How many of you women are this picky..?

[Maxaatiri]

Most of the women on this site sound as picky as me when it comes to the caliber of men they would go for, this can be positive as there would be less conflict (theoretically)..however, it can also create a complacency to 'singledom'. The issue being that it became incredibly easy to be single the older I got. Many of my friends are in the same situation...we are able to hold civilised and fruitful friendships with some men, but wouldnt ever dream of crossing those boundaries. Other men either become friends immediately, or are avoided for their misguided romantic intentions.

 

The problem this creates is that when women like me would like to settle down...we may actually have to settle for less due to age (e.g 35+ is tricky timing for any woman who wants to have kids, especially when only men 45+ want to marry her). Yet this doesnt worry me in the slightest either, there is an exciting 'ce la vie' element to all. Does anyone else feel this way?

[Eng.Cadde]

I dont think the issue of being "picky" does confine to women only,Some men are extremely picky when it comes to mate selection,marriage and commitment.

 

No one should settle for less than they deserve.life is too short for regrets and calaacaling about marrying the wrong Guy/girl.

 

Just live your life to the fullest but when the right opportunity knocks at the door grab it and avail it to the maximum.

 

One of the reasons i think women go for less is the false hope that they would somehow change their partners but that doesnt work most of the time.

If she can not accept for who is he then she will ultimately be disappointed when she finds out that she wont change his ways.lol

[Maxaatiri]

I completely agree with you, however society makes things like this an issue. I was told several times by older Somali women that if I did not get married before my mid twenties, I could be single forever. I somehow suspect this this has a lot to do with independence being an issue for some men, but having passed that age, I realise that knowing that there is ample choice out there makes it all that much harder to just marry for the sake of marriage.

 

Changing someone never happens, men try the same thing too (change the care free young lady they fell for into a traditional housewife)...I guess we are all looking for our own sense of perfection, but one shouldn't have to force it into existence.

 

Do you think Somalis are headed more and more towards co-habiting or remaining single as a result of not worrying about marriage anymore? I havent seen any research on the matter, but I know some people whom it wouldnt bother as long as their families dont know.

[STOIC]

Bravo, Way to go, Super single lady, You’re special and FREE, Outstanding you always are , Excellent, Great, Good, Neat Woman! Well done, Beautiful, Now you’re flying, You’re catching the marriage flu, You’re on target, You’re on your way to the bliss of marriage, How smart hot dog, That’s incredible.Now Go find your joy, You will be a treasure to him... And you will not be disapointed with married life!

 

PS Sorry I had to be POSITIVE

[Maxaatiri]

LOL I wish I knew what you were on about.

[Eng.Cadde]

Marriage is a personal choice that one makes in the course of his/her life time.No one should be forced into marriage because that is what they supposed to do and is expected of.

Sadly though,society puts more pressure on girls to get married and start families.you would be surprised how many girls end up being garoobo due to that terrible pressure.

Most of the problem stems from the family,my younger beloved sis wanted to go to college and become a pediatric nurse practitioner before marriage,my mother was reluctant to do so simply due to the fact that her expectations were different from my sisters ambitions.but after many relentless effort to convince her ,she agreed and now she is happily married with a career.while,i am allowed to remain free into my late thirties.lol

So,you can clearly see the above societal double standards.

Another interesting example is how these double standards effect women in different parts of the world.

 

In America,hair on a womens armpits is considered revorving and disgusting thus due to that societal expectations women go to the extreme and spend much time to remove/shave them while back home and in some asia countries they are found to be sexy.lol

 

I dont think marriage is on the wane because somalis are mostly family oriented soceity but i find the idea of co-habitation very interesting.may be i would try it my self.lol

[Eng.Cadde]

Furthemore,your claim that some men find indepedent women as a problem may be flawed,why would any man have a problem with an indepedent women? you can be strong as long as you are happy with it and i am sure there many guys out there who would go for these women after all,they are a potential catch and a darn good way to have fun .

[5]

Anybody saw Cutting Edge doc "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding"? Couldn't help thinking how similar gypsies were to Somalis!

 

Marriage, marriage, marriage. It seems like our whole lives revolve around marriage and getting married?

 

You know what I think is repulsive? Marrying under 24!

 

People, there is a whole world out there. Explore it.

 

Maxaatirri, I hope you find love & marry inshaAllah.

[Maxaatiri]

5 LOL @ The Gypsy show...I have to say I have a lot more respect for the traveler community after watching that on 4OD, they are so fascinating! Such a pity they have such poor taste, especially with the wedding gowns...they look like Lily Savage on their wedding day!

 

Mr Jerk, I find it strange that you would mention your sister's story even though you say she is now happy with a family and a career...isnt that what we all want at the end of the day? happiness? If marriage does that for someone then we should celebrate it, if it isnt making them happy, then they shouldnt be married.

