Liqaye Posted November 20, 2003 somali men aint romantic. I am suprised at what somali men do. Nice guys or jerks like somali men. These are just some of the nonsense that i have read on this site. I have kept quite for long to see what our brothers would come up with in response. Some argue on my line of thought, some quote the scriptures and some pull their nose and make monkey faces at the ladies on the site. Nyaah Nyaah Nyaah nyahhnyaah. Some one that i really respect once said to me " Liqaye the stupidest thing you could ever do is to listen to a woman on women or relationships" This is my two cents after that if you see me commenting on these type of arguments again ituur tuur. __________________________________________________ There is a prize to the person who correctly answers this question, What is a Man? When asked what they want in a guy, women say simply, "A MAN!" But, alas!, real men are becoming more and more rare these days. Women are tired of the sensative wimps who have no backbones. One women even wrote a song about the subject, "Where have all the cowboys gone?" So what is a Man? How should he act? Decades and centuries ago, the question was nonsense. But today in our feminized culture (at least 60% of somali teens and young men were raised by women), most of us have been raised to believe that there is something inherently wrong with being a man and acting the way how a man should act. No wonder males don't know how to act around women! No wonder arguments like these exist! Indeed, I embarked on this mystery to find out the answer to this question. Several somali women were bunched up in a group, gossiping and yapping about cute boys, fashion, relationships i.e. nothing. This behavior extends to all women of all cultures (and also different animal species. Cows group together and moo and gnaw on grass and take notice of bulls brave enough to approach the group). I approach. "How are you, ladies!! I am Liqaye." A woman squeals. "A licker " The others squeal in unison.(women dont even know there mother tongue) Once the ladies calm themselves after being in the presence of a Licker, I ask them, "Ladies! Do tell me, what do you define as a Man?" With devilish tongues, the women answer: "A Man is someone sensative to me." "A Man is the guy who will take care of my needs." "A Man is the one that is in tune with my feelings." "A Man is one who doesn't have an ego." "A Man is the guy who will sit and watch chick flicks all day with me." "A Man is the guy who will go shopping with me." "A Man is the guy who will share all his feelings with me." Such are the common answers! The males listen and actualize what the women say. They are constantly declared 'sweet' and 'wonderful' and 'nice', oh 'so nice'. Mothers and older women are proud of them and tell them, "If I were younger, I would go for you!" Poor Nice Guy! The women his own age avoid him like the plague and jump for the jerks. The Nice Guy becomes an emotional tampon to be used and discarded. The Nice Guy, being so nice and sweet, listens to the woman vomit her feelings about men and bleed her problems of her boyfriend on him. He listens with baited hope when he hears, "Oh, why can't guys be like you! You listen and understand." Then she turns around and gets abused by another jerk! The vicious cycle repeats again and again. Why are women acting in this way? They are simply acting as women do, as in their nature. The problem is not with them, it is with guys. We are afraid to embrace OUR nature, that of being a Man. Being in a culture that sees Manhood as predatory and oppressive and uncouth, we cover it up within ourselves. By doing so, we hide our sexuality. (Sexuality! Do I mean rock hard abs and rippling muscles? That is not what women find sexy [it's a contributing factor, not the core]. A type of PERSONALITY is what women are looking for. Someone they can depend on [has backbone], someone who will be successful [has ambition], and someone who is decisive [has charge]. Nice guys have no backbone because they think women are frail things that will break in confrontation; nice guys reveal no ambition because they fear being seen as arrogant to women; nice guys are afraid to be decisive for fear of being seen as 'oppressive'.) Two poles of thought men drift into: the Nice Guy and the Jerk. Both blame the other. "You ruin the women with your lack of commitment and unappreciative nature," says the Nice Guy. "You spoil the women with your endless listening ear and ****** caring attitude," replies the Jerk. The two endlessly war. Those on the sidelines have their own conclusions. One side says, "The Jerk is the way to go. Ceaseless sex! Evolution demands it." The other side says, "The Nice Guy is the way to go. Glorious relationship! Society demands it." But the two still argue. "You cause the women to think they are in control," says the Jerk. "Ahh, but you cause the women to think all men are scum," replies the Nice Guy. Is there not an end to the Nice Guy vs.Jerk debate? Are these the only choices? The Cycle The Nice Guy emerges. He is tenderized and wants to shout in every woman's ear "I will not abuse you. I am sweet and good. Based on that alone you should date me." When the Nice Guy talks to the girl on a date, *poof*, the date turns into Oprah. "Oh, my life has been SO downhill from here," the Nice Guy whines. "My little girly car was slashed, I failed my classes, but because of you this day has been so much better." Then the Nice Guy goes, "Let me tell you my life story. My birth was long, hard, and painful for my mother..." Our culture has become so feminized that the Nice Guy thinks it is proper