Why are women shipped from Somalia..

[Al-Muminah]

Originally posted by Abdinuur:

Maybe the sistas from back home are more cultured like our moms...meaning they have their diin and dhaqan instilled in their core values...and nothing would change that even when she learns and 'open her eyes'....that's why we see a lot of the brothas, who are attracted to these values, are going back home to marry some of these women!

 

Even some of the sistas in the west have these values...but not too many walaahi!

 

It's a

disbelief to discourage any sistas from following her diin and call her names and label her this and that (i.e.

raaliyo

)...even if the guy who is married to her is a loser...she still needs to do what is expected of her in terms of diin...

 

It just doesn't make any sense!

The belief that everyone that back home is better needs to change wallahi. The majority of the youngsters here have lost their diin, that I do agree with, but I do really believe that that's the real reason for men going back home in search of a wife. Like Neph said, they want a relationship like the one between their parents and they're looking for second mothers, ones that will follow their every order, beck and call and cook and clean whenever they're asked to. Now, Somali women in the West wouldn't really be up to the task and know that they can do so much better, so they go for alternatives. The men are left to find women back home who don't know that they have rights in the West and are just happy to be there.

[Abdinuur]

See that's why some of you guys are screwed up in the head!

 

What is wrong if you cook and do laundry for your husband or wife? Is that a direct order? This is just ridiculous man!

 

That's why I cant even deal with Somali mentality! If they see a woman cooking and cleaning her own damn house, she would be 'oh she's taking some order from her jerk husband'!....It's your ****** house and hungry kids...isnt that ones responsibility!

 

People are all screwed up walaahi...men and women...gaalo baa la'iska wada dhigay!

[Baluug]

^Funny, isn't it? A woman may try to make her husband happy somehow and what does she get called for it? Raaliyo. A man tries to make his wife happy in some way, and what does he get called? P****-whipped.

 

It's kinda like each side expects the other side to do all the work in the household while they don't have to lift a finger, yet they don't realize that a family is a team, and it takes teamwork to do any job, whether it's in the house or at work or whatever. And what do we call the majority of these people that are whining about raaliyos and p****-whipped guys?

 

Single.

[cynical lady]

And what do we call the majority of these people that are whining about raaliyos and p****-whipped guys?

What a mindless comment that is

[YoniZ]

The whole topic seems to me as a well-orchestrated and well-aimed rant(Smash and Grab jealousy-style), rather than feeling sympathy for the above mentioned wife.

 

I hate to say that, but today Faarixs have the luxury to marry a newly graduated Raaliyo from back home, and it won't take more than a year for her to understand life in the West at the sametime hold firm to her somali culture.

 

The only advice I will give to the sister who started this topic, and ofcourse the whole Westrenized Xalimos Brigade (who feel some how threatened) is to give up the "superiority complex" idea, and appreciate a little bit more in your culture.

[cynical lady]

I don’t see why we should sympathise with the mail order wife? There not suffering or require our sympathy most of this woman are survivors and know by marrying a man from Europe they will be able to elevate themselves to a better life and gain access to the ceer fund/help their families, so I don’t sympathise I congratulate them, if the price for that is acting docile/doormat I say go ahead its all about survival you know if the shoe was on the other foot you would do the same.. Just because you’re here don’t mean you have to look down upon the one back home.

 

We all know Somalis are not blessed with man, most of the man who opt for OFB xalimo could not hack a woman down here to begin with so why do we want to saddle ourselves with them? we should encourage them to go back home so we can eliminate the weakest link from the bunch and most importantly they help a sister from back home it’s a win win situation if you ask me

[Paragon]

I hate to say that, but

today Faarixs have the luxury to marry a newly graduated Raaliyo from back home

, and it won't take more than a year for her to understand life in the West at the sametime hold firm to her somali culture.

They're are not all well cultured, and some of them even aspire to Westernized lifestyles. However, the great many I have personally encountered in Nairobi are well-educated, and in successful careers. To my surprise, I was gladdened to see a sister successful in what she does, meaning running her company and employing over 25 people, who is as cultured as the next geeljire girl.

 

The myth of girls/women in Africa (I speak of East Africa particularly) being less educated Xaalimos is dispearing faster than can be imagined. To be frank, the 'superiority complex' some of our sisters in the west suffer from is unwarranted, so to speak. Besides, the trend of 'importing' or 'shipping' women to the West is fastly changing. Many brothers are, considering the current international crises/xenophobia and strayed off-springs, now consider having their wives in Africa to be the best decision to make.

 

While in Africa, in towns such as Nairobi and Mombasa, I couldn't help meeting all these highly educated sisters from the West who've moved their families to Africa, and surprisingly, there exist a great number of sisters from the west coming to Africa to marry and later on relocate to Africa. The world is changing and if one is clever enough to notice that, Africa is the future .

[YoniZ]

Well put Xubeer, Afka caano geel lagaaga qabay

[Paragon]

^^ Caano geel, aah!

[Nehanda]

Would anyone care to expand on what this ‘superiority complex’ entails? And are Somali men exempt from this trait?

[Cara.]

^Yes, because most have extremely fragile egos instead. The two traits are mutually exclusive.

 

Xubeer, it's really not that all women in Africa are uneducated. It's that by some strange terrible luck, men who go back seem to only find the not-so-educated ones. I can't imagine why. Are they not attending the right conferences?

