I HATE DIVORCE..Please do Something.....

[RendezVous]

My task will not be to elaborate what made DIVORCE rate high in somali communities living abroad but to ask all of you to help me discuss it...

 

The following website and others below will really help us deal with some of the issues involved in this discussion..our Mali men must try their best so the sisters.

 

http://www.jannah.org/sisters/wifehappy.html

 

Somali Clan System and Marriage

 

While arranged marriages are common and practised in Somalia, dating does not exist entirely.In the case of arranged marriages, brides are usually same or younger than the grooms. Marriage to a cousin from the mothers side of the family (of a different lineage) is traditionally favored to strengthen family alliance, but this practice is not as common as earlier. Somalis tend to trust only members of their own clan for marriage due to recent conflicts.Virginity is valued in women prior to marriage.In addition, divorce is legal in Somalia.most of the time, arranged marriage normally stabilizes the divorce rate but can't be ruled out to be a cause..the rate of divorce among Somali couples is incredibly high nowadays both in Somalia and Somalis living Abroad.

 

The conflicts which arise are mainly due to the redefinition of traditional cultural roles between women and men and the stress of trying to cope in a foreign country.

For example, women raise a family without the help of their husbands, yet it is the men who expect to be treated with respect and exert authority as heads of households as they once had in Somalia.Most mali expect to be obeyed without contributing very much to the well-being of the family.

 

http://www.salaam.co.uk/forum/read.php?f=9&i=2483&t=2204

 

http://caafi.tripod.com/culture1.html

 

In Somalia and Kenya, men did not help their wives with household chores and caring for their children because there are many relatives helping them instead. In places like UK, Canada and Australia, however, this kind of support from relatives does not exist, yet Somali men fail to understand that. The result is an extremely high divorce rate. Marital break-ups are also often the result of there being no mechanism in this countries similar to the one in Somalia of mediation in the event of marital conflicts. Conflicts which might lead to divorce are often solved in Somalia, therefore saving the marriage. Another factor is lack of knowledge of This countries law. For example, a Somali woman may call the police after getting angry with her husband, but doesn't neccesarily mean to have an intention to list him for charges. She may just want to teach him a lesson. She doesn't anticipate that the police would adopt harsh measures against her husband..and this is disastrous to her life in marriage.

 

http://www.hennepin.us/vgn/portal/internet/hcdetailmaster/0,2300,1273_82134_100045624,00.html

 

http://www.immigrantinfo.org/kin/somalia.htm

 

My point of contention is that...Can we do something to solve this problems and try adjust to life and go back to ISLAM ..This divorce issue makes me SICK ...It's just pity for parties concerned.

 

And Allah hates DIVORCE....

[Rahima]

Firstly the hadith which is quoted something to the extent of all the things which Allah has made permissible, divorce is the most hated by He- is apparently weak.

 

Secondly, most divorces result because of the husbands. This is obvious and all would be solved if they would get their bloody act together, so i suggest some severe correctional methods be applied on them.

 

Have a nice day and please boys, save it . They say the truth hurts, just hope you don't end up like those before you.

 

Disclaimer: This is a generalization for it does not apply to each individual case; hence the example of how wonderful of a husband Farax living in Windsor Avenue Brooklyn is is not needed.

[NGONGE]

^^^

 

I agree. Ultimately, it’s the men’s problem and they need to find a solution to it. Now if enough men were strong enough, able enough and allowed to use a whip, karbaash or even practise shadow boxing on their wives, there would not be a high rate of divorce as there is now.

 

 

Disclaimer: This is a generalization for it does not apply to each individual case; hence the example of how tough some women are and how they would fight back, is not needed.

 

But, on a serious note, this is a natural consequence of a nation living in poverty and war. As the prince of poets once said:

انما الامم الاخلاق ما بقيت

 

The case of those in the West is even more complicated. They live in societies where marriage is sidelined and divorce is not much of an issue (other than when it comes to access to children and custody of pets).

 

Can’t really suggest anything to you but to preach on. Someone might listen.

 

PS:

Just in case someone needs to know the meaning of the Arabic poem (as usually happens in here):

 

The poet was talking about the importance of morals to societies. “A nation is but a set of moralsâ€, he says. “Should those morals perish, the nation too wouldâ€.

[Valenteenah.]

^ Again with the 'karbaash'? Am starting to wonder.

 

Divorce is a necessary evil.