to vomit his feelings and emotions all over the place. (It's gross!) Women, rightfully, run for the hills when they hear your declarations of love. The Metamorphosis comes. The Nice Guy eventually realizes what all the ladies want, becomes bitter, and changes himself into a Jerk. His goal now is to sleep or fool with as many women as possible and figure out all the tricks and tactics to do so. He focuses on calculation rather then natural joy. When a woman comes, he pulls out a chart of all the 'moves' and 'tactics' with arrows and patterns. Time ppasses and once was fun becomes meaningless. Back to being nice. He sees it now as turning on Nice Guy or turning on Jerk. "Why can't I just be myself!?" he soon thunders at Reality. Just be a Man! There is no need to reprogram yourself. You will have the interests you have, the hobbies you have, the body you have, but you can easily become a MAN. It is all simply in the way how you think and as you think you shall become. But what is Man? Shall we have the answer? Here it is: A Man is a guy who is not scared of his testosterone! A Man follows the passion in his life. Passion of women? Of course not. A Man has goals and desires that goes above that of chasing chicks. After childhood, there are TRUE winners and losers in life. A Man desires to be the winner. A Man WANTS to win in what he does. Because of his passion, a Man can sometimes come off as arrogant and egotistical. He does not apologize for this or for his desires. "It is your actions that cause the disgrace of Men," says the Nice Guy. "It is yours," replies the Jerk. No, gentlemen, the disgrace of men is in not embracing your true nature: following your passion and, thus, loving life. Women are to enhance your life, not to be your life. So to the Nice Guy, stop placing your happiness on getting a girlfriend. To the Jerk, quit wasting your life on seduction. Don't SPEND your time chasing girls, INVEST it by putting it into your interests and desires, thus the whole of your life. When you do this, all of a sudden you have what every woman wants: Ambition, charge, decisiveness, backbone, kindness, stableness, and confidence. I want you to read what a women posted as what SHE thought was a great guy. (Focus on what I put in BOLD) quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Qualifications" of a great guy" 1)Physical A bit athletic so he's in shape and a good complexion(If he can help it). Very focused, intelligent eyes which pay attention to whoever deserves it. Hair that can be tossled...and a relaxed, but tidy wardrobe. 2)Emotional His attitude has gotta be mostly deterministic and level-headed . If crappy stuff happens to him...he should roll with the punches and learn from it. If he ends up doing crappy stuff then he should get up, brush off and be a better guy the next time round . - He must also have deep convictions : he should NEVER give up his ideals or morals for anything. -I know it sounds cheezy, but he must be respectful to his mother (it reflects character)...even if she is witchy like some moms these days. -And of course:sense of humor, artistic, and an awesome boyfriend. 3)Social A great guy is the one who offers the girls a chair, opens doors etc.(But isn't a total flirt--he just considers it his duty.) -A guy should clean up his language around girls. -He should stand up for people who are being bashed in conversations. That's important to us girls b/c back-stabbing is common among us--and we REALLY notice when somebody isn't a gossip. -Aaaand my personal thing is that he should be the guy who "could" be the center of attention...but he prefers to hang out with the few guys in the back who are his genuine friends. Phew...I hope this helped a bit. Physique: as long as it's within the usual bounds is pretty much unimportant. If you want to get a really great girl...start working on your character and self-control--(not b/c it's you, but b/c those two things are REALLY uncommon these days )--because a great girl is one who's been working on that already and she'll recognize it in you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Man has character and deep convictions. He has PASSION in life about something. It is this passion that transforms his life, gives him confidence, and gives him joy. It is this PASSION that will give you that right mindset for you have goals and dreams that go beyond chicks. Remember, if you cannot command respect, you cannot attract love. If you cannot be respected, women will ignore you and/or abuse you. Once upon a time, there was a little boy who was scrawny, cried easily, and was a total wuss. At the age of ten, his father looked down at him disapprovingly. "You are such a wimp!" he scolded at his son. The boy cried but eventually discovered what was wrong with him. He worked out, studied, and utilized himself. He went around the world in the most ferocious quests. He became strong and powerful. He entered politics and became an unstoppable force. He would be shot when giving a speech, but he would pull himself back up to continue the speech! He was President Teddy Roosevelt, one of the more significant characters in America. If that little wimpy boy could become such a character, anyone can be a Man. What do guys today do? We try to hide our strength and express our 'femininity'. Take an example of guys: early on in a relationship, they will show how 'great' they are by cooking for the woman! As A wise man once said: quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Real men are not available. They are climbing mountains. They are swimming across rivers. What are YOU doing? Making spagetti?!?!?! