what is the reason for some somali men leaving their wives?

[Hibo]

I heard stories that the number of single mother young single somali mothers in north America and Europe is high and increasing everyday, what is the reason for that, some say it is qaat and that the ladies leave the me not the men leave the ladies, some say it is because somali queens when they have first child they forget what is romance and forget about her husband, others say it is the west and its culture and the fault is by both sides by them trying to coupe up with west culture and wanting to try independency and equality, personaly I think all the 3 reasons have some true in them, waiting for what others have to say about this.. peace nomads

[Hibo]

I think it's lack of communication & understandin between the 2 people as well as lack of mutual respect & love!

 

I believe Marriage is a big step & dat u've to talk about & discuss everythin before u finally 'tie the knot'

[Hibo]

Personally I think it is the lack of adjusting to the new environment of the western world. Somali men have so long been the soul bread winner in the tradiotional Somali household. But times have changed due to the dislocation of war we have all been dispurced through out the globe, with most of us finding are way to North America and Europe. Due to this we face many different problems, like culture shock and being faced with a whole new language. Because of the language barrier it's hard for the men to get jobs in the fields they desire and because of the immidiate want of money, school is most of the times out of the picture. So it is inevitable that most families seek help from the government.

 

Now this is where the problem begins, having the status of "Single Mother", would put the largest amount of cheddar into the family pocket, all of a sudden reversing the situation and making the woman the bread winner and soul income of the family.

Suddenly the woman has all the power, her word goes, she is the one wearing the pants in the house, with this power the woman feels she could basically do whatever she wants.

 

The Somali male has a hard time adjusting to this new way of life, and the husband and wife find themselves clashing ways alot. These clashings often cause the two to split, in turn making the wife truly a single mother!.

 

[This message has been edited by SPARKLE (edited 04-14-2002).]

[Hibo]

Sparkly you are so hard on your brothers, maybe it is the ladies who think no need for the brothers to stick around since they can work and take care of themselves, and remember i said maybe, give some credit to the brothers sis, dhulkaad nala dhacday, loool by the way interesting reply you put there, I wish if my other brothers and sisters give their opinion in this issue and please be fair and don't be one sided lool peace and love wherever u are NOMADS

OG_Moti

[NomadSis]

OG-Moti

 

 

True, there is so much problems in the west..when it comes building n providind a healthy Family atmostphere it seems realy hard I personally think the lack of communication plays the bigest part of this dilemma..there is many issues that u mention above wich all contributes this problems.

 

Solution of this ppuzzle

 

I just think, we Nomads missed our Open Air and Fresh smell of the Nomadworld...so maybe just maybe...it is about the Time we somalis 2 go back our Nomadways n Free of worries..ye..ye the middle of de Forest!!!!!

 

Ur NomadSis who is on the Move

[Motor Cycle Cruiser]

Yet another example of how the western (gal) culture is eroding our Islamic values.

The institution of marriage is no longer sacred to us. We are slowly being westernized. Blame it on economics or the struggle for social stature, the fact is we have to find a way to preserve our values.

Just my $0.02 worth.

 

 

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[Hibo]

It think it mainly lies in the unvalidated reasons for marriage. Most of them marry b/c their best friend or most of their friends tied the knot... I think its pretty lame to abhor such a sacred thing...ITs unfortunate but it is true!

 

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Each one of us is a masterpiece in progress

[ARAWEELO]

I think that most of the times people fight without any apparent reasons. But on the other hand sometimes there are major factors that couples fight, for example: finance is a major problem no matter who is in control of the money. I also think that both immediate and extended family have sometimes something to do with the conflict, when in-laws get too much involved with the couple. Last but not least friends of both sides of the couple can be the major cause: it is amazing how so called friends can be evil and try to break the family. I think that couples should keep their mouths closed and not let others get involved in their business. These problems existed before we moved to western countries, but what we lost here is the type of respect our parents had for each other. They had the commitment and sacrificed everything in order to deal with the conflict before they break up for the sake of their children.

In my opinion women were the real reason why most Somali families stayed together, let us be honest!

Now it is time for Somali couples specially men to put their ego to the side and start thinking the future of their children.

 

[Hibo]

well said arawelo...My opinion the problem exist in both sides male or the female...let's face it most of the time when the time gets tough a lots of som men look the easy way out, the real man fights through the hard time it builds a character and you learn that much from your partner too...ppl we need to stick around for the sake of our kids, watching your kids growing up is the best thing! so please don't miss it....And ladies please stop using kids against their fathers.....