[-Serenity-]

My position on divorce has changed over the years. I personally had a desire to go through a few husbands in my lifetime.. thought one person was too suffocating and I would inevitably get bored (I still think it would eventually be dreadfully boring but I have learned to re-prioritise life's little goals and make everything not about me). But having done a self comparison of kids from single parent homes as opposed to those that grow up with both their parents, I can safely say the difference is monumental and the worst thing you can do to any child is deprive them of the company of both their parents - in the same house. I don’t wish this on any child, really. And any parent who undermines the role of the other or puts their own self-interest before their children is irresponsible. At the end of the day, I think the most important thing after your diin is your family.

[rudy-Diiriye]

i dont where u, but here in the west, the divorces are inestigated by women 80% of the time~

 

seen so many ppl sista just jump off the cliff!! ,,,na xagada u socota!! bal joog! margasay madhaxa ruxda!! iinyoo!!

 

couple of yrs later, u see hear next to some loser! looking like trash!! why why!!!! it beats me!!!

[Taqwa]

the divorces are inestigated by women 80% of the time

 

VS

 

most divorces result because of the husbands.

 

 

Solution?????

[RendezVous]

I posted the thread so that we find a solution to this ever expanding calamity affecting the Somali and Islamic communities..

 

When I posted the thread I had in mind this Moving story..

 

I used to work In a prestigious corporation with a somali lady married to a somali man who used to chew Qhaat(a narcotic like Stimulant).Alhamdulillah the lady had a good job,a man and two children.

 

The lady was such a hardworking woman that while she was working on shift at the Computer Room at night, would come home and find the man not @home around 05.00 a.m in the morning.She would pray salat Subax(morning prayer) and sleep waiting for her man to arrive.

 

The man had no job and the lady was providing the family.All was well and the lady used to urge him to find a job and put give his life a fresh start.

 

since he was free most of the time, I think it would be prudent for the man to atleast help by spending time with the kids while the woman goes for her work.Day or night.

 

During the nights when the lady is there..the MAN would go out for some Qaad outside with his freinds and would never appear near His house until the morning.He makes sure he arrives the next morning, By that time, the lady has left for work and the children gone for school.The lady approached us..the Somali workmates and explained the scenario.

 

We talked to the guy on several occasion about this and he still used to say they were happily married and everything was ok.

 

Now I felt sorry for the lady whose right was being tumbled upon.The guy was supposed to help his wife in all ways while carefully treading carefully with care on his role at home and outside.When she wanted him, the guy was nowhere to be seen...He wasn't resourceful either.

 

Although the lady was a pious muslim and hardworking, They Parted and it was the man who really made me feel this issue of divorce was worth discussing..

 

The issue doesn't concern only our MEN but also our sisters..I think everyone of you read the websites I did post previously about how ISLAMIC families are supposed to live together.

 

If all of us strictly adhere to the teachings of Islamic Faith..indeed The Holy Quraan and Holy Prophet S.A.W used to describe all muslims as 'INAAL MUUMIININA WAL MUUMINAATI' meaning 'all men believers and women believers'..I mean the prophet would talk to muslims as Believers..Not like ...O men and women..we can be able to reduce some of this issues of Divorce and Women Rights and so forth.

 

Our Religion ISLAM is important to us.So better we follow it to the latter.

 

I urge all our muslim brothers/sisters to continue with suggestions about how best we can be able to solve some of this issues..Like DIVORCE...

 

NB..

The example above was just serious the subject of DIVORCE is..

[Baashi]

Sometimes not always mind u but sometimes divorce is a solution. For whatever reason if the marriage is not working or if there are irreconcilable differences btw the couples, divorce is good halal way to end the union. The best interest of the children must be taken into the account in the unfortunate event that divorce becomes necessary. If couples had kids in the marriage and for some reason they had to part ways, one thing that gets lost in the events that lead up to the breakup is the fact that the couples’ relationship won’t disappear completely.

[ayaanick]

In the Name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

 

I hope it is beneficial to all those wondering?? Insha Allah

 

An Islamic Perspective on Divorce

 

Marriage as prescribed by God, is the lawful union of a man and women based on mutual consent. Ideally, the purpose of marriage is to foster a state of tranquillity, love and compassion in Islam, but this is not always the case. Islam discourages divorce but, unlike some religions, does make provisions for divorce by either party.

 

God provides general guidelines for the process of divorce with emphasis throughout on both parties upholding the values of justice and kindness in formalizing the end to their marriage (see Surah 2: 224-237 for general guidelines regarding divorce).

