Revert proposal to Somali woman: customs I need to know

[DaudBinKy]

I am a white, American revert to Islam. I am very interested in a local Somali woman. She is divorced and lives with her mother. Her father died years ago. I understand that Somali culture dictates that I pay a dowry, but to whom? Her mother? Her uncles? Both? And, what amount is considered socially proper? I understand this is in addition to the mahr I would pay her.

[Cara.]

There is also the dhac, which is paid to anyone who advises the groom-to-be, whether in person or through electronic communication. Don't worry, traditionally the dhac is equivalent to just 2 months' salary. Per mentor.

 

Welcome to SOL, Daud

 

Generally, the prospective groom's family discusses all the financial unpleasantness with the bride-to-be's family. But nowadays our daring women will name their price, so just ask her. Since the woman you're interested in is a divorcee, you could probably get away with a modest couple grand, which is given to her mother (although the negotiations will be with her nearest male relatives).

[Ismalura]

@ DaudBinky ask your woman these questions. She will not only explain the traditions to you but you will get and idea of what her personal preferences are. I understand it is a sensitive issue to discuss but it should turn out alright.

 

Welcome to SOL.

[Buuxo]

LOL@Cara I've been missing out on the 'Dhac' all these years.

 

 

Daud,Ask them. Put the ball in their court and get them to suggest what is appropriate.There may not be an expectation for you to meet all the traditional gift- giving(usually money ).

[Ibtisam]

Gabadha ka tiriyi meesha;

 

Daud here is what a MAN i expected to pay to marry in our society:

 

Yaard: £3500 is okay, you bette pray she has a small family/Clan. You pay this on your first visit to the family when they official give you permission to marry the women.

 

Suoryo: £200-£5000 You pay this on the day of the Mehr to the guys who come to the Mehr. Dont worry if you give £3000, they will give you £1000 back as good will, f you giv £5000, they will give back £1500 etc

 

Pre wedding gift paid directly to the girl for shopping, gold etc £7000 £10000.

 

The Mehr; The only thing Islmicly required and again paid directly to the girl- all at once or over a period of time. Average £5000.

 

Please send my Dhac via Dahabshill, advise over the net is valued at £2000 and if you want help I can get the family to give u discount.

 

Good luck,depends on her standard, How much she values you and how rich she thinks u are.

 

Farahs: Hold you waali, nika meesha ha ku attack garanenine now.

[Malika]

@ Cara - funny woman.

 

Daud - There is a difference between Dowry and Mehr - Dowry is not Islamic it's just a culture custom [so not so important,do not feel obliged to fulfil this unnecessary custom] - but Mehr is Islamic and compulsory thus paying it is Important and a must.

 

Discuss this with your local Imaam, ask him to be the go betweener - Insha'allah khery.

[bilan]

^^ do not feel obligated aa, do not listen to Malika you have to pay the dowry on the wedding day, unless you are not going to invite anyone from her side of the family.

[SJ]

Duad, according to our tradition, its not proper for a man to seek advice from women. So do not pay any attention to anything that appears before my post.

 

since you are marrying a garoob you are not obligated to pay anything. if you must give, single mothers love Doge Grand Caravan.

 

best wishes saxiib.

[DaudBinKy]

Thanks for the information, Bilan. When I did the currency conversions, I had a pretty good idea the sister's were having some fun at my expense. That is cool; I like a good joke.

[Chocolate and Honey]

Daud,

Ibti's figures are bit on the high end but I assure you it is NO joke. You should pay the Yarad(when you meet the family)Sooryo(on the Meher day) and some shopping money to your bride-to-be. Also the Meher money, which is however much she asks for. Otherwise you will be considered frugal and waxmatare(your future wife can explain this to you ). Good luck and treat the sis well.

[Malika]

Who is S?J ?

It doesnt matter if the woman is garoob or not - there is still a requirement that he see's her Walii and pay her Mehr.

 

Ibti's number would make a man bankrupt walle..loool

[NGONGE]

Since you're all in such a good mood maybe you can help me too.

 

Lately, I have become a fan of the ancient Japanese Samurai discipline. I understand that I have to follow the Bushido honour code and that if I let my leader down I may have to commit Seppuku (harakiri). However, I am not sure what type of knife to use! Would a butter knife do?

[Kool_Kat]

^Plastic butter knife will do...

 

Malika, from what I heard, with garoobnimo the value of the meher goes down dee...Of course you wouldn't pay the same amount for a used car as you would a brand new one...*I feel so bad typing this, oh well*

 

Daud, first and foremonst, WELCOME! Second, dowry should be based on your ability to pay...If she or her family come up with an outrageous amount, put your wallet in your back pocket, and as they say "cagta wax kaday"...Good luck...

[Juxa]

^^^ if you were next to me faro-jir-jir baa kugu soo baxsan lahaa ( i am not responsible for my actionssss markan maqlo garoob/gabar boodh shid and depreciation)

 

Daud, dont be put off by the jokers, just speak to your bride and find out her expectations.

 

apart from the dowry/meher which she must decide the rest is negotiatable and what you can afford ( since you are not somali, the basic clan to clan fixed amount wont apply to you).

 

just be honorable and ask her hand in marriage, speak to their family and take your uncle joe and bob with you

 

now go get married......

[MZanzi]

ar maxaaa meeshan qar laga tuurooyo maskiinkan