[Hibo]

Arawelo are you saying it man's turn to keep the relationship by watching the kids, cooking and cleaning the house, Sister it is a nature that god created with men to have character and seek respect from other people spcially somali men, and when a man openly stays at home and cleans the house and the wife goes out and be the bread winner, it puts him down and he looses his character, beside no women will be happy to have a man who has no respect from others, so even if the man accepts to stay at home, still you would not be happy and you will drop him just because no one respect him and beleive me somali men will never respect a man who is second in the house, one time i use to live a lone and cook for my self and one day my uncle visited me and he said find us some food, i said ok then i went to kitchen to cook the food, waxii kadhacay ilaahey baa og, he start shouting are you a female? and waryaa kuma garan iyo waxyaalo aanan faxmeen buu ila yimid then i told him man who is going to cook if i don't he said go out and get one of the neighbor's girl, I told him man we don't live in a tuulo and old good somali days where the whole neighborhood is one big family, he said i can look at my brother's son cooking, you broke my heart then he left,

So girls the only way to keep your man like you said barwaaqo is you.. and read between the lines and peace to our nation

OG_Moti

[Hibo]

OG_motti, i'm sure you do not live in the west, somali men do not care about cooking anymore, they do cook, clean and help their wives, they left that problem at home, and it is not big deal who cooks, but what you gonna do, if your wife works, and you have children, that you have to take them school, their homework. are you gonna sit and watch tv.prophet(PPUH) use to help his wives at home.let's be realistic here in the west both need to earn living together, and do the household work together.i heard many women complaining the lack of help at home i do not know if that is enough to seek a divorce.

[ARAWEELO]

A plus thank you for being with me here!!

Og moti my name is Araweelo not Barwaaqo kow dheh. Secondly there is nothing wrong with men cooking and cleaning and taking care of their children. Some men are doing it better than their wives..it is the year 2000+ where do you live brother?

Men should be involved in their childrens lives as much as the mother, because we know that most children who grow up close to both of their parents are more succesful, more stable in later life, and become better partners and parents themselves.

Both partners also have made the committment to be there for each other forever, so if you are worried about how other people from outside see you rather than how healthy your family is doing ( physically, emotionally, financially etc )you are in a fantasy life.

Og Moti my brother do you see the big picture mise hadal leen heyneynaa.

[Hibo]

Divorce and Single Mothers among Somalis are becoming phenomenon. Thanks for bringing up one of the often un-addressed issues.

Its merely my opinion - Women in general have psycological power over men - they can either bring the best out of them or snatch their sanity. There's only one factor mainly responsible for the never ending male/female relationship ordeal -"Women" - by discounting the importance of traditional Somali family values, completely falling for the misconception of "Women Power" and "Gender Equality" of the West. As such, women are enjoying being Single moms and the flexibility that goes with it(party all the time) - without worrying about their children's lack of guidance and loss of role models.

 

Lets examine this case:

As we all know, ever since the diaspora most Somali families in the qurbaha were and still getting Gov't assistance - her name is on the cheque - primarily making her the head of the household - she pays rent and bills - she's constantly nagging/humiliating/reminding him this is her roof. All she asks is "What have you done for me lately?" - without the understanding of what familial bond is, she chooses to throw any means of respect out the window (Zero respect.) - Next - He's kicked out. His crime solely being, a lag in his manly accountability - not because he was chewing Qaat/spending time in Donut shops with budds - but simply the end never justifies the means (he can't financialy fulfill her greed) all of a sudden he's less significant or another scenario he's got no job - language barrier be it the cause. Whick makes one wonder whatever happened to the 'thru thick or thin?' or there's no such thing in the Somali vows?

 

Imagine how a simple queston in school like "It's father's day today, where is your dad?" can hurt a little innocent child. My heart Walahi goes out to the many children of such broken marriages who suffer much pain as a result of their moms' action. That explains why they can't keep their children, especially their sons, off the streets and away from gun violence. We'r becoming the next black American generation who only praises their Moms and Granmas - no Daddies.

 

God Bless.

 

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"He tried to be somebody by trying to be like everybody, which makes him a nobody."

 

[This message has been edited by SouL_LaDy (edited 04-19-2002).]

[Hibo]

Soul_lady Afkaaga caano geel lagu qabay, it seems you are the only one who really understood my point, and Araweelo sorry sis how making a mistake in your name, it is a big mistake cause some men lost their wives because of such a mistake, loool any way Araweelo sis it is not about cooking and children, it is exactly what Soul_Lady said, our queens see their name in the cheque and they see the system supports them so they said why do we need this guy around so araweelo sis don't get me wrong i would love to cook for my wife my point is if the lady becomes the bread winner and the guy house keeper, it looks ugly to everyone even to the wife, so open minds guys and lets find a modern solution for this big problems we are facing as somalians in qurba, lots of love from OG_Moti to all somalians peace

[Hibo]

I really have to stand hat off me head and seriously applaud Soul-lady.. who is a cool fresh breeze of NEECAAW and speaks the truth from a females point of view. Sister you have hit the nail on the head with a huge hammer. Couldnt have put it any better.. KUDOSSS to you....Merci

 

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