Poetry critique ... do it for fun ...

[Libaax-Sankataabte]

Please read it and critique it for fun ...

 

i've been told i go stomping

tearing swaths through luscious forest

with no care nor direction

giant foot falls accompanied

with miniature quakes

a natural force destructive

i've been told that others may get hurt

unfortunate enough to be caught

in my path of self discovery

trampled down to undergrowth

among the moss and rats

left to scavenge my attention

i've been told to question myself

but i am Libaax-Sankataabte!

and the rage i feel inside

with only these pitiful hands

to clench as fists

is it any wonder that i roar?

yes, they call me king

and i have the teeth to prove it

but i feel empty ...

and extinct cuz mom is gone

Moma Rest in Peace !!!

[Hibo]

Mr.Libaaax,

 

Sxb, Your poem seems personal, it symbolises that moment when you're left by your parents to stand alone, either by their death or some other reason. sxb, the poem is good especially at the start, i think last part of the poem is more like an emotional expression. Just continue to address your poems like the first part of your poem (coz i truely liked the first 15 lines)

 

 

 

[This message has been edited by JamaaL-11 (edited 01-30-2002).]

[Libaax-Sankataabte]

Jamaal-11, ya are a pro for real. I had my doubts on the last couple of lines. Good point. thanks