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Man, -Does not go through life walking on eggshells. Nice Guys think, "Does she like me? How do I get her to like me?" Good guys think, "Should I like her? Should I go for her?" The Good guy doesn't think about the girl's interest until they're dating. The Good guy looks at all the girls and TAKES what he wants. -Focuses on his dreams. No, this does not include the chick. You must have passion for something in life, something you even want to do for the rest of your life. Your romantic life is an echo of your regular life. -Does not apologize for his testosterone, for his desires. Next time you feel you are going to appologize for some other man or your manlihood say the following "Oh, I am so sorry, ladies! I am afflicted with this disease known as M.A.L.E. It is natural for me to glance at you, your oh so curvaceous body. I am soooo sorry. Please, please FORGIVE ME!" Would a WOMAN apologize for her feminine acts? So why should YOU apologize for your masculinity? -Tries to always win in what he does. (After childhood, there are real winners and losers in life.) Men build towers; women build webs. If you aren't constructing your tower or aren't even planning it, why should she cast her web at you? If you want worthy chicks, you, yourself, must strive to become worthy. -Has deep convictions that allows him to be a possible leader. This is crucial because one day you will become the leader of your own household. Yes, we talk of 50/50, of everything being equal, but Nature's laws surpass that of Humans. Women naturally submit and nurture, Men naturally lead and provide. If you were a woman, would YOU want a Nice Guy in charge of your household? Or would you want A MAN? -Seeks to solve problems then to place blame. If there is a problem, you solve it. You do not go, "Oh, BOO HOO! This was because of HIM." A woman naturally wants a guy who deals with problems, not pass them along. (Would you want that in your woman? Of course not!) -Sees failure as only a temporary set-back to the inevitable. Statistically, you're more likely to be REJECTED then to be ACCEPTED. So how do you become more and more accepted and have lots of potential wives? It is when you increase your trying so much that the acception rate satisfies you and you don't notice the rejections. Napoleon Hill's book interviewing extremely successful people, these men of destiny did not let failure destroy them. Indeed, Napoleon concludes that Destiny puts out these trials and failures to TEST the men if they are proper and FIT for their role in shaping history. -Knows where he is going in Life. -Never loses his passion, for that would be the death of his soul. Nice Guys HATE bachelorhood . They HATE, HATE, HATE it sooo much. Some even wish for the old days of arranged marriages so they wouldn't have to put up with all the games. Jerks LOVE bachelorhood so much they can't see anything else in life. While women love guys that can get women, jerks offer nothing worthwile long term wise. Alas, the women always try to change the Jerk but never the Nice Guy. Why? Because a Man is STRENGTH and a Jerk displays strength on some level. Nice Guys never do. -Never feels he has to prove himself to anyone. Flowers, candy, poetry all can be good additions to a relationship, but so many nice guys use them to BUY the relationship as if they must prove themselves. They flood with the poor woman with gifts to show they mean it. So away with the flowers, those dead plants as tokens of affection. Away with the choclate, the candy, and sweets, those sugary pursuits to purchase love. Away with the poety, those rotten verses of declarations of love. Away with the quest to prove YOURSELF and let her prove HERSELF to you for YOU are the MAN. Be a Man! And with it, you will advance in your career, your social life, and even your dealings with women. Men are very rare these days so if you become one, you will be in HIGH demand. Your career will become better as people look at you as a leader. Life will re-develop before your eyes for you will obtain the most single quality that men, not trophy husbands, not nice guys, not tactiful players, but men have a monopoly on: .Respect YOU are the MAN! For if you don't STAND for something, you shall FALL for everything! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Reality Check Posted November 20, 2003 I'm sorry, I couldn't read the whole thing! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Liqaye Posted November 20, 2003 Lucky- could you be just a little more diplomatic. lol :cool: Opinonated that is blessing in disguise. To all the women who wnat a real man and all the nice guys Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nuune Posted November 20, 2003 liqaye,thanks sxb for coming back to this issue,very series indeed,you killed it,big taanks 2 u,ciid mubaarak Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
