How many of you women are this picky..?

[Malika]

^ ..are you from Uchanga-land nini..LOL@Jesu..lol

 

We cant be this naive really,I am not talking about 'loneliness' in the sense of company of others,am talking about the deep seated desire of sexual human needs,how does one satisy these without being married?[For a Muslim]. Now,not to strip the beautiful institute that is marriage to a mere sexual need gratifying institute, but this remains to be the core of the attraction in the first place. Unless,one is just seeking a lodger,house sitter,or dancing partner,baby daddy,bill payer,bed warmer etc etc[These sound like marriage..lol]

 

 

Maxaatiri,honestly being married or not being married is really a personal choice. We dont all uphold,the same values nor standards in our quest for a life partner..In my opinion,life is too short,whilst one is busy ticking boxes adunyoo dafeysaa. Neither am I saying one should marry any Farah or Mohamed that comes their way,but one should really be honest with ones real reason for refusing to marry the Farah or Mohamed..

 

ps.Welcome,karibu dear..

[5]

Where are the threads where married people complain about how miserable married life really is?

 

We need one of those.

[Malika]

^Have they ever been such threads? Never seen one,hmmm what does that mean...

[5]

Hahah Malika! I think people just don't want to come forward with their marital problems. Keeping up appearances, you know?

 

Of course there manage to be very few couples who live relatively happy lives... But they are the exception to the rule

[Malika]

^ ,happiness and whatnot is highly exagurated me think.. .We all have days when we are happy for whatever reason and days when we are not for whatever reason,so would be the case of marriage,there will be days,one would feel trapped and days when one cant believe their luck..When in bliss!

[Maxaatiri]

Lol mimi si Mchanga, nilisoma Kiswahili kule Tanzania bara na Kenya, halafu sasa siwezi kuongea aina moja, mara kwa mara mimi ni mbaharia wa Amu, siku nyingine Mkunguru

 

I agree its a matter of choice and for some it works..personally Faraxs and Mohameds lose all personality when they chat a girl up, or maybe I just feel that they do...as mates theyre awesome, but as a date they give you the Spanish inquisition and talk about marriage on the first date...anyone would be scared crapless and run away. And also spending enough time around male friends/cousins/colleagues...you care less for them, they become too normal and you know you can hold out for as long as forever and it wouldnt mean anything. Sex is also incredibly overrated, there are people who live happy lives and die virgins if that is what theyre like. If you have uncontrollable urges, its best to see a sex therapist no?

 

Happiness is not exaggerated, but I think a lot of people confuse it with contentment, that is what people are actually looking for, noone is happy all the time, but contentment makes life that much more easier.

 

Asante dadaangu

 

5 - You wont see one of those because its always the band-aid kids that make marriage life bearable...we all know theyre not really all that happy.

[Ibtisam]

Sex therapist does not help control your natural urges, she can take you off drugs, but the one I work with only see patients who want a helping hand.

 

Maxaatiri: waxan ku idi yes dude happiness is good in short term.

 

And Farah, Abdis and Mohammeds do not lose all personalities, naga walaan, xaad ku affutah, that they jump to marriage on the first date (that is not a bad thing btw, maxaad date ka tagesia if it is not to shop for marriage, I no nonsense people who cut to chase and lay all the cards on table first 5min, those sneak people who hang around for months till you forget they were even a man, and then propose out the blue and you jump back a mile shouting "WHAT, WHEN, HOW... did you work this out" is the ones I don't like.

[Maxaatiri]

Im sure many sex addicts would need 'a helping hand'

 

Who dates to shop for marriage, sometimes its because you just want to get to know them! nd get to know them without such insane leaps of the imagination..its precisely that kind of pressure that ruins dates with Farah, Mahamed and Abdi. And who says these 'less manly' men are 'hanging around'? Maybe theyre just trying to figure you out? Figure out whether or not they even like your personality...so if theyve waited a long while before the marriage talk, its because they might know you better...its very, very weird to look at a woman you do not know and think of her as a potential wife and visa versa.

 

PS- I must add that I do not view all Somali men a certain way, these very same attributes have also been relayed to me by friends from other marriage loving communities and are not symptomatic of the all Somalis either.

[Ibtisam]

^^I'm not a puzzle or jigsaw that needs to be put together, what do you mean figure me out? People can be around you for years without knowing anything of significant, after all we pick who and how much of yourself you want to reveal and at which point.

 

It is not strange to look at a man or women from a distance and think of them as a potential wife or husband, and getting to know them for that purpose. It is not likely that you date someone just for the sake of it or because you find them attractive, and then it dawns on you 5months later, OH maybe, just maybe they will make a good husband/wife!. It is a very western phenomena to be surprised that the man you dated has proposed. What exactly where you expecting and why would it surprise you I don't know. :confused: If you are telling me that we have reached the same standard as a community, i.e. dating for the sake of dating or because of boredom or lonely and just to get to know them, and then falling in love and then OH my GOD, shid I can't believe I want to marry this dude/ dudette, then I'm wa libaax and a half.

 

So assuming you know they are only talking to you for marriage purposes, it is simple enough to expect them to get to the point and tell me on day one if they are looking for someone to tie to the kitchen door or 10kids or 4 wives by the time he is 40, these things means we do not need to waste our time together.

[NGONGE]

[Juxa]

hadan runta sheego meesha walagu kala guuri lakin please stop quraafaadka isku aqrineysaan please

 

ps: change is natural progression. men and women both change one another

 

be it positive or negative way.

 

if you meet a person who could possibly tick some of your endless, unreasonable demands, go for it

 

i dont see why you need a man to provide for your happiness, apart from the obvious bits.

 

a woman can get her own happiness by being herself and going after her own dreams.

 

darn, this is the result of hanging out with lily far too many years

[Maxaatiri]

LOL Ibti, you are hilarious! That is very rational dating..ofcourse anyone would hate games...but being careful about who you think you may or may not want to marry and if that is even important to you is not ilbax or a half. Being pragmatic in the choices you make in your life will help you live it better, we simply have differing opinions on what that pragmatism actually entails. And yes, people are a myriad of puzzles, but its a good thing to find one or two genuinely great things/things you like about a person before you commit...I use the same process when Im choosing friends too, because they are equally important to someone's wellbeing and whatnot.

[Resistance]

Am confused is this thread pro or anti marriage. Or is it just another thread to work out is single, who is not, who is looking and who is available.

[Maxaatiri]

Resistance...its neither, waa pro choice un. Ibti is a closet lesbian and Im dont know any of the characters here well enough to want to woo them. It basically occurred after I had been pitied by unhappily married Somali elders for being single...basically there is nothing wrong with either condition and we should avoid stereotypes. Im hoping more people can be single if they want to be and friends with both sexes without fear of mixed feelings.

 

LOL @ Juxa

[Resistance]

Unless u are Ibti's best mate i doupt she would be best pleased about labelling her as such, but am looking forwards to the cat fights nevertherless.

 

So you are pro Singleton eeh. Whats wrong with promoting the marriage anyway after all it was advised by our Prophet ( saw). Is the right of relative folks to advise you on getting hithced same as one would have advise you on getting education etc.