Getting married this year, but where is mr-right?

[A7LA-SHU]

Originally posted by rudy:

calaf!! the fleeting illusion. i believe, one should plan and also measure there progress. dont leave anything chance. its all in you hands!! dont sit around and wait. take charge!!!

that is not bad idea.

[x_quizit]

As some others have pointed out, sista how can u plan to get married this yr w/o a potential

groom(s) in mind? First, there needs to be a potential mate for u to discuss marriage with but never heard of the reverse done, setting the wedding date w/o a mate. But good luck sista in ur search, hope u find the man of ur dreams b4 2005.

 

There are problems though when one sets a limit to when they will marry, because u may have to settle for someone less worthy of u just because u are in a rush for marriage, so id say, take ur time and Allah only knows when u are destined to marry, if at all. That being said , Rudy has a point in that, of course God has already planned our future for us, but that doesnt mean u can sit back and do nothing. Be proactive in ur search because ur knight in shining turban won't come knocking on ur door. Keep ur eyes open and ur heart as well, because all too often ppl miss out on a great person that was there all along b4 their eyes. There is someone out there for everyone, perhaps more than one, and ppl find their mate(s) at dif times in their life, so don't judge ur own time by when friends around u are getting married and having kids. If u look further at ppl who get married young, too often they get divorced b/c they have rushed too quickly so save urself some heartache and take ur time finding a mate if that is what Allah has planned for u.

 

p.s.-never settle, even if u want children by a certain age and dont follow the somali notion that a woman who is an oldie by 25 if she isnt married with 10 kids.

 

Peace

[Jaabir]

Proud Sista… I found a quite relevant Hadiith to your topic.. enjoy reading it walsheey...

 

 

Umm Salama, the wife of the Apostle of Allah, reported Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) as saying, “If any servant (of Allah) who suffers a calamity says, ‘ We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it.’ Allah will give him reward for his affliction, and will give him something better than it in exchange.” She (Umm Salama) said, “When Abu Salama died, I uttered (these very words) as I was commanded (to do) by the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him). So Allah gave me better than him in exchange, i.e. (I was taken as the wife of) the Messenger of Allah.” (Book 4, #2000, Muslim)

[La Fidele]

Lakkad, haven't heard of husband-profiling before? Like it's equivalent, racial-profiling, it's a procedure often denied but frequently practiced.

 

...to answer that means to give you a peak of the enigma that is Woman, and treachery is not a part of my character fabric.

[Haneefah]

Originally posted by ProudSista:

I don´t want to search no more

Then don't! Honestly. I see a lot of girls in this predicament where they're constantly searching for that "Mr. Right" or "Mr. Perfect" and they never find him because he's only a figment of their own imagination. There's nothing wrong with seeking certain qualities in a potential husband, however, if you're actively searching with a clear cut picture of every aspect of that person in your mind...then chances of you coming across an individual who fits that specific profile is really next to nothing.

 

I hope I don't sound unempathetic but I'd just hate to see poor girls set themselves up for a big disappointment in life.

 

so sweetie, as some of the sisters suggested...have trust in Allah (swt), leave it up to him, and pray to him to bring you that one whom you deserve and who deserves you.

 

P.S What's so exciting about marriage? (rhetorical!)....beats me!

[lol]

ProudSista: I guess everyone gave u pretty much the same advice... so why don'I be a lil different and take you for a wild ride??

 

Ok this is my suggestion:

 

1. Find one that attracts you personalitywise as well as has looks that u will settle for ( Trust me u gotta be able to live with the view everyday)

 

2. Do lil background check.

 

3. Challenge him .. if he is man enough he will accept it......if not.. who wants a chicken

 

 

Ofcourse all of this steps can be implemented... once he is also attracted to you... if not ... then "NEXT"

[Baashi]

Originally posted by Hibo:

3. Challenge him .. if he is man enough he will accept it......if not.. who wants a chicken

 

 

Ofcourse all of this steps can be implemented... once he is also attracted to you... if not ... then "NEXT"

Alla Yaa cizak Hibo #3 caught my eye...oh! what an advice it reminds me berigaan wiil hooga ahaa...just use ur imagination what happens...when dhuubo-dhex yar 'challenges' Maxruug-Mashalaaye!! Kaftan aside, it is nice to see that there are still Qallanjooyin (tuned on the right wavelength) who don't expect us to fall on our knees and open that little decorated box and say what they say in the movies.

 

Thanks for keeping it real...the message is when u see Mr. right don't let ur competition get him before u....classical nomad confidence and assertiveness. Bravo! But the question is how u do that ? Now, has Hibo used these three golden rules yet?

 

By the way, what would u tell Proudsista if there is no loooooooong line of Mr. right waiting their turn to ask her for acceptance....would she still has to say "NEXT" ?

[Che -Guevara]

Maybe yu should consider marrying Muslims outside da somali community.

[Sophist]

Mr Right they say, what does that mean.

 

Consider He. Educated, relatively pious, roughly handsome and loyal boy meets the lady he considers to be the ONE (I never knew the meaning of the ONE- then again I know little about these things for I am a mere Faarax). She tells him that she loves him and all the paraphernalia that women trap their potential victims. He in turn believing this chimera falls in love. He puts his guards down to allow to experience this magical thing he read voluminous books about. He takes the first step with caution, just to find that the room is comely decorated with honour, dignity culture and to his most adored thing- Intellect.

 

When he sits on the sofa, he is body becomes warm with ethereal pleasure. His eyes glow with the prospect of inhabiting this room the rest of his life. All the worries in life vanishes in front of his eyes; blissful happiness begins he thought to have ought experience. Within a while little problems corps up—that is just before marriage.

 

The lady comes up with things that forget about intelligent person but a child who enjoys candy would see it trivial—think of this child, he has his first candy for a month and the first lick he takes it falls off him thus becoming soiled. Would a child with the intense love of this candy leave it or would he grab it and washed and commence enjoyi the delectablity of the candy or he would leave it in the soil—assume he is poor child who can not afford to buy another candy.

 

The lady who is (or so he is assuming) like this child and him being the candy, upon becoming soiled the lady abandons her lover. One asks curiously what the problem is?

 

The problem obviously is that she values him less; she listens to those satanic whispers that occur when we have slight problems. It magnifies it; upon seeing the mirage of this magnified pictures she decides to abondon it; claiming to looking after her interest.

 

The man becomes utterly deluded, his world gloomy and his confidence in Somali women becomes nill for he is adored by all the other non- Somali females he encounters. His pleasant persona, eloquence, handsomeness not to mention the aura that engalves everyone who meets him----- that is if they understand the value of what is valuable is what attracts these elysian feilds like ladies with erudition.

 

What would such a man do? This is not confined to one man. I have seen many Somali men with dignity and sheer intellect being dragged in the mud by Somali women who proclaimed to be their lovers.

 

I think it is time we get rid off this notion of the ONE be that as it may men or women and go back to what we know rather well--- I am sure it would be futile to state what that it.

 

After much ill, he artistic mind pours our this lament:--

 

Jaceel waa shidiyo hoog

Waa sheydaan Qarsoonoo

Shafka kaa waswaasiya

Shaqsigii uu qaadana

Wadnuhuu ka shiishaa

Feerahana…………………………

 

 

Thus Spake the Old Nomad

Sophist

[Sophist]

No offence is intended of course; especially to those who consider themselves the guardians of God knows what!!!!.

 

Thus Spake I

[lol]

Baashi: I am glad that you liked my theory

 

As for how I would advice my sister ProudSista to approach her candidate is through honesty. I believe one should state their mind without reservation of any sort. " Wixii run lagu waayo, been laguma helo" That is what my mother says and I believe it. So just ask the brotha... propose to him... " How would you like to share life with me? " would be a good start don't u think?

 

As for the " Next" part.. I believe if one doesn't satisfy you, there is absolutely another in the luuq waiting to see sunshine... just wait a lil

 

Sophist: When shall I be able to read your post without dictionary hon?

[Sophist]

Hibo,

 

You have yet to tell me the tales of the lands of Somalia; I am sure you must have enticing tales for a wrechedly tired mind like the one I had become its host.

 

Anyhow, glad to see you back-- and I like your refreshing sarcasm;;; never have I thought there is such thing! but hey think corp up in the rich of Hibo we are all indebted for her fertile mind.

 

Thus Spake I

[Baashi]

Hibooy why would u do that? Guess what! off she were expecting to find that Soulmate salivating to see the sunshine...just to emerge from that corner empty handed Don't u see the frustration there!!! And I thought we were in a 'keeping it real' mood

 

Remeber that our sis has been tricked twice Hibo by Mr. right look alike who turned out to be a womanizer with style!

 

Perhaps you could be in assistance by telling her how or where to find Mr. right...I like the proactive approach that u have proposed...and it will be very nice of you if u could gave her hints as to the wheres and hows these skills shoul best be applied.

 

By the way ur wise mom got it right with that qoute. Ileen qofyahey kartida iyo dadnimada halkaas yaad ka wadataa.

[king_450]

Wanting to get Hitched and talking about it, are completely 2 different things. Some of you just feel obsessed about being Hitched, and you will never get it, unless you go to the right places. Perhaps try going to the mosque or your aunt's house to meet your distance cousin, you don't need to look no further. Visit your relatives houses more often and see what happnes. Or keep talking about Marriage forever.

[SomeAlien]

im sure im giving in to some kind of freudian theory but i always thought id recognize the "right" guy by how my father would react to him and to how many of my fathers qualities hed posess.