underdog Posted November 20, 2003 Liqaye, let me know when you're in T.O. I gotta buy you a steak. Too many men are starting to feel OK with being feminized...ever commercial on tv and every sitcom portrays the "modern" man as a blundering ***** who would can't do ANYTHING right without help from his woman....oh yeah, the only men who do get it right are gay. The majority of white males have been turned into soft insecure puppets that get sent to the dog house everytime he leaves the toilet seat up. Thats why thier women are all running off with Rockers, excons and minorities who haven't been softened. Is this what our Somali women want from us? Hope not cause their not getting it. So our women are now "empowered", educated and independent.....with all of that I have yet to see solutions. All it seems that our women are doing is complaining about this and that...No one has yet offered a solution just the mother of all analysis of an imaginary problem. There is a few good women out there that deserve good men. And there is a very very large number of women who couldn't lead themselves out of a phone booth and will find out too late that won't have thier cake and eat it too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baashi Posted November 20, 2003 Liqaye, In other words real man, u said, is that mysterious, unpredictable tiger women want to tame. U are not off the mark there but did I hear u say wimpy = nice? I have to disagree with u on the assertion that being nice is synonymous to being wimpy. U see LIQAYE can have good manners, humble, compassionate, good listener, and yet be decisive, assertive, ambitious, and a ‘real man’. Having ‘nice’ qualities do not necessarily diminish your manly status...to the contrary it adds class and prestige in the eyes of like-minded women. In the final analysis, nice men do not lose...they win in so many ways. Wimpy guys, on the other hand, are weak, timid, unassertive, confused bunch who find validated if they bow to the wishy-washy feeling of women they are with. Wimpy guy would never tell the woman whether he is interested in her or not or what is it he really wants from her. Quite often the woman treats him as a friend not as potential prospect and she might sought advice from him about men she is interested in all the while he is dying for her love. That is lame and wimpy to me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Reality Check Posted November 20, 2003 Originally posted by LIQAYE: Lucky- could you be just a little more diplomatic. lol :cool: Opinonated that is blessing in disguise. To all the women who wnat a real man and all the nice guys Should I be offended here? :confused: oh wait, I do have something to say.. Sike! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abdinuur Posted November 20, 2003 A MAN WILL ALWAYS KEEP HIS WORD UNLESS IT IS UNINTENTIONAL. But it's hard to deal with people who do not understand...the narrow headed people. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Changed Posted November 20, 2003 Too much calacal..... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Posted November 20, 2003 oh god...that is too long...and too much caalcal..... i wana share with u all a hadith concerning this issue....it goes... narratede by aisha (ra)... its a story about 11 women...all promised to tell each other about the truth and not to hide anything about their husbands.....but am only gona mention 3 of the 11 womens stories.... women 1 said, "as for my husband, he is like the night of Tihamah(makkah and its suburbs) neither hot nor cold. (in his company) there is neither fear nor boredom." translation: he is kind and moderate in his actions, and his company does not bring fear or boredhom. rather it gives her a feeling of security and friendliness. women 2: " as for my husband, when he enters, he acts like a (sleepy) leopard; and when he leaves he acts like a lion. he does not ask about what he entrusted." translation: within his house, he is like a leopard:queit,sleepy(i.e., forgiving), and loving. in dealing with the outside society, he is like a lion: courageous,powerful, and respected. when he entrusts his wife with something, he does not hold her strictly accountable for it; rather, he is generous and willing to overlook the mistakes. women 3: as for my husband, his touch is like that of rabbit, and his odor is like that of zarnad(aromatic plant). i overcome him, but he overcomes the other people. translation: with his wife, he has the soft and kind touch of a rabbit, and he has a most pleasant odor. with other people, he has a good reputation(another meaning for the good odor), and his kindness and good attitude with his wife do not prevent him from being powerful and victorious with the other people. .......................... my 2 cents...one can be ambitious, decisive, and yet caring,sweet,understanding etc..etc.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Liqaye Posted November 21, 2003 Bashi said U see LIQAYE can have good manners, humble, compassionate, good listener, and yet be decisive, assertive, ambitious, and a ‘real man’. Having ‘nice’ qualities do not necessarily diminish your manly status...to the contrary it adds class and prestige in the eyes of like-minded women. In the final analysis, nice men do not lose...they win in so many ways. Brother Baashi i agree with you my argument is not be a hard rock towards your wife or anything approximate to that, but rather a MAN is an individuale who is happy with him self, and this happiness is as a result of the knowledge he has gained from hisown personal life journey one in which a wife will be great but one that compliments him as well. Kaafi said: A MAN WILL ALWAYS KEEP HIS WORD UNLESS IT IS UNINTENTIONAL. But it's hard to deal with people who do not understand...the narrow headed people. I am glad you noticed it although i would not call it narrow minded but rather just a result of women seeing their emasculating attempts failing. And besides the people who needed to see this article will understand why it was needed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Liqaye Posted November 21, 2003 I've heard women of all sorts complain about their various and contradicting relationship problems, ranging from "He's not sensitive" to "Where are the REAL men." After much thought, I've come to the conclusion that WOMEN are to blame for their