Single mother going for a single guy!

[Ilhaan M.]

Asc wr wb.

 

Ladies & gentlemen, Ur advice is needed. There is this single man who wants to share his life with this single mother. She already has children and wants no more, but he is just starting his life, therefore needs/wants children. To find a solution to this problem, he sugests to marry her now and another lady in the future. The second lady can, hopefully, give him children.

 

This man is so Mr Right for her, but does she dare to share him!??

 

What would U do/advice to this lady?

[Abdulladiif Al-Fiqih]

Who needs the advice Ilhaan M.? Lady #1, #2,you or the guy? I would think the poor guy needs an advise but it seems to me that this faarax has ran out of luck today. No worries, hopefully his day will come where he gets advice from "Solving Somalis's Social Problems" group right here at SOL. I'll give my 2 cents as soon as I figure out who needs the Advice then!

[wind.talker]

Sounds like a good plan if the concerned parties agree. Remember the corny line people always use: 'follow your heart.'

 

As far as 'sharing' - there's plenty of women around and not enough men. So, in his case since he's Mr. Right as you say, then you should make the exception.

 

If you let him go, you risk another search for a new man (esp. difficult since you're a single mo-mo). Plenty of women have shared their husbands with fellow women throughout time. This practice has only been questioned in the recent past (considering humanity's very very very long history, its been a relatively short period of time that people have even questioned the tradition of polygamy in Muslim and non-Muslim cultures).

[NoVa]

What I want to know is What is his Reasons and MOtivations of marrying This Woman Now and ANOther one LAter ON???

 

He wants 2 marry the First Lady with the kids cuz

1? He wants 2 Provide Financial Support to her and her children?

2) HE's Related 2 her Kids and doesn't want 2 see another Man Marrying her and the kids' bein' some1 else'??

3) HE Loves Her and wants 2 be with her now, knowin' that She's a great Woman?

4) HE Thinks she's Need's a Man In Her LIfe?

 

There has 2 be a reason he wants 2 marry this lady if she' say's she's not gonna bear any more children, assuming she' has 5 or more kids...and is on Retirenment..lol..

 

What I dont' understand is the fact that He wants 2 marry her now, as if it's like a temporary thing....but also has another agenda @ the same time...Which is to have Wifey #2 who'll provide the his kid's???? Damn, this brotha really knows how 2 get the egg'z and the juice @ the same time...4real...What if the Mother wants 2 marry HIm as much as he wants 2 marry her but would never Ever allow him 2 marry ANother Woman while they' are still marry??? What is he'gonna do?? Divorce her even thought she made it ClearLY BEfore they got marry that She' would not ALLOw him 2 marry another woman and she' won't bear any kids for him???...Poor guy,..I' feel so pity for him already...lol...I'think he'knows his answers...Ya'know...If he loves this lady so badly, then sometimes u just gotta cut the tie's...ya'know...But on the Serious note thougth, he should be honest to himself of why he wants 2 marry this this lady in the first place...what's the gain' and what's the lose??....Marrying the One that u love and have NO kids of ur own??? Even thought EVentually the kids' could c him as a father when they grow up...Or Not marry her and Never have that kind of luv. again but eventually insha'allah tacalaa' marry and have'plenty of his' own' lil'one's.

 

 

It's great that if he's wants to marry the Mother to provide a Father figure for the her kids. After all, EVery child should have a Father or some kind of a Father figure in their life', specially when their growin' up...and if that'was his plan....damn' poor guy and a poor woman'...

 

Waw, what a Brotha..that's some dilema right there...

[Qac Qaac]

He marries the single mother... and she has to give him children.. no question about it.. since he took her and married with kids.. i think she has no choice.. unless there is a health reasons.. is time for her to return the favor for him..

[LayZie G.]

Nova, I must say, you brought up some very good points for someone who has little information to go by.

 

This is just another one of those, mr right/mrs right type of topics, all these threads about who is right for who is really getting tired.

 

To the poster/future posters: If you are willing to take time out of your lives and are really sincere about certain issues and you want results because you left it to the hands of the public forum, then you will have to do alot better than "HE IS SINGLE, SHE IS SINGLE MOTHER, AND HE WANTS TO MARRY TWO WOMEN".(just using this subject as an example, didn't mean to hijack your topic)

 

There is a trend going on in SOL, where pple are posting issues relating to their relationships as a subject that says "HELP ME". My questions to you pple is, how is someone like NOVA(I used nova as an example because nova brought some very good points and even took some to give out suggestions and ask questions inorder to probably further help you with your issue) how can nova or others like nova help give you the results you are looking for, if you are not willing to take that extra step thats needed of you?

 

The reason why I find topics such as this phony is because, pple are constantly bringing up things that relate to them one way or the other, without willing to take that extra step to give out detailed information, yet expect results.(sounds phony alright)

[bilan]

lol qacqaac, what favor is he doing for her :confused: . sooner or later he'll want someone to call him father, so it is his right to look somewhere else, i am sure there are other 'mr. rights' so i would say she should let him go, and find single father.

[Legend of Zu]

Nova..I know sis that You asking about what is his motivation and you raised great points...... But I think Ilhaam was interested what advise would you provide to the Lady ..So lets focus on the Lady here...