 

Unfortunately with the whole co-habiting situation, girls seem to get the bad end of it because its her virginity that was valued to begin with, so she is made to feel like a guilty concubine whilst he just has a 'girlfriend'. Isnt that why you considered 'independent women' a way to have a darn good time? Because you think they'll put out without shame/guilt? It is exactly these sorts of conversations that makes me want to remain single...its too confusing and calculated this whole dating thing, it all boils down to traditional notions of family and if you go against that (decide not to marry or have a long term male friend etc) that societal guilt/shame (even if others nominate themselves to feel it for you) will haunt you forever.

[cynical lady]

We celebrate “marriage” and not singledom, why?

When is having a standard equate to being picky? And there is nothing wrong with having one, its women who don’t that leave me gobsmacked. And i also disagree that it creates compliance to being singleton, being single is a life style. Yes for some it’s by circumstances, but for the majority i know it’s a choice. You see its very easy to find someone, one only needs to leave one’s door-step. But to find one who fits in your lifestyle and yes who meets your standards is something altogether different. Hence some women prefer to being single than be shackled up with someone who’s not compatible with them/refuse to give in to societal pressure. And i agree the older you get the easier it gets, because the more headstrong/independent you become, the harder it gets to compromise thus continuing the single-life. BUT is being single such a bad thing? NOT in my books and i never understand the image it conjures up for the majority. Being Single should be celebrated, it’s very liberating. So don’t fear it, enjoy it. Unless you’re one of those who will only marry a Somali men? If that’s the case i say 27 is your cut of point; so make haste.

 

P.S it’s not tricky; they can still have it all. Be 35+, if they were smart enough to have saved some eggs and have the babies of their dream; hell even modify them to their very own specification that is if you have the means. You see advancement of science is a girl best friend.

 

P.S.s why tax yourself? So you disagree with the traditional forms of family, do what you want and what keeps you happy. Conforming to societal expectation is disastrous for individualism. And why be bothered with what others are saying? its stuff like this that sadly for some rushes them into marriage with men they wouldn’t have considered otherwise.

[Malika]

^Duh!singledom = loneliness,who celebrates that?..heh -Nature mpenzi detects one to seek a partner,reproduction[mating] is the basic instict in human[male-female] relationship.Fancing someone isnt so simple,actually a complicated scientific method of selective blah blah..

 

Maxaatiri,I understand 'picky' as fear,I mean those whom are picky must know that there will never be someone out there whom is perfect.If they are assuming there is,then they are setting themselves to fail.In this case,a life time of lonesomeness and what ifs.

[STOIC]

Ahem,Any single guys out there READ this PUHLEASE

 

CL is a Dynamite, she is beautiful, she is unique, Nothing can stop her!Spectacular she always is!, she would be Good for you! You will like her more than the cheeze it! You would be a winner if you marry a SIJUI girl! Remarkable job she would do in every aspect of your life! Beautiful work she always does! she is darling! She is precious.This would be a Great discovery for , You would discovere the secret of sijui girls, Please drop her a line in her inbox.Hip hip hooray you will feel with her gracious responses

[Ibtisam]

Ohh for the love of god stop worrying about marriage. The world is full of guys dying to get married. When and if you're ever ready pick the least annoying one. The reason things about this small issue can appear major is because sadly our society is so taken with this issue that nothing else seems important in life apart fro worrying, thinking about and worrying some more about this one issue. If you never marry would it be so bad? Really?

 

I'm sure you will find someone you find interesting for a while at least when you want girls so don't use too much energy worrying or thinking about something u ve no control over.

 

Matx: you know now your pm will be full

[BUKURR]

@ STOIC, Are you out of your mind, the lady is barely bearable, she will attack you if you even exchange responses in public domain.

 

Anyhow, studs can attempt but I will hold

[Maxaatiri]

CL- Because marriage involves men, and them becoming the centre of a family's universe that is why. Even being single no longer means being single..its been turned into a by word for loose men and women..like in sex and the city. I dont feel the need to get married, it doesnt consume my life, but I would like one child before Im 40, and that is a few years away...Ps...I did say that this doesnt bother me, yet because of the replies I get the feeling I may have written a very confusing post On the whole though, I agree with everything you said...however, when you metion the advances in science for reproductive problems, do you think its right to purposefully bring up a child without a father...even an absentee father? What about that whole side of their family they will never know about?

 

Malika...what if you love being free so much you dont want to ruin it? But people keep talking to you like youre a leper because you refuse dates with sons and nephews and whatnot? The person themselves is usually not that afraid of 'loneliness' because single people have families, friends, work colleagues and strangers at the bus stop just as non single people do. I think there is just a crazy irrational fear single women. This one lady that I dont know gave me a 1/2 hour lecture in the middle of the street because Im 'passing my prime', but she is very lonely and her kids are ****heads who dont visit and so is her husband...who gave her the right to lecture me on how life should be lived?

 

 

Ibtisam...dont you give the 'Im sure you'll find someone' line! I must say I feel terribly offended at you complete and utter misjudgment of my character..I will just have to go and cry in a hole somewhere until I stop being so unmarriable! waaahhhhhhh! (close one eye and hope PM lights up)

 

Aaah Yesu, I didnt want an angry ranting thread and here I am... angry at a random Qaraabo lady and ranting hehe.