own unhappiness when it comes to relationship with men, but are incapable of accepting responsibility for it. They cannot even imagine how confused and frustrated most good men are when it comes to women. Yet, if you try to explain it to them, they say "Oh, stop whining and BE A MAN." And women are supposed to be nurturing, as well as good communicators! What nonsense. Think of it like this: when you were growing up, who had the most influence on you? When you were a baby, your mother took care of you, You learned that to be a "good boy" was to make your mom happy, both from mom and dad. Once you went to school, you learned that to be a "good boy" was to make your teacher (most likely a woman) happy. Of course, being a child, you didn't know enough to question that advice. If you did, you would be so confused, you would be unable to function. Later on, you become an adolescent, and start to get these weird feelings for females, which confused you even more. Your entire life up to this point has been defined as "learning how to please a female." To deal with these new desires for relationships with women, you start out using the rational ways to gain their favor--complements, kindness, favors, prove your worth, etc. You basically treat a woman as even better than an equal, although you define it to yourself as "being fair". These seem especially likely to work, since you have been taught to treat people fairly--ie. to follow the golden rule. You are shocked to find out that not only does the "rational" way of relating to women not work, the very women you are trying to impress think you are a fool for doing it, even though they don't tell you that. You only figure it out when you have went out of your way for some girl, only to find out you have been used and then discarded. You are more confused, frustrated, and depressed than ever. The problem: Whether you like this or not, it is female desires and wishes that define what the vague concept of "a real man" is. Because this is a widely shared assumption, few even see it. And because women are fickle (always changing their mind), NO MAN can live up to their expectations for long. When a man fails to receive a woman's approval, he feels like less of a man--worthless. This is the underlying cause of the typical man's fear of rejection. Think: If you are an unemployed man for an extended period of time, how do you feel? Like "less of a man?" Men, as I've been taught, are supposed to be able to take care of themselves and their families. As a reward, they are attractive to women. Men without women, or men who have difficulty attracting women are thought of as being "less of a man" (ie. gay). So there is pressure on men to find ANY woman, regardless of her beauty--so even the less than desirable women will be provided for. Ending the Male fear of Female Rejection If you are a typical, straight, somali man especially in qurbolands, your desire for female companionship is a given. Yet, you don't really know how to get it, and are probably afraid to try--lest you be ridiculed or scorned for "just looking for *** even though niceguywimp or religious guy that you are you aint", as if it is only the WOMAN'S NEEDS that are important, whilst what ever YOU want doesnt measure up. Look at the facts. The person (woman) by whom you judge your worth, is typically deceptive, manipulative, arbitrary, and selfish. She likely has NO regard for your wellbeing. Of course, not ALL women are like this. But think--if you saw a woman being attacked by a strange guy, what is your first reaction? Now, if a woman sees you in trouble, what is HER first reaction? Men (as a group) are more concerned about a woman's welfare (as a group) than their own. Should you take the opinion of such a morally flawed creature so seriously? Could the shame she is trying to make you feel simply be part of her strategy to confuse and manipulate you, against your best wishes? Once think about it, and realize its truth, the opinion of a woman will no longer have any power over you. Bottom line, the only time you should worry about keeping a woman happy is when her behavior has earned your respect. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
valerie Posted November 21, 2003 hey liqaye..all i've got to say..is ur the man..bro..4 real..i am a woman..but totally agree with some of the things u mentioned.(havent read it all!!)..except..the comparisn of a human i.e.(woman)..to cows.... --Several somali women were bunched up in a group, gossiping and yapping about cute boys, fashion, relationships i.e. nothing. This behavior extends to all women of all cultures (and also different animal species. Cows group together and moo and gnaw on grass and take notice of bulls brave enough to approach the group)--. plz...brov..with so much respect..i must tell u dats a diss..man..There are reasons why Allah has created women different to animals(cows)..so cut that crap out...brov..RESPECT.....N EID MUBARAK 2 U ALL.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted November 21, 2003 Originally posted by pearl_shyte: women 2: " as for my husband, when he enters, he acts like a (sleepy) leopard; and when he leaves he acts like a lion. he does not ask about what he entrusted." translation: within his house, he is like a leopard:queit,sleepy(i.e., forgiving), and loving. in dealing with the outside society, he is like a lion: courageous,powerful, and respected. when he entrusts his wife with something, he does not hold her strictly accountable for it; rather, he is generous and willing to overlook the mistakes. Now thats a man!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