 

I agree that Africa is the future. Hop in the elevator while it's still on the ground floor, it can only go up

[Haneefah]

Does it not seem a bit ego-centric to judge others by our own standards of what a wife should be or how a sister (regardless of her background) should live her own life and prioritize her values?

 

It really is about time we Somali women began being less critical and more helpful to one another!

 

Further, it saddens me to see this concept of 'raaliyonimo' dragged and squished onto the ground so mercilessly, most likely due to lack of proper undertsanding of what it really entails. I just wish some of our misinformed sisters and brothers would begin viewing this concept in its own deserving light, without the mythical and preconceived notions that are often times attached to it. Since when I wonder, has it become synonymous with being a passive doormat whose rights can be stepped all over? :confused:

 

So Nephy-yeey, not that you're not an awesome neighbour (well, just one that calls others dameer iwm ), but hadeey dadkan isqaba baran lahaayeen sida afkooda loo xidho, oo arimaha guryahooda ka dhaca iyaga uun isku ekeeyaan, they'd save themselves from much unnecessary 3rd party interference and fitna. . Seriously, I find it despicable when some married folks share their private affairs with others, allow mey walaalahood noqdaan, waxyaalo aan lagala hadlin dadka baa jira sideedaba!

 

 

Originally posted by Xubeer:

The world is changing and if one is clever enough to notice that, Africa is the future

So let us invest, eh? I agree.

[Nephissa]

Further, it saddens me to see this concept of 'raaliyonimo' dragged and squished onto the ground so mercilessly, most likely due to lack of proper undertsanding of what it really entails. I just wish some of our

misinformed

sisters and

brothers

would begin viewing this concept in its own deserving light, without the mythical and preconceived notions that are often times attached to it.

And you just leave it at that, without telling "the misinformed" lot what Raaliyo-nimo really entails? How generous of you.

[LayZie G.]

Seriously, I find it despicable when some married folks share their private affairs with others, allow mey walaalahood noqdaan, waxyaalo aan lagala hadlin dadka baa jira sideedaba!

So, in your world, you would rather be abused from ear to ear, a little wack here and there and you wouldn't dare tell a soul, even your own beloved sister?

 

Is this type of mentality that gives men the go ahead on abusing women as they see fit because they know she wouldn't dare run to anyone and probably die of depression and abuse.

 

Now nephy, is it possible that all this mess aad soo qorte is less to do with the naagta and ninka dariskaaga and more to do with you? Do you fancy your neighbour?(I just had to ask, no disrespect intended or anything)

[Haneefah]

Originally posted by Nephthys:

And you just leave it at that, without telling "

the misinformed

" lot what Raaliyo-nimo really entails? How generous of you.

Forget about being generous, I had a bad mood all together yesterday, I was so grumpy I scared myself . But alxamdulilah, I'm feeling better today.

 

Anyways darling, though different people might have different reasons for aspiring to be raaliye or raaliyo, my reasoning is within the religious sphere. And as such, it excludes any form of transgression or enslavement as some might like to paint it. To me, it means no less or no more than being attentive, respectful, loving and understanding to one another - elements I believe many would agree are part and parcel of any successful marital relation.

 

You see, a God-fearing sister might ask her husband a permission to go somewhere in attempt to being raaliyo, while I find that quite commendable and virtuous of her to keenly follow the prophetic tradition, another xaalimo who considers herself more 'independent and progressive-thinking' might find that backwardness and old-fashioned (or in the extreme end, even abuse :rolleyes: ). Why, I must ask then? Since we all have different ideals we strive to achieve, why can't we respect and accept our differences? (ok, I know I'm digressing a bit, but important q's to consider nonetheless)

 

So, in your world, you would rather be abused from ear to ear, a little wack here and there and you wouldn't dare tell a soul, even your own beloved sister?

 

Is this type of mentality that gives men the go ahead on abusing women as they see fit because they know she wouldn't dare run to anyone and probably die of depression and abuse

Listen dear, before you jump the gun and make such a sweeping judgement about 'my world' which you obviously know very little of, wouldn't it have been better to just ask for my clarification of this statement that seems to have caught your attention so much?

 

Really, it was more of a general statement about married folks and how I find it inappropriate for them to share their affairs with others (from bedroom to kitchen), and much less to do with this supposed abuse you speak of.

 

Besides, abuse is whole different matter, and a serious one at that. It's a complex multivariable problem that should be dealt with accordingly by those who are professionally equipped ( ie. Muslim psychotherapists, scholars and imams who have the necessary Islamic expertise in family mediation and marital issues).

 

Furthermore, no woman is at fault for the abuse her husband afflicts on her despite the type of mentality or behaviour she manifests. I find it quite absurd and absolutely wrong for anyone (let alone another woman) to even suggest that some women 'give the green light' for abuse. Any husband who abuses his wife is sick, he is the culprit and he alone should be held accountable for this heinous crime.

 

The last thing a woman who unfortunately finds herself in an abusive relation needs is naag afdheer oo tidhaahda iyadaa isugu wacneyd oo dhibkeeda banaanka u soo shaac-bixisa, instead of extending a helpind hand and trying to help her empower herself by learning about her God-given rights and seeking the necessary assistance.