problem reachs to the authority they it must be the man and goes to jail, if we talk seriously about somali families we all know our queens are most of the time bigger than the king and they can beat the shit out of them anytime, but that is the topic, my point is girls please change and look back and look into the life of Somali women the old generation they were happy the father was happy and the kids were happy and we use to have healthy family, men did not change since then a bit but our ladies changed alot and want to be in control and they just found the perfect system that will help them to so, come on i have heard of many young ladies get devorced with kids, don't through ur life away, don't beleive this social workers words when u first go to west telling lies. the first word they say to somali lady is if your man talks to you call this number, they simply want you to loose you tall dark handsome somali man and they are hoping that one day u might marry one of their own and their next generation will look better, the other method sista, arranged marraige personality i don't approve of it but it seems to me it is working more than the shukaaansi one, because their is a line drawn but in shukaansi one both parties get use to each other so they do not respect each other.. peace and love alaha hanuuniyo our queens this is the time we need them most...

[Ugbaad]

Salan Dhamaan

i think there are of factors to the uprising single mothers in our community. i think the way somalian household used to be has extremely changed due to us being in total opposite countriez {world}. But then who are we to say, we must change, coz this is how it is where we live at. ONe. i think women now days have higher expectations from their husbandz whether its financially or emotionally. TWo. men still think they are superiorz and what goez is what they say and please leaving the women frustrated and just making them take harsh revenge by calling off the marriage.BEST SOLUTION, ABSOLUTELY NO.BUT there need to be understanding and compromising in somali marriage. as the sister said there is no communication whatsoever and how in the world will you solve a problem without talking about it. its very sad to say 99% of the kids are involving and left vulnerable. where is the model role examplez to the kidz. and we wonder why this goez on from generation to generation.

 

TAke Care Beautiful People!!!

Letz hope Next Generation will definetely change.