 

God encourages the husband and wife to appoint arbitrators as the first step to aid in reconciliation in the process of divorce. If the reconciliation step fails, both men and women are guaranteed their right to divorce as established in the Qur'an, but the question lies in what is the procedure for each. When a divorce is initiated by the man, it is known as talaq. The pronouncement by the husband may be verbal or written, but once done, a waiting period of three months ('iddat) must take place in which there are no sexual relations even though the two are living under the same roof. The waiting period helps prevent hasty decisions made in anger and enables both parties to reconsider as well as determine if the wife is pregnant. If the wife is pregnant, the waiting period is lengthened until she delivers. At any point during this time, the husband and wife are free to resume their relationship, thereby stopping the divorce process. At this time, the husband remains financially responsible for the support of his wife.

 

The divorce initiated by the wife is known as khu" (if the husband is not at fault) and entails the wife giving her dowry to end the marriage because she is the "contract" breaker. In the instance of talaq where the husband is the "contract" breaker, he must pay the dowry in full in cases where all or part of it was deferred.

 

In the case that the husband is at fault and the woman is interested in divorce, she can petition a judge for divorce, with cause. She would be required to offer proof that her husband had not fulfilled his responsibilities. The judge would make that determination based on the facts of the case and the law of the land. It the woman had specified certain conditions in her marriage contract, which were not met by the husband, she could obtain a conditional divorce.

 

The controversy with divorce lies in the idea that men seem to have absolute power in divorce. The way the scholars in the past have interpreted this is that if the man initiates the divorce, then the reconciliation step for appointing an arbiter from both sides is omitted. This diverges from the Qur'anic injunction. The differences in powers of the husband and wife with regard to divorce can be extracted from the following verse:

 

...but, in accordance with justice, the rights of the wives (with regard to their husbands) are equal to the (husbands;) rights with regard to them, although men have precedence over them (in this respect). And God is almighty wise. (2:228)

It is in the next verse, according to existing interpretations, the reason for the small difference:

 

Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which God has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions. And the righteous women are the truly devout ones, who guard the intimacy which God has (ordained to be) guarded. (4:34)

It is clear that the Qur'an states there is a "degree" of difference with regards to the rights of men and women in divorce, but it is not clear "how much" and "what" privileges a man is entitled to. This is what has been interpreted by the jurists. It should also be noted if the difference is due in part to the man being the financial supporter, then it must follow that if the woman shares or is the main financial contributor to the family that this privilege should apply to her as well.

 

Many of the laws regarding divorce are the scholars' interpretations of the relatively few Qur'anic references. As with all human laws, they must adapt to dynamic circumstances. Issues like custody have become controversial. For example, the Qur'an advises the husband and wife to consult each other in a fair manner regarding their children's future after divorce (2:232-3)

 

Various laws regarding custody of the children have been legislated by a few of the jurists. Some jurists have stipulated that custody of the child is awarded to the mother if the child is under a certain age and to the father if the child is older. There is no Qur'anic text to substantiate the arbitrary choosing of age as a determinant for custody. Similarly with regard to the issue of alimony, the Qur'an addresses the ex-husband's financial obligation to his ex-wife but it does not provide a specific formula for the amount of support (2:241, 65:4-7). This is open for negotiation between parties and should be in proportion with the husband's financial income.

 

There has been much distortion and propagation of mistruth about a woman's rights in the matters of marriage and divorce. It is only with self-education and awareness of the Qur'anic text that both men and women can come to know the truth of what God has prescribed and to evaluate the scholarly interpretations closely to ensure that the spirit of justice is carried out:

 

When you divorce women and they fulfill the term of their (Iddat), either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; but do not take them back to injure them, (or) to take undue advantage; if anyone does that, he wrongs his own soul. Do not treat God's Signs as a jest, but solemnly rehearse God's favors on you, and the fact that He sent down to you the Book and Wisdom, for your instruction. And fear God, and know that God is well-acquainted with all things. (2:231)

[RendezVous]

Superb!!!masha-allah...

[BOB]

I hope and pray that i never get Divorced, if and when i get married that is.

 

Back to the topic..

 

Marriage isn't only the man's responsibility to make it work as it takes two to tango and since the two people decided to come together and form a union in the name of Allah, they should do their utmost best to make sure that marriage succeeds because in life nothing comes easily and you have to work hard for everything including a marriage but unfortunately one partner always gives up before the other.

 

I can't quite put my finger why we have so much divorce rate but I believe the biggest problem we face as a nation is the Communication, we are not blessed in that department and the question that begs to be asked is, if one can't communicate with the person that he/she chose to be with for the rest of his/her living days then who will he/she communicate with?