 

I say ..is there any real reason that she doesn't want to have Kids..especialy for a guy that she sees as Mr Right??? Again she doesnt want to share him..isn't the whole sharing issue as result of her refusing to have his kids???

 

I say she cant have both ways..she either gives him the kids he wants..and have him to her self..while she is havin a Father for all her children (e.i his and her ex's)...or allow to have him witout the kids..but accept that at some point in his life he would want to have kids and marry another young chick...

 

I tell yuh..she is selfish...and the Poor fella...

He needs to explore the world ...see what is avaliable at the market

[Nin-Yaaban]

you want a honest suggestion?

 

Single Mothers 4 Single Fathers!

 

the two understand better than anyone else, and they probably feel the same way about having more kids.

[Ilhaan M.]

Asc wr wb to all.

 

It's been exciting reading all of Ur views, thank U.

Layziegirl:

Sister all U had to do, was give Ur points of view if U had any, after reading what was written up there. If U would feel that U needed 2ask questions before U write then, then that was all U had 2do. There is no need 2give details, oppviously the person wanted to stay anonymous & they have the right 2that.

 

That person is one of my friends. She asked me for her advice and since "to heads think better than one" I thought I should ask my somalian pple 4their opinion on this, so that I could give her things to think about.

 

Wind.talker:

I agree that one should always follow their heart. As far as the Polygamy matter, I think this man is being honest with my friend, he is atleast giving her the righ to "choose" weither to share him with another lady in the future. There are many somali men who would tell their lady she is the only one, then marryes another women.

 

Nova:

I call what U did "a good reflection" well done. Sure this man has his reasons for marrying my friend. Those revieled to me by her, are that he loves her & thinks this is the love of his life, she feels the same.

 

Qac Qaac:

U have good point. One could ask "what is the reason this lady can't have his children" & as U guessed, there are helth issues that will no longer allow her to do just that, as much as she would love to.

 

I'm sure, like I am, many of U could be thinking it's fare that she lets him have another lady or let him go. But life is not fare and we are lucky if don't meet similar dillemas in life. She considered leting him go and explains: she had a lot of experience with some men and is afraid to spend the rest of her life alone, never find another love as strong. I also asked her why then, she feels she can't let him have kids with another lady. She explains: she is afraid to promise something that later, can become defficult to except. since humans are emotional beings, she is afraid to hurt real bad.

 

Thank U again, for Ur answers. It's good to reflect and talk about real life issues, becouse then we can learn from exchanging thoughts.

 

Wasalamucaleykum.

[dawoco]

^^Wcs wr wb abaayo. As for your friend's dilema. If I was in such a position I would concentrate on my children as a man who is already considering marriage to another woman in the near/far future, while asking your friend to marry him isn't offering the most stable future for her nor her kids.

 

Your friend's first priority should be her kids, everything else should come second place. It is nice of the guy to be honest with her, but I think your friend would be very naive to fall for the flattering notion of "true love" and be guided by that as it isn't very realistic in her situation as a mother with many responsibilities.

 

Even if she thinks she can cope with her hubby eventually finding another wife right now, she could be overcome with possesiveness when she is in a relationship with the guy. Can your friend live with wondering whether her husband has marriage on his mind everytime she sees him talking to a single female? If she does marry the man I hope you yourself are bound in matrimony as i can imagine your friend wanting to cut off all her single friends.

[Baashi]

Very nice of you for looking out for ur friend...u r a good friend Ilhaam. I would advice her to go ahead and accept the proposal if offered.

 

Advantages for saying yes:

1. Father figure in the house (I can’t emphasize enough how important this is to children)

2. Company (she has needs and having him in the house, those needs will be satisfied and she won’t be tempted to cross the line)

3. Working breadwinner in the house is a good role model for her children (if she is public charge who depends on the social welfare payments)

4. Better social status in the community (you may not see this but married with kids image enhances her self-esteem as a woman vis-à-vis divorced single mother).

 

Disadvantages for saying yes:

1. Socializing and sharing your love life with distracted man could be a heartbreaking to a lot of women. She may have to put up with her man dressing up for that future productive wife.

2. The expectation or rather her high expectation in this man may not materialize and still she may have to put up with his plans.

3. Jealousy is very destructive emotional roller coaster and if she is that type of woman who can’t be objective or decisive, the situation could get out of hand and she may end up depressed or stressed to the edge.

 

There it is. If this lady is a genuine advice seeker I think the advantages outweigh than disadvantages. If this is Mr. right she has the responsibility to take into account the best interest of her children. And the children will be well served if they have father figure in the house especially in this qurboland environment. Always we are presented alternatives in life but one has to be decisive and take a calculated risk and once in make it work.

 

Good luck.

[Valenteenah.]

She had a problem, he offered a solution. She should take it or leave it. I don't see a dilemma here.

[xiinfaniin]

He is a lucky guy indeed. What better deal than that could he possibly get, I ask? A single mother with an inoperative reproductive system! That sounds too good to be true. You see this type of single moms is in a high demand in where I live (West). A rear breed of sort that married men would just love to have.

 

On the other hand, you must admire the honest of this guy and his forthrightness.

[-Serenity-]

Originally posted by xiinfaniin:

A single mother with an inoperative reproductive system! That sounds too good to be true.

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

 

Am I the only one who finds Xiin's post vilifying?