(LOL) Somali Folks Vol. 1 - Somali Men and Their Coffee Shops

[Anonymous_One]

I love my Somali people. And what makes us unique is that we're known for certain things. One of them is having Somali men who spend all their time in donut shops, talking the same nonsense and pulling the same tricks. I kno ya'll can relate to this one.

 

 

Somali Men and Their Coffee Shops

 

Another morning and the weather is scorching hot

But he’s still gonna go get coffee from the donut shop

The chances of him having money for coffee are very slim

He gets in line and taps a young Somali man in front of him

“As salam ma laykum!!..Do you remember me?

How are you doing? I’m one of your abtiis.

I saw you last when you were up to my knees

Running around in diapers and I think only 3.

So hows the family? How’s your dad? Hows school?â€

 

“Oh ..yeah I’m doing fine and everyone is cool.â€

He’s answering every question trying not to be rude

But he’s really thinking, “Who the hell is this dude?!?â€

 

Lady at the counter says, “Next please.â€

 

“Yeah 1 coffee and donut for me

And I guess anything for my new found abtiiâ€

 

“Mashallah son, your soul is pure and clean.

Yeah..uh..give XL coffee 12 sugar 2 cream!

And don’t think you’re gonna get a buck

Until I see every sboon of sugar you boot in my cub.â€

 

He walks away stirring his coffee with a stick

Grin on his face happy he pulled the old “I’m you abtii†trick

Goes to the same corner where his friends always meet

Ignores the “4 chairs per table†sign and pulls in an extra seat

They start talking about Somalia’s downfall

How good it use to be and what tribe started it all

One man ease dropping hears his tribe being called

Gets pissed and confronts the guy like he’s gonna brawl

But you know how Somali’s are: All talk, no action

Not like in westerns where they duel it out and demand satisfaction

Countless times did they swear in the name of the lord

Only thing they manage to hurt was their pride and vocal cords

They could poke an eye out the way they talk with their hands and jerk their necks

Yelling about how the government never gave them their monthly checks

And how they have an appointment in court

Cause they still never got their “Bassbort†(passport)

Telling a bunch of stories that are hard to believe

Until the owner comes and says, “Buy something or leave.â€

Out of all ten, one decides to buy coffee for himself

Lady at the counter asks, “Can I be of any help?â€

Takes his coffee but this time drinks in small sips

Tells all his buddies she liked him by the way she moved her hips

The way she smiled at him and the way she moved her lips

Claimed she was gonna make a move on him but was too nervous

Apparently this loser never heard of proper “customer serviceâ€

The sun has now come and gone

This is their chilling spot even during Ramadan

Then they say, “I’m not a devil,

I’m diabetic so I’m controlling my sugar level.â€

You know that story is obviously fake

When you see the same dudes eating kilos of halwa and mango shakes

Its now time to go home to the wife and kids

Not mentioning to them anything of what he did

Comes in the house

Throws himself on the couch

Flips on the T.V

and says, “Honey, can you get me some coffee please?â€

[Nephissa]

^^ Loooooool. Strange but true. Enjoyed every word of it. Thanks, that was nicely put.

[rudy-Diiriye]

now help me if i am wrong here! the only time i have to spend on coffee shop is when a xalimo asks me to stop at a starbucks!! so what gives here!! :confused:

 

otherwise, i never go there!! or listen to bbc!!

[Anonymous_One]

^^lool..thats funny..i actually have one about somali ladies when they're at weddings..imma post it.

 

Yes i am talking from exprience cuz everytime i chill at the donut shop somali ppl they're always talking about the same things. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with chillin at dount shops it is a relaxing spot, but when it becomes your second home, then you got issues..lol

[Emerald]

Dawaco & Anonymous_One... i've got to hand it to you, yu've certainly kept me entertained...

Somalis will be Somalis :rolleyes:

 

<-----awaiting the next instalement from anonymous' collection