 

Let us all pray for the BEST insha allah and hope for a happy and long lasting marriage.

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[RendezVous]

Originally posted by The Rendezvous:

My task will not be to elaborate what made DIVORCE rate high in somali communities living abroad but to ask all of you to help me discuss it...

 

http://www.jannah.org/sisters/wifehappy.html

 

Somali Clan System and Marriage

 

While arranged marriages are common and practised in Somalia, dating does not exist entirely.In the case of arranged marriages, brides are usually same or younger than the grooms. Marriage to a cousin from the mothers side of the family (of a different lineage) is traditionally favored to strengthen family alliance, but this practice is not as common as earlier. Somalis tend to trust only members of their own clan for marriage due to recent conflicts.

Virginity is valued in women prior to marriage.In addition, divorce is legal in Somalia.

most of the time, arranged marriage normally stabilizes the divorce rate but can't be ruled out to be a cause.

.the rate of divorce among Somali couples is incredibly high nowadays both in Somalia and Somalis living Abroad.

 

The conflicts which arise are mainly due to the redefinition of traditional cultural roles between women and men and the stress of trying to cope in a foreign country.

For example, women raise a family without the help of their husbands, yet it is the men who expect to be treated with respect and exert authority as heads of households as they once had in Somalia.Most mali expect to be obeyed without contributing very much to the well-being of the family.

 

http://caafi.tripod.com/culture1.html

 

In Somalia and Kenya, men did not help their wives with household chores and caring for their children because there are many relatives helping them instead. In places like UK, Canada and Australia, however, this kind of support from relatives does not exist,

yet Somali men fail to understand that.

The result is an extremely high divorce rate. Marital break-ups are also often the result of there being no mechanism in this countries similar to the one in Somalia of mediation in the event of marital conflicts. Conflicts which might lead to divorce are often solved in Somalia, therefore saving the marriage. Another factor is lack of knowledge of This countries law. For example, a Somali woman may call the police after getting angry with her husband, but doesn't neccesarily mean to have an intention to list him for charges. She may just want to teach him a lesson. She doesn't anticipate that the police would adopt harsh measures against her husband..and this is disastrous to her life in marriage.

 

http://www.immigrantinfo.org/kin/somalia.htm

 

My point of contention is that...Can we do something to solve this problems and try adjust to life and go back to ISLAM ..This divorce issue makes me SICK ...It's just pity for parties concerned.

 

And Allah hates DIVORCE....

mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

[Krupt33]

When it comes to DIVORCE in the Somali communities, Somali MEN are to blame wallahi. Cause all niggas wanna do when they get married is the same shit they was doing while they were single (party and bullshit). Brothas wanna party, chew, and holla at other females while the wife is at home. Some of our sisters are fed up with that bullcrap and they aint having it no more. Please my brothas lets start treating our sisters with respect and get married if u a man and can take care of your house. If not save that girl the trouble. That will reduce the Divorce rate..

[LayZie G.]

My task will not be to elaborate what made DIVORCE rate high in somali communities living abroad but to ask all of you to help me discuss it...

Discussing the high ratio of divorce isn't going to help eliminate issues relating to divorce. At the rate new marriages are going these days, I don't think the percentage of divorce rate among somalis would decrease anytime soon, if not climb higher than it already has. Everyone is rushing to reach something or somewhere, without knowing what or where. Getting married these days have no real meaning. Marriage at one point in time was a time of joy, couples looked forward to their whole lives with one another, it was celebrated for days, and weeks at a time. Nowadays, couples are meeting on a friday, and are married 3 saturdays later. Marriage no longer holds up to the great value it was held by our parents and great grandparents.

To me, it seems like marriage in this day and time is like running a marathon, the more you complete finishes, the more trophies you get, until that is you get divorced. There is no communication between couples. I am not saying that people have to take years inorder to find out how one another's brain cells operate, but please, don't think you know someone because you went out several times, and was way in over your head when you agreed to marry without even thinking about it, you were living the moment. People these days, dont care whether or not they have feelings for one another, ok, I understand that, you just want to marry for convenience, but atleast marry someone you can tolerate, dont make a mistake of marrying a total stranger, thinking you know them and later find out your surprise. When you considering marrying someone, don't you have to atleast know what ticks them off, what moods are they in the morning, what drives your significant other. Do they have goals, what do they want in life? Do pple that date talk or basically let their hormones take control for that period of time? THese things take time, but it sure doesn't take an hour, day, or even a week, or a month, its something you know once you find out, then you will know whether he/she is right for you.