The proper care and feeding of Husbands

[- Femme -]

Yeah I know what your thinking, NOT ANOTHER MARRIAGE TOPIC! *blood curdling scream* Relax, this is different. Does anyone share my addiction of the Dr. Laura program? I love the show; callers call in, tell her their problems--children, household, friendship, school, marital, career etc--and she gives them some really good advice. She has written a couple of books one of which is the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands . This book has riled so many people up. The author is a little biased but basically sums up Dr. Laura's views on marriage and the relationship between a wife and her husband. What do you think?

 

Reading The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger was like stepping into Superman’s bizarro world. Hellos were goodbyes, gravity had us all walking on the ceiling, and the year 2004 had become 1950. Needless to say, it was a difficult adjustment. However, after I began digging in and reading through the book, in a Nancy Drew-like fashion, I began to figure out its inner workings. The following are my discoveries.

 

Firstly, Dr Laura has decided that certain assumptions about gender are true. All normal women want to be in nuclear, heterosexual, married relationships. They all want a husband, and they all want children. Men are different; they want someone to have sex with them and feed them. That is all. Therefore, I soon realized the rationale behind the book comes out of these basic assumptions. If a marriage is not working, and all is well with the actual institution itself, then it must be someone’s fault. The blame falls by default to the woman, because they are the selfish ones. Also, keep in mind this selfishness is due to us growing up with the influence of feminism.

 

Now, assume you are a woman in a failing marriage who believes marriage is supposed to work. You want the problem solved. You are Dr Laura’s target audience. How marital problems are to be solved is a little more confusing than the basic assumptions you start out with. Being a woman, you are already subject to “mercurial moods, hypersensitivity, and interpersonal slights.†It would seem lucky that anyone would want to be around you. However, you are also a woman living in a society which encourages you to have ambitions outside the family, and for the above described “normal woman†this situation is not going to work. This dilemma has a technical name, in case you ever need a topic at a cocktail party, which is the “White Rabbit Syndrome.†Women are living lives that are too rushed to keep their husbands happy. Some even (brace yourself) forget their husband’s birthdays.

 

This is where we begin to warp back to 1950. Women being out of the home means no one is baking bread; and there is not always someone there to welcome home the breadwinner (there are no female breadwinners in this world, unless they are horribly bad wives). Men should have a mini-cheerleading team waiting at home for them when they return from work. After all, as badly-functioning as women are, at least we all have a strong tendency for “nesting and nurturing.â€

 

Men play an equally bizarre role in this book. In the words of one of her callers, “Men are only interested in two things: If I’m not horny, make me a sandwich.†Marriage on these terms seems very simple, women just need to be sexually available and cook. However, most marital problems used as examples seem much more complex. Dr. Laura’s men seem confused as to what their roles are in the real world; they don’t seem upset about sandwiches and sex. To me it seems the men seem to want the same things that women want: love and respect.

 

Feminism is attacked several times in this book. Undeniably, this is a brave move on Dr Laura’s part. She is not, however, the first conservative woman to play this tactic. Camille Paglia, Christina Hoff Sommers, and Ann Coulter have all at some point blamed feminism for any women’s unhappiness. The “blame feminism†argument is not followed up, nor is it the central argument of the book, so there are few new ideas to come out of this addition to the women of the right bashing other women.

 

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands is not a difficult book to read, it is accessibility written and full of entertaining snippets of radio dialogue. You can buy this book literally anywhere (including www.drlaura.com). And, if you live long enough in bizarro world, it might start to make sense. The idea of a wife starts to sound pretty good- having someone do your laundry, cheer every time you walk in the door, have dinner waiting for you when you get home. In the words of a female friend of mine: “Who wouldn’t want one of these wives? I’d like a wife!†The problem is, who wants to be one?

[Cara.]

Hi Kooleey,

 

Relax, this is different.

Fool me once...

[- Femme -]

LOOOL.

 

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."

You know who made this quote?

[Castro]

^ The leader of the free world?

 

Kooleey, you're looking to get married or are you becoming a chef?

[- Femme -]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I knew this question was coming. No. I just like the lady's show, you should listen to it sometime. Why? You got someone 4 me atheer macaan?

 

Stop distracting me boys.

[Castro]

^ I heard the show before. It's like any other "family" oriented show. The trouble is, I'm trying to get my family away from this suburban American life. The problems these people run into is not really something I can relate to. And we definitely don't eat what these people eat.

 

Atheer, I have something really good for you but you must show me a degree (with official faculty stamp and dean signature) plus an official transcript. I'm sorry but bailing in the middle of a degree is not something I advocate nor will I endorse such activity. No matter how desperate you may be.

[- Femme -]

^Desperate? I feel the old femme fatale awakening. Brace yourself old man before I tear you to pieces. :mad:

[Castro]

^ That was a tongue-in-cheek comment. Call off the dogs.

 

I hope you got the message of the post tho.

[-Lily-]

Whilst the book appears to be a ridicules simplification of marrige life, you can't deny that women are overworked and most are living on the edge of stress if not fully stressed out.

[sheherazade]

So men are at the mercy of their base animal instincts and women at the mercy of their emotions. This woman is selling a rather simplistic concept. If it makes her rich, she's fooled her followers well.

[- Femme -]

Why do people make marriage seem so difficult though? If you've been living with a familiy of 5 or more (typical somalis) and learnt how to adapt and get along with everyone's different personalities, needs, wants than how hard is to get along with a husband/wife?

 

Maybe its just as simple as she claims.

 

Castro; Got the message loud and clear. Your not marriage worthy if you don't have an education, so maaha?

[Castro]

^ It is an important message.

 

Originally posted by Kooleey:

If you've been living with a familiy of 5 or more (typical somalis) and learnt how to adapt and get along with everyone's different personalities, needs, wants than how hard is to get along with a husband/wife?

It's because you don't sleep with the other family members. Most people don't, anyway.

[- Femme -]

^I said 'get along'. Most divorces are due to communicational problems and misunderstanding each other's needs, expectations whatever. I would think sex is at the bottom of the heap.

[Castro]

^ Wrong. 50% of divorces are due to sex.

[- Femme -]

^Uhuh. This is one time your made up (no matter how convincing ) statistics will fail you. And how would you know? You've had